I do not understand why I feel this way at all.
I spend hours lying awake, terrified to sleep (especially after I saw that vision of Hell I wrote about here on Inward Quest).
But why am I so afraid to sleep? What could be happening while I sleep that is causing me to feel fear? How do I over come this? I have been a raging insomniac for so long that I am exhausted so deep, it is not funny.
Jai remember when you accepted the Christ as your own personal savior you inherited the Holy Spirit. You became as Jesus so said "I and my father are one." You carry the Way the Truth and the Life in you at all times. What we carry within us evil is terrified of!
We as well were giving the authority over all evil and the weapons of God to defeat any and all evil things or beings. We are the light of God and no darkness can stand up to that light, it burns the evil ones. You say "BE GONE!" and will it with authority and God backed up with you in Jesus name and it must obey!
This is something you must do meditate on yourself as the temple of God, God Lives In You! Not even the Devil him self can come against you with this faith and knowledge. The more I studied this and the more I would meditate on it the more dreams I had of battling terrible demons and devils until it became too easy to beat even the worst devils and I fully knew "I and my father God are one, don't mess with me evil!"
This fact must be meditated on and prayed on, "Wherever I go, God is there, because I am the temple of God." It is like the movie "My body guard." when a bully comes along to deal with you let God deal with him. God is there for you looking at your bully and saying "You want a piece of her? Well you are going to have to get through me first!" Fully know that you are ONE with God not even with but are just ONE, believe it know it, pray about it and meditate on it. This means what is God's is yours, all his power and command, his wisdom, his authority everything is his gift to you as ONE.
Love you Jai -- Wade
You are owning your insomnia Jai. You are Jai the insomniac.True? It is a habit/belief that needs to be recognized as such and changed.Own your thoughts Jai.
answered 25 Nov '11, 10:38
some would say that sleep is an imperfect death,
what if hell is not a place
answered 26 Nov '11, 03:59
My personal experiences with paranoia and fear come from a lack of understanding or my mind's ability to prepare to unknown situations. This obviously doesn't mean it is the same for everyone, but that is how it is for ME. Since I lack the understanding of your situation to ever offer you any kind of response on it specifically, I must respond with a comparison to a problem I face that I feel is similar.
For example, I am afraid of the dark. Now, further analysis of why I feel this way tells me I'm not actually scared of darkness or the absence of light, but I'm afraid of the unknown. In simplicity, I am afraid of what is IN the darkness. Since my senses are restricted, I do not know what I will encounter, and as such I am unable to prepare myself for it.
An extreme example of my fear manifests as paranoia when it comes to relationships. As I have been lied to (in a meaningful way) or cheated on by every single female I have been in a relationship with, I have issues with trusting people.
For the longest time I would be afraid of this betrayal on such an extreme level the moment I was no longer in sight of a girlfriend I would assume she was committing literally impossible unfaithful acts, which logically made no sense whatsoever. My logical mind told me I was an idiot and being paranoid, but the impulse would be so strong I would literally have to go back to double check my imagination was just toying with me.
The more I analyzed these issues within myself, I discovered despite being so incredibly different they were manifestations of the same problem: My inability to accept any possible outcome of a situation. I fear the dark because I am unacceptable of the possibility I may be attacked by an unknown entity, and I will not have been able to prepare to defend myself. I fear being cheated on or lied to because it crushes me inside, and when I truly love someone I am unable to accept the idea they could ever betray me.
As a result, I have actually been in part 'responsible' for much of the bad things happening in my relationships. Does this mean I 'forced' anyone to cheat on me? Of course not. But my attempts to 'reject' this idea in my mind caused it to grow in strength, and eventually overpower me. This issue within myself caused my attitude to make others afraid of disappointing me to an extreme level, which made them feel the only option they had was to lie and not risk upsetting me. As with the discussion about manifestation I brought up in one of my questions, we must decide how we are going to handle negative thoughts or ideas, even ones originating within ourselves instead of other people. Don't reject negative ideas, redirect them into positive ones.
An example of this is life and death. If you are completely unable to accept you could die at any moment, you will die simply to prove you can and will continue to survive afterwards. Does this mean we should WANT to die? Absolutely not. A quote of mine I love to repeat because it defines how I live my life so strongly: "Believe you will never die, but live each day like it is your last."
Accept you could die at any moment, know death is only another step in our journey, and know that no matter what happens your soul will continue living on. The same principle helps me solve my issues of paranoia (which at times is so strong it would be classified as 'delusional paranoia' by psychiatrists, and I would actually be considered mentally unstable as a result of that diagnoses coupled with a few other ailments I suffer from.)
I know at any moment in the dark I could be attacked by any sort of foe. What is my minds preparation for this situation? If I am ever faced with a situation where I must protect myself or the ones I love, I will fight with every ounce of my being, and if I die trying to protect what I believe in then that is all one could be expect of me, and I have done well. This is why when I think about the idea bad people could attack the ones I love I never say "I wouldn't allow them to be harmed", because this tells me I could not accept the definite possibility that they could be. I say I would immediately put myself between anyone and any threat they face, and I would fight with my very life if I must to protect them. If I should fail, then I did all I was capable of, and that is all that can be asked of me.
All of this being said... I'm still afraid of the dark, and I'm still terrified of being hurt. [So much so that I wholly intend to never marry or be monogamous again. Perhaps that will change with time, but right now it is what works for me and what feels right.] Does that mean I don't go out in the dark? No. Does it mean I do not care for others in a relationship kind of way, or not put myself out there and able to be hurt? No.
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." I'm afraid of being hurt, but I'm infinitely more afraid I could ever stand by and watch someone else be hurt and do nothing to stop it, no matter the cost.
If I were to make assumptions about a subject I have no real understanding of, I would say your fear of sleep stems from your inability to accept one of the possible outcomes of sleeping. What specific outcome I cannot say, because that is something only you can determine. I would suggest you focus on this fear and try to identify what is causing it. Maybe it is a similar reason to mine, or maybe it is something completely different, but I have faith that if you clear your mind and calm your spirit you will know inside you what the source of this fear is.
I hope my problem is similar enough to yours that it allows my solutions to be in some way helpful to you. =)
Hi Jai, Insomnia and a fear of sleeping is mostly fear of loosing control due to the unknown or maybe just a real fear that has a psycological reason. Leo gave some good pointers and I am puting my own example here just in case it helps you in any way.
I usualy sleep like a baby and don't have insomnia so when a few decades ago all of a sudden I couldnt sleep I was physicaly and mentaly exasusted. Going to work was hell as I was like a zombie doing what I had to do but spaced out. I had no idea what was going on so after about eight months of this I went to the doctor who prescribed sleeping pills. I hated taking the Pills as they made me woozy and even more spaced out and decided this wasn't the answer.
Luckily for me I read somewhere that if you have a problem go back in your mind to the bigenning of your problem and you will be able to solve it. One day I decided to do this and went back in my memory to when the problem first started. What happened about that time is that my best friend passed away and all of a sudan I realised that my insomina had something to do with her death. It took me quiet a while to figure out what but eventualy I did.
We were very close as we worked together and would talk about anything and everything. Many times we would discuss what was it like after death and if a person survived death and lived on in spirit. One day I remember her saying to me that if she pased on first she would come to me and let me know if there is life after death. She also said I must do the same if I went before her.
I told her that I would faint and die of a heart attack if I ever saw a ghost. Her reply was that she won't come if I'm afraid for she definately doesnt want to scare me.
Well Jai the monent I remembered this conversation my insomnia stopped and I went back to sleeping like a baybe. What caused my insomnia was fear of seeng my friends ghost. Remembering her saying that she wont come if i'm afraid is what stopped my insomnia. As you can see our subconscious can be bothering us and causing insomnia and if only we can remember what caused it in the first place consciously we can be cured.
In your case I can understand the fear of your hell dream but go back in your mind from the very start of your insomnia and ask yourself what was different than. Did anything happen that could have set it off? Were there any emotional or traumetic experiances at the time of the onset of your insomnia? Sis anyone pass on at the time?
I hope this helps some.
answered 25 Nov '11, 13:12
jai use this opportunity to grow. experience and enjoy.
answered 25 Nov '11, 04:29
as you can see in the personal email I sent you, I had a vision of the same type as you did, I believe that the ones closer to the light need to fight a battle with the devil right now, and we need to win the battle but not letting him drive us insane, right now I am fighting such battle and I intend to win regardless of what I have to do to do so. It usually works for me to sleep with someone and hold them to drift off and when I am drifting off I say a prayer and repeat it until I dose off.. It is ok to ask for help, it is ok to be scared, it is ok not to enjoy being afraid, it is ok to act human and say.. I don't want to be alone tonight.. can you spend the night? we are human, we have emotions, we cant let our emotions win, keep good company and try your hardest to recover your life and sanity, I am going through the same situation you are, and god sometimes doesnt send you a bunch of angels with wings and choirs of angels singing he sends you friends, family or your partner or wife.. use them as angels to keep you close to earth and the third dimension and to keep you sane.. God bless you.. you are not in this fight alone..
answered 26 Nov '11, 23:05
Eva goes with the Flow
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