I, too am torn- in this, I agree with Vesuvius.

Forgiveness can be hard- rather, maybe I mean "forgetting" rather than forgiving. I can and do forgive people when they hurt me, but it is very hard to let go enough so that the brain forgets, too. We have inner defenses that protect us from getting hurt, and these defenses prevent us from forgetting even when we have forgiven. To forget being hurt involves building a new self-image that says that we are not going to allow ourselves to be hurt that way again. This is pretty tough, but is the only way through some bad experiences.(Especially those involving someone you trusted implicitly).

Bad experiences happen to all of us now and then. I find that if a particular experience was bad enough to cause me post-traumatic stress, then I have to be patient with myself, and go through the process of grief and reconciliation. Those types of experiences I cannot just let fade away until I have allowed myself to process the feelings that have stuck with me. But once I have processed the experience and accepted it, then it is time to let it go. It is also important to remember to try not to re-live the bad experience over and over in my head. That doesn't do me a lick of good at all.

The ideal situation is to process the experience, talk it over with a friend, learn from the mistakes I might have made, and then to move onwards. The best that can come from this is when you meet someone who has suffered what you have, and you find that you can help him or her process their troubles because of what you have already learned. This helps other people get through their bad stuff faster than if they were alone with it. That is making something good out of something bad.

I guess that is really making lemonade out of lemons!

Good question! Blessings, Jai

Yes I agree, I have been very different ever since being left many years ago, but the good thing is I have worked at destroying most the memories so as well destroying the pain. But the influence of how I notice love or even know what love is (personal relationship not infinite unconditional love) has changed and that seems like some after effect not attached to memories.

I suppose this is like my own shock therapy I developed where I can take a memory and destroy it in my mind like burning it up, non-existent, since it only existed in my mind anyway as a past incident that exist no more I can get rid of it. Memories don't exist they are just like old tapes of things that once were.

Doing this has helped me through the years, so I did not have to be depressed.

I'm torn.

On the one hand, it can be very insightful when you find out something about yourself from the past. It can be very liberating: "So that's why I always felt this way about that." It can be empowering: "Now that I know this about myself, I can reach for a better thought or behavior." In many cases, once insight is achieved, the bad energy from the experience can be completely released.

On the other hand, there is merit to the idea of letting something just fade away, and replacing it with something better or more empowering.

You never completely forget, nor do I think you should. Bad experiences always stay with you. But the people who win are the ones who can take that negative and turn it into something positive.

Personally I think the experience stays with us, buried in our subconscious somewhere, until we are ready for the lesson that is there for our growth. When something hurtful or painful happens, it is usually easier to repress it ( especially at a young age ) than deal with the pain the experience causes. However although we repress it, we are actually still holding on to it on a subconscious level and in order to be free from the pain and the experience we have to be willing to face it and learn the original lesson that was intended for us. This is partially how we begin to grow on our spiritual journey, and until we learn to be still and embrace these painful parts of our being, we can never really grow into the person we are supposed to be.

When we are hurt it is easier to put up a barricade and wear a false facade for the world but by breaking down this barricade we begin to open our heart and take of the mask we've been wearing. Evolutionary growth or awakening is not easy but the rewards will be worth it.