I'm 28 now, I spend so much time inside on the computer or playing video games, but I feel so disconnected. When I was younger I was always outside, there was a small forest with a small river in the back yard, a graveyard across the street. It was peaceful, and I felt so connected. I mean I felt like there was a presence there, something I couldn't understand fully, but it felt so friendly and welcoming, and I never felt alone. I also felt, I dunno, Right. Like everything was as it was supposed to be.
Like there was this whole spiritual world to nature super-imposed over society and t.v. and everything else. I use to run and move through forests ducking and dodging trees and jumping over bushes, or lay out on tree limbs, or just being outside in the grass. Maybe I was just a kid with no adult problems, but lately I feel like something's calling me. Like it's saying it misses me and wonders where I am. My family has a history of some spiritualistic things, they're hard to describe. My great aunt was a witch, my mom and aunt were always able to sense danger,some other things. But I feel like there is something asking me "Where are you?" you know? Is it my own spirituality wanting me to pay attention, something greater then myself asking me to do something, or just my head playing tricks?
My feeling is you are your own best judge on interpreting such matters Michael. But from what you've said it sounds like an intuition, so if you're inclined to follow your intuitions that might be the best thing to do! :)
There again, on the other hand you could try conducting an experiment and just carry on along your current course and see what eventuates - will the yearnings dissipate, or become more pronounced ?
Monitoring things in such a fashion may yield insights that lead to greater self-knowledge (by way of example, Buddha starved himself for absolutely ages before deciding it was probably not one of his better ideas, so er ... he learnt something there!)
answered 13 Aug '10, 11:08
Michael, I have a strong connection to the out-of-doors that has been with me since my childhood. I suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder from my abuse, and actually had a companion Wolf who was half-me and half-spirit...Here is an article I wrote about Wolf and my adventures as a Wolf:
In the night, I come. I play in the darkness; it is my friend and companion. I am fleet-footed, bare-footed as I slide into the night, unafraid and aware. I am playful- I play with the children at their games. I am the best at running games because my wolfishness helps me. I see what the others cannot see; I hear what they cannot hear. The night belongs to me, as does the moon and the stars. I am one with all nature, pure Wolf.
The others cringe at the darkness. I welcome it. I love the fresh dew on my paws and smell of burning leaves in the fall. I make no tracks where I walk; I am the colors of night- grey and shadow black and the slight flashes of the moon. I keep to the shadows and the broad trunks of trees. I never trip or stumble; my feet are as sensitive as my eyes. I revel in all shadows.
I have had many teachers. The first was the field behind my first home. I loped through the weeds and wildflowers; I rolled in the grass;on the hill, I could hide better than the rabbits. I hid often to stay out of the way of the People. Some teachers taught me of nature and trails and woods. I learned paths quickly and went back to them often. Always, I tried to be invisible, to act as if I had no body. I was tree and mushroom and creeper and cardinal, all. I hold the nights of my childhood summers in my heart.
Lately, I walk the length and width of this house, feeling trapped and enclosed. The others have so much fear, they seldom let me out. But once in a while, I break through, and I dress in my black wolf clothes, and sit on the porch late at night, staring at the forest. That is all they will let me do. I am glad that we own land and that I can dream of roaming the forest. I long for the summer nights of my childhood when I was a wolf-child and the darkness was my playground...
As you can see, I was very attached to "my" field behind my house as a child. It sounds just like what you were talking about! What I have done to deal with these feelings is to give in to them!!! I go out at night, just as I did as a kid, and I walk in my own woods...Nothing else seems to make me feel as happy as this (except for Wade, of course...But that is a 'nother whole story, as they say in Illinois ;o) ) So go for it! Get outside! Be happy!
answered 25 Apr '11, 18:56
Maybe it's just your instinct as a human on this earth. We don't live the way nature intends and that throws things off balance. You are having natural instincts, and I'd say it's definitely spiritual. We are meant to live with nature and it is your calling.
answered 24 Apr '11, 08:30
it is your inner self, the connection to this is great and it loves nature because it is part of all and the higher self is connected TO all that is!
love n light,
answered 24 Apr '11, 21:14
TReb Bor yit-NE
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