My son is 12 and the last couple of years he's become increasingly unhappy in school. He learns quickly and has good academic abilities, but he still sees himself as not good enough. His teachers are well-meaning and hard working, but he is stressed about all the tests, and he fears being asked questions he does not know the answer to and he never feels good in class. This gets worse and worse, and I am worried about hos health, well-being and his relationship to school.
The teachers know about his struggles and they are sympathetic. But at the same time, they put a lot of pressure on the pupils. He gets anxious and looses his self confidence when teachers are very strict.
He longs for å more light-hearted environment and a bit of humour in the classroom. Everything is very serious and he is constantly afraid of failure. It is difficult to learn when one is afraid all the time. We do not put pressure on our kids to excel in school. We want them to actively participate, but whether they get a full score or not on a test is irrelevant to us.
What can I do/say/think/feel to help my son?
asked 10 Sep '17, 15:53
That's it :)
I suggest that you do one of two things.
If possible, get your son into some kind of alternative school, like a Waldorf school, where he won't be as bored any more.
I understand that this might or might not be possible at the moment, or at all, but I still would recommend to simply add this to your universe manifestation list- get my son into the kind of school that will support him in his heart's interests, and then energize this idea repeatedly until you start getting opportunities.
Meanwhile, you can tell him you understand him and you're working on it, and in the mean time he may treat school as a day job- He's going to have to do the work and show up and play along, but he doesn't have to take it seriously. He needs, of course, to understand playing along his role is not the same as being cynical about what is taught, but that it's okay for him to simply do his best and allow his passion to express himself after school is over. This attitude will, I believe, help him get over all sorts of unpleasant experiences that our society makes not-so-easy to get around. Sure, do your taxes- but you don't have to take it seriously. It's good to do them well, but the whole situation also has an absurd comical side that can help you enjoy doing them. There's nothing that pulls an intelligent kid down faster than assuming something imperfect and societal is supposed to make sense, and knowing it doesn't have to can be liberating- but he still can know that he can have his own place that makes sense.
Then there's plenty of coping strategies, for example knowing when to daydream and when to pay attention to stay out of trouble and still enjoy yourself. Excelling at those certainly got me through school, and only rarely into trouble, basically as long as it took to get good at them.
I hope this helps! May there be more free spirits!
HI Pebbles, Hope you are well and can find time to read my answer.
I went to a lot of different schools and it was hell on earth for me. I dreaded starting a new school. There was a huge fear factor with it. I was a shy, awkward, quiet kid who got the lowest grades imaginable in any tests i sat. The only two things i felt happy with were art and technical drawing. Everything else was a total waste of time. I didn't understand any of it.
The last school i went to was in Hong Kong in 1976 and here i am now older and wiser. I never really got any help from anyone, not even my parents. If i couldn't do my maths or history home work i was laughed at. Even when i had left school i understood nothing. I wasn't taught anything from anyone about the big wide world. Career/looking for a job, politics, buying a house, saving, relationships, learning to drive, cooking, a social life. The list is endless.
Your son has an advantage over me. He has you to help him and be there for him. I didn't get any of that. I spent a lot of my teenage years in my bedroom looking at pictures in books or listening to pop music. What i know today is more or less what i have taught myself. It could have been a whole different world for me if i had been loved and wanted all those years ago, but i cannot turn back the clock.
Some of my teachers use to ask my parents if i was ok. He's so quiet in class. I hated getting out of bed on a cold winter morning to get ready to go to school.
So, how can i help you and your son? Stand up to the teachers, let them know that your son is going through a difficult time. Not just at school, but in his own time. He needs to be understood and loved not just put under pressure to pass some ** little test. Your son will think he isn't good enough. It's all part of been human and normal. Everyone you meet will tell you the same. There are two main reasons why people don't do anything in life. First, lack of cash. They don't have the money and second reason is they believe they are not good enough. I'm the same. i love photography and everyone tells me my images are really good, but they are not good, i know i can do better or put another way, I believe i am not good enough.
Be there for him, but give him space. He must be allowed to develop himself and understand for himself. As difficult as it is for you he must have his own space and free time. That doesn't mean you carn't help or won't help. Try a different school. It might be just what is needed?
My girlfriend went to a school that took in the dim wits. She didn't want to go her parents sent her. Most of the kids sat at the back of the class and spent all day picking their nose. My girlfriend who was 50 last month now goes on a course one day a week to study basic maths and English. She also buys books for 5/6 year olds to help her. Believe it or not she has improved big time!
answered 11 Sep '17, 10:10
I agree with @cmc.
Your son is bored in school and desires for more humour and light heartedness. Your son is very intelligent.
Forcing him to learn anything creates friction. Children are sensitive to friction and tension, and they know when something spoils their inner being.
All of the forcing and the pressure to learn these items is what is doing his head in. It is not the subjects. It is the way those subjects are being presented to him. He fears being asked questions in class because he does not trust the answers in himself.
His inner being says "I dislike school." But all external circumstances and pressure, and conditioning, are beginning to persuade him that he is not allowed to trust his inner self.
Inward Quest is a place I come to, to get in touch with this inner self that has been conditioned out of me by school, religion, organisation and people.
Here is what to do) Express your love for him beyond his grade results and beyond his current comprehension of everything that he feels he needs to know in school. Do not cut off any channels or paths he feels inspired and drawn to act on. Open up all paths for him and he will pick the one he feels most drawn to. His spirit has not been heavily conditioned out of him yet.
In the meantime for school, if he is meant to know or learn something, he will. If he is not meant to learn it, he will not. You cannot force him and the school cannot force him. They can try! And it will only create more tension.
Teach your son to trust himself, but first trusting yourself.
answered 14 Oct '17, 22:16
If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website