I have a friend from afar who's got a beautiful mind. I fell in love with her in a certain way. I have a slight positive feeling about her, but it's not the kind that's strongly romantic. And It is my deep admiration for her that I went to ask this question.

She has an illness that has greatly limited the quality of her life. She's unable to work, thus unable to provide for herself. She's confined at home for a long time now and has reached the age where she's starting to feel strong bouts of anxiety at night because of the uncertainty of everything, especially financially, given that she has a condition that needs maintenance and care.

I liked her for her wit, humor and profound spiritual knowledge. However, we don't share the same beliefs toward spirituality but our ideas overlap somehow. There is no romantic connection between us. She's in pain and anxious and all I want is to make her feel better every day, reminding her of the good in things. She seems to grab the essence of it in the mornings but at night she falls into the same cycle of fear and worry.

She's afraid of getting old, because getting old means more suffering. She feels unworthy of romantic love and has not looked forward to it in this lifetime, which I respect. However, I would want her to feel at ease and worthy about anything, but this is something that's out of my control and a choice of hers. I just continue to show her my support without trying to change her outlook in life.

How, in my own little ways as her friend, can I make her feel at ease and worthy of everything?

asked 25 Apr '17, 19:43

sagchiq03's gravatar image


edited 25 Apr '17, 19:47


It's hard when someone doesn't want to try themselves to change. It's also very difficult being in constant pain and hard to keep your vibe up ...... I hope others will respond to your question. In the meantime, know that you are a good and caring friend and that in itself must be a great thing for her. Not everyone has a friend who cares about them. Also be positive yourself and encouraging in her presence.

(29 Apr '17, 11:11) Inner Beauty

You said she was confined to the house which I take to mean she's not mobile.  If she doesn't have a wheelchair, borrow one and get her out of the house as often as you can.

(22 May '17, 13:34) ele

@ele - she's able to walk slowly, as she's having difficulty doing it. I have recommended that she go out and have walks and she did start doing it last week. Very miles apart so we only talk on the phone.

(22 May '17, 20:03) sagchiq03

Good ! Glad to hear that :) I will be back latter to share a few more thoughts. I wanted to add something to what @Inner Beauty said, (not that she is suicidal). You're a good friend !


(22 May '17, 21:33) ele

Also ~ I see you are in Sydney. Oz Market might be helpful especially if shes on limited budget. .


(22 May '17, 21:35) ele
showing 0 of 5 show 5 more comments

You can't make her feel anything at all, but you can serve as an excuse for her to feel better- both on the conscious level of speaking, but also and more importantly on the unconscious level of radiating energy. You already seem to be doing a lot of that, and that's really, really great and admirable and a wonderful quality.

Probably the most important thing a person with some kind of handicap (meaning a limitation beyond the usual handicap of living in a body and limiting our experienc to the physical) is to recognize it for its value- to be able to speak of it and treat it that might almost evoke envy in others when hearing them talk about it. It's not even that difficult to do, it requires consistency.

So the first thing you do is to start seeing her this way- as admirable, and enviable, and as a great contributor to human society because of her experience. Once that base-level of self-confidence and self-acceptance (which includes the limitation) is achieved, the sky's the limit for useful things she can do that only she can do because of her experience of a kind of handicap.

In other words, "use what you've got" or "turn your disadvantage into an advantage". It's a little bit like Napoleon Hill's story of his son, who was born deaf, with no ears at all. He said he "instilled in the young child a burning desire to hear", and apparently, he achieved that, in a medically unknown way. He went on to be a spokesperson for others who don't hear well and developed hearing aids and lot of other great things.

Mind you, your friend has to do none of that to be worthwhile- the doing things like that are natural expression of feeling a disadvantage is actually an advantage, and that having a weakness is the base for an equivalent strength.

So the best thing for you to do is to really, really, unambiguously perceive her that way, and eventually it will start to rub off on her telepathically but also from the way you speak to her.

But you can only do so much- you can be enormously persistent in communicating that perspective of her to her, but in the end of the day, it is her choice to do or not do or perceive or not perceive anything that comes from you. So there is some letting go of responsibility for you to do there, too.

Finally, you can also do some direct energy healing- I really like using fogs of color for this. Green for love, pink for friendship and blue for confidence are my favorites. You just imagine the fog in everyday situations until you get a feel for its very real energy effect, and then you start imagining it enveloping her, when you're with her or not. That should give her quite a boost as well she might well chose to pick up on unconsciously, and it will eradicate any doubt in your mind whether you are doing enough, and that comfort will further help her.

All the best, and do savor the uniqueness of your friendship with this great person who was chosen such a more severe limitation in this lifetime- it is good to walk with the greats. Or sit with them.


answered 05 May '17, 07:01

cmc's gravatar image


Some time ago I tried to make my aunt feel better as she was going through a difficult period that lasted for over ten years

I found this Abraham Hicks video and followed their advice for a peiod of time and I saw the positive change in my aunt attitude toward life. She started, step by step, to be more positive and even started to love and appreciate.


What I basically did, was to write a lot of things that I love about her, this helped also me to continue to trust that she will succeed to make a change for the better.

But you have to be patient because the results might not appear from one day to another.

I hope this video helps also you.


answered 30 Apr '17, 17:19

White%20Elf's gravatar image

White Elf

You keep your vibration up, being mindful of what is said here...and just radiate unconditional love, as it sounds like you have already been doing. Just love her as a good friend. Wade has done this with me- and I really have appreciated his sweet, inner soul bathing me in love as I work out my physical messes and mental anxieties.

Unconditional love is rare. What is common is fear and loneliness at night for a person who is aging, in pain/or sick/or disabled/ or what have you. Aging stinks. I wish sometimes I had actually been told when I was young to drink up the joy of youth, because I do not believe I appreciated it as much as I could or should have. We spend half our lives aging with longer life spans. Anyway, fear does creep in when the sun goes down, and night closes in on us. I was very alone for a time, and very sick, too, I can really appreciate what your friend feels. I was lucky that I had Wade- but I was mighty sick even before he came along.

I found that books on tape were great. I liked listening to them at night. But there were times when anxiety closed in on me, and you must remind your friend of her spiritual beliefs. You might also suggest that she write- about her life, her youth, anything. Writing has saved me many a time...In a way, IQ saved me, too. Wade told me about this new "sci-tech" website (lol- I did not know much about that until I signed on to IQ and saw "psi-tek" in print...I am so dumb!).

Send her love, and also suggest that she mention her nighttime fears to her doctor. Maybe something is off...who knows?

Unconditional love is the ticket; just accept her right where she is. Ask her to describe those feelings. Really listen to her.

She is lucky to have you!


BTW, thank you to everyone on IQ....It's been just over eight years that Wade talked me into this website. It's been a wonderful journey...especially the whole Wade-and-Jai thing. You just never know who will be attracted into your life.

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answered 21 May '17, 17:35

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Jai, I appreciate your wonderful message. It is no doubt pure joy to be loved without judgement. It's been almost a month since I asked this question and a lot has happened. I have found that showing and showering someone with love and patience do wonders.

Every day I make sure to express to her my sincere appreciation of her existence in this world and in my life. I remind her of her worth and what she'll be able to do for others. She can be quite stubborn, but I loved her more that way.

(22 May '17, 11:04) sagchiq03
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Asked: 25 Apr '17, 19:43

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Last updated: 22 May '17, 21:35

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