From time to time, I find myself tossing and turning in bed, trying to sleep, but failing. It's always about letting go of things- the hurts and slights and nasty comments that have come my way during the day seem huge at night...almost haunting.
I can never really figure out a way to stop feeling. That's the trouble.
I just cannot let go. I do not know how to let go. I think I do, but I do not.
For example, even the people of IQ hurt me. I think about what they say, and sometimes it hurts. I want to talk face to face with whomever. I defend my point of view in my mind.
What it seems to boil down to is that I never learned how to take criticism at all.
How can I grow past this? How can I learn to let go of those who hurt me, those who do not bother to understand me? That's what hurts the most: not being understood at all. I want to be respected. I want to be understood. I want to be...accepted for who I am. But it seems that I am not and it hurts a lot.
You obviously have the following beliefs that don't serve you well in life:
This answer is marked "community wiki".
answered 15 Apr '13, 08:27
It's important to accept to communicate with those people that you feel are hurting you ... the first step is to learn how to communicate. A fundamental reaction is that in defending themselves people often project their energy outwards which is perceived by the other person as an aggression. This closes the door to any further constructive communication which just makes things worse.
Let me explain; if someone says to me "you don't understand" the chances are is that i will feel diminished and either continue not understanding how or why, feel aggressed and reply by aggression or i will shy away from any more discussion on the topic, consequently the to door to any deeper understanding has been closed.
Now if someone says to me "i feel misunderstood" then i feel compassion and already have a glimpse of why that person feels misunderstood because they are expressing what they are feeling and the door is left open for further communication.
So the first key to communication is to avoid projecting feelings on to the other person by saying "you don't understand" but to simply express what you are feeling, in this case the feeling of being misunderstood.
Instead of saying -
the people on IQ hurt me, they do not bother to understand me, i want to be respected, i want to be understood, i want to be accepted for who i am
try saying -
i feel hurt by comments on IQ, let me explain why i feel angry, i feel disrespected, i feel misunderstood, i feel rejected
and i feel sure that would lead to deeper understanding.
After all, it really boils down to how we communicate with ourselves :)
Another way to resolve hurt feelings and >Much< more is to go inside of your own heart and do these Pure Awareness Techniques as taught by Tom Stone. You can read his book online and learn how here... http://markettorrent.com/topic/4796?page=1 And you can click here, listen and follow along as he works with other people doing the Techniques... http://greatlifetechnologies.com/COREExercise.html Also watch as Tom guides an Iraq war vet with PTSD through the process... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTq-n5VNuO0 Blessings. :)
answered 16 Apr '13, 18:45
'Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you— for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.' Ecclesiastes 7:21. I used to care so much how other people thought about me. Also 'But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.' Matthew 5:39. This teaching always brings peace to my heart. Especially when people decide to act 'clever' towards me. Thank God for the Light(Jesus Christ).
answered 16 Apr '13, 20:18
Jai honey if anyone here really knows you, I am that one. Unfortunately this answer applies to us both.
We are both highly critical and condemning of ourselves. My feelings about myself are more beneath there surface than yours. So most of the time I am more happy but the times when something happens or either of us feels criticized it does harshly affect us and is like tearing off a scab to a wound.
It hurts a lot and we each handle it in our own ways. Both feeling self hate, disappointment, disgust that we feel more at home, confident, comfortable and in control in the spirit than in the world.
Both feeling like failures in life, both feeling like we just don't get this world and how to fit in normal.
So this self criticism gets forgotten for a while as things go well. When others like us, is it like a healing balm and keeps us happy. But if disagreements or criticisms or worst sarcasm comes from others it is like saying, "You are stupid, you don't belong, you don't know what you are talking about, what you really believe about yourself is correct and is being shoved in your face!"
This comes up for me as well, we just handle it differently.
Furthermore I believe it is not just us, probably there are many like us that experiences these same thoughts and feelings.
The answer to this is as I keep turning toward what I like and ignoring what hurts. But the ultimate answer seems to fix what is wrong with us.
That is the hard part, it would require something to build our skill levels of functioning like everyone else seems to function easily.
Like I feel I have no idea of the answers of what to do and how to do. So I don't have the answers and have no idea what the questions are of living in this world.
The thought going for any interviews for any help is terrifying because it just exposes that this phsyical world feels like we don't belong and don't know very well.
To know that when asked questions about most anything not related to mind or spirit we haven't much a clue and get looked at like "How could you not know that?"
It really feels like we are spiritual beings here on earth and there was some mistake how we came down here.
So to fix the feeling hurt, we need to somehow come more down to earth and fit in. Fall in line, squeeze into the "normal" mold.
answered 05 May '13, 19:55
This is an imbalance in your emotional processing. Don't worry, we all go through these. Re-running through the days occurrences is a great way to learn about yourself (By stopping and asking yourself why does this bother me so bad, how to I want to handle the situation next time, how do i feel about the occurrence, etc this gives you valuable information on your inner workings), but the key is in being able to control this intake and processing of emotions.
Feelings should never have to be muted. We have emotions for a reason (protection, insight, reasoning, etc). To stop feeling is a bad way to go. Our existence would be dull.
To let things go requires more control within yourself.
For example how to resolve hurt feelings: recognize the problem through soul-searching (I feel...victimized), look at constructive ways you can protect yourself from feeling victimized in the future- not taking words straight to heart; recognizing that I am always worthy of expressing my own opinion and of being heard; recognizing value in me and not relying on the verbal recognition from others; coming to terms with human error and human imperfection which is okay and is part of everyone; acknowledging that not everyone will understand me and that's okay; by surrounding myself with a group of positive and uplifting people that do understand me so that I don't feel so left out; acknowledging that everyone is unique and that you can't be anyone else but you and that's a great thing; understanding that I don't have to take criticism because I can choose to ignore it or limit it's effect on me or choose to take it when it's constructive and relevant and use it for my betterment; understand that forgiveness is a choice and the truth of it is it's for you (not them necessarily), so allow yourself to be open to forgiving acts of imperfection that cause you pain in a timely manner, so that you can move past and dispose of resentments instead of storing them inside of you; allow yourself to speak up for yourself when and if the moment demands it, but do so in a kind, simple and direct way; etc.
Recognize your power. Your inner strength can give you great 'outer' strength so to speak.
Only accept respect for the right reasons: for being the honorable, loving and kind person that you already are.
answered 05 May '13, 04:31
I sometimes make a post that gets a lot of comments. It may also be misunderstood. When comment come in strange I make a brief attempt to share more understanding. But do I really give a s-word no! They cannot hurt me. Good luck on finding out who you really are and rising to that understanding.
answered 05 May '13, 14:54
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