My husband seems ashamed to show his love for me when he's with his relatives. This makes me feels like he's less of a man and it makes me say things to him along those lines. I can't imagine what his problem is even though I know that I might be manifesting this myself -- I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.
MoonWillow, you and your husband need to communicate with each other.
Start by sharing your feelings with him about what it felt like when you were growing up: what your environment was like... what your parents were like... how you both felt about yourselves while you were with them.
One or both of you didn't feel loved when you were growing up.
One or both of you was rejected and/or humilitated when you were growing up.
One or both of you still feels that you will never get the love you want, or deserve to get in your marriage.
Talk a lot... tell the truth about how you feel and why you feel that way.
Anger is a very destructive emotion...
If either of you uses anger in this process, you will NOT be able to create a solution to your problem, and you will precipitate a tragedy.
answered 22 Feb '12, 09:22
Could it be he is self conscious in the presence of his family and embarassed to show his feelings for you openly? Some men are that way and it in no way reflects on them badly. Maybe affection was never shown openly in his family. My husband was always quick to show his love, regardless of where we were. I, on the other hand, did not even like to hold hands or even a quick kiss in public. He always complained about this and we were married almost 20 years. But I am shy by nature and very reserved on the outside and never show my feelings. Like a kind of protection for some reason and I feel safe like this. But your husband may be afraid of ridicule or remarks from his side of the family if he shows his feelings. I think the most important thing is how he acts when and where it really counts. If he is dependable and truly loves you I would not push him. And I would not say anything to him to make him feel like he is not living up to your expectation. And he may loosen up on his own some. Also, you can try and do some visualization exercises and see him in your mind being and acting the way you want him to be in front of others.
answered 21 Feb '12, 19:45
Understand that even though your husband is afraid to show his love to you in front of others, you know deep down inside your heart that he still loves you. Some people are born naturally shy and they feel uncomfortable letting other people they are not close with to know about their feelings.
Think about what good would it do to you if your husband is not afraid to proclaim his love for you in public? Would it really change anything? Or why is that you want him to show his love in front of your relatives? Is it really just something you want for the sake of wanting?
If you would observe some of the people around you, you can usually find the same things happening - you don't usually see couples hugging or kissing around on the train or in public right?
answered 21 Feb '12, 20:55
well moonwillow what affect you and your husband when you go see those relative? is it the social atmosphere? is it what those relative think of you and your husband? is it the judgement that they will pass on you and your husband if you do not act a certain way? or is it your own judgement of the situation? answer those question and ask them to your husband? then you will have all the answer that you seek and will know in truth what to do for your self and your husband. experience and enjoy.
answered 21 Feb '12, 18:52
You didn't really give enough to go on so I have to make up hypothetical situations for this, please do not be offended by these. There are different levels of showing your love in front of relatives. It could be simply sitting next to you, or if it is at a table cross from you. Then it can go up a level to holding your hand or having his arm around you. Then it can go up a level to kissing you and telling you he loves you. Next it can go up a level to passionately kissing you holding you grabbing you on the couch can't keep his hands off you showing his love for you.
This all depends on how you mean show his love for you in front of relatives, the politest way is sitting next to you or across from you if seated at a table. Next is the hand holding or arm around you. Kissing in front of relatives is more like showing off and could be considered rude, passionate kissing could get you two yelled at to get out!
So it all depends on what you mean by showing his love.
With that said. I imagine it could be self conscious, or feelings of consideration. After all how much do the relatives show their love in front of you when you are there?
I will tell you one thing that may make you happy. I have known couples that openly expressed their love for each other around friends and relatives, can't get enough of each other always say my honey did this and my darling did that. Snuggling together while talking with me and guess what happened every time... Those marriages somewhere down the stream ended in divorce! Isn't that a kick in the head? They worked so hard to prove their love for everyone else because they didn't have it together alone... When you feel like you need to prove something to anyone then you need to believe it in yourself.
A warning flag went up when I read your question.
I do not agree with everything said here; his inability to show he is proud of you tells me that in front of his family, he feels uncomfortable with his choice of spouse (maybe); or actually puts his family over you in his affections.
Then you asked the million dollar question: "Did I manifest this for myself?"
OMG, NO! A thousand times no! You may have chosen him for a thousand different reasons, but if he is abusive sweetie, the standard male-dominated line is that you must have done something to deserve it...
I feel like "Dear Abby"; maybe I am channeling her, I don't know. All I know is that I smell a rat, and baby, it isn't you!
answered 21 Feb '12, 21:49
I think it's best you talk to him directly.... Maybe it's manifesting because you need to talk to him and find out other issues that could also be arising. Better cut the problem down while it's down. INFACT in the chatroom today, I saw a quote someone posted by LaoTzu, something like, "attack a big problem when it's weak, and stop a weak problem before it grows to a big one"
answered 22 Feb '12, 02:22
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