Over the last week I have broke up with my partner of 14 years, we have two beautiful children aged 9 and 11. Four years ago I had an awakening experience and gradually since then we have both noticed our differences. At this moment things are amicable between us as we love each other alot but we are not truly happy in the relationship. I'm just asking for advice because part of me wants to create a reality where we are together as a family and happy but the other part of me feels I need to let go and move on.
To clarify the situation between my partner and I so it will help others with their answers. Basically my partner and I had a very open an honest talk about our relationship, I felt at the time that I was happy but she said she wasn't and wanted to end it. As you can imagine I was upset and said I would change certain things to make her happy, this made no difference because she said her feelings had changed. Since then I have respected her decision and moved out but we are still having regular contact. While I was in my own space I could think more clearly about what I wanted from a relationship and realised I wasn't truly happy either. I have read and listened to alot of Abraham material and I know I am only responsible for my happiness, I also know that because I create my own reality this situation is my own manifestation which makes me feel that I should let go. To be honest I have felt held back sometimes in this relationship but didn't really want to admit it. When I say move on I'm not talking about another relationship, what I mean is go with the flow
I agree with Lee Ann a trial separation is the best answer. Talk to your partner and decide on the amount of time you will have apart. Agree to meet afterwards and decide once and for all if your relationship is worth salvaging or if you go your separate ways.
Your partner might learn that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the hill and wants to reconcile. A perfect relationship is one when you love and are loved in spite of all your faults and quirks. Yes relationships loose some of that excitement but so what a bit of spice is always an easy add on.
The children are the most important people in this so please consider wisely. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship all the time but one worked at can be worth it's weight in gold.
As I'm sure you know, all relationships evolve, as do all things ... i get the impression that the relationship needs willpower to keep it together, which means more or less going against the flow and this can cause great tension and pain ... i suggest going with the flow and see what happens ... you may be surprised to find that it is possible to keep the family together and let go and move on.
This might sound to be very simplistic but if you can mould your feelings about this relationship with the help of Abraham Grid, which Stingray has introduced in Manifesting Experiment 5, I am sure things would improve.
Also along with listening to Abraham, if you can continue to do a Positive Aspects about:
1) Your wife 2) Your relationship with her 3) Your family as a whole 4) Your self (Not to forget that, there could be somethings you feel about your self which could be reflecting in your wife's behavior towards you.
You could also recall and make a list of the lovely and happy moments you both have spent together over the last 14 years or more, this will surely change your vibration about your relationship. You could take a call on whether you would like to share this list with your wife as well. I think if you do, this could bring a smile on her face for sure and could lead to a beginning of a reconciliation.
Just some thoughts. Do let me know if these work.
I am praying for your peace of mind, so that you are able to take the best decision.
answered 13 Dec '11, 11:23
Go on to what? Another relationship? Will it also have problems? (no relationship is perfect, we have to be realistic)
I'm divorced and remarried myself. But my first marriage had very serious problems and became unbearable. I never doubt that it was the right thing to do. You say that yours is amicable and that you love each other a lot.
I've seen so many people I know get divorced and then remarried, only to find out that they were trading one set of problems for another, meanwhile putting the children through a lot of turmoil. That is something you need to seriously consider. I've also known a few who were profoundly happier alone or who found someone more compatible.
I can't know what is best for you and your family; only you know that, but I ask you to think this over very carefully. Envision every single possibility and see which one makes you feel the best on all levels.
I ask you to read some of the Abraham books, there are many sections on relationships and this will be helpful in your decision; there is a lot of food for thought there.
answered 12 Dec '11, 14:09
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