My mother used to repeat to me, over and over, that I was "too sensitive" and "too touchy", etc., etc. Maybe she was right. I do not know. But I would very much like to learn how to overcome this sensitivity just enough that I stop obsessing when people do not agree with me. I believe that my sensitivity is a curse, but also, a blessing, though. If I was the opposite of what I am right now, I do not think I would have developed my spirituality as much as I have.
So...How does a person "grow" thick skin???
Love and Blessings to All, Jaianniah
asked 28 Jun '11, 10:52
I don't think it's an issue of sensitivity - that's a gift, you don't want to get rid of that :)
Abraham have this great analogy about sensitivity...if you place your hands on a burning stove and your skin is starting to smolder and burn before your eyes, the key is not to make yourself less sensitive so you won't feel the pain, the key is to remove your hands from the stove!
I used to suffer from this too and, for me, it came down to caring too much what others thought of me and needing the approval of others...that was the real stove-burning issue for me, not my sensitivity.
It's a really fine line to walk though for someone such as yourself who genuinely wants to be of service to others. If you ignore others completely then you're out of touch with where they are and you can't help them.
But if you get too involved with what they're thinking (and that includes what they think about you), you can get drawn into their personal dramas and that's not good for you either.
So what's the answer?
It's a bit like the way firefighters enter burning buildings. If a building is on fire and you need to enter it, you keep your weight on your back foot as you gradually move forwards into the building. And when you take your next step, you then transfer your weight onto your back foot again (which was previously your front foot).
Why do firefighters do this?
It's because if the floor collapses in front of them, perhaps because of a weak floorboard, they won't fall in with it...they are always keeping themselves stable (with their weight on the back foot) and only edging forwards when it feels stable to do so. As soon as the next step feels unstable, they don't go any further forwards and might immediately step backwards to avoid trouble.
I think that's a useful analogy to apply with this idea of sensitivity.
Use the gift of your sensitivity to tell you quickly that you're about to step onto something unstable and allow yourself to pull back straightaway when it feels uncomfortable.
After a while, you should naturally find yourself building more and more confidence regarding "dipping" into unstable areas and still being able to withdraw quickly to prevent yourself getting drawn in.
Sure, sometimes you'll fall into that "burning building" issue with other people but, from that, you'll learn how to stabilize yourself better the next time. You'll start to feel within yourself how safe it is to proceed further.
And, in time, I believe you'll end up developing that rare social skill of being someone who is still sensitive and caring but is still also sure-footed enough within themselves to remain stable whatever the circumstances.
Hope that's clear.
I think I have posted it before. I am sorry it is a quote, but you will have to wait for my own words until my website about character transformation is completed. Wish me luck!
answered 28 Jun '11, 11:05
EFT on being too sensitive and on some examples of when you were too sensitive. It can be good to be sensitive, but when it causes you emotional distress, tap on that. The Single Handed or One Hand Tapping will be helpful in those situations when you are confronted with opposing views and you feel discomfort, tap with your thumb on the side of the nailbed of the fingers of the same hand. I go from one finger to the next around and around or back and forth through each finger until I feel better. Then I just stop without really thinking about it. I am just feeling better about the situation. You don't have to say anything like when you do rounds of tapping. Also, consider if these are limiting beliefs that your mom innocently put on you. You can tap on that to with the EFT rounds.
EDIT Another thought is to allow yourself to hear what other people are saying without judging it. Don't agree or disagree, just listen. Don't take offense that the other person is rejecting you, they just have a different perspective than you. Like the elephant story. Instead of seeing their version of truth to be wrong or different, when you do reflecto on what they said, see how what they said fits with what you said. Like putting the body with the legs of the elephant and then the trunk and the tail, etc... They could be wrong, they could be right and they could be partly wrong and partly right. But their perspective is not about you, but them. If you don't take it personal, you won't be overly sensitive.
I was accused of the same thing as a kid, Jai, and all this served to do was make me feel more different from everyone else. I thought that surely something was really wrong with me, that I wasn't like everyone else. And this just triggered more super-sensitivity to what was said to me, or done.
I now know that there are a lot of people like us, and but that not everyone is. So when I am hurt, I try to remember that....that not everyone is as sensitive as I am, and that not everyone has the same perspective as I do, and I try to let it go. In other words, I don't fight or resist my sensitivity and I don't think those without it are less than I am. I just let it flow past me.
I know this is easier said than done, and it takes some practice, but it does work for me.
answered 04 Jul '11, 01:17
I am the same way. Too sensitive, peace lover, tender hearted.
Someone told a friend of mine, when she was worrying about a situation at work with a person who didn't seem to have a very high opinion of her,
"You know, if you think about it, it really isn't any of our business what is going on in someone else's mind."
This made me stop and look at it in an entirely different light. She was right, and it has helped me a lot.
I just try to express my true self honestly and kindly, as I want to do no one any harm, but I do it for myself rather than with the intent to make people like and approve of me. I've found that they either will or they won't, and any attempts I make to try to influence their opinion of me tend to fail spectacularly.
you may try less focusing on yourself, instead looking for where the others are coming from,
answered 28 Jun '11, 11:10
The point in using autosuggestion is to choose the correct affirmation. There was a time when I was stuck for a few months using the wrong wish. I knew what I wanted to get rid of, but I was not sure what I wanted to achieve instead. Often you see the problem but you do not hit the core with your affirmation. It works like that because you want to change the problem without destroying the fundaments first, the little things that are the basement of your character vice. For example, if one is overly shy, the wish “I am daring” or “I am bold” will not work. One has to became aware that there are several smaller vices that add up to the shyness, like not being confident, obsessing about what others say or think, being non-assertive, being ashamed of your interests etc. Those were actually my own problems. I noticed that when I hit the very specific aspect of my problem, I made good progress.
answered 28 Jun '11, 12:30
Here is a simple antidote to your problem: Both of my parents made a pledge to each not to go bed with bitterness in their hearts for each, if there were a disagreement, or conflict, but to go bed as best friends, and to start a fresh new day without bitterness for each other. And I can assure you it worked for all of their 49 years of marriage.
So, my point is: for you to accept the things you cannot change, to develop a thick skin to deal with the cultural diversity here at Inward Quest, and to learn not to take any person, or their ideas personally. Especially since, we spend 99% of our time assuming the wrong thing. Be proactive to treat everyone with respect, and you will get back respect, and continue to be the best person you can be! Bear no malice in your heart for anyone, allow God to be the judge, and allow peace and harmony to be your best friend in life.
But most important, love everyone, and cast no stones, for there is no point to prove, for the truth comes from within, and without, from the one Universal Mind alike.
All is Good!
answered 04 Jul '11, 00:42
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