Breaking up has been a dark, dark miserable experience for me. I feel as if the universe has played a cruel joke on me, it's like, "here's your key to get out of jail......Oh, but we're not gonna give it to you..." :(

I'm just in the process of dusting myself off and moving on again, but still I would just like to ask for some tips from people who have had personal life experience:

In male/female relationship, how do you finally 'let go' of someone? I still want a certain someone in my life, and I know a rule for LOA is that you cannot force another person to do someone against their will. I've been told by a psychic that this will be the first, and final, heart break in my life, and I will meet a new girl before my birthday that will become my life-long ever after, happily married wife and we will "become blissed and deeply happy with each other."

The issue is, I cannot plant a seed successfully in a place where lightning keeps striking at it, so to speak...How can I let go of this someone?

Just a thankyou to all the inward quest users who personally and authentically empathise with me, it means a lot. Feeling quite lonely at the moment, inward quest is my only sort of communication :) xxx

asked 21 Jan '12, 08:05

Nikulas's gravatar image


edited 21 Jan '12, 13:13

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


@Nikulas - Sorry to hear it didn't work out. You can at least take heart that you now have practical experience of what the "vibration" of attracting a relationship feels like for you so, when you are ready, it will be easier the next time. Regarding your question, some of the answers here might also be useful for you: How do you stop loving someone?

(21 Jan '12, 13:23) Stingray

^ Agreed. It seems that when you start focusing on your own life and trying to ignore women they start to throw themselves at you, but when you are actually wanting to be with someone they avoid you like the plague. Quite inconvenient when one actually has no interest in romance.

(23 Jan '12, 04:58) Snow

Man a year later, I am still stuck on this question I've asked.

(31 Jan '13, 19:55) Nikulas

Aren't we all. =)

Still battling with this one myself, but making progress methinks. Good luck, hope you're still moving forward as well.

(01 Feb '13, 15:15) Snow

@Nikulas, I feel like you and I have a lot in common re. the quest for a relationship, from the questions you have posted here on IQ. After a long search, I finally met someone whom I clicked with like never before, and I fell hard for him. We've only been together a few months, but I felt, perhaps naively, that he might be "The One" (if such exists). Now, turns out we might break up, as we want completely different things from life and he is not ready to settle down.

(05 Feb '13, 10:33) cassiopeia

... I too feel like the universe played a cruel joke on me. I kept thinking finally, this is the love that's been denied to me for so long. The relief and joy I felt was so strong...

But even if this does end, I'll try to look on the positive side - maybe this is a sign to me that my real manifestation is very, very close. As I've gotten my emotional issues cleared up, I've been dating people that have been closer matches to me. Maybe he wasn't quite the one. Still hurts though.

(05 Feb '13, 10:35) cassiopeia
showing 1 of 6 show 5 more comments

Hello Nikulas, in the short-term there are many things you can do to take your mind off of a relationship that’s just ended. And what you’ve already decided to do, if that feels right to you is the best thing for you to do, including participating on IQ.

In male/female relationship, how do you finally 'let go' of someone?

I’m sure you realize that the fact that your lover entered your life in an intimate way and has since exited it, at least in that particular manner; shows you that there was something in that relationship that you either wanted or needed to learn from it. You were drawn together and you were pulled apart because of your own conscious or hidden asking. Now it’s simply time to 'get over it' and move on...

Moving On

Previously, you’ve expressed a desire for true love in your questions on IQ. And that desire is one of the most worthwhile things for anyone who wants it to attain. In order for that experience to be realized as your reality and to last, there are certain things that may be helpful for you to think about.

If your desire is to attract the reciprocal love of another, then first you must truly love yourself. Realize that the love that you feel when interacting with another is not their love, it’s your love; the love that’s contained within each human being. Think about it, everything happens within our own mind; outside is merely a concept that we create for learning (remembering) through the experiencing of it.

And while you may believe that the love you seek will come from someone else at some nebulous future time; realize that ultimately, there is only here and now. Knowing this tells you that love can only be found in the here and now and that it always exists within you; because you are that love.

And, perhaps paradoxically, once you truly love yourself you’ll attract another who truly loves themselves as well, but remember that you are the key which opens the doorway to reciprocal love.

Remember also, that a true relationship with another human being is one which doesn’t contain the ideas of attachment and control. Due to the fear of losing a lover, many games of control are played out and the reason for these can all be summed up in one word, attachment.

The idea, thus, then is to realize that attachment in any form doesn’t fit in a world of impermanence, a world of continual change. Attachment leads to control and control leads to compromise, unhappiness, pain and suffering. Not being attached means not suffering.

So the ideal is to be related (you are anyway), but not attached. And once you’re really in touch with yourself, with the love that you are, attachment in any form is never necessary and so it’s no longer an issue.

To Summarize

Realize that your recent romantic relationship had something to offer, but it’s probably over now. That’s not to deny the possibility of reconciliation, but it is responding to what’s before you in this moment.

Love yourself even more...

Understand the importance of knowing what attachment is. It’s not non-attachment.

Relax and enjoy your life, whilst allowing your desire to come to you in perfect timing ♥


answered 22 Jan '12, 00:48

Eddie's gravatar image



Beautiful answer but easier said than done.

(22 Jan '12, 01:11) Paulina 1

Thanks Paulina. I always address a person's highest version of themselves... I see you've uncovered the easier said than done belief. Hold on to it or let it go ♥

(22 Jan '12, 04:17) Eddie

I'm glad you have enough success in guessing that, regardless of my supremely youthful age, I'm not out there to 'play the field.' You're right- I just want a true authentic love, and I'm about to study your website with suggestions on how to love yourself again now. Thankyou Eddy :)

(22 Jan '12, 08:44) Nikulas

Thanks Nikulas. I love helping others find their love :)

(22 Jan '12, 20:57) Eddie
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

I do empathise and as blubird mentioned, few of us have not been though it at least once!

My suggestion? The way to let go is to stay in the vortex and be busy making yourself happy. That is the goal, because not only does it help you to move forward in a pleasant manner, but it makes you more attractive to others. And if there is any chance of the relationship being re-kindled, it is more likely to do so if you seem happy and balanced rather than hurt.

Find yourself again. See the movies you like to see. Listen to the music you most enjoy. See friends. Re-arrange your living space in a nice manner. Read what you like to read. Enjoy nature. Be out there; it's for the best on all fronts!

Best wishes....


answered 21 Jan '12, 11:59

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

appreciated lee ann, thankyou <3

(22 Jan '12, 08:39) Nikulas

EFT- Emotional Freedom Technique in an excellent tool to eliminate negative emotions, obsessive thoughts, fears, limiting beliefs etc... There are many sites where you can learn it. This has been the single most helpful tool I have ever used to feel better. is also very useful in the moment.


answered 21 Jan '12, 09:26

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

Yes Nikulas, it's a painful feeling that we all go through at some point in our lives ... it feels like someone has died ... mourning is a natural process and is an essential part of spiritual growth , i would suggest that we should just live through it, gradually we accept the situation and come out stronger and wiser ... go about life as usual and soon the "vortex" brings new and exciting opportunities ...



answered 21 Jan '12, 09:42

blubird%20two's gravatar image

blubird two

I've been told by all the people in my life (that ive asked) that time seems to be one of the only necessary things in moving forward. Oh yeah, painful emotions, sometimes I wish I never met her because of how bad it is.

(21 Jan '12, 20:17) Nikulas

Love this answer.

(22 Jan '12, 01:54) Paulina 1

@blubird two Wherever you've gone - just in case you are still reading these posts - I thoroughly enjoyed your answers. You brought new and interesting viewpoints to this site and I always found you kind and thoughtful ... I hope you'll reconsider and sign back up ... blubird three would be a great user name!

(06 Feb '13, 14:23) Catherine

@Catherine To quote Shakespeare "What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet" . . .

A rose is a rose is a rose ~ a rose is still a rose...

I'm seeing caterpillars & brilliant red roses blooming ......

(19 Feb '13, 04:32) ele
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

I always have a hobby. The best hobbies are ones you can do with your hommies. Don't invite her to say go trap shooting. Tell her it's a guy thing. That not totally true but mostly male dominated. Have more than one hobby if possible. Have a couple of other girls you talk to. Never know you become available. Set her free, forget about getting back together. That on and off thing is too much of an emotional meat grinder. You may be hurt even more if it happens again. Hope this helps.


answered 21 Jan '12, 16:59

Tom's gravatar image


Well yeah, dont put all the eggs in one basket, which I have defiantly done...

(21 Jan '12, 20:14) Nikulas

Dearest Nikulas, Wish that I could take away your pain. Ever hear that song "The first cut is the deepest". Yes it is true for loosing your first love is the most painful experiance you will go through. It is a process that can't be hurried and yes it definately is mourning for it is as painful as losing someone to death.

You will be happy again Nik of that there is no doubt and yes time is the healer when it comes to heartbreak. It is a proces that will take some time but once you are over it you will be wiser and better able to deal with the romantic side of life.

The majority of us go through this a number of times in our lifetime and we learn how to handle heartbrake as best we can as we grow in wisdom. Dont allow this no matter how painful to stop you from loving again. Look forward to new love and yes there will be new love but first you must heal properly so as not to project the pain onto your new relationship.

Go out with your friends as much as you posibly can and yes it is a good idea to have hobies to keep you bussy but the best way is to live in the moment and give all your attention and focus to the task at hand. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. This saying is true and somewhere down the line of your life you will realise that you can look back on this time and see a naive young man who will still be a part of you but without the pain and a lot more wisdom.

You will smile and laugh and be happy again Nik just give yourself some time to recover before moving on to your next big love. Wishing you true love.


answered 22 Jan '12, 01:49

Paulina%201's gravatar image

Paulina 1

thankyou so much paulina....It's one hard journey, and i wish i never met her because of how painful things are...But im slowly moving on and that sure it a stinging deed

(23 Jan '12, 04:56) Nikulas

speak the truth and let them free. they have free will after all. and they are responsible of their free will so has you. experience and enjoy.


answered 21 Jan '12, 16:05

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 21 Jan '12, 16:06


I agree White Tiger.

(22 Jan '12, 01:11) Paulina 1

Paulina you once said we will make a doctor out of you yet why did you say that? it is not the first time people tell me i should be a doctor.

(22 Jan '12, 01:19) white tiger

@Paulina 1 i agree that i have knowledge on the inside and on the outside. yet i cannot be a doctor in this world.This world is more on the outside then the inside.And i do not have little paper to be a doctor.The only paper i have is first aid csst.And yes i have help and cured some people.But that does not make me a doctor.

(04 Feb '13, 23:45) white tiger
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Give yourself time to heal. Here is the rule of painful release. Release pain through all of your sensory glands because all have been affected by the event, release and replace. Release your anger and sadness and replace it with joy and happiness. You are now engaged in an opportunity to be creative. Let your creativity blossom so that others may enjoy your season.


answered 22 Jan '12, 22:33

Constantine's gravatar image


Letting go to me is to except my failures, and short comings . Then making a clear consious choice to grow from it. Meaning if I fail a school curiculum I will seek a different way to learn the material< THIS example is actually a testimony.Ill explain .As a kid I would bring homework home I struggled in math. My Dad would beat me, because I struggled in math. As a Adult, I hated math, because it took me back as a child with my Dad. Until one day God told me to look at the numbers like sentences.I ALLWAYS excelled in English.So math was no longer a burden for me, because I excepted my failure, short comings. Then I made a clear consious choice to grow from it. This is only a percent "LETTING GO,"There's relationships, addictions, ect...


answered 31 Jan '13, 13:38

Popi%20Bearcat%20Gibson's gravatar image

Popi Bearcat Gibson

edited 31 Jan '13, 13:39

So letting go for you is learning from your failures,and growing from the experience.So as a kid you not only struggle with learning but also with your dad judging and beating you up. Once the struggle stopped and you have been ready,you have been able to learn math.Is there a lesson to learn there?

(01 Feb '13, 21:53) white tiger

white tiger,your first sentence is my first sentence.How did understanding escape you?I explained letting go in my 1st paragraph.I have a question for you white tiger.How can one let go of something they dont understand?1st had I not understood that the frustration my Dad was forcing was holding me back I couldnt let go.So I forgave him.2nd I understood that I struggle in math,but I was great in english.So from that I changed my view of the subject that for years had haunted me It worked.

(02 Feb '13, 10:47) Popi Bearcat Gibson

@Popi Bearcat Gibson :Thanks for sharing !

(04 Feb '13, 03:34) ursixx

@Popi Bearcat Gibson for your question:How can one let go of something they dont understand? simple by understanding it,then you can let go the puzzle is solved. so your main problem was stuggling and not being ready,the problem of the people on the outside was that they did not understand and respect you to help you properly,so they tried to force it on you and abuse and beat you up for it,like if doing that would help you in anny way.Was it not counter productive?Now what do you have that they

(04 Feb '13, 23:54) white tiger

do not?is it not that understanding?And knowing your self better then them,And being able to understand other that pass on the same path? That you have pass on.Do you think that understanding escaped me? Or did it escape you? Did you grow from this experience?

(05 Feb '13, 00:02) white tiger

You clearly enjoy expressing yourself ,ok . My thing is you never had a reason to comment in the 1st place. I left no loop holes, hidden motives, hidden agendas. When you read my 1st paragraph CAREFULLY the light will come on for you. Your 2nd paragraph wasn't needed because you never uderstood my 1st paragraph {you could'nt let go} My point proven again!!!!!! my point: WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING 1 CAN'T LET GO!!!

(06 Feb '13, 14:15) Popi Bearcat Gibson
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

"How can I let go of this someone?"

You don't have to... time will do it for you... Not the most consoling words from where you are standing right now, but it's the way life works, trust me.


answered 30 Jul '13, 07:52

ronald123's gravatar image


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Asked: 21 Jan '12, 08:05

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Last updated: 30 Jul '13, 07:52

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