Hi Everyone. I’m in a very confused state, and need some wisdom sharing.
My story is that; I’m thirty years old female. I‘ve been into more than 5 relationships at different times. Three of them I was engaged and called off. In all cases, it was me who called of the engagement.
If I have to explain why in a summarized way, I never got feeling that it was what I wanted.
Recently I’ve meet a man who also want to marry me.This man wants marriage. He didn't want the for us to date first and see. He said, " I am turning 40 and don't have time to play by being your boyfriend".
We met two months ago. He appeared to be the kind of man I can spend the rest of my life and do everything I want to be or do in life so for this reasons, I agreed to move in to his place.
I went to his church and it was exactly the kind of church I needed for my spiritual growth and I joined the church after not attending church for a long time, only because I never seem to relate in so many ways.
But now, after all this, I am finding myself wanting to leave the relationship and be alone again. We both come from different country. His been married and got divorced. His got two kids from different moms and one of children lives with him or now with us. She is ten year old now. His family is very much dependent on him and his one who does everything for almost everyone. His brother also lives with us for now.
I see a lot of problems that might come in a later stage in our life and the reasons why I want to leave. But because I have always been the one finding enough reasons to leave, I’m afraid if I am making going to make wrong decisions.
I’m telling myself I will take this as a spiritual practice and live with it happy or not….but on the other side, I am not sure if I can handle it or not. The fact is, when I ask myself why I’m with him….the honest answer I get from inside is more of because I want his support.
I’m interested in the kind of live style he might afford to give me. But I also realize it’s not a good reason to be with someone.
I’m crying for help and please help me.
Some of you might remember that I have shared my concerns of breaking my engagement 3 times and your feed back has helped me a lot.
the issue is free will. Do this. Picture yourself in teh same situation you are in now, and see it 5 years from now, Will it change? if it does not can you handle it? Me and my wife haev been through so much good and bad BUT this is teh best things about it. It made us learn! If you truly love him and cannot see yourseklf with out hiom, stay!. If not wel leave!. I cannot tell you what to do but only tel;l you t follow ur heart!
love n light,
answered 29 May '11, 12:08
TReb Bor yit-NE
I can feel that emotionally you must be in a very, very turbulent storm. What do to? When we are in this emotion storm .....we sometimes can't hear the proper answer from within. The true answer of course is only relative to your current beliefs and felings....so only YOU can really answer it.....But How do we attempt to solve this now...short of the usual "go meditate on it" response? My thought would be suck some of the emotion out of the equation.
To do this I would simply try to engage the "non-emotional" left side of the brain more. How? Make a list of the qualities you are looking for in a life partner. Populate the list in the highest priority quality first...then less important...until you get to 10. The Top 10 qualities your Partner must have. Now, make a list of the Qualities of your current Partner. You can even further dissect his list by analyzing strengths vs "flaws"......just so you can take another look at how he measures up against your overall List of what you seek in a Life Partner.
Next, take some quality time to look inward...it might help to ask yourself one question: Why do I want to be in a relationship now ? As you write out your response... I think that the feelings that come over you... will help you to a sure answer :)
answered 27 May '11, 14:52
At first good/wrong decision not exists at all. What you decide is always your interpretation of your beliefs. Your every decision always contains good/bad things. Where you focus ? So If you want to break, do it.
But before you do that I recommend to get in touch with the core motivation behind it, please meditate or focus on one point (eg. wall or some spotlight before going to sleep is sufficient enough to go into alpha state).
When you find calm and peace in your mind ask yourself kindly "what trouble will happen if I get married ?" or "why it is necessary to break up ?" or "What if my partner is not my ideal ?"
Do not force the answer, just let your thought pattern jump in. The answer will lead you to know your truth belief for breaking. Sometimes it's just a crazy idea learned from a movie. Once you get the point write down your reasons why it is true or false for you. You can alter this core belief or beliefs and get a whole new perspective to decice your breaking.
Have you expressed your feelings to your partner ? Is your partner open to discussions ? If he is willing to make this commitment then he must be willing to discuss it as well.Maybe do some of the exercises that streetsano recommended together. If the man is a true life partner you should be able to discuss everything with them including your doubts and fears as well as hope and ambition.
answered 29 May '11, 08:30
you always see it from what i want! what you want and what you need are two different things! try to see what can i give to him? is it what he needs?and what does he give me?is it what i need? not want but need! if you see things in this way it will change your vision of things!many people always go for what they want but what they want is not what they need so it does not work! well try it that way and see if it change how you see things!
answered 30 May '11, 02:40
"The way out is through the door. Why is it that no one will use this method?" — Confucius
answered 02 Jun '11, 17:04
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