as a family we were out eating a meal. All was well, we were all enjoying the experience. The waiters however were slow. We were waiting for a dessert menu and because we couldn't catch the eye of our waiter( no ones fault) my husbands demeaner changed, and blamed the rest of us, saying that it was always up to him to do everything. Subsequently when a waiter eventually came over the bill was paid and we left in silence . This spoiled the rest of the evening.

asked 14 Mar '11, 07:27

evelyn's gravatar image


edited 14 Mar '11, 07:40

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

think if you used 1 word, stood up and said "excuse me" (ok 2) to get the attention of some one there this would be a non-issue ?It's been awhile since I have been out to a restaurant.But I would never hesitate to make them know I wanted pie. ;)
And it also sounds like there is an underlying issue to have such a short fuse, because of such a small thing.


answered 15 Mar '11, 18:13

ursixx's gravatar image


short fuse definately, you've hit the nail on the head.

(16 Mar '11, 17:31) evelyn

Evelyn this is typical Blamer behavior I know this well because of someone in my family the same.

Read this book, it was a real eye opener to me.

Yes and it does change the mood entirely I have had plenty of times like this from blame all of a sudden flung on someone either around like, I have to do everything, to why our country is in poor shape because of etc...

I think this book will help you as it has me.


answered 16 Mar '11, 17:16

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 16 Mar '11, 18:11

Thanks Wade, I will give it a read.

(16 Mar '11, 17:34) evelyn

If you want to give it a test run before buying here is a free copy of some of the chapters in the full book.

(16 Mar '11, 18:09) Wade Casaldi

Thankyou Wade thats kind of you

(17 Mar '11, 12:29) evelyn
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

That's a perfect example evelyn of how each and every single word, thought and action has a ripple effect. My husband used to constantly act the exact same way as yours. So, for the longest time I chose not to go out with him especially not along with the children. Yes, it is lonely sometimes but just because I love him so much, doesn't mean I allow myself to be put down by him. And if he gets this way at home I either ignore him or laugh it off. Knowing he can't unsettle me that easily has changed him. So now we get to go out once on a blue moon. He keeps on his best behavior knowing I'll be assertive.

thank you, namaste


answered 14 Mar '11, 08:23

daniele's gravatar image


I like your comment. We can't change the behavior of others directly, but we can sometimes change it through letting them know what we will accept. And we can also take control of our own lives by avoiding troublesome situations. You gave good advice.

(16 Mar '11, 04:18) LeeAnn 1

Thank you LeeAnn, my advices mostly come from what has worked for me :)

(16 Mar '11, 07:30) daniele

The word indeed is a very powerful thing, and it can build a man, and break a man at the same time; and your story is one of the classic examples of the power of the word! Thank you for sharing it with us.


answered 15 Mar '11, 06:01

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

but you would think after being with someone for nearly 30 years I would know how to handle it better.

(16 Mar '11, 17:30) evelyn

Been there, done that! I went to lunch with friends a few weeks ago. We were a small party, celebrating my friend's mum 80 sth birthday. And all of a sudden they started airing their dirty laundry in public in a very harsh way. When the fight was over there was a dreadful silence that made things worse. I came out of there feeling 'ill'.

It has happened several times and the only solution I can find is not to spend time with them when they throw a party because they are all wet blankets and I shouldn't go where I don't feel well.



answered 16 Mar '11, 13:14

BridgetJones09's gravatar image


because it is close family, two of our children are still living at home I can't just remove myself from the situation, we are all under the same roof.

(16 Mar '11, 17:33) evelyn

Both spoken and unspoken negative wording and vibration can change the atmosphere in the company of others......WAIT.........should the others choose to let it affect them.


answered 17 Mar '11, 02:12

Susan%201's gravatar image

Susan 1

This one person affects everyone in the family. In fact my son shows the same traits as his father and can also cause the same problems.

(17 Mar '11, 12:40) evelyn

Yes Susan! Only if WE Choose to let it affect us! Love your answer! thank you

(17 Mar '11, 17:37) daniele

Evelyn, children learn from their parents both good and bad behaviour, so the way you respond to your husband will also have a effect on your son. Take your power back.Read the book Wade has suggested and lead by example.......

(17 Mar '11, 19:31) Susan 1

I feel a bit like a naughty schoolgirl you guys.

(23 Mar '11, 13:13) evelyn
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments
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Asked: 14 Mar '11, 07:27

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Last updated: 17 Mar '11, 02:12

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