I have a friend who brings out the best in me. We laugh like nothing else. I love being around her, but lately things have been different. We still have fun and she makes me laugh hysterically, but she is an extremely negative energy.
She downs everyone and everything that seems to be in a better position than her. It could be the smallest thing that I will praise someone for, even people we don't know personally. She will knock it right away.
There is always a "yeah but" from her immediately after someone is praised. Although she is extremely egotistic, she is obviously so insecure for no reason. It has gotten to the point that if I text her about her, or someone, or something she is interested in.... it is immediately answered and conversation goes forever.
If it's something good that happened in my life or to someone else she will ignore it completely. Lately she has been insisting that we are exactly alike, when that couldn't be further from reality. I find myself pulling away because it's just so stressful. We have so much fun, but then afterwards i'm always thinking ...."what the hell just happened." I love her dearly, but I can't stand it!!! Any advice is appreciated!!
You already know the problem. "Although she is extremely egotistic, she is obviously so insecure for no reason." Egotism is a mask to cover insecurity.
People lash out at others when they feel weak or vulnerable or exposed themselves. Any time she is attacking someone else it's likely because she is threatened or insecure in whatever area she is attacking. If she is just attacking everything about everybody without hesitation, then it's very likely she has some deep buried trauma in her past she isn't willing to come to terms with.
Excellent quote by @Satori I saw in this answer. "In my experience all addictions no matter what they are, are all just ways of sedating the emotional charges we pick up, usually in childhood. Its just a way of masking the pain instead of feeling it fully and therefore releasing it. This sedation never works in the long run. The only way out is through."
Attacking and lashing out at others is an addiction like any other. The question is then to find out if her insecurity is from a current detail about her which you can make her feel more accepting about or work on fixing or a past trauma which she'd need to work through in her own time. Unfortunately you can't force someone into working through things until they're ready, the best you can hope to do is try to make her feel more comfortable, happy, and confident with herself and be there and available for her if she decides to try to work through whatever trauma is at the root of her insecurity.
answered 21 Jun '13, 19:05
If she is your friend but always puts you down then you have a right to tell her off.
I know you maybe be like me and hold everything in that hurts you. I do that myself.
I feel it is not worth the fight. If I feel lousy, then fighting will not make me feel better only vindicated. But that vindication lasts only a moment before the other comes back at you with worse.
You could walk away when you feel hurt, you don't have to stand there and take it.
According to the LOA, she would NOT be your friend if you weren't a vibrational match.
If nothing else, you friend is your mirror & is a reflection of you. If you doubt this - I suggest you read this question over again & then read the question you posted only minutes before this one.
The first 3 words which popped into my mind were negative, judgmental & critical. Someone who seems to be very unhappy.
If you would like to salvage this friendship, I suggest talking to her & being honest..
I think you can shift her behavior by shifting your attitude surrounding her. We all have off days, you may have seen that behavior activated a vibration within her that gained momentum and just continued to grow and amplify (in your reality). If that doesn't make sense, study a bit of abraham hicks stuff when it comes to activating something in someone, you can by using the law of attraction choose to only interact with her when she is at her best and not behaving in that negative manner. My suggestion, either do what I just said, or use the logical and more earthly approach and flat out ask her why it is she does that, point these things out to her, be blunt with her, be understanding, etc. You might be surprised. I have been in similar situations with other people and have helped them gain understanding and even grow as a person by acknowledging and pointing out what others or even the person didn't see. Enoch Tan also discusses a variety of topics concerning these particular situations.
answered 28 Sep '13, 21:57