I know, I know-you think it through as best you can...but sometimes, things are a wee bit more complicated than that. I have taken in my daughter and son-in-law- and their daughter. It was supposed to be temporary, but we are going on two years, and they are relying on me more and more. I thought I was being supportive when I made this choice, but now I am seeing that they are apparently just using me (up). Taking them in HAS resulted in my daughter going to college, which is a very good thing; but my son-in-law still is not working, nor looking for work. I should also mention that they had their own car when they moved in, but Kim had an accident and totaled their car. Now my car is being used by them all the time. and is not always available to me when I want it.

The choice I made was at first a good one as they were homeless- BUT- now, I am not so sure. How could I have foreseen that Kim was going to have an accident? How could I have known that they were not going to do all the things that they promised to do?

Please remember, this question is about how to tell if you are making a good or bad choice BEFORE you act.... Not about what I should do about the kids.

Thanks! Jaianniah

asked 27 Dec '09, 22:09

Jaianniah's gravatar image


I believe that every decision is the right decision at the time you make it. Even thought when you look back later it may seem like you should have done something else.

You can only decide in the "now moment" in which you stand right now. But the good news is that there are two tools that I know of, (there maybe more), available to reach beyond your point of reference for guidance. They both should be applied, though each technique appeals to a different personality type.

The first is logical analysis of each decision (appeals to the logical types). You take the decision you are going to make and sit quietly and daydream that decision to its furthest reach into the future. Explore every outcome that could come out of you making that decision. Make sure there are as many "good" outcomes as there are "bad" outcomes in your exploration.

The second is to "feel" the decision with your "excitement", (this appeals to the inspirational types). If you are forced to decide upon one or the other, one of them has to feel better or more exciting that the other.

I use this "feeling" technique much more and I combine it with a state of mind that I can only describe as "GUIDE ME". I make a symbolic connection with my higher self or God or what ever you can identify as a source that is greater than yourself and I get into an intense "GUIDE ME" mode. I really, really yearn for & feel the guidance that will be revealed through a movement in "feeling". This is what I mean by "one will feel more correct or exciting that the other".

You have to remember, this guidance thing didn't happen overnight. It took a long time of yearning for guidance before I could notice something that was definitely "real" and not just a figment of my imagination. I am sharing this because I grappled with this "how do I know what is the right thing to do for my life?" question for many many years.

Finally I started to ask for help by recognizing that there is definitely something or someone greater than ourselves who has much more wisdom and a better perspective of our lives than us. I think you can stumble upon this source of guidance regardless of your specific religion. If you are religious then you have the bonus of believing that your religion is a true source of guidance in your life.

I believe this combination of logical analysis combined with a guidance from a higher power is the best combination for dealing with the "groping in the dark" experience that life keep throwing at us constantly.


answered 27 Dec '09, 22:48

The%20Traveller's gravatar image

The Traveller

Sounds like a few of us utilize similar 'tests' and methods to check choices out. :)

(27 Dec '09, 23:03) Liam

Abraham said once that, "I assure you, if something feels off, it is off." That's how you tell you are making a good choice. Does it feel right?

In the case of your daughter, your choice was the correct one at the time. But things change, and now it no longer feels right. So now you make new choices, based on your same sense of what feels like the right thing to do given the current state of affairs.

It is important to be in the right frame of mind when you make choices in this way. The ego seldom makes good choices. Making choices when you feel bad, angry or depressed is not a good idea either.

It is when you are connected to Source that your choices become better ones. That means that you feel calm, centered and connected. It means that you feel inspired to make the right choices. It means that you trust the wisdom of the universe to guide you, even when the right choices are uncomfortable in the short-term.


answered 27 Dec '09, 22:52

Vesuvius's gravatar image


Good reply. Particularly the bit about things changing and new choices to be made. Something I overlooked in my response. :)

(27 Dec '09, 23:02) Liam

The simplest (and most 'concrete') way that comes to mind is - to look at the past. Either in your own life or in other peoples lives. Notice what happened when a similar situation happened in their lives. This can give a glimpse into our own. This isn't foolproof, since the past doesn't have to equal the future - but I argue that for many people - it certainly seems to.

Another thing to notice is how you feel when a decision is firstly proposed to you - and secondly decided upon (most people take time from when they first think of a possible decision and then actually decide). If you feel good or expanded and are acting from joy, then it is in all likelihood a good choice. If on the other hand, you are feeling bad or contracted...and are deciding from a place of fear or a feeling of restriction/obligation to others then it is likely a bad decision.

Calling upon help from sources other than our rather limited perspectives is of value. I have a method where I contact a 'higher aspect' of myself in the moment and ask for help sorting out issues that may have come up, or the words to say etc.

Sitting down and thinking intensely of all the possible choices you could make concerning the issue and thinking "What choice should I make?" Eventually your mind will become focused and you will have worn yourself out thinking of "all" the choices (or so you think!) At that point (or sometimes later) an answer will come, and you will know it is the best choice for you to make at that time. This requires time for thinking though (and most people don't really think deeply as this method needs).

Finally, there was a system I used to utilize that gave good results, although for some reason I have drifted away from using it now. It involved the 'planetary cycles' that Stingray mentioned in another question. Although, it had a twist and also involved one version of the 'Kabbalistic Tree of Life'. When a question came to mind, or an idea etc it was validated depending on the cycle it arrived - and thus one could see the influences behind it, challenges that would face you if you went through with it, ease of success or harmonious outcome. If it was in an undesirable cycle it would be discarded - if in a desirable one it would be implemented in another desirable cycle.

It predicted and worked very well in my experience (though required time to learn and get a feel for). The book going over the technique is Kabbalistic Cycles & The Mastery of Life for anyone interested.

In the end though, I am inclined to say that - any choice is a good choice when compared to making no choice. Even "bad choices."


answered 27 Dec '09, 23:00

Liam's gravatar image


edited 28 Dec '09, 09:28

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Thanks for the book link, Liam - my curiosity will probably force me to take a look at it. :) I notice there is a free online calculator to go with the book at http://www.originalfalcon.com/kabbalistic_calculator.php

(28 Dec '09, 06:59) Stingray

We learn from experience. We also learn from other people's experience. Personally, I would look at the implications involved, and I would take as much time as I feel necessary, before I make a decision.

The thing you have to be careful of: is the fact that you do not want to make the wrong decision, or to hurt anyones' feelings, by making the wrong decision.

What I find works best for me is that I look at the pros, and cons, and the good, and the bad, and I double check with my emotions. How do I really feel about this situation? And I made a decision that feels right for me at that time.

This has worked for me in many instances, so, I will have to say you will have to go with your gut feelings in any given situation. Because, even if it does not work out right, you did the right thing at that time. Life is a learning lesson, and we often learn from our mistakes.

So, in my opinion we do what we have to do, even if it turns out to be the wrong decision, or choice. Sometimes, we need to be more on the giving side, than on the receiving side. When you put yourself out there to help others in need, you will receive blessing, and rewards for your kindness. Sometimes we have to put the needs of others first, to help make this world a better place to live in.

But keep the good faith, God knows your true intentions, and he will not give you more that you can bear. In your time of need, he will send a comforter. Remember to feel proud that you were able to help your love ones in the time of need, and if it has become too much of a burden for you to handle, nothing is wrong in asking someone else to take over, and help you. You have done your good deed, let someone else take a turn. I am sure your family will understand, and they will not love you any less.

The truth shall set you free; do not be hard on yourself; you did what you did to help your love ones out in the time of need, now it is time for you to move on, and let someone else take over.


answered 27 Dec '09, 23:50

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

All of these answers are good and I needn't reiterate them so I will add a more esoteric approach, you could quest these questions of good choice or bad with a pendulum or even your own body.

If you stand still and ask a negative question you will feel your body sways away backwards and if positive it sways towards forwards.

With the pendulum you can ask show me no, show me yes, then ask your question, this must be done with an I don't care what the results are mind set.

This can later be done in mind as well if you can see it in your mind and trust you are not influencing it.

The other thing you could do is finger test it, link your fingers together tightly like two links in a chain, then ask your question and try to pull them apart weak is negative strong is positive.

This is when you can not decide which way is best.


answered 03 Jan '10, 10:50

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

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Asked: 27 Dec '09, 22:09

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Last updated: 03 Jan '10, 10:50

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