I am very different than the rest of my family; indeed, they have come to the point of openly rejecting me. I should mention that they live far away from me, never visit me, nor know really what I am all about. They just do not care, because I do not have any outward signs of success. My mother hurt me today and criticized my life. I have processed the hurt- but I wonder- am I really living a successful life? How can I feel that? How do come to believe that? I am reminded of the saying, "A prophet is never believed in his own land." (I tried to find who said that, but without luck.) I am not a prophet, but I can relate...Jai
asked 17 Dec '09, 02:33
I believe that when you say to yourself "That person thinks I am not successful", you set two things in motion right away.
First: You program the person's behavior towards you so that the effect "I am not successful" is projected towards you through them (or the idea or experience is reflected back to you through them)
Second: You also get to further explore the "I am not successful" experience by reaching into the ocean of consciousness & discovering how else you can participate in the "I am not successful" adventure, because you have access to all the other human beings versions or definitions of "I am not successful". When you do this you are listening to what else is available in creation that can "match" your preferred desire.
Or you can say to yourself, "the hell with it, I am successful" & create all kinds of visions of how the experience of "I am successful" can be reflected back to you through you family. So you can create all the different scenarios of how your mother say's to you that you are Un-believably successful because of "fill in the blank any way you want, but try to keep it close to realism".
You can spend some time every day actively attracting this vision of how your family is seeing you as being successful. But the most important part is not this. It is all the stuff that runs on auto-pilot in between.
So as you go about you day, catch you self every time you are imagining or remembering that your mother doesn't see you as successful. Now this part is very important.
When you catch your self, the first thing you do is say, "By believing this or remembering this, I am choosing to attract and experience this vision, that is now in my mind". I know it seems counterproductive. But it isn't. This is the acknowledgement stage.
Until you acknowledge that you are the attractor of everything you can't change anything. By saying "I am choosing to attract this towards me right now" you acknowledge that you are the architect of your suffering & joy. In this moment what was unconscious has now become conscious.
Now you can make an awakened decision. You can reverse your choice by saying "But now that I know that this is what I am attracting, I am choosing to release this experience from my existence. You can phrase this statement any way you want as long as the idea is of letting go of that idea.
By the way, don't think that you only have to do this a few times. You will find you self doing this, acknowledgement exercise, again and again and again and again and again. You will find your self doing this hour after hour, day after day.
Every time you worry or imagine this "how my mother sees me" vision, you have to acknowledge it again and again and also let it go again and again. You will start to notice how everything is attracted by you.
Rain drops Shape Mountains over eons of time. the same way you whole life is shaped and held in the "Now Moment" by this drip, drip, drip effect of constantly repeating insignificant looking thoughts. But repeated endlessly over time, their effect adds up.
If you try this technique with the expected outcome already in you mind as if it has already happened, you should be able to change you family's attitude towards you within a couple of weeks or at least in a month.
If nothing changes in a month, re-examine the exact nature of your vision. The key is within you, not them. They are simply responding to your anticipation of their judgment. You are unconsciously directing or instructing them on how to treat you.
What you are really saying is that you want your family's approval. They know that, which is why they withold it from you. It is their way of controlling you.
The day that you accept the truth that you don't need their approval, and you can love them for who they are, warts and all, is the day that you will be free from their bondage.
Ironically, your stature in their eyes may actually improve after that day. Then again, it may not. Does it really matter?
I say these things, not because I want you to feel additional resentment towards your family, but because I hope you feel immense gratitude for the life lesson they are teaching you.
I think you're referring to Jesus: Matthew 13:57 - "Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor."
What would you consider a successful life?
To me, a successful life is living life the way - I - want to live it. So, it has nothing to do with outward signs of success. (Although, in my personal case - it does)
Naturally, times of doubt come. Particularly when conflict with others occurs - as part of us does seek social acceptance. But primarily, if we are really living the way we want, we do not have to try and feel or believe it is successful. Nor do we care much about others opinions, because they are just that. We know the idea of a "standard" of success that applies across the board is absurd.
I suppose there are ways you could come to feel and believe your life is successful. But that idea should be tossed out the window, quickly. We expand - unfold - into more life. To try and impose a good feeling on a current situation that feels bad is ludicrous. It defeats the point of your feelings - and will inhibit that unfolding.
[That is not to say that you should sit with feeling bad - just that you should recognize it, then change focus...but not say "this feels good" which is just a lie to yourself]
If you want to feel like your life is successful - then you have to choose your life. Since you will choose what feels good. So, start right now with the discontent you feel. What do you - want - from your relationship with your family?
answered 17 Dec '09, 03:51
I know it's difficult to not be affected by the opinions of others, especially if they are loved ones.
You asked the question, "Am I really living a successful life?" Does your definition of success involve being approved of by your extended family? If so, then you are not living a successful life and would need to make adjustments. Only you alone know the answer to that.
If your definition of success requires only your opinion alone, then ask yourself if you feel successful and fulfilled. If so, then you already have all that you need and to heck with their opinions. As Vesuvius mentioned, then live your own life and let them respect you or not. Beat your own drum and be happy doing so!
Best wishes seeking your answer!
answered 18 Dec '09, 17:39
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