Not to side with the man who cheats and desires another woman, however, it is very possible for him to truly love his wife and desire and cheat with other women. Is is right or wrong? It's all relative. It's only right or wrong if you think it is--just like everything else in life. As Bashar says:
NOTHING HAS ANY BUILT-IN MEANING OTHER THAN THE MEANING WE GIVE TO IT.
100% of time. No exclusions.
Again, not condoning or supporting cheating, dishonesty, affairs, etc., however this is a thought-based forum and we must remember that a husband and wife in this situation attracted each other and their circumstances.
answered 11 Jan '13, 14:18
Can you be truly happily married if you desire another woman? The answer to this, in my mind, is a resounding, "NO!"
A person who is marries, and has taken vows to be monogamous, should not be hunting other women or men, for that matter. This "hunting" indicates a certain dissatisfaction of mind and a cavalier attitude that is not in line with those vows to "cleave only unto each other". Long before my divorce was filed, my husband was cheating me by hunting on the Internet for the visions of other women. He set in motion a chain of events that finally ended our marriage. I think anything other than monogamy in both mind and spirit means that the commitment is just not there.
Good luck and blessings out to the Web, Jai
answered 13 Mar '11, 19:41
Based on my 25 years of marriage my answer to your question is a resounding, no. You can't be truly, happily married if you desire another. For this desire indicates a lack in the existing relationship. Looking outside for satisfaction instead of working within the marriage framework is an indication of major issues within the relationship.
thank you, namaste
answered 13 Mar '11, 20:24
Yes, you can deeply love your wife and seek sex with someone else.
Millions of people do. Many people carry on fullfilling relationships which give both parties security and love, whilst carrying on with another sexual partner.
I know thats not going to be a popular answer, but its perfectly true.
Now i know some will say" but you cant really love someone and have sex with someone else" and in their case that may be true...for them. But its not true for everyone.
answered 10 Jan '13, 16:01
Attraction is universal especially between opposite sexes ... for me it seems perfectly natural to feel sexually attracted to someone whether we are married or not ... whether we act on that desire depends on the kind of relationship we have with our partner ... in an ideal unconditional love relationship we allow our partner to follow the path that they find most pleasurable, including sexual relations with other partners so long as our partner enjoys what they do and are honest about it ... what damages a couple is not so much what they do but more a question of what is commonly known as cheating, that is, doing things behind their back, thus creating the feeling of being partially excluded from the life of the one that we most love ... i would go so far as to say that consenting multiple sexual relations can strengthen the couple ... have fun :)
Epilogue ... whenever we are attached to a person, or to any other thing or cause, it creates inner tension which lowers our vibration and hinders our ability to manifest, in this case a good marriage or partnership ... multiple sexual relations dissolves the emotions of attachment and allows real love to shine through, the couple can become a lot happier ... "attachment leads to suffering" Buddha
that is something each spouse, no doubt, either believes or practices.
answered 13 Mar '11, 19:44
It is in the nature of man to lust after the flesh, or to desire more than one woman, and that is okay, except that he does not act upon his desire. This is when it becomes a problem, and in this cause adultery, and of course damage to the marriage!
Usually, when a man is having an affair, he is been unfaithful to his marriage, and he is cheating on his wife. Therefore, knowingly, or unknowingly he is walking around with a deep dark secret, and the burden of this secret creates tension in the marriage that later develops into more serious problem!
So, in essence a man that is cheating on his wife is living a lie, and his guilty conscience would not allow to him to be happy in both relationships. Therefore, when all is said and done, he would have to choose one, or the other. Since, of course it would be difficult for him to enjoy the best of both worlds all at the same time! Naturally, he would choose the woman he loves, so that means he can only truly love one woman at a time!
answered 14 Mar '11, 00:19
Inactive User ♦♦
@Marki - No. I would feel the husband does not respect his wife, nor does he truly love her. He has broken a covenant committment.
Nor does he respect, nor love the person(s) with whom he cheats, and usually even IF he divorces his wife, the relationship with the person with whom he cheated, ever work out in the long run.
This unfortunate triangle relationship hapens far too often with CEOs, even ministers, I have councelled. The husband and wife drift apart in their communications and the husband begins to be attracted to another, often very young woman.
He has clandestine meetings with the "other woman." He tells her he wants to leave his wife. He tells her his wife's "shortcomings", inferring that he will leave his wife and begin a relationship with her. I call, telling another woman these shortcomings, "Spiritual Adultery".
This leads into physical adulery.
It is a very difficult situation and almost always ends in disaster. She begins to put pressure on him to leave his wife. He begins to realize that he, for a variety of reasons - financial, social, business - that divorce would be a bad idea.
Often the "other woman" threatens to tell the wife. This can lead a man, already in a stressful position, into a nervous breakdown. It becomes a "lose/Lose" matter. There is no clean way out. Better not to start.
answered 28 Dec '12, 09:32
Its probably because even while he truly loves and respects his wife, he has other needs that are not being addressed, be it emotional or physical. May be he finds the answers in another woman, but most often such men end up hurting both the women in their lives and also themselves in the process.
answered 09 Jan '13, 23:31
It's not a man thing. It's a human thing. Women cheat just as much as men; I know because I've known these women, and it's a hell of a lot. Just like men, they never tell their spouse. Just like men, they do it just for the sex. Just like men, they love and are in love with their spouse. Just like men, they say it has nothing to do with any problems in their relationship and has nothing to do with their spouse.
I think it has a lot to do with how an individual loves, their morals and the respect level for their spouse. More than anything their love. Most human beings are incapable of true love. Based on experience, I believe that most people cheat. I believe that our world contains special individuals that do not. I don't cheat. Almost everyone I know cheats. My husband does. He lies about the affairs, no matter how much proof. It's very humiliating and heart breaking. It feels like murder. The marriage won't last, but I'm still hanging out a bit longer, to breath him in while I can.
There is no right answer, except that most people are programmed to cheat. If two individuals find each other and neither cheats, they are lucky, and may as well have won the lottery it's so rare. People think that their spouse doesn't cheat, but that's the beauty of ignorance. If you want to be happy in a relationship you have to turn the other cheek. If you aren't this kind of person, and most aren't which is why divorce rates are so high and relationships rarely work out, you may as well stay single and just hook up here and there, and avoid a relationship at all costs.
It sucks but it is what it is, reality. There is no such thing as fairy tales, as much as us non-cheaters, not the ones that fight the urge, but the ones who truly have no desire to cheat whatsoever, want to believe. To believe, is to have hope. Human beings, most of them, are pretty hopeless.
answered 24 Dec '12, 12:21
If a person truly loves chocolate ice cream, why would they cheat and desire vanilla ice cream?
Hmmm, perhaps because love isn't exclusive, and instead is inclusive. It's possible to love many (or even all) and be committed to one relationship.
answered 11 Jan '13, 02:25
well something might be missing!that is why he go look other place for what is missing! or he can be a cheater and will do that all is life! it could be just a fling also! BUT WHO KNOWS! LETS JUST SAY THAT IF HE AS MANY AND OFTEN HE IS A CHEATER AND WILL RUN AFTER ANNY THING THAT MOVE!
some men are like that and some women also.
Are men or women more likely to cheat? While men have always had a worse reputation for being unfaithful, recent studies show that women are catching up fast - but they are a lot more likely to lie about it, and a lot less likely to get caught.
Simply put, it seems that women are better at having affairs than men.
The news that Farrah Fawcett had a secret affair for 11 years without telling a soul is a classic example of the way a woman cheats: discreetly, in secret, and while carrying on with the rest of her life as normal.
All I can say is, be fair to the woman you love, make her happy, and giver the spot she deserves in your life... no matter what other temporary woman may cross your way...
answered 12 Jan '13, 11:37
It needs to be understood that a relationship is like a block of Swiss cheese. There are a lot of empty areas that feel very alone but we must constantly forget those hurts and stay focused on what is there not on what is missing.
These times are emotional feelings of rejection do to differences in personalities.
Example: one loves stupid comedy movies, the other hates. That one can forgo watching the comedies to watch some serious drama but really much rather watch the comedy while feeling alone together. Or watch the comedy alone while the other feels alone, later feeling alone not being able to talk about the movie with anyone.
There are many examples that have nothing to do with sex and everything to do with those times of feeling alone. We must focus on the times of feeling happy together and constantly forget about the times we feel alone. In other words we eat the Swiss cheese because of the taste of the cheese not because of the taste of the holes, there is nothing there.
I think there is no perfect relationship where everything is perfect all the time. If there is you haven't been in it long enough to find out yet.
The more we look at what is missing, the less we see what is there.
If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website