Can anyone *PLEASE shed any light on this for me?.... I am so constantly giving in and sensitive to others needs and wants that I leave myself without the things I need. I am fully aware that this person has little respect for me and now I see that they are almost expectant of me to do this. When I do, their lack of gratitude or even acknowledgment that I am a good person is baffling to me! Why would I do this over and over? Can this behavior and lack of respect I am receiving be reversed or is it too late since they expect this from me? How do I change it or "say no" the first time?
Hi deelola24, welcome to IQ! You do deserve better. And it is definitely not too late!
I think wanting to change someone else's behavior towards yourself is only natural when it is making you so unhappy, but it really is futile. Even if you could somehow force them to do what you want, it would not come from their heart, which I think is what you really want.
The only behavior you can actually change is your own. If you love and respect yourself, others will too. I know, that sounds too simple, and not very helpful, but it is the truth. The problem is within the other person, definitely, but they would not respond to you in this way if you were not a vibrational match to it.
You do need to love yourself first, then enjoy the change you see in how others treat you. There is great advice all over this site on how to get started, here are just a couple that come to mind: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/12540/how-do-you-simply-love-yourself; http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/2663/why-are-people-mean-to-each-other#2693
Good luck, and remember that you are worth the effort.
answered 05 Jun '12, 13:52
You could have an emotional issue, and I suggest reading this material with an open mind.
Grace and the others are right, you are worth the effort of trying to find out why you would be drawn to an unappreciative person, and why you would put your own needs on the back burner, leading to unhappiness, and lack of fulfillment. You deserve love, appreciation, attention and joy. Best wishes!
answered 05 Jun '12, 18:45
Sounds like you care more about what they think of you than you think of yourself. Do you think that will make them like or respect you?
Are you looking for answers? Just stop doing for them and take care of yourself.
Does anyone respect a doormat Does anyone thank a doormat?
answered 05 Jun '12, 12:58
Dear Deelola24, Learn to love yourself for you need to do that. Some people feel guilty to apreciate, respect and be kind to themselves for that is what loving yourself is all about. Your giving in when you don't truly want to makes you disrespect your own better judgement.
Say no next time and you will probably feel guilty for not saying yes but do yourself a big great favour and say no anyway. The first few times it will feel akward but with time you will be able to say no without any guilt.
This does not mean that you can't help or put others first it simply means that you respect your own judgement when you know that you are being used and put a stop to it.
To learn to love yourself remember you too are deserving of good in life and unles you provide it for yourself others might disapoint you. Be respectuful, apreciative and kind to yourself but be loving and kind towards others as well without allowing them to use you disrespectfully.
answered 05 Jun '12, 13:27
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