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someone asked a question about men that cheat on their wife. but there is some women that are looking out for men like that. they know from the start that the men is a cheater.do they really think that they will change him and keep him? if he did that to is wife he can do the same to the mistress. what is so attracting for a women to search for married men? the money the material possesion? the experience? the quick fuck with no tomorrow? from jealousy the competition to say i have add him also? for women that put the fault on men,there is 2 person in a couple a men and a women. so women are as guilty as men. be aware of that before casting stone.
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I think that for many people sex is something they try to fit in the "God Shaped Hole" in them. People also use things, cars, possessions, to try to fill that hole, that emptiness inside them. These things only work for a short time. Some people feel the thing, be it another person, or a material object is at fault, so they move on to another object, or person. But as you often point out the inside of the lamp, the cup is not clean, so they keep trying, but their vision, their light is dim. My personal opinion is that the single soul of Adam was split into male and female (Eve). That our curious draw to sexual union relates on a much deeper level to the Soul seeking union with male and female parts. @Dollar Bill, because most of the people feel the emptiness that empties them. Rarely anyone seeks the emptiness that fulfills. Because it occurs as strange for many to search for such thing. But it resolves itself. And thus all those heartaches that emptying emptiness caused.
(29 Dec '12, 10:51)
CalonLan
Some people seek abusive relationships because they were abused as children and in some warped way they feel this was how their parents showed love.
(30 Dec '12, 06:42)
Dollar Bill
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It's their perception... people only have what they feel they deserve. And just like @Dollar Bill said, they try to fill their insecurities and fears through people and objects. Maybe 'winning' the affection of a man who is abusive or cheats makes them feel loved and special. It sounds crazy to the rest of us- we look and say, "why put up with that? There are so many men who would treat you so much better." But they don't fully believe this- maybe they saw their own parents this way and have grown to feel that it's just the way relationships are. It's just like all the people I've seen grow up and just take a minimum wage job- sure, there have been people who popped in and said, "hey! You can go to college, you can make good money and live an easier life." But this advice would always go in one ear and out the other- they don't believe it. They don't expect to be able to make enough money or live an easier life than their parents did. They don't expect good things and they don't pursue their dreams because they just simply don't believe its in any shape or form possible. Its just something they feel is just out of their reach. It's the same with relationships. These people aren't expecting more- they expect the relationship to be hard and dramatic. I wish, just like many of you, I could take these people and show them they really can have better. I read a blog from Steve Pavlina once about this though. He used an interesting example. Say there are two people, living in the same world but perceiving it completely different. Say one can only perceive the shapes of squares while the other can perceive a variety- squares, circles, triangles. How can that person introduce the other to new shapes? Even if they try to show them a circle, they still only see a square. This isn't the exact example SP used, but you get the idea. :) i have seen that also women that like to get beat up or abuse or dominated. or women that like to play the victim and complain.they do not want to change that they enjoy it. if a women tell you stuff like that about her men ask her why do you not just leave him if he is so bad? often they will say to you i love him. then tell them stop complaining you deserve him.if you think that it does not exist: http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/is-your-girlfriend-or-wife-a-professional-victim/
(29 Dec '12, 15:14)
white tiger
@white tiger I don't believe that anyone man or woman "likes" to be beaten up or abused, I do believe however that 'conditioning " whether from seeing a parents relationship that way or by just believing that , that is all they "deserve " no self confidence , thereby unworthy of anything better is what happens .If they are able through introspection to change that or someone shows them a way out , I do believe they can alter things .
(29 Dec '12, 22:04)
Starlight
I have met two big strong men who put up with both mental and physical abuse , when with one swipe of their hand they could have knocked the woman in question into the middle of next week , yet they didn't . They both felt they must deserve what was being dished out . Again judgement from outside of a situation .....well I'm sure you get my drift :-)
(29 Dec '12, 22:08)
Starlight
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@white tiger I think even if it may appear that they enjoy the abuse it really isn't the case. I think it all goes deeper than that... the abuse is filling a hole within them, albeit in a negative way. But the point is that they don't see within their own reality a different way of satisfying that need. They don't know any other way to go about the situation. People want better, but they don't pursue better things because they just don't believe 'better' is attainable.
(29 Dec '12, 22:35)
LapisLazuli
I mean, sometimes the answer seems obvious to others, but it's not always so clear on the inside. One may see abuse and see it as clearly wrong- but sometimes people on the inside truly take what's being said or done and really feel like they did something wrong. I've been within an abusive relationship, and even though I can't believe I put myself through it now, I used to truly feel I was doing things wrong and was being attacked. But it's not easy to come out of that cloud.
(29 Dec '12, 22:38)
LapisLazuli
That's why I feel it's a matter of perception and what a person feels they deserve- a person who knows they don't deserve to be hit or put down will leave. But if a person isn't sure, and feels they are wrong or they don't deserve better, leaving isn't a clear answer to them.
(29 Dec '12, 22:40)
LapisLazuli
"if a women tell you stuff like that about her men ask her why do you not just leave him if he is so bad? often they will say to you i love him" Yes :) The best example I have is myself. Why did I stay? Because if I "earned" his affection, I felt like I was loved and did something right. It was a way of filling that empty feeling within me- I did not feel like I was lovable.
(29 Dec '12, 22:44)
LapisLazuli
@Lapis Lazuli , I was just about to ask you if it had anything to do with being validated on some level and you answered that as I was thinking it , WOW , LOA and a big thank you to you for sharing Love and Light ♥♥♥
(29 Dec '12, 22:50)
Starlight
@lapislazuli if a women leave a men that is good to her to go for a men that beat her up and abuse her.it is because they enjoy it at some level, if not they would stay with the men that is good to them.and if a women spend all her time talking bad about her men,and does not want to make a change for what ever reason(i love him),then she deserve him. look at it this way the men that she talk bad about saying she love him,if she would really love him she would not talk bad about him.
(30 Dec '12, 02:26)
white tiger
she really love more to play the victim to be pity and loved by other people.the real victim becomes the men that is stuck with her.the men probably does not know what she is saying about him in is back. and if the women is able to live that lie.how much lie is she telling about the men? and if the men snap and hit her,the women is happy she now as a proof to make other people believe her. if you would be a men would you accept a women like that?that tell lie each day about you?
(30 Dec '12, 02:35)
white tiger
to give you example: the women say that her men beat her up take drug take booze does not work is a criminal, is in prison etc... she can bad mouth him like that for over 3 hours. and she does not want to make a change. and some of those women do not lie only about their men they do it also about their friend,father,mother,sister,brother. can you imagine what kind of scenario happen around women like that? people all see other people around that women as bad people.
(30 Dec '12, 02:43)
white tiger
when the only problem is the women and the scenario and lie coming out from her mouth. and again she does not want to make a change. i have seen a men wanting to beat up the father of the women and the father wanting to beat up the men of is daughter because she told both of them that she is abuse and beat up by them. and it is all lie.
(30 Dec '12, 02:44)
white tiger
@white tiger I guess I'm just looking at the underlying reasons as to why people to choose to play victim, which you explained well here: "she really love more to play the victim to be pity and loved by other people" You are right. "The real victim becomes the men" Ah.. but see, he has the option to leave that situation too... he doesn't have to be a part of it just like she doesn't. I don't think it's enjoyment on some level, it's just satisfaction, it's a negative way of filling a need.
(30 Dec '12, 14:55)
LapisLazuli
And you're right, those things do happen. People place blame on each other and choose to seek pity from others, because they have a need to be loved and seek it in a negative way. Whether they become the victim of an abusive relationship or become an abuser. It goes both ways- men and women.
(30 Dec '12, 14:57)
LapisLazuli
@lapislazuli of course we always have the choice. the problem is that the men often does not know about it and because he loves her he does not see what is under the mask. and because he as invested in the relationship and sometime have kid with the women. it makes the situation more difficult.so he as a choice to make try to help her become a good person. or leave her. in both ways he is the victim. because the women will say that he is not ok and she will continue to play the victim.
(30 Dec '12, 17:07)
white tiger
some women might be true victim but usely they do not complain and try to hide it. and some women need a men to boss them around of their own free will and they accept their responsability in the couple,those women are not victim. and you say it goes both way for men and women but in the world there are different rule for different gender. in this world they often pity the women. and give women shorter sentence.they depict men as monster and women as poor little innocent creature.
(30 Dec '12, 17:18)
white tiger
In a movie, I recently heard something that resonated with me, "we accept the love we think we deserve". Glad to see that someone already covered that.
(03 Jan '13, 18:42)
Symbiotx
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I don't know, White Tiger. When I was still working in the security field, I would have to send my officers out to break up fights all the time. It would 95% of the time be females fighting over a man who was cheating on the both of them obviously. Why fight over a man who was cheating on them? Why want him at all? Worse yet, sometimes these ladies would each have a child fathered by the same man and knew it or had just discovered it. When we would question them, it seemed to be more of a competition over which was going to "win" the cheating man and thus seem on top more than it actually was about the man himself. Even among older people who are cheated on, and seem to want to save the marriage, it is often about pretige, material goods, and "winning" the competition than it seems to be about love ad forgiveness. Just my observations over the years! 1
yes i have seen that also a men with 3 wife and 5 kid with no money playing the rich men borrowing car and stuff from friends and making people believe it was is. and a fee women went for the guy knowing full well that he was a cheater with more then 1 wife and a fee kids. but they full them self thinking he will not cheat on me.smile,ha ha ha ha
(29 Dec '12, 15:08)
white tiger
I have friends in law enforcement and when they are called to a "domestic disturbance" they take their time in getting to the location. Often when they get there, if the couple still has a lot of "steam" left, they may attack the officer for "inerfering."
(30 Dec '12, 06:46)
Dollar Bill
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This I have seen on the Jerry Springer show I used to watch. It would start with one woman, then another, then another, then another. All these women arguing and yelling, trying to pull out each others hair. Yelling "That's my man! We have three children!" All of them saying the same thing basically. If that is not bad enough, then finally bring out the poor guy that is now made to sit in the middle of this big brawl! So they are all beating on him saying you tell her what you told me, I am the one and only you love! He says something like no all of you are like my bouquet of flowers, I love you all! That never works and they all beat him! It was a crazy show, they should have just given the women boxing gloves and a ring to fight out out for them selves. i have seen one of those jerry springer where women would swing at each other and the men was laughing. they never saw him as the cause or having any responsability in this , it was the other women fault.
(29 Dec '12, 17:32)
white tiger
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That is pretty bad, I'd rather see him get slapped by all those women than to see him just laugh at them fighting over him. But I see your point about women wanting the bad guy, and nice guys like us get stepped on. At least Jai saw me and didn't react that way. :-)
(29 Dec '12, 19:32)
Wade Casaldi
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Jai , saw , her vibrational match ♥♥♥ I'd also prefer that , these kind of shows didn't air , period !
(29 Dec '12, 22:44)
Starlight
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@Starlight Thank you, and much agreed. I watched that when it first came out. It started pretty low and went down hill from there, so I hadn't seen it much because just a few shows of that where too many! LOL!
(30 Dec '12, 19:41)
Wade Casaldi
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@White Tiger Why indeed WT? It may be just me but I'm beginning to feel as if gender differences are becoming more blurred anyway - the spirit has no gender. The reasons are probably as many and varied as the people who are part of the drama.