I am beginning to understand that I have answers inside me, but I have been so wrong, so many times before; about men, about what I can expect from life, from people, about what is a healthy attitude and lifestyle... about just about everything.

People (including me), say with such confidence that you will get what you expect and envision for your life, but, I'm sorry to say, when I look back, I see that I truly expected to live a sweet American dream. A happy, loving and faithful marriage to my love of my life, 2.5 kids, a dog, a lovely house with a white picket fence... the whole gooey story. I just knew it would be mine, and probably a bit better and easier than my parents had it, because of the gifts they gave me.

It probably sounds lame and limiting as hell to you, but I was going to really make the most of this, and build in great relationships, travel, extended family, my own growth - all of it from this strong, loving and healthy base. I have literally been expectantly house hunting all of my life.

That just isn't how it has been, it's just not how it is. I still do believe... for you. I really do. For me? I don't know what I missed, must have been something big.

So realistically, how on earth can I tell if what I'm thinking now is any different? I was sure enough before, and I was so wrong.

I know it's very important to trust, to have faith in myself, but how can I possibly have faith in someone who has such a crappy track record?

How do you do this?

asked 31 Aug '12, 12:36

Grace's gravatar image


@Grace, firstly get rid of the idea that you've been wrong about everything. If you sit with it you'll realize that everything that transpired was exactly what you needed to get you to here and now.

We make choices and create situations along the way, most unconsciously, that we deem wrong often creating misery or despair for ourselves. Then we begin to wake up to what we've been doing and start to realize that all along we've been allowing our thoughts to control us. Initially at the beginning of this awakening when we first become aware of what we've been doing, we then try to change those thoughts and begin a struggle within ourselves. We start searching and looking for answers and techniques that will help us change those thoughts and the more we do this, the more the struggle seems to ensue. The harder we try, the greater the struggle. Then comes a moment when we give up trying to get rid of the thoughts but instead just begin to question them.

We can use all the techniques in the world but without understanding, which is gained simply by questioning our own thoughts, those thoughts will continue to arise and we'll try to resist them continually giving fuel to the struggle.

To trust yourself simply question those stories that play through your own mind. Are they true? Can you really know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are true? Don't try to let go of them, if you stay focused on simply questioning them when they arise they will eventually let go of You.

Maybe start with that one that says you have a crappy track record. Is that really true? Are there moments, however brief, along your journey where that statement could never ring true? Maybe start extending some of that Grace you chose for your pseudonym here and now...that's who you truly see yourself to be or you wouldn't have chosen such a beautiful pseudonym :)

And just remember Grace it's only in the seemingly getting it wrong that we are steered toward perceiving what's right... one can't exist without the other.


answered 31 Aug '12, 21:37

Michaela's gravatar image


edited 31 Aug '12, 22:49

Thank you, @Michaela. It's been a surprise for me to find this common theme coming up throughout the things I'm working through. I did not know it was there until people here started pointing it out. A few months ago, the hard lines I've drawn for myself would not have occured to me as something that is creating problems for me. I would have called them my character, or personal decisions, even scars, but I thought they were serving me. Now I'm not so sure.

(01 Sep '12, 01:39) Grace

@Michaela This is a great answer.

(01 Sep '12, 06:27) Catherine

...And @Michaela, I want to say thanks for mentioning the name I chose to use here on IQ, because it does mean a lot to me, and I appreciate the reminder. It is another thing that I did not expect - that name, and all of its meaning, has become part of me, and I catch myself even thinking of myself as Grace in my day to day living. It has so many connotations, not that least of which is that Grace is the woman who is so well known to all of you wonderful people, well supported, never alone.

(01 Sep '12, 14:21) Grace
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

I know it is easier to believe in someone else than in yourself. It is easier to help others with their problems than solve ours.

Don't have faith. Faith is blind. Just openly trust yourself and the existence. Your mind doesn't know the truth, your heart does, for truth is in the experience, not thinking about it.

When white tiger said, experience and enjoy... I'm sure he meant, live the truth and enjoy it. Anything that comes out of your mind is a lie.


answered 31 Aug '12, 13:45

CalonLan's gravatar image


Thank you, @Calon Lan. I loved Your mind doesn't know the truth, your heart does, for truth is in the experience, not thinking about it. That's a keeper. I'm not much liking my own thinking at the moment, and I truely appreciate coming here and hearing about yours.

(01 Sep '12, 01:25) Grace

@Grace, I don't suggest reading books on certain topics much, because I believe everyone should try to evolve their own perspectives and way of understanding, but if you are open minded enough and prone to think about ideas, not merely inherit them from the writer...there's a book called "OM SHANTIH SHANTIH SHANTIN" written by OSHO. When I visited bookstore, I wanted to buy a completely different book. As the assistant lady was searching for the book I wanted, I had a quick look at other books..

(01 Sep '12, 04:15) CalonLan

...on the shelf. And as I saw this book, I was immediately drawn to it, I put back the book I initially wanted to buy without even having a look at it. I took this one, didn't have a look at it either and went to cashier right away. In my language the title is translated as "Don't stand in your own way"... And it is the best book I have ever read. It doesn't give you "how to", but it merely provides enormous amount of understanding. Read it if you find it, it's worth it.

(01 Sep '12, 04:21) CalonLan


Thank you, @CalonLan. I found an Amazon page on Osho (link above), and it looks like a treasure trove. Thank you so much for sharing. I also see a lot of meditations by Osho, I'll look for more links. Haven't I heard his name mentioned here before somewhere?

(01 Sep '12, 15:56) Grace
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

@Grace , what just came to me is this , if you can see it for others , perhaps viewing Grace (yourself ) as "another" might help , maybe ?

Love and Light ♥


answered 01 Sep '12, 03:20

Starlight's gravatar image


@Starlight - nice answer

(01 Sep '12, 13:50) Catherine

@Starlight, this is good advice. If I can step outside myself and see me as one of the "others" I feel so much compassion for, it would change the way I treat myself. Thank you.

(01 Sep '12, 15:59) Grace

@Catherine Thank you ♥

@Grace most welcome. Sometimes , I catch myself thinking not so complimentary things of self , then the thought , "would you say this to another ?" always the voice says no :-( We just have to learn to be as kind to self as we are to others Sorry if that's a bit rambling :-)

(01 Sep '12, 23:22) Starlight
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

First off:You are not trusting yourself. You are trusting in a higher power. It is correct to say you have been wrong so many times before so how can you trust yourself. You can't trust yourself! You can trust the higher power that is all knowing. The trust you have for yourself should come from how well you are in tuned to that higher power.

Faith, although blind, does have to be used. It is blind at first but when you push through with faith the light comes on and that faith turns into knowledge. Then the cycle repeats. I suppose it could be called the learning cycle.

A bit of a personal example may be helpful here. The past two and a half years of my life have been very dark and miserable to put it lightly. Someone introduced me to the "Secret". Watching this gave me a some hope and my spirits were lifted as I tried to impliment this in my life. As I began to use this concept along with friends around me, I noticed great things in their life but nothing in mine. This created more depression than what I started with.

It took me a long time to identify why it worked for everyone else and not me. It was probably a year later that I realized how much negative self talk I had. This along with the strained relationship that I had with God was the missing pieces of the puzzle. Another misconception that I think is taken from "The Law of Attraction" is that just believing is all that is necessary. However, it is clearly stated that actions need to be taken as well. If you are not getting the home you want, perhaps find a better job. If you can't get a better job, go back to school or get more training wherever necessary. These are all actions that lead. Actions alone to make the law of attraction a truth. One MUST believe and have faith!

Lastly, I am still coming out of my dark time. It isn't dark anymore but life is still a struggle. What I am being taught now is HOW TO RECEIVE! Once this happens then I will find the law of attraction in my life too. Actually, I misspoke. I have already seen it work, but I will see the same results as the other people around me. For now it is definitely working but my gifts from my higher power are not quite as apparent since they are really lessons/gifts to enable me to receive better gifts which I see others getting.

Lastly-lastly (sorry) - Give. Give everything you can with joy and love. This has been the very strongest influence for positive change in my life!!!!


answered 01 Sep '12, 11:29

NewBorn's gravatar image


@NewBorn, I'm very glad hear you are seeing positive change - and thank you for your thoughtful answer.

(02 Sep '12, 00:54) Grace

@NewBorn Excellent answer! This is pretty much what I was going to say. I may still answer this later anyway but for you. +1

(02 Sep '12, 16:55) Wade Casaldi
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Asked: 31 Aug '12, 12:36

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Last updated: 02 Sep '12, 16:55

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