I have done some horrible things in my life. I cannot tell, for I fear the consequences to my relationships and my own soul does feel forgiven. Yet, I wonder whether I would feel freer in some inexplicable way if I were to talk with the proper person about my past.
Many movies have been made about secrets, and how people fall when they do not speak. What do we do with these bad memories and secrets, ultimately?
This is my 293rd question here on IQ, and it may be perhaps the most important one I have ever asked. Thank you all in advance. Please be gentle with me, I beg.
asked 17 Aug '11, 06:28
Ah the demons that haunt our soul, we place them in a dark corner and try to forget them yet they seem to appear when we least expect them.Sometimes just for a moment and other times it seems that we can never clear our mind of these things. The past is gone is it not? The "secrets " your question refers to are from the past.(not like a surprise party next week secrets).
answered 17 Aug '11, 07:37
forgive yourself for being human,
answered 17 Aug '11, 10:00
I had this problem as well, Jai...no surprise since we have a lot in common!
My suggestion is very similar to Bridget's in that it involved writing. I have a friend in AA and know that one of the steps is to ask forgiveness of those you have hurt. In theory this was good, but in some ways selfish I think, because perhaps some of the things we feel guilty about are best not revealed aloud. We might feel better, but perhaps the other person would be very hurt.
I asked forgiveness where it was appropriate to do so without any further harm. In the cases where it wasn't, and there were many, I wrote a letter to God. I spelled out exactly what I had done and asked forgiveness. I thought I would complete this in one night, but it ended up taking me two weeks! Yes, I was that bad! Pouring my heart out was cathartic and really REALLY helped. Afterwards, I burned the pages so that no one would find them and be upset. As the ashes blew away so did my sins. I know I have done all that I can to repair things and I feel much better; much of the guilt is gone and events behind me.
answered 17 Aug '11, 15:25
You can write everything in a Journal, without much thinking of syntax, grammar and spelling, as if you were (pardon me) puking everything out of your system. Cry if you must while writing, it's cathartic. Then, if you're sure noone is going to find it, hide it and let it rest for a while. See if you're feeling better. Reread it when you feel you're ready, then forgive yourself. When you're re reading you'll notice it doesn't seem a "life or death" thing anymore, so forgiving yourself won't be so difficult as it seemed before...Then destroy it, also when you feel ready.
Quote Eckhart Tolle on Stillness Speaks:
He meant that you weren't in Awareness when you did what is eating you inside. Jesus forgives you!
answered 17 Aug '11, 14:21
Next time you are in the shower, call your soul and intend that you wash your soul along with your physical body. Watch the water flow down the drain and intend that the earth neutralize the energy of that water. Feel the shift as you countinue washing your soul on a regular baisis.
Love and Light
answered 17 Aug '11, 22:57
there ws once a rogue of 1st order in india, his name was valmiki. bt life took a turn and he became a gr8 saint. now, the main advantage he had that quikly made him a saint is that he was fearless. this ws his strength. and he progressed quikly on the spiritual path. we all do mistakes and blunders, and feel ashamed of them. bt if u understand god, u will feel that he will nvr be angry wid u. if u did smthn wrong, u will face the consequence, bt god is stil there. basically what i mean is that u r certainly not the worst guy on earth, and u cn start afresh, without dying,, ;-) ... what u need is to let go of the regret. and let go of the negative attachment. this way u will change towards the better, and will erase the past. search for .. antarmouna.. (swami satyananda writings) ... if u do it, it will change ur life. u will b able to etrase all ur wrong deeds.. it may not b instant like EFTs etc, bt it is certanly much much much powerful and with a wide horizon than all such external ways. once u do this regularly, u will nvr need to ask anyone for any answer, ur heart will provide u all the answers, what to do, what not to do, how to do, etc.
answered 28 Aug '11, 17:39
I think we've all done things in life that we're not particularly proud of, so you've probably done more that yourself a favour by asking this. However I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that in order to realize happiness you have to be willing to let go and forgive yourself.
I think BJ09 hit on a crucial point...when you realize that you made a mistake and were operating from a place where you were not completely aware of your actions then it becomes easier to forgive yourself. I think it's important to differentiate between having knowledge of something and having awareness of it. When you are fully aware of something you are operating from a higher state of consciousness and it becomes impossible to engage in unconscious behaviours that you would have done previously from an unconscious state.
What I have noticed since beginning to wake up is that the Universe/God/Source or whatever will provide an opportunity for me, by giving me a similar situation now, to choose a different option from my new state of awareness, and in this way I actually get to smile as I witness the new me choose differently... and that is empowering. It becomes easier to forgive myself when I realize that the younger me just didn't have the awareness or the wisdom to choose any differently.
I just finished watching a movie What Dreams May Come (recommend it highly) and one thing that was said jumped out at me...
You've got some great practical suggestions here from everyone Jai... forgive yourself and let it go :)
I read in one of your posts that EFT doesn't work for you. I am wondering if you are not doing something right. When I have these haunting memories of guilt or whatever, I do EFT to eliminate them. Yes, I have to do it more than once some times. But sometimes the relief is so immediate it is amazing. Here is a script for guilt. 3x on the karate chop point: Even though I have all this guilt from when I _, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Reminder phrase: All this guilt from when I _. Of course you can add some details that only you would know. Like you can describe the guilt's appearance, location and feeling. For example: this black nausiating guilt in the pit of my stomache.
Personally, I don't trust anybody enough to open up that much with them. Some people feel better after talking. After one of my accidents, I got counseling. I just felt dirty when I left there, not better.
answered 17 Aug '11, 13:43
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