I have two children and have wanted a third child for many years. The thought of a third child always fills me with intense joy, and there is no doubt that it is a genuine desire.
My husband has not shared this intense wish, but he has not been against it either.
Now we are too old to have a third biological child, and I have tried to stop thinking about it. I've never been sure wether I have blocked having this child by wanting it too intensely and not managing not to pick up the wrong end of the stick (the lack of the child), or wether we're simply not meant to have this child. Although the latter does not fall in under the law of attraction philosophy of "if you want it, you can have it".
The last couple of years I have thought a lot about becoming a foster family. My husband has not been too keen on the idea - he's worried that a "troubled child" would affect our children's lives in a negative way. Lately he's been opening up a bit to the idea. I'm so tired emotionally of wanting something that I've yet to have, that I regularly try to stop wanting another child. But it's such a strong desire.
I've come to the realization that rather than giving up on my desire, I should try to find a way to think about the child without feeling the pain of the lack. When I pick up the right end of the stick, I always feel an overwhelming joy and meaning and purpose.
But always, after I have enjoyed a few minutes or longer thinking about the child and feeling fantastic, hopeful, happy, something happens that makes me feel that it would be wrong to welcome a foster child into our family. One of our children goes through a rough phase, for instance, which makes me think that we should give all of our focus to the two children we already have, and stop thinking about the third one.
Now I just want to stop the happy thoughts about the third child for the fear of having life slamming the door in my face the next minute. I just cannot understand why I'm being "punished" for positively attracting for a few minutes. What's happening?
You aren't being 'punished' by life anymore than you are being rewarded by life. You really want the experience of a third child, but you have a number of beliefs that are in conflict with that desire. When you feel the joy of what you want, and it is soon followed by negative thoughts that tell you what you want isn't right or can't happen, that's really a shining chance to let go of beliefs that keep what you desire from manifesting.
Your opposing beliefs are the slamming door. If you let go of those (and the only way I know how to do that is letting them be fully felt/heard), you'll find the path towards what you want open and clear.
I of course don't know, but some of the beliefs/conflicts you might need to look at are "Foster children are often damaged and I don't want a damaged child" "I feel guilty for wanting another baby when my other kids need so much attention" "My husband doesn't want the baby as much as I do and I want him to want it as much as I do" "There are so many good things about a baby in the home but there are parts I don't like" "What if the child changes my life not in a good way" "Do I really want another baby, to start over, or am I looking forward to more free time?" "Am I really the one creating my reality or is someone else in charge of what I get?"
Always, always after you have a desire...the beliefs that are counter to it arise. Usually immediately. Most people who are not interested in LOA take that to mean that they shouldn't want what they want, or that it's not meant for them. Fortunately if your belief system is one of deliberate creation, you know you can get rid of the negatives that keep what you want from manifesting.
answered 21 Apr '17, 23:13
Pebbles, I've deconstructed your question in order to bring to light some of the ideas, beliefs, and misconceptions you have expressed concerning this issue. (They are not necessarily in the order in which they were presented) I understand that there are probably a number of other things that may be affecting circumstances relative to "the third child". I can only suggest some things to consider as they relate to this particular post. Let's begin with your stated desire, as it is the necessary first step in the manifesting process.
"I have two children and have wanted a third child for many years." So far so good!
...The law of attraction philosophy of "if you want it, you can have it".
There is a slight misconception here in that you are not wanting an "it". It might be a new car, a house, more money etc. What you are wanting is a conscious, living, spirit in the flesh being. This is a co-creative process that can only come about when that spirit agrees to join your family. In a sense, you have placed a "mother seeks child" want ad and are hoping for a response from a child seeking a mother and most likely a father as well. Assuming that a number of children are out there wanting to find a family, we now have to look at some of the things that may (or may not) be preventing this desire from manifesting. To do this, Pebbles, you will have to take into consideration the perspectives of those who will be affected. This includes you, your husband, and your children. Understand that at some level of spirit, any prospective third child will be doing this as well.
I cannot presume to know what your reasons are for wanting a child at this time. Are they altruistic? Are they selfish? Do you want another child to fill a hole in your life? Are you looking for a chance to "get it right" this time because you believe you failed in some way with your other children? These are not assumptions. They are questions to help you to clarify so that you can choose to focus your attention away from what you are lacking and directing it toward what you are wanting and especially how it pertains to the needs of the third child.
You didn't mention anything about your children's thoughts on the matter. They will likely have a unique perspective to offer if you are open to hearing it. Your husband's views, however, are far more important.
"My husband has not shared this intense wish". "My husband has not been too keen on the idea."
You have been co-creating with your husband for many years now and having him fully onboard would be instrumental in making your wish come true. Listen closely to all he has to say and keep a pad of paper and pencil handy so that you can record all those limiting beliefs he will express pertaining to the third child. (Do this for yourself as well. I don't think the few beliefs you mentioned in your question are the only ones getting in your way). These beliefs may not reveal themselves all at once so give him (and yourself) however long is needed to get them all out there in black and white. Once you've both exposed your beliefs about this matter to the light of day, You can then begin the process of choosing to eliminate them from the equation.
The following are limiting beliefs that you expressed in this particular post. Moreover, the idea that your feelings are "belief indicators", I would suggest you pay close attention to them.
"Something happens that makes me feel that it would be wrong to welcome a foster child into our family." Is there an underlying belief that it would be wrong? What are the reasons for this belief?
"I regularly try to stop wanting another child." (Building obstacles)
"I should try to find a way to think about the child without feeling the pain of the lack." Do not just try. Find a way. Know that it is your feeling, your emotion (= energy in motion) that energizes the idea, in this case the idea of lack.
"We should give all of our focus to the two children we already have, and stop thinking about the third one." Yikes! No kids getting through that door.
"Now I just want to stop the happy thoughts about the third child for the fear of having life slamming the door in my face the next minute." "I'm being "punished" for positively attracting for a few minutes." Considering your circumstances, these last two are the most limiting and negative of the beliefs you have expressed here. "Life" is not slamming the door in your face. These beliefs, however, are slamming the door in the face of a third child, patiently waiting to be allowed in.
answered 21 Apr '17, 23:22
Quite simply, you need to convince yourself that you have the child. Somehow, you must have placed a "but" after the wonderful thought of having one.
One of my greatest spiritual epiphanies was that I noticed that your imagination is real. We have been taught not to consider our imagination real, but it is- and its emotionality is certainly real.
So have your child- right now. Don't worry about the "buts" and intellectual ideas such as biology and fostering and your husbands interpretation of those ideas- you're going to be with a different version of him when the child physicalizes anyway. By all means, don't stop caring about what he thinks, but you don't have to be troubled by it- just continue to have your child, right here, right now.
You think about your child, because thinking about your third child brings you joy- so do it all the time. It's much better than worrying about all the reasons why you may or may not have one and how- that's not your job, that's the universes job. All you need to do is be with your child, in exactly that way that feels good and that you already know, and just stay there- if a thought comes up that she's not really there, say to yourself: Yes she is, look, right here! And gently place your attention on your imaginary experience of your child. If your husband has objections, values those greatly- and don't push. Trust the energy. You already have your child, you don't need to get it.
If that's hard- if your thinking keeps leading you to bad places and doubts, that's fine. We're on earth, after all, and we're here playing the big people game where we find happiness even though we've crunched our vastness into three dimensions. And all in all, we're not doing that a bad job, are we, all things considered? So it's okay if negativity seems to insist on existing, there's a way to deal with that.
My favorite is Bashar's- when you feel bad, you focus on your feeling and ask yourself: What would I have to believe to feel this? When you get an answer, that's great! The feeling is gone. You can go back to enjoying the company of your family- physical, or on the way there.
Use the question technique often- whenever you don't feel all that care free.
To top things off, the main reason why you don't have to worry about being old or your child being biological is that the universe will respond to your energy, and if your energy is that you are with your third child, that's what you are going to get- adopted or not. If any compromise is necessary, such as your child being biological or not, the universe will take care of that- you don't need to. If your husband may not be aligned yet, well, the universe will take care of that- inspiration is everywhere- it's not your job. Just be with your child, right here, right now, and the universe will grow it more and more dense- as Abraham likes to say, it is law, you see.
answered 01 Jun '17, 18:19
@Pebbles, I just had a strong emotional response to something you wrote in a comment, and it occurred to me that sharing it with you may be helpful.
I read "My children really wants a sibling - they're caring, empathetic boys who would be terrific big brothers...", and I immediately thought Oh, how I would have loved to have grown up like that!, and felt an old, forgotten longing.
Big brothers are something I've always wanted, but never had growing up. As an adult, I was surprised and delighted when my older sister provided me with a wonderful big brother-in-law, giving me that love that I felt had been missing.
What you are looking for is also looking for you. There is a need somewhere, and you are the answer to it. My big brother-in-law really needed a goofy little sister. :)
But remember, a brother-in-law was not what I had been hoping for.
It may help to keep in mind how the Law of Attraction works; it's not actually a child you are desiring - what you are after is how you believe a child would make you feel. Keep it simple, and you won't get bogged down in the intricacies of co-creating flesh and blood.
So, what is the feeling you want to manifest? That you have a fulfilling family life? The deep coursing of love a mother feels through her body for her child? A sense of completion? Life's purpose attained?
By specifying that it must be a child, and a child who comes only under the circumstances you require (husband keen on it, you with time and energy for it, foster child, adopted, biological, etc.), you limit the ways in which that feeling can be made manifest, and potentially delay and restrict it, keeping the experience no bigger than your imagination.
Set the universe free to work by focusing instead on really enjoying the feeling you want, not the child. You never know how many fantastic ways the universe can find to fulfill that desire, if you leave a bit of creative wiggle room. It may be the last thing you expected, but altogether even better than what you asked for. You may end up surprised and delighted too! It's what we came here for; expansion.
I hope this helps.
Someone once said to me that as soon as my babies are born, I must start setting them free...
That being stated, I have to confess that, as a mother of four, I understand completely how you feel. I even envy that you are giving this whole situation such deep consideration- especially in light of how many unwanted children are born; there are thousands of unwanted children in orphanages all over the world to testify to this. When I had the first two, I knew I was not "done" having children. My ex and I both felt that a third child would feel "perfect", so we had our third after the first two were four and five. I swear that I could "feel" that third child waiting to be born...but there is a part of me that wishes that I had considered the issue as deeply as you are! Our first and last were "unexpected" babies- especially our last, our third daughter, Kim. To this day, I am not sure about how she was conceived (lol! that sounds hilarious, doesn't it? But despite all precautions, she was conceived, and, as it turns out, Kim has been a tremendous gift in my life. But I digress. I excel at digressing; just ask Stingray!)
So. It just seemed to scream out at me when I read your post that you really want another child, to be sure, but you have some input from inside yourself and from your husband that is giving you pause. I really would listen to that "still, small voice" that is whispering to you in your soul. "Manifesting" this child is relatively easy: You just ask for it to happen...But then- You must walk away from the asking, let go of all thought of it. The asking is done. If that child is to be, he/ she will be. That part is simple. But every time you doubt, you are really yanking back the desire and asking, and not allowing everything to work. So the child will not come until you let go of the Outcome of this desire, and move on with your life. You plant the seed, and then you walk away, trusting that if you really want it, in some way, it will happen.
As a mom of four, I guess I have a perspective on this that perhaps has not been discussed here. Three children is much, much more than two. Suddenly, when my second daughter, Katie, was born, I was very happy, but also astonished at how much more work my entire family was asking of me, and sometimes I wondered to myself if there should be a third parent somewhere. My eldest, John, was in Kindergarten; Megan was four, precocious and also suddenly angry that her brother was gone to school, and she was not. Add to that her new baby sister Katie, and our family dynamics were forever much more complicated. Hindsight is not always 20/20! Would I send Katie, and then Kimberly, back? Never! But how would my life had been if I had not had a third and fourth child? It is impossible to say, and I cannot even imagine life without them.
Listen to yourself, and consider the fact that, despite your strong desire to have a third child, you cannot feel comfortable with the idea, even though this urge in you is so strong. Plant your seed- pray or whatever you need to do to plant the seed, and let everything go! It will be then done. But do not plant the desire until you are really, really sure that you yourself are entirely willing to take on this manifestation. Be comfortable with yourself if you just are not ready; let your doubts be heard, and listen to them. In the meantime, feel the blessings of the children and husband you have. Be grateful for everything you have. Try to feel blissful even with your situation in flux. All of life is flux. As I said at the start, you have to begin letting your children go the moment that they are born, anyway.
I hope this helps! If it is to be, I also hope that when your third child comes, you will have no doubt that this child will be desired by you, your husband, and your present children, and even your extended family.
answered 02 Jun '17, 04:41
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