I'd really like some help with this from all you lovely people out there! In the area of attracting a partner should you really be very specific with outward qualities such as age and appearance, or focus more on the spiritual qualities you want and compromise on more superficial things?

In the Inspired Self-help test website http://www.inspired-self-help-shortcuts.com/confidence-self-help.html it says "the sooner you identify the kind of person that meets your preference, the sooner you’ll meet the person you prefer". And then "Whenever you think about and imagine having a relationship with the kind of person you prefer ..... Does it feel good or are there any negative feelings associated with your thinking pattern?"

I'm single never married and getting on to an age where I most likely will not be able to have children. My ideal would be to marry someone slightly younger than me or my age without a messy past, children etc. I'm not trying to be judgmental, but the article is encouraging one to visualise the person one prefers and I'm very young at heart and in my appearance and quite often much younger men are attracted to me. But every time I try to visualise my ideal partner I feel conflicted, and whenever a younger man tries to approach me I end up sabotaging it. I feel guilty to like someone younger even if they like me, and I feel bad to put a man in a position where he might not be able to have children etc. So should I be that specific about what I want in order to get it as the article suggests and try to dispel all the negative thoughts that are keeping me back from what I really want and desire? Or should I compromise and look for a man with the right spiritual qualities whatever their outward appearance or circumstances?

asked 19 Feb '12, 14:19

Inner%20Beauty's gravatar image

Inner Beauty

edited 19 Feb '12, 14:56


Hi Inner Beauty, think of it this way: if you don't know where you're going - where are you going? And: while you may choose to compromise for the sake of security; when you choose security over happiness - happiness is the price you pay.

(19 Feb '12, 22:28) Eddie

Inner Beauty... I'd rather reinforce what Eddie (above) said then give a lecture of my own... chronic fear and anxiety (insecurity) will not serve the process of defining a worthy goal... Don't compromise in the spiritual building process -- be WHOLEHEARTED and unequivocal!... It's essential that you use the Self-Discovery Process as a tool for spiritual growth.

(20 Feb '12, 06:54) The Prophet

Thanks Eddie, The Prophet! Can you help me a little bit more... Again from the site: "do you really believe that Universal consciousness doesn’t know, even better than you know yourself, who’s a perfect match for you?" Should I believe in the will of the Universe or of myself or am I supposed to be believing that they are one and the same? But if the Universe already has a plan and it's different to mine, then why should I focus on mine?

(20 Feb '12, 17:42) Inner Beauty

Hi Inner Beauty, the idea is to use your imagination to get you moving in the direction of your desire. Unless you believe in your own desire you won't even bother to move.

Once you begin moving in the direction you prefer, then the all knowing Universe will line you up with the best possible match, which may be even better than what you can imagine yourself.

The Universe doesn't have a plan, that's your job. It's a co-creation, in which you use your free will to make the first move.

(20 Feb '12, 20:29) Eddie

Thanx Eddie! Very helpful.

(21 Feb '12, 01:44) Inner Beauty

Inner Beauty, I agree... It's a CO-Creation. Logic is the only key... Have Faith in it.

(21 Feb '12, 08:47) The Prophet
showing 1 of 6 show 5 more comments

First, your question is absolutely welcome, don't worry about it. =)

Depends on what you want.

Some of us are extremely picky [and know exactly, or close to what we want] with our criteria for partners, and so it would be wise for us to be very specific.

Others don't know or don't want to know, or perhaps prefer the surprise, etc.

Any detail whether it be "superficial" or not can be just as important as any other detail that may interest [or not interest] you, I wouldn't put any weight on classifying what details should be considered important or not as far as society is concerned because what it comes down to is your desires.

In my opinion I'd also say you should worry less about feeling bad for whatever inadequacies you think you have. Keep in mind, not everyone is looking for the same thing, not even close. It is up to the other person to decide what they do or don't want in a person. If they're there with you that's because they want to be, and you really should focus on that fact alone.

You can actually end up pushing a love interest away by focusing yourself on your insecurities. This likely contributes largely to your issues with self sabotage.

An important note to keep in mind: Just because you are specific with what you ask for doesn't mean you should be particular about what you receive. My answer is meant to imply that it is very good to know what you want (if you indeed to have specific tastes), but no matter what degree of preference you have you should always be open to new opportunities because life may not deliver exactly what you were expecting, but you may find that you like it better.


answered 19 Feb '12, 15:02

Snow's gravatar image


edited 19 Feb '12, 17:56

Dear Snow, Thanx so much for you response. Really appreciate it. Yes, I have quite alot of insecurities and I guess I should focus on what I want (rather than on those)...... And if something better comes up, then whose complaining! :-)

(20 Feb '12, 17:24) Inner Beauty

Great question! :)

In my honest opinion, you should be very specific of their traits, personality, etc. Let me give you my personal experience with this.

When I first 'discovered' the law of attraction, this was the first thing I wanted- a relationship, because I had never had any intimate connections with another person and felt lonely. So I made a list of qualities I would like- I wasn't very specific at all. It looked like:

Funny, kind, cool, sweet, caring, fun, etc

I found a man with these traits... but he had so much more than I wanted, and truthfully, he was far from what I truly wanted. He was arrogant... he made me feel unworthy. He made me feel like I couldn't trust him, his sense of humor hurt my feelings. Oddly, I knew he cared about me... but he did not know how to show it. He admitted he's not good with feelings. It was a disaster... I was too vague when I thought of it. Because, no doubt I did get what I wanted.. just a little different and not ideal. Here's my new list:

A man who is attractive and strong. He is sympathetic and understanding and I easily connect with him. He easily affords all of his expenses. He is healthy and responsible. We enjoy seeing movies, going to dinner, visiting art museums, and occasional nights of drinking. He makes me feel loved and appreciated. I feel welcomed and wanted. I am completely comfortable and get along very well with his family. My family also loves his company, and he feels welcomed, wanted, and loved. We respect each other and communicate easily and clearly, even when we disagree. It is easy for both of us to see each others side of the story.

It goes on for quite a while... but I don't want to get too personal.

This is what I would do... I also add things like "he surprises me in amazing and thoughtful ways" and "this or something that would make me feel even better". Don't feel selfish or guilty about your requests... you're just letting the universe know what you like. :) from my experience, if your not specific, it can turn out not so great.

So, good luck!:)


answered 19 Feb '12, 15:06

LapisLazuli's gravatar image



"you should be very specific of their traits, personality, etc" This I agree with but not so spicific as to say I want this spicific guy and will attract him. Good answer +1 :-)

(19 Feb '12, 15:44) Wade Casaldi

I agree with that, too! Thanks Wade :)

(19 Feb '12, 16:24) LapisLazuli

thanks LapisLazuli for sharing that... that's very helpful... quite specific in some ways in terms of the attributes but not too much! Good luck with finding him or rather letting him find you or each other! :-)

(20 Feb '12, 17:21) Inner Beauty

Thank you! I'm glad you found it helpful :-)

(21 Feb '12, 01:34) LapisLazuli
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

No, you can't, because it is more than the law of attraction for one person. Now you bring into it two people. For example, if you wanted to attract Joe Schmo. Joe may not be the right guy for you, so you have to say, "I want someone with these qualities." If you get too specific, you have to consider the other person's free will as well. So, if you try to force it, and get him anyway, he could be the wrong guy for you, and you wouldn't be happy together. On the other hand, you could get lucky, and pick the exact right guy to manifest.

It is better to be less specific, and instead work on specific qualities, so that instead of trying to attract Joe Schmo, you are attracting potential partners with the qualities you are looking for. This assures you get the right guy for you.

Florence Scovel Shinn would probably say The Word for you as something like this. "Inner Beauty is now open to attracting her perfect partner, with all the qualities she is looking for. She attracts the divine choice that is rightfully her man now."


answered 19 Feb '12, 15:37

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 19 Feb '12, 16:00


Dear Wade. Thank you so much. Especially for the Florence Shinn reference! I didn't know anything about her and now I've read her 4 books! It was one of those serendipities because I've been thinking so much about the topic of God's Will versus our will and how God really fits into all this LOA stuff and asking God to know and lo and behold I find these books which give me almost exactly the info I've been looking for! If you have thoughts on how to understand this more would love to hear it!

(20 Feb '12, 17:52) Inner Beauty

Oh then you know the story of A.B. very well! Yes that was what I based my example on actually. If you want more writing like Florence Scovel Shinn look into Catherin Ponder. You can find them free here along with many other great books. http://www.consciouslivingfoundation.org/ebooks-inspirational.htm

(20 Feb '12, 23:29) Wade Casaldi

thanx Wade! Truly! ...... And I see there are books on the Baha'i Faith there too which is the Faith I follow! :-)

(21 Feb '12, 01:45) Inner Beauty

Wonderful, God is so great! That is more than a coincidence enjoy! :-)

(21 Feb '12, 09:05) Wade Casaldi
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

do you by chance
prepare yourself to be
the person this amazing partner
would want to be with
or is that a given


answered 20 Feb '12, 20:07

fred's gravatar image


Thanx. Always trying to be better .... but not really for that particular purpose, just because I want to grow spiritually and be a better person.

(21 Feb '12, 01:40) Inner Beauty
Click here to create a free account

If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website



Asked: 19 Feb '12, 14:19

Seen: 758 times

Last updated: 21 Feb '12, 09:05

Follow this question

By Email:

Once you sign in you will be able to subscribe for any updates here



Answers and Comments

Markdown Basics

  • *italic* or _italic_
  • **bold** or __bold__
  • link:[text](http://url.com/ "title")
  • image?![alt text](/path/img.jpg "title")
  • numbered list: 1. Foo 2. Bar
  • to add a line break simply add two spaces to where you would like the new line to be.
  • basic HTML tags are also supported

Related Questions