I unfortunately lost my sister a month ago to suicide. Before this unexpected tragedy I had never been happier. I spent every morning meditating, praying, journaling, running and lived a very productive and happy life. The first few weeks were hell. After the funeral, I tried very hard to go back to my good life, and I didn't understand why it was so difficult as I tried to look at it as she was at rest now.
May I respectfully suggest at this point that you don't fight your feelings. Don't attempt to feel good and deny your feelings of loss. I suggest you just allow yourself to REALLY FEEL your grief without analysing it and judging it. In allowing yourself to feel things (without judging), you are actually integrating these emotions and working through them in a healthy way. In the long run this will work out better for you - unresolved, unintegrated emotions/grief don't go away they become tangled up inside you as an emotional charge.
I would also like to add at this point that WHATEVER you feel is valid and completely OKay - don't get sucked into worrying about what anyone else thinks you should be thinking, saying or doing.
Everything has its time and tide and now is the time to just allow whatever emotions come up to come up and integrate. You'll know when the time is right to start back with your more active vibrational work. Do whatever feels comfortable to you (if it feels good to do some now then do it) and in that way you are actually "feeling as good as you can" in that moment - completely in keeping with Law of Attraction good practice.
In my experience it is the judging of myself and negative additional thinking that are the real killer as far as my vibration is concerned. When I allow myself to just feel the negative emotions without judgment and without getting caught up with the "I shouldn't be feeling this ..." negative spiral I actually feel better after a good cry as long as I don't get anxious about the emotions and judge them.
According to experts on grief, it takes up to two years to work through the different stages of grief. Be easy on yourself, especially in the first six months. You don't "get over it", you just find ways to live without the loved ones physical presence in your life. And of course remember that your sister continues to be, just not in a physical body.
I'm not suggesting that any of this is easy, particularly in a situation such as you are facing. If you feel it would help, try finding a good counsellor trained in grief counselling. The suicide of a loved one can make the grieving process more complicated. It may help to have professional outside help.
I wish you peace in your heart.
Like you through the discovery of death, I realized it is more than just positivity. It is realization of what is and what is not. Mourning is a part the realization of duality, true oneness. When you mourn you allow yourself to go through the steps of letting go and trust. You let go what is visible and trust the non-visible. No one dies they are no longer visible the presence is in a different form; science has proven this remember," matter is not created or destroyed, it's...."
answered 13 Aug '12, 18:09
I'm sincerely sorry for your loss. I know how it feels, and I hate it worse than anything in this life. Wouldn't wish it on anyone - The acceptance bit is what really slows me down, I think. I just can't make it fit in my head, it just feels so wrong, but I do have some advice that I hope may help you.
A couple of years ago, an old friend died, and it hurt like hell. I bought a couple of books about communication with people after they cross over that helped a bit. At least, it gave me something to do that was hopeful while it just hurt too much:
Hello from Heaven: A New Field of Research-After-Death Communication Confirms That Life and Love Are Eternal - Bill Guggenheim, Judy Guggenheim
I'm Still with You: True Stories of Healing Grief Through Spirit Communication - Carole J. Obley
Heaven and Earth : Making the Psychic Connection - James Van Praagh
EG, I just want to add, I'm not sure from what you have said if you have ever been through a loss of this magnitude before, so you may not know that you will get past this. It does get better with time. I relate strongly with the way you've described your feelings, and when I was there, I could see no way out, no end to the pain, and struggling with that thought can make it all worse, and even get you stuck there. Please trust me if you can't see that you will be ok, I promise, you will. It will just take some time.
Just remember that healthy is your best goal. Emotionally and physically healthy - they go hand in hand. When you can't see your path, go for healthy and be gentle, be gentle with yourself. Eat, sleep, excersize. Talk. Cry. It's all the right thing if it feels right to you. Everyone grieves in their own way, there is no reason to judge yourself harshly. Go easy, and don't worry about the direction of your life for a while. You can pick up the threads when you are feeling better.
Your feelings will change. Your heart will heal. You will get there. Hold on tight to everything that is good and beautiful about your life, and think of those things as much as you can. That will help you draw more goodness and beauty to you.
Good luck to you. I am visualizing you as whole and healthy and strong. I am sending you love and comfort and healing energy, may you find peace. Here's a big, warm hug, too. xoxoxo
Hi, I'm sorry you're feeling such loss. I have been doing some work with death and grief and thought I'd share them with you in case they help.
I was feeling a fear of the grief I thought I would feel over the coming death of a relative with a terminal illness, so it's not quite the same and I don't know how I will feel once the death arrives. But what I worked out was quite profound to me.
I believe life continues after death and that there's no disruption in consciousness. I believe that death is a pleasant experience. But I was brought up in the UK and have been exposed from birth to impressions of death that involve grief, terror, fear, darkness, misery and loss.
I was told as a child that death was the end and that the dead person was gone. I was exposed to TV/book/films where death was the ultimate punishment or the worst that could happen to anyone. I watched horror films where death and grave yards were creepy and frightening. I developed the impression that a dying or dead person was suffering and was 'lost'. My parents warned me about the dangers surrounding me and that death was to be avoided at all costs. Stories on the news of murders were discussed and they seemed so scary and serious.
With all this I developed a very emotionally charged and negative view of death. These are the thoughts and feelings about death that I've been conditioned to believe and no matter what my current rational thinking is, the feelings I get about it come from these unconscious programmed beliefs.
So my feelings of fear about my relative's impending death and the grief that I will no doubt feel when she dies mainly come from past conditioning.
If I think of my life now if I'd been brought up to believe that death is a beautiful transition (That there is no end, that the person feels both relief and overwhelming love and joy and that they don't really go away. That I'll see them again and it's only a matter of waiting. That they've actually gone back home and I'll be there with them one day) then would I have all this terrible heavy grief?
I can't see that I would. I think I might feel like I miss her like she's gone to live abroad and look forward to seeing her again in the future. I might cry and feel this loss. But the darkness and the utter pain of grief would not be the same.
So this makes me ask myself if grief is really natural or just something that we manufacture with our negative view of death.
I know this won't make your grief disappear, but I hope you can find some comfort from my words. I find thinking like this comforting - knowing that my grief is perhaps based on what society has taught me and not on reality. I feel it is a relief when I make my mind go to this philosophy.
answered 13 Aug '12, 09:18
First of all, grief is a normal part of the life experience- especially grief over a sudden death such as your sister's. "Normal" means that you will feel all the stages of grief: denial, anger, depression, surrender, and peace- and move in between each stage, up and down, until you finally are at a new peace.
Notice I said "a new peace". Things are never going to be the same for your family- what you are all going to have to achieve is a new "normal"- whatever that may be...
I lost my father suddenly in 2006. I am still in grief- at times. But it has gotten better. It can take up to ten years to get over a sudden death, and even longer to recover from a sudden suicide of a loved one.
You need time, time, time. Use the tools you used to use- especially journaling, to express your rage and anger and hurt at this loss. Think of yourself as a reporter, chronicling your recovery from your sister's death. And report on it! Tell your journal the absolute truth.
Cry. Yes, let yourself cry. This is a sad thing. It is part of grief. Please know it is perfectly normal to burst into tears at the most ridiculous times over what seems to be nothing. Your sister hurt you, and there has to be a little anger there, too. Write about it. Tell your nieces and nephews about all of this. Help them to grieve. Don't let any member of your family grieve alone. Ever.
You have my GREAT condolences for your loss. This was a terrible thing that happened to you. I will pray for you.
Blessings and Much Love,
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