It has been said that one's personality is formed in the first three years of life.
If this is so, and horrible abuse took place during that time, how do you ever recover? How can you?
The only people I have seen who have seemingly "recovered" from their early abuse actually seem to put up walls and absolutely deny what happened. They draw a line, and just never look back. I have seen the toll this takes: alcoholism, unexplained anger, obsession with career to the point of craziness, and even the formation of a whole new personality that seems to obliterate the real person.
I ask this because no matter what I do, no matter how many lines I draw or how hard I deny it, I have very hidden issues with feeling safe and am deeply terrified of abandonment. I feel that I am being honest, and have taken steps to help myself cope- BUT-
None of this would have been possible without the healing I have received directly from God and Mary.
Can we toss this question around without little lectures about letting go? You see, I was just a baby. My brain was in early development, and I believe that the early pathways that were laid down are impossible to erase.
What do you all think about this?
asked 05 Sep '10, 23:57
answered 06 Sep '10, 13:26
"I believe that the early pathways that were laid down are impossible to erase"
Jai, that is the belief you need to change - it is the one causing your current reality.If you believe right Now that it's impossible to erase, then it will be impossible to erase. You have to release that belief, if you want to change your current reality.
I am not going to lecture you about letting go because you already know that is what you have to do and you're looking for someone to tell you how.
I know where you're coming from and the truth is no-one can give you an answer because no-one else has control of your mind except you.The best you're going to get is pointers in the right direction.
Your past experience is not real anymore but merely a memory that you are carrying with you and by doing so you give it power to affect your life today. A good beginning step is to sit and ask yourself why the perpetrator did what they did. If you're completely honest, you will realize that they could have only acted they way they did because they themselves were hurting and did not know how to express or release it so, unfortunately, they dealt with it in the worst possible way.
This will not erase the event for you but will at least let you begin to look at the perpetrator from a different viewpoint and compassion will enter. When you can begin to feel even the teeniest bit of compassion toward your perpetrator, you'll probably start to realize that they are probably living in a worse hell than you and thus you begin to make room for forgiveness.This is a beginning step to disarming the power this memory has within your being.
You will then have to begin looking at forgiving yourself because on some level we all blame ourselves for letting it happen even though we were kids.Although you were an innocent victim when the event happened, by carrying that role of victim with you through adulthood, you are letting that childhood trauma run your life Now and if you stop and look at it, you will see that right Now it has absolutely no power over you, only that which you give it.
I know this isn't a pleasantly wrapped solution that you can just open and take out the answer but I also know that there is a gift within the whole experience for you but you have to be open to receiving it ( hint - it is forging you to be the person you are today).
You're a beautiful, intelligent human being with lots to offer - please just realize that and keep looking within yourself for the answers,everything you need is within you. "Life doesn't just happen to us, it unfolds through us."
Graham makes a great point about replacing the baggage with something else - when you let love or compassion in, they fill the space where those negative feelings resided so that new positive feeling will actually take the place of the negative one.
The law of attraction does not come with limitations. If you want to create something different you can. I feel Jai that you may need to do some soul searching. Ask yourself why you keep on holding onto the pain and hur from your childhood?
answered 06 Sep '10, 19:42
Beloved, the fact that you are honest enough with yourself to admit your weaknesses shows me how well healed you are. I wasn't abandoned, but the first 16 years of my life have been full of abuse and horror. School was my refuge. The hardest thing was how it didn't make sense. It took me moving to a small village in the woodlands, with no media (no tv, internet, newspapers..) and with all the time on my hand, had the chance to get to know myself. I cried a lot and started sharing my story with my husband and children (unfortunately, they didn't wish to hear it and liked the nice version better!) So first I had to mourn the horror I'd suffered. After a while (long while) was able to see myself in others, and how fragile they really are. How far stronger I am. My heart cried for all of them for they suffered also. Thus, I was able to feel compassion and forgive all. I realized how we're trying the best we know. I believe it helped me be a better person and thus am grateful for it.
Thanks and Blessings, Namaste
answered 06 Sep '10, 09:42
Yes Yes Yes. And i beleive the new child will be instrumental in helping this to happen.Your intelligent and by your question you prove you want to and have given a good reason why. Your already on the way,please dont think om making light of what has happened in your life but there is power,compassion and knowledge available to you to win through. I believe you are already are winning the fight. Ive got a little baggage in my life which i cant erase but im replacing it with something else.The something else is pushing the bad stuff out. Im no guru but thats the best way i can explain it. Hope things move forward for you.
answered 06 Sep '10, 10:27
Everything that happens in your life will either appear negative or positive. Keep in mind whatever happens must have a positive side to it. (All things work together for the good of those who love God..Roman 8:28) This is the Law of Polarity at work in our lives. It is this good, bad, or Hot, Cold. Two be One. This is the power of Transformation. A large majority of the population seems to be mentally programmed to pay attention to the negative side of life and unfortunately, ignore the positive. Positive thinking uses Affirmations and Visualizations to change belief systems that we have come to believe or feel about our self. The following is my personal truth: We all are beautiful colorful souls, that we all have clothed in thinking that we are separated from each other. Therefore, Personality, Ego, Self, and our Behavior and Experiences are just instruments that we use to maintain our illusion of separateness. I believe we can transform our lives here and now. Not just believe it, I know that we can if we really want to. When I shift my focus from dualism to oneness I realized that I had had some very rough and negative teachers but their purpose was to bring me to where I am today. When you embrace to All of you, you realize that you make the choices.
answered 06 Sep '10, 11:54
I only just saw this question Jai. I too had a terrible childhood. I ended up marrying young to get out of it, and compounding the sad state of things. However, once I began to see myself as capable of changing my own circumstances,as a free and powerful being in my own right, I began to grow further away from those childhood things. It all still exists, but at this point in my life, many years later, it seems like it all happend to someone else. I think each morning about how many opportunities for enjoyment I have today, and I try to live in the moment, and enjoy things as they come. This seems to have allowed me to set those childhood and youthful hurts aside, not to forget, but to compare how far I've advanced and to be able to give proper thanks for all that I currently have in my life.So to answer your question, YES, spiritual recovery IS possible! I feel empathy for your hurts, I know the place from which you posed this question. I hope that now, a couple of years later, you have reached a better perspective. Take good care and be blessed!
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