One of my most intractable patterns has surfaced, and I am working on releasing the it. I sometimes attract serial bullies as defined here- http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm The specifics change, and thankfully I have also attracted support, including others who seem to have this pattern as well who are working on the issue Spiritually. It feels like we are resolving some "deep stuff" as one of us has phrased it. In my own experience they showed up at work most frequently, but recently it's an in-law (family member) who seems to be a recreation of the worst bullies my families have ever produced. Interestingly, I have manifested a job with a very strong and enforced antibullying workplace policy- it's wonderful! And this family member has quite simply been at her worst, even towards her own children.
I am wary of "premature forgiveness", but it is ultimately my goal, and this experience has brought up some childhood stuff I thought I had resolved- I am temporarily living in the town I grew up in after 28 years- MOST enlightening. I have a friend who is helping me vent my anger in the moment and move through it- which I think is very important.
I would appreciate any wisdom on getting through bullying/ abusive experiences- as quickly as possible, esp ways to appropriately apply LOA process's, getting to forgiveness processes, anything that has helped. How do you deal with bullies?
It can be a frustrating thing to realize that you have attracted these bullies. You created this life experience. You can go into an endless loop where you fight against the emotions surrounding bullies and your reaction to them Stuffing it and payback won't work.
When you are surrounded by the negative emotions and situations, it will snowball.
Kill the Black Prince and more will come to take his place. I mean this metaphorically. It is not a matter of "getting away" from them, or worse yet, trying to change them.
For me, the answer is to find something else, anything else. Put your energy there. You seem to like martial arts, try Aikido. There are no offensive moves, it is about "sidestepping", or something that is in no way related to fighting.
It may sound hard. You may get it working and them get drawn back in, but be gentle with yourself. There is no need at all for forgiveness, because once you get yourself right, there will be no one to forgive, so don't be concerned with "premature forgiveness."
I know this sounds weird until you have done it a few times, but once you change yourself -- and you KNOW how to do this, you are just making too much mental noise to hear your answer. Take yourself on holiday. When you feel ire rising within you, find something beautiful, focus on it and enlarge it. Turn your back on the ugly and walk away. Turn your back on the voice that says you SHOULD do something about that bully. DO SOMETHING ELSE!
We live in an inclusionary universe. If you say YES to something, it comes to you. If you say NO to something, guess what? It also comes to you.
Say YES to something else, keep saying YES to good things.
answered 24 Sep '12, 12:54
I don't know how helpful this answer will be for you, but I'll share with you some experiences I had with bullying and how it played out via the Law of Attraction.
From middle school through the end of high school, I endured frequent bullying, from student peers as well as a few teachers, which was mostly emotional in nature but included the occasional physical intimidation as well.
I never figured out how to deal with it at the time, but resented it a great deal.
After college, finally on a salaried job, this stuff was still bothering me, so I decided to do something I had wanted to do ever since I first saw "The Karate Kid," but never had the money to pay for. I decided I was going to finally train in a martial art.
I searched out what I felt was the worst martial art I could find. By "worst", meaning the best. That which would do the most damage with the least amount of effort. Eye gouging and biting included. Vicious stuff.
The feeling of empowerment was almost immediate...I would say within the first week of taking the course, I felt relief from the sense of powerlessness I had long suffered from. And about six months later, I honestly felt much more confident walking the city streets. My feeling was, even if someone takes me down, I will still do them some serious damage. No one can simply intimidate or "play" with me.
But something funny happened as well. Within the first 8 or 9 months of taking the course, I almost got into three fights, in the most random scenarios. It seemed like the Universe was deliberately arranging things so that I could get in a fight. For example, in one incident, as I approached the ticket counter in a train station, a bustling, oblivious businessman rushed by me and knocked me into a thug sitting on a nearby bench. The thug angrily threw me off, and I found myself confronting him, ready to come to blows. The guy backed down and I stormed off huffing and puffing.
After several incidents like these, I began to realize for the first time that physical reality was somehow "mirroring" things in my mind and attitude. It was giving me the chance to fight bullies. The martial art was training me to be aggressive; my teacher would even tell the class things like "There must always be payback" and "Never let anyone on the street touch you aggressively," etc.. This was one of the first times in my life that I noticed the existence of the Law of Attraction, although I didn't even have a name for it back then.
At a certain point, I realized I actually didn't want to fight people. It was only intended to be a last resort. And that knowing how to defend myself was merely a means to make me feel safe and empowered.
So, after all that, I ended up switching to a more "spiritual" martial art (previously I had dismissed the spiritual dimension of the martial arts). And I haven't been drawn into an actual "street" fighting scenario since.
Hope I wasn't being too indulgent in recounting this tale, but it felt good to write about that experience after all these years. I hope you can find a message in there somewhere.
On a practical note, here is a process that I think will help with your bullying:
All the best.
After thinking about my post some more, and reading the other comments here, I realized there IS a message within my story. The message is, forget the bully. Don't focus on bullies or conflict. Forget them and focus on self-empowerment and positive relationships. Focus Blocks will help with this. Do this, and eventually the bullies will disappear from your life.
Before you do the Deletion Sequence for the first time and only the once is needed, do THT, then say or think, "Delete all deletions to zero, then Zero minus infinity, then zero minus infinity to the power of infinity." Then do THT.
EZ Deletion Sequence: Do THT. Then say your statement using words and phrases in the blank like: Being bullied, being a victim, the bullie's name, etc... Then do THT, fully putting your focus on your hands and releasing the the statement, feeling disturbance at first, possible, followed by peace, calm, releif before moving on to the next statement.
Do THT. Say, "Delete all the ways I feel about and hold in my body ____." Do THT.
Say, "Delete all the physical and psychological causes and affects of ____." Do THT.
Say, "Delete all the mental and emotional causes and affects of ____." Do THT.
Say, "Delete all the psychic/epmathic and spiritual causes and affects of ____." Do THT.
Say, "Delete all the unknown and remaining causes and affects of ____." Do THT.
Once you delete these, you can use affirmations like, do THT then say, "I am connected in love with __. Let the Divine idea come out of the connection." Do THT.
In my experience trying to 'deal with' a serial bully will only wear you down. The idea is to keep away from them. I do believe you can attract bullies and that's not because of anything bad about yourself, in actual fact, bullies are attracted to those whom they perceive as good and powerful in some way - they feel threatened by this and want to tear it apart. They are relenting and usually never give up, unless they are not really a serial bully and have some issues of their own that are causing them to behave badly in which case they may improve. However if you have established that this person is that bad and they are inflicting real harm on others it is best to get away from them and have no more contact. So you have to leave your job. You can try to make a formal complaint about them and that could set the wheels in motion. However this normally results in the 'victim' being ostracised in the workplace and eventually pushed out. However I do recommend if you do leave make the complaint in a formal sense so that a person (the highest person in the organisation including the chairman) knows about what has happened.
answered 22 Sep '12, 23:59
They are there for a reason. To teach u a lesson about somthing. It is a way to teach u about an imbalance that u have. Most of the time with bullies it is one of a couple things. It is your belief that people are bad and always fight with u for no reason. It is that you have an issue with standing up to others. It is that you are forcing others to follow ur ideas and ways and bastardize them if they do not, It can be that u have hard time loving the people who hurt you. OR it can that you need to help them and they are brought to you. It can be any of these. Best way to prevent this is easy. Find out what it is that u lack in your life. Love them no matter what. Try to reach out to them. And do not judge them, for all u know they could be being sexually abused and displacing this pain to others. If this is the case, do not pity them. If u do u only re-enforce the idea that they are not acceptable as they are and they are wrong. This adds to the feeling of wrongness and imbalance within urself as u see them to be wrong. Love them and see them for who they are, and look deep within. to see what UR imbalance is. I think this is best.
love n light
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