I was visiting my favorite aunt for a few days. She's 76, agile, independent, almost perfect eye-sight (doesn't need glasses!) and in great health.

Since as far back as I remember, as a housewife, she has spent her entire life taking care of her husband who is no more and now living with her son and grand kids. She is fun and has great life-affirming spirit...

She's more likely to defend herself with something like this:

“I'm not senile," I snapped. "If I burn the house down it will be on purpose.” ― Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

Like all households, her house has all working people who are constantly 'electronically busy':) with The Internet, laptops, tablets, smartphones, TV and what not. Otherwise its a normal and loving family. She knows she is loved as well.

Since both of us get along great, she always tells me she feels disconnected from the World.

She is tired of reading books, can't relate to anything on TV, is intimidated by computers (actually the dead-end is at the start of the learning curve with...THE KEYBOARD:) and I guess generally lonely.

On top of that, these days, she brings up heavy (for me) subjects like 'purpose of life', 'legacy', 'reincarnation' as well as 'what's the point of all this?', 'doubting heaven' etc. as well as there is this huge regret of not being able to adapt to the changing technology. A feeling I get is that she wanted to be young during these exciting times as she wants to be able to use some of this technology. She seems to be feeling missing out (as entire bloody World is on them 24x7)

She is one of those old school upbringing types who probably decided that there were (for example) five (indisputable) truths in life and that's what she has followed all her life. It's not to be questioned and no room for more! From my perspective her life has turned out great but I sense that there's no scope for 'spiritual' talk.

One of her classic lines was "They've started delivering Facebook in our town these days, you can send me letters now":))) delivering FB like a newspaper:) That was when her grandson showed her what it was.

Although, I have a feeling this is what she wanted to say instead:

“That's the trouble with you young people. You think because you ain't been here long, you know everything. In my life I already forgot more than you ever know.” ― Neil Gaiman, Anansi Boys

I feel so ill-equipped to counsel her or should I say console her! She seems angry at the World (not with her life)

I am completely lost as to where to even begin to help her!

asked 20 Jul '12, 13:13

Xoomaville's gravatar image


edited 20 Jul '12, 16:24

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Jeez, I guess, maybe....Invite her onto IQ??

(21 Jul '12, 01:26) Nikulas

@Nikulas, ha ha ha...the challenge starts from explaining to her what the Internet is...forget navigating it:) Someone will have to sit with her on keyboard and help her navigate it. Even if someone does, we all shudder thinking what Pandora's box that'll open up:))

(21 Jul '12, 01:41) Xoomaville

@Xoomaville - Suggest that maybe you introduce her to Google. All she needs is a subject to research. Start here. Show her how to click on links, how to phrase questions. She does not need to know more, right now.

I bet it will grab her! And we all know that time spent at the computer is never added to your chronological age! Computer time is timeless!

(25 Jul '12, 07:25) Dollar Bill
showing 0 of 3 show 3 more comments


Your favorite aunt is no doubt being helped just by the fact that you are there, and that your care enough to be asking this question. I would venture a guess that you are probably her favorite, too.

I think that you are already doing what can be done. She sounds like a wonderful, strong-minded lady who is frustrated and maybe a bit frightened by where she finds herself.

I don't think you can fix her, Xoomy. Just love her. Help her enjoy what she can enjoy about life, maybe steer her away from the things that are getting her down. You are a very encouraging person, and your enthusiasm for life is, I know, contagious. Bring your own light into the room, that is enough.

I'm holding strong, healthy, happy, peace-filled and loving thoughts for you both.


answered 20 Jul '12, 13:40

Grace's gravatar image


@Grace, thank you for the kind words. Yes she is indeed a wonderful person, its just sad that she thinks she needs to be part of the technology life style We all encourage her to participate in whatever we are doing and to a great extent she does but at times she starts on this tangent. Anyways, I hope I am half as agile and independent as she is at her age. The amazing thing is her thirst to know more, that's something I learned from her. Otherwise I was planning to...

(21 Jul '12, 00:43) Xoomaville

...go up the Himalayas, stand on one leg and just stay there in my twilight years:)))

(21 Jul '12, 00:43) Xoomaville

@Xoomaville, your auntie also seems to know something important - have you seen this? http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/6539/is-it-possible-to-live-forever-by-manifesting-that-thought/6545

@Stingray has living forever down to two steps, and he doesn't say anything about doing them on one, er... foot ;)

  1. Launch a constant stream of new desires

  2. Consciously release resistance

(23 Jul '12, 13:47) Grace

"The combination of those two factors will draw an on-going stream of life energy through you forever energizing you and keep you youthful."

(23 Jul '12, 13:47) Grace

@Xoomaville, I want to answer again after your comments to @fred.

It is amazing to me, you expressing these feelings just now. It's uncanny: I just wrote out in longhand to be transcribed when I get to a computer, a question regarding my feeling that I have travelled full circle; from point A to B to C, and back to A (square one) again. Expressing the feeling that "this is where I came in". I'll post the question as soon as I can, you'll see what I mean.

It sounds to me like you have related your expectation of your own future to what your aunt is experiencing. For good reasons, too - you obviously love and respect her very much, and would naturally want to be like her in many ways.

I just want to suggest that, since you may choose your own thoughts as you please, that you choose to emulate her path only so far, and no further. What may have taken her back to square one, need not take you as well. You get to choose, Xoomaville. I believe your own future is bright and powerful, full of rich experiences and accomplishment and adventure, expansion and joy, peace, love and laughter, right up to your very last breath. It is my belief that you will live to somewhere upwards of 120 at least, then slide into home plate at 90 mph yelling "Wooohooo! What a ride!" :)

This is what I expect of you, Xoomy. But you know you will get what you expect of life. You have been knocked out of your Vortex. Not a bad thing, it is natural. Please don't try to force yourself to be happy, my determined friend. You will yet return to being a happy blip ;). Just relax and have a look at how it feels inside you right now. I have taken this advice recently from our @Catherine. There is no hurry, you aren't losing any brownie points. Just have a look at your feelings, but don't follow your thoughts into past or future, just right now. I have found that this will steady you on your pins a bit. :). Then you can use this experience to look around you and see what you don't like. Then launch those desires and get your ass right back in that Vortex again. Collective or otherwise lol! I'm holding these thoughts of you, Xoomaville, and I will not let go.

(24 Jul '12, 11:18) Grace

@Grace, Thanks for the good wishes Grace:) I was also going to post a question similar to what you are posting. Suddenly I am in this * pendulum of extreme emotions, swaying one-way and then the other. I wanted to know if this is normal once someone starts deliberate thinking*!. I mean, I was feeling good for quite sometimes consistently and then suddenly I don't and at this extreme, its really bad (feelings wise). So will look forward to answers to your question:)

(25 Jul '12, 01:06) Xoomaville

...otherwise there is no need for worries:) I am back, buckled up and up n up today:) It's probably the first time after knowing about vortex and LOA that I was feeling sorta melancholy, was probably just knocked out of Vortex..now seem fine...all systems a go-go:)))

(25 Jul '12, 01:08) Xoomaville

@Xoomaville, I'm glad you are feeling better. The queston I have brewing is on a bit different subject, but it is still that damned swing. I think you will find that those swings are absolutely normal at the early stages of the path we're on. I know only too well about that pendulam swing, it can be scary (to me). That's what this...

(25 Jul '12, 11:43) Grace

...howl was all about: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/53140/why-does-giving-in-to-sadness-seem-like-such-a-relief-wont-sadness-lose-me-the-manifestations-im-waiting-for It was early on in my own adventure, and so a bit more extreme swing than I get now, but that's encouraging - pendulams do, eventually, settle down to center.:) Lots of good advice and links on that...

(25 Jul '12, 11:44) Grace

...thread. @Catherine goes through this, too, but seems to be getting on better than I have. She posted a great answer to this here: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/55310/how-to-live-in-the-stage-of-upward-scale-forever-from-the-emotional-guidance-scale/55537 I keep feeling a panic, like I'm losing ground on all the progress...

(25 Jul '12, 11:45) Grace

...I've made, but logically I know that is an illusion. The explanation that sticks best in my head is Abraham's about driving a battered old car too fast. It's going to be a bumpy ride till we change that. Also the analogy of driving 5 mph and hitting a tree vs driving 90 mph and hitting a tree. We are bound to feel the impact...

(25 Jul '12, 11:45) Grace

much, much more now, Xoomaville. I sure do. We are driving much faster now. I am often reluctant to speak of it here, because I don't want to spread negative feelings, but its happening. You and me, we need to get ourselves a couple of Ferraris. Or maybe a Maserati for me, I haven't decided. :)

(25 Jul '12, 11:45) Grace

... And I never said I was worried....Who says I was worried??? :)

(25 Jul '12, 11:46) Grace

@Grace, I surely felt confused. The negative feelings have such powerful hold (more than positive ones) that I am now focusing on neutralizing those (pendulum at center) and once I neutralize those, I feel that gradually my default(centered) feelings are already becoming positive and so now, I just have to swing them the other way to feel more positive/good does that make sense? It'll be wonderful to have the default set at feeling good...oh gosh, I used to be exactly opposite:)...

(25 Jul '12, 12:05) Xoomaville

...not a bad start for us aye? Couple of months of tweaking and it sure has started to come together...gradually, with questions, but surely... ...btw, whoever invented these smileys ( :) ) should pay us endorsement for using them so much here:) ...

(25 Jul '12, 12:08) Xoomaville

@Xoomaville, I think we are doing great for the newbies we are. I used to be exactly the opposite, too, so I think we had a very long way to go, and should be proud of the progress so far. Just imagine the premiums on that smiley contract??? We'd be rich! Hey, I want to know, why is it that the negative feelings have such powerful hold (more than positive ones)? Wanna launch that one as a new question for both of us?

(25 Jul '12, 12:23) Grace

@Grace, I think we are not wired to feel negatively so when we do feel it, it brings up all sorts of un-explainable feelings (restlessness, un-identifiable fears, confusion, disappointment for me) and those have lots of power just because we did not want to feel exactly all those things, its going against the expectations (like an accident) so it stays longer. You'll notice the positive feelings (cuz we expect them and rightfully so) don't impact us as much, which is weird and I think...

(26 Jul '12, 03:05) Xoomaville

@Grace,...the more we get in the habit of being in the Vortex and remain there (as if its our natural state of being) the more we feel let down when we are out of it. As you know, we understand this intellectually, it does a number on you let me tell ya:) These days I go to You Tube and watch Comedy Central's celeb roast. It makes me laugh seeing the big celebs being reduced to human beings in a funny way...puts things in perspective like..we'll be okay and trust me we will be:))

(26 Jul '12, 03:24) Xoomaville
showing 2 of 18 show 16 more comments

If this helps....

It would do you all good-young, middle-age and old alike- to forget the number of your years, because in your culture so many beliefs are limiting in those ways. Youth is denied its wisdom and old age is denied its joy.

In your terms your point of reality and power is, once more, in your current experience. A realization of this would allow you at any age to draw upon qualities and knowledge that "existed" in your past or "will exists" in your future. Your ages are probable (simultaneius).

It may seem to you that you are a given age, that within your subjective experience it must be paramount, that regardless of your age you are to some extent closed off from the experience being any other age. In some simultaneous existences you are very young, however, and in others very old. Some of your physical cells are brand new, so to speak- the regeneration of fresh life is physically within you; Identify then with the constant new energy alive within you in this now of your being and realize that on all levels you are biologically and psychological connected with that greater identity that is your own.

Source: The Nature of Personal Reality (A Seth Book)


answered 20 Jul '12, 17:20

T%20A's gravatar image


edited 20 Jul '12, 17:20

@T A, thank you for the answer. It surely helps me to keep the higher perspective:) And I am sure she knows this as well and just needs someone to talk to:)

(21 Jul '12, 00:47) Xoomaville

@T A - "on all levels you are biologically and psychological connected with that greater identity that is your own."

Seems like a very good definition of the essence of Soul. I gotta read Seth. Thank you for posting this.

(25 Jul '12, 06:15) Dollar Bill

she may be asking appropriate questions
she sees that it does not add up
to be of any real purpose, the way we live

this earthlife is finite and
afterawhile if our spiritual self
is not completely cloaked in time and space

our intuitive perceptions influence our
intellectual brian the way we were designed
she may be closer to reality than you.


answered 24 Jul '12, 06:23

fred's gravatar image


@fred, oh I do not doubt that she is closer to reality than I maybe..and that is what has scared me. Two things, since this convo happened with her, I inexplicably find myself un-interested in almost everything. Everything is fine (on the surface) in my life and secondly, I was maybe (secretly) hoping that by that age I (we, us) may have some clarity, some closure, but seeing her asking such question threw me in a loop. It sounded almost like 'back to square one":(

(24 Jul '12, 06:48) Xoomaville

what could be making me feel this way? Any insight?

(24 Jul '12, 06:48) Xoomaville

xoomanville, she is making you reach for conviction and you don't have the answer. your view of how it is has gaps now what do you do. try a google on 'abdrushin' and share what you find with her. it may be something to focus on that she can take at her own pace. and set a time to discuss what each has found. once we let go of having to know it all we are children again.

(24 Jul '12, 14:35) fred

@fred, thanks for introducing me to 'abdrushin'. They have a free online version of In The Light Of Truth and I am reading it. Absolutely fascinating:)

(25 Jul '12, 01:02) Xoomaville

xoomaville, please share with your aunt and maybe let her know that she made you think outside the box

(25 Jul '12, 18:00) fred

@fred, already did:)...I feel so overwhelmed by the support and help I have gotten here from people like you..thank you:)

(26 Jul '12, 03:25) Xoomaville
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

When she brings it up to you, help her to see how she has been creating her reality her whole life. Since you know her, you will know specific situations you can bring up. You can ask her if she has noticed that when she is really happy, things show up for her. You can look around her home and ask her how she got different items she has. I am sure there are many 'manifestation stories' around her house, she just hasn't noticed the connection. The more people realize they create their own reality, the more interrested we are in changing it. Don't get her all caught up in proving it, just teach her that good things flow in when she is happy.


answered 24 Jul '12, 10:16

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess


@Fairy Princess, great advice. Hmm, why didn't I think of it:) Great exercise for both if us..thanks:)

(25 Jul '12, 05:03) Xoomaville

Age has little to do with quality of life. Chronologically I am seven years younger than she, yet I feel the physical joy of being about 35, coupled with a freedom and joy that I have never felt so powerfully before.

As far as the Vortex, I feel like a dolphin who jumps into the air (Vortex) and then reinvigorated splashes back into the Ocean of Physicality.

We are here to enjoy -- what a great word! "En Joy" -- ; "recreation" "re-create" -- in concert with my Source and personal Non-Physical being. And explore the Nature of this incredible space-time school. A Place where I can pit my muscles against gravity. A place where movement causes me to slosh around in this body and where this body can play with duality-laden objects!

And when I tire of this sport, this dolphin body, I will transfer my consciousness to a place where there is no duality, no gravity, no need for muscles.

But, I still see this Grand Adventure as a vacation. My real life, my integrated Self is having fun swimming around this Ocean, and perhaps, like I believe the Dolphins do, splashing and swimming with a permanent smile of Joy!

For an exceptional treatise on "old age" check out this movie. "Secondhand Lions," Somehow I feel very much like these two uncles, played by Michael Caine and Robert Duval.


When the two uncles meet some teenage hoods in a bar

"Hood 1: Hey, who do you think you are, huh?

Garth (Michael Caine): Just a dumb kid, Hub. Don't kill him.

Hub: (Robert Duval) [to Garth] Right.

[Grabs Hood 1 by the throat] Hub: I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I've seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I've won and lost a dozen fortunes, KILLED MANY MEN and loved only one woman with a passion a FLEA like you could never begin to understand. That's who I am. NOW, GO HOME, BOY!"

And later he speaks softly, but firmly to the chastised young men,

Hub: "Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love... true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in."

It is passion, love, focus and eagerness that keeps us alive.

Chronological age is irrelevant.


answered 25 Jul '12, 07:21

Dollar%20Bill's gravatar image

Dollar Bill

edited 19 Sep '12, 04:35


@Dollar Bill - Wildly clapping! Speechless standing ovation!!! LOVE this!!!

(25 Jul '12, 11:35) Grace

@Dollar Bill, he he he, love this film. I have seen this film long time back. Both of them my fav actors:) By answering this way, using film as an example, you've given me an idea, this said aunt is also fond of films- older films- and I think I'll get her one of those netbooks is it, the small laptops and load them with her fav oldies and teach her to play them. That'll get her started on the computer thingy and then show her how to google and imdb!!!! that's it- that maybe a good start...

(25 Jul '12, 11:39) Xoomaville

@Dollar Bill...thank you so much. I know now for sure she will love this idea and will give her incentive to be not afraid of computers. My goal is to get her to IQ in next 6-8 months..after she has watched all the Cary Grant she wants....thank you...and the balance in the Universe is restored again::)

(25 Jul '12, 11:41) Xoomaville

@Xoomaville, just a hint from the female perspective - you may want to set another goal. We NEVER get enough Cary Grant. Ask her if I'm right. :)

(25 Jul '12, 11:54) Grace

@Xomaville, Glad you liked the movie! One of my all-time favorites. I might also suggest you get your Aunt on Netflix. She can stream "The Secret", And "What the Bleep Do We Know?". AND a LOT of Cary Grant movies!

(25 Jul '12, 12:12) Dollar Bill

@Grace, then on to Gregory Peck and all those Noir film 'fellas' from 40's and 50's:) @Dollar Bill, I was sooo happy to hear you feel like a 35 year old:))) More than any age (number) reference, it was great to see the way you put it. There is so much positivity behind it that I just got happy goosebumps:) God Bless

(25 Jul '12, 12:24) Xoomaville
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

There's a branch of psychology called Human Needs Psychology which states that we all have some basic needs (certainty, love/connection, variety, significance, growth, and contribution). We make decisions based on what need we're trying to fulfill but we have to go through a transition when circumstances change for us.

From what you said, it sounds like love/connection is good for her but I'm wondering if your aunt no longer feels significant now that her husband has passed? Maybe you could help her find another way to feel important?

After my mom died last year, my dad no longer felt important. One thing I did was just write him a short snail-mail letter every Thursday. He lives in a community and finds significance by showing other people the weekly letter.

Wishing the best for you both.


answered 25 Jul '12, 08:42

purple_iris's gravatar image


@purple_iris, you guessed it right. We all feel that its that loss she's trying to cope up with. On top of that she doesn't verbalize her feelings and I (we) understand that as well. She is one of those types who feels she'll unnecessarily bother us, but good thing is she is opening up these days in terms of sharing. After all, 54 years of marriage is not a only a marriage its like almost sharing personalities I would imagine... thanks for wonderful wishes. A greeting card once in while...

(25 Jul '12, 11:47) Xoomaville

@purple_iris...may not be a bad idea:)

(25 Jul '12, 11:47) Xoomaville
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Asked: 20 Jul '12, 13:13

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Last updated: 19 Sep '12, 04:35

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