My father died suddenly-very suddenly and unexpectedly-four years ago. I have taken the college class, "Living with Death", so I know all about grief from a theoretical and knowledgeable base. yet, even so, I find that sometimes, waves of pain hit me, and I miss him so very much.
I should add that I learned in my class that sudden deaths can take up to ten years to recover from.
I just got to thinking about him today (it being Saturday, when we used to talk on the phone), and I got to wondering what advice my Inward Quest friends would give to me, and to anyone in this situation.
I find it's one thing to know about grief, and another to experience grief.
Any advice and shared experiences would be very helpful to me, and perhaps to us all.
Thanks and blessings, Jai
asked 13 Feb '11, 00:10
After my father had died a few years back, my immediate grief was to be expected. But when it lasted I looked inward and thought that maybe what I perceived as grief was just a selfish act. I began to identify myself with HIS death. NOT COOL! Me being sad is about ME. That doesn't seem fair to him. When I think of him I should think and feel joy for his lifetime and be super happy that he has returned home. Was I stealing his thunder by taking his life and trying to give it my life importance.
I think so.
I am not saying this is true with you Jaianniah but it might be something you want to look at. It is not pretty or fun but at times our ego wants to pull back the attention to itself rather than "let things be"
I now every time, think of my father with a smile, a thank you and a small apology (for my small bout of selfishness)
That was my experience.
answered 13 Feb '11, 21:37
thoroughly review your concept and fear of death.
answered 13 Feb '11, 12:51
I just remembered this poem I found a long time ago and always loved. I don't know if it is a comfort to anyone grieving, I just think it is very beautiful and a nice way to look at it.
Parable of Immortality ( A ship leaves . . . ) by Henry Van Dyke
I am standing by the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a peck of white cloud just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes! Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the places of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There she goes! ' , there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout : 'Here she comes!'
answered 13 Feb '11, 20:05
A few years back, my brother, committed suiccide. It was quite unexpected for he had a good job, a wonderful girlfriend, and truly took care of himself. He was athletic and watched what he ate. A few months later, my mom passed away after a long struggle with cancer. The thing is that we never told mom of her son's death. She died believing all her children were happy and thriving.
There was a time when everywhere I looked I'd see him in other men. And yes I know that sharp pain that hits quite well. Since I've started my spiritual journey, I no longer miss my dead loved ones, for I know they are with me and helping me. For instance, my brother was the one who delivered me the message of One. My mom and brother communicate with me whenever I make a big decision to let me know I am on track. This is usually done with turning on/off electrical lights/flickering....(I used to be too freaked out with the more direct physical approach where they'd switch off the light, me feeling the hair rising on my back, a cold air, my mind going blank and the thought spirit registering...............)
So, Knowing they're always there and still interested in my journey and helping me, has erased the pain of missing them, and I realize that my journey here is quite temporary like someone on a vacation.
Lots of love jai
answered 14 Feb '11, 11:31
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