Recently I have been feeling this way more and more. Last night I had this horrible feeling in the center of my stomach and creeping up along the center of my body as if it was eating me from the inside. I feel extremely lonely and in these recent days and I would like to connect with someone and have some sort of intelligent discussion, but when there is no one I know around my vicinity that I talk to I really don't know what to do. It never bothered me much until now, before I would use gaming or television as a distraction (which worked great), but now they don't seem to help nearly as much anymore.
I just feel dead inside. As if nothing has any meaning, the dark night of the soul as Eckhart Tolle would describe it. These days I feel I'm only existing. There are few breezes of joy that come across when I meditate or when I do some running or sports but I can't meditate 24/7, I have a job. And when I return home from work sometimes I am so tired I just want to retire to bed for days. It would be nice to get a hug from someone who cares. I sort of do crave human interaction and social support, but at the same time I find it hard to connect with anyone on a special kind of level. I feel extremely lonely right now, I can't connect with people and I am slowly starting to think that there is something wrong with me. Maybe I push people away. But I would rather be alone than be around people with negative influences.
I just don't really know what to do during these times. I'm just sick of distracting myself, I want to completely just let go and allow this feeling of loneliness to come over me but it's scary. I don't know what to do and right now I don't really believe that my life is going anywhere or anything good is meant for me. I know I need to make peace with where I am but right now it feels impossible.
asked 31 Jan, 21:52
There were times in which I felt just like you, even in the middle of a lot of people.
There were times in which I would turn off the TV and feel just like you described, as if something was eating me from inside - until I realized that I felt it because TV distracted me from this sadness, this loneliness and depression, and when I turned it off, it all came back with full force, for I was alone again.
It's indeed a terrible dark night!
However, there are ways out.
You must be an extraordinary person! Extraordinary people have some difficulty in connecting with others, because they expect other people be extraordinary for them, too. The way out is to connect in their terms, not on yours!
I don't expect to have bright conversations with those around me anymore - I talk to them about what they want to talk about. Generally, I make the effort to just listen to what they have to say, but in paying attention to their little problems, by being kind to them, they end up being kind to me, cheerful, and I feel good inside.
What you really need is not so much connection with others, but connection to your Inner Being.
I know this is classic Abraham answer, but true, nevertheless.
Start a diary and write, write, write! Write to your Inner Being every day, as if your IB is your best friend in the world. Write to tell your IB about everything that bothers you, because your IB understands you more than no one else.
In the beginning, you will write about all these sad things. Then, when your heart is lighter, start to write about good things - your hopes and dreams and how you intend to achieve those.
Then ask questions! When you get really connected, you will experience something that is really interesting - you will get answers! It will seem to you that answers come out of the blue, but they are from your IB.
Do it, because you've got to be your own best friend first, before other people get an interest in you.
When you write, even when you pour your soul on the paper with negative writing, always try to find some good thought at the end of your writing. You will see that it will become routine - you start out feeling bad, but at the ending of your writing for the day there will be some new and exciting thoughts and ideas that will cheer you up for the day.
Do it in the morning, wake up earlier if necessary. There were times in which I only got out of bed in order to write, for nothing else seemed to matter to me.
I won't lie to you, this dark night may last a lot of time. I have been writing steadily for eighteen years, and only recently I stopped complaining about the others, and the past, and things that didn't go the way I wanted them to be.
Finding your real true self under all these layers of conditioning that society impose on us may be a long process - but it's worth every second lost in writing!
After connecting with your IB you will not feel like this - and your IB will be your best friend in the world, always eager to read the next chapter of your life.
I hope it helps, and, please, if you really want to talk about this longer, comment and I will answer.
answered 01 Feb, 06:11
the outer world is a reflection of what is inside of us. there is no "out there".
if there is no one "out there" for you, it just means that you're not there for you. if no one "out there" cares" about you, it means you dont care about you. if you have no one to talk to, it just means that you dont talk to yourself enough or at all, try to avoid your higher wanting by all sorts of distractions. a distraction could even mean that you prefer to look at how other people treat you instead of focusing on how you treat yourself. you prefer to look at your mirroring effect instead of smiling at your mirror in order for it to smile at you back. that is the biggest distraction.
you be your best friend first and the others will follow.
Remember, nothing has a built-in meaning, per Bashar. We can be alone without being
lonely. I am kind of an expert on this as I've been alone for much of my life.
Think of this as an opportunity rather than a deprivation. The inward quest (ref. forum title) is one that we must do alone. Many people never get the chance to go on that quest, their days are filled with people and their needs. They can't even hear themselves think!
Make lists of things you appreciate about yourself and your life every day. This can really shift your perspective and thus your experience. Maybe find a partner to do this with you, and share your lists. I am doing this myself and some days I feel like, "Ah, what is there to appreciate?" But when I think back on my day, I perceive the gifts.
Here's something I just thought of, that I appreciate. It is this channeling from Metatron through James Tyberron: Embracing Sacred Sovereignty. Perhaps it will help you as it has helped me. http://goldenageofgaia.com/2012/06/22/aa-metatron-embracing-sacred-sovereignty/
Embrace yourself, embrace sacred sovereignty. All is well.
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