So, as many of you know, things that make us defensive are one of our best growth opportunities.
I used to spend a lot of my time on a certain internet forum many years ago, and sometimes I would get into long "discussions" (read: arguments) with people about various topics that I was sensitive about.
To give an example, I had a lot of arguments about women's right to be as openly sexual as men as without being thought of as sluts. I'd argue and argue and deliver fact after fact and get so frustrated when the person opposing my view would just ignore my logic and the arguments would go on and on...
Now I realise that this was mirroring my own insecurity about being a sexual woman who had enjoyed having many sexual partners/experiences. I wanted to own my right to be that sexual woman, and I thought I did, but some small part inside me still had beliefs that it was wrong for a woman to be like that, and the people that I would argue with on the internet were just mirroring back that vibration.
Now that I have worked out those issues, I rarely come across situations where people have slut-shaming views, and when I do, it usually doesn't bother me because I am more confident about my sexuality.
That is just one example. I've had many other internet triggers over the years, and fought many pointless arguments that were really just about my own insecurity about my beliefs.
Over the past few years though, it has hardly happened. I've learnt to recognise when I am being triggered, and examine my beliefs before getting involved in the argument. I hardly ever feel the need to convince someone or prove them right, I'm confident in many of my beliefs and I don't need anyone else to validate them for me.
Lately though, I was triggered into an argument again, about two separate issues. I haven't really sorted out what beliefs they are triggering, but I had forgotten how maddening it is to. Really. HAVE. To. Prove. You're. RIGHT. And then getting completely frustrated when your well-thought out arguments are completely dismissed. I thought I had moved past that kind of behaviour.
I think we can all recognise some of this from IQ as well - generally everyone has a "live and let live" attitude, but sometimes commentators get really defensive (or alternately, they try really hard to disprove other's views), and it's pretty obvious that there's a huuge trigger there for them.
What about you? Thoughts, insights? Do you get maddeningly triggered sometimes? Has it led to growth opportunities for you? How do you let go of trying to prove that you're right about something you really, really believe in?
asked 13 Jul '13, 19:51
I think arguing makes no sense at all once you know for sure that the Law of Attraction is true.
In other words, arguing is just attracting what you don't want even more. Arguing is pushing against, wanting to change and influence things/people through physical action to feel better. But the only thing that matters when you want to change anything is your own vibration/emotion/feeling.
Most of society thinks that it's valuable to argue. They think that arguments are the essential pillars of democracy, human rights, science, cooperation between people and so on...
You have to "fight for your right" they say.
"Don't look the other way" they say.
"Stand up now or you will be next" they say.
But what they don't get is that there is something much, much bigger in that whole picture that influences all of those things they want to change... It's the Law of Attraction.
Most of people don't get that the Law of Attraction influences everything. This is why scientists get different results when they do their studies. Every scientist attracts what he believes to be true.
So once you know that the Law of Attraction exists, you know almost everything. You know more than 99,999% of people. If I were to do a study, then the figure 99,999% would be what I believe so I would get this exact figure out of my study because of the Law of Attraction :).
So arguing is another way of saying "Yes, please give me that thing that I don't want!". The only reason I argue these days is when I'm dumb and not in the Vortex or when I feel good and just want to test what the reactions are :). So I sometimes argue because of the fun of it :).
Just to make things clear...
If you argue because you feel angry, frustrated, disappointed etc. = you attract more of the things you don't want
If you argue because you feel good and you do it because of the fun of it = you attract more fun into your life generally.
But remember that it may be a thin line between those two states. So it's best to avoid arguments completely if you are not sure.
I know what you mean about having to prove you are right.
It happens to me all the time. Most of the time if I have no physical evidence to support what I know or intend to do I just give up.
It isn't worth the argument, all that does is gets everyone more angry and strengthens their resolve that they are right and the other is wrong.
So even if I know exactly where I am going and am told I am going in the wrong direction. I'll just go along with it where ever I'm told to go. It is the only way to physically prove that we should have went my way.
If I know that someone is wrong completely but insist she/he is right, l'll just give up. It is not worth the argument even when I'm right.
One thing that does drive me mad is when I have an opinion that is ignored and some friends say the same thing and then that is a good idea!
I think that is a psychological thing. That others must know more than those close to us. We flock to the guy from Austrailia teaching us about healing and self help when probably in his own town no one listens to him! People in our own town that know as much we ignore, "How could he teach anything? I went to school him! I probably know more than him! But wait here is a guy from around the world, he must really be good! Let's go listen to him, he charges $500 he must be good!"
People do the same for doctors, lawyers, anything. It is always the one from out of town people trust as the real thing.
So because of this, I can see why people trust other people rather than those closest as being right and having good advice.
Probably if a complete stranger walked up and said how to straighten out life, he would be taken seriously even if his advice is the exact same as the loved one just ignored.
I came to IQ and searched for "defensive" (I had an experience this morning that caused me to feel defensive and like I was "doing everything wrong".) I really love the clarity of your own insights about your motivations here. I've had similar experiences - I used to feel a lot of emotional tangles about arguing with people about a certain topic, and I feel much less now. I can see more clearly how the arguing folks are engaged in a co-creative dance together ("Global warming is real and everyone must believe that!" vs "Global warming is a hoax and everyone must believe that!") and also more clearly that I can clear up my own murky defensive feelings and get to a place of "I believe X and I'm so clear about my belief that I don't really care what other people think". (Not that it's always super easy for me, yet.)
I read a thing Stingray said here recently: Your Inner Being is basically telling you (during Vortex alignment) that in order to continue the Vortex alignment, the thought that is kicking you out is one that needs priority clearing.
That really resonated with me. I wonder if this doesn't relate to what you're saying here, that many of us, unconsciously, are defending our positions on topics it would be highly beneficial for us to clean up? I can certainly tell that what happened this morning is something I could stand to mold a little into something I like more. Thanks for this question!
answered 09 Oct '13, 14:19
should I get defensive with someone that does not see, that does not properly split that piece of wood, and cast stone? let me tell you a small story I go to a store to buy a product last week, the guy at the store does not know the product he does not know if he as some and he does not know where it is. finally he as some smaller model but not the one I want so I say to him to forget about it. but he wants to make a sale and is pushing that he can get it in a week I can get the same product in less time at a lower price. so I say to him to forget it. I exit the store and he say ####### thinking about me. I came as a thief in the night to him and he does not know it. what is my problem in all this? if the guy at the store does not know is product and where they are, if he absolutely want to make a sale to get a cut even when he does not have the product and does not want to hear me when I tell him to forget about it. if he is blind and judge other and see them as ####### because of the over flow from is heart and is own reflection on is water. is Anny of this my problem? if he want to die in is sin it is not my problem. it is the choice he made.
answered 09 Oct '13, 20:38
Sure i have been in that place before where i would try to prove my point. there is no doubt and most humans have gone there. But later when i started to apply the non-judgement, letting go in the beginning it was not easy as my normal habit would make be react. So i started to let Go and accept and move on lets say 2 out 10 times. But in those 2 times i observed that nothign really has happened. I mean it was perfect to let go and not prove my point. I could see that other 8 times i tried to prove my point i actually was wasting my energy... and the 2 times i did let go, i was calm and had a sense of easiness also sense of pureness in it.
So i would ask you to take few diff trigger issues you have and deliberately for couple of them completely go for acceptance, no judgement of others, and just being ok with not being heard and be ok with you not proving your point and having your last word. Then see the difference for yourself.
answered 11 Oct '13, 18:04