Disclaimer- For Men Only
I've been unhappy with the style of pointless things going around on IQ lately. One of the recurring themes Im gathering is that there are some people who want to attract love quite badly and are stuck in out-dated paradigms.
Take this classic material for example, http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/84779/when-the-universe-or-god-gives-you-signs-to-keep-going-in-the-midst-of-extreme-contrast-and-struggle-is-there-still-a-time-to-give-up
I am unshamelessly addressing the boys here on IQ because there is some information which could save your life.
I have been working on charisma and confidence through external sources and have stumbled upon a book which is must read for any guy that struggles with girls. I post it here, because there are many "nice guys" (such as I used to be) on IQ and there are many recurring arguments spinning around what girls really want and what guys need to do. Males are asking for advise on attracting love and ironically the answer is coming from females all over IQ. IQ is predominantly a female dominated website with the greatest activity from females, these answers come from good intentions yet they, unfortunantly, are not applicable and lack meaning and use.
Such as the famous "be yourself" thing. I have heard this countlessly everywhere....FROM WOMEN!!
And on IQ many of the manifesting methods involve doing nothing about your desire! To get a girl, I thought I'd do a focus block for it or do some EFT tapping or otherwise 'hand it over to the universe.' GET THAT OUT OF YOUR HEAD! Sexual attraction is never addressed concretely here on IQ up until now and I am here to lay the foundation of what it is to be a man of integrity and perfection and get girls.
This is a post on how to "manifest love." The word manifest makes me sick so I will not use it anymore but address it as, attract women!
There is huge risk of getting attacked here and many down votes but I am doing this for the good. As I said, this is for the boys on IQ who are ready for a harsh boost.
The book "No More Mr Nice Guy" has been the most insightful, belief-neutralising text I have ever read in my life. I was laughing through release of energy at all the beliefs I was dropping through reading this.
Here is the link for the entire book. It shows the being a nice guy doesnt not work in society and actually counter-productive. Nice guys care what others think, try and please everyone, consider themselves victims (sounds similar to IQ posts?) and are trained at a young age that having masculine energy is a sin.
Our user @Eldavo struck cords with me looong time ago with similar ideas he referenced.
May this serve and help you out gentleman.
And yes, leave your criticism because I am eager to have an intelctual argument with you for the purpose of developing men with healthy minds of high-self esteem and real worth, not aritifical toppings desgined to come across as 'nice' and 'being yourself.'
the Nice guy not getting girls usually is because in this case the nice guy is not confident guy. He still has not figured himself out and is not strong in his own self. thats the main issue - its not because he is nice. So his vibration is not aligned to getting a girl if you put it in LOA terms.
Also the theory of bad boys get girls. Yes they do because of their confidence and many times arrogance too. Also the girls who stay with such bad boys - try asking what kind of girl would stay with a guy when treated badly?? do you really want that kind of girl? But yes they do get girls. as their vibration has trained them to get girls and they are aligned in that context. but the bad boy has other issues that can be quite detrimental.
So you really want the best of the both. Be very strong and have great will power and be a man in that sense with lot of character. YOu have a life - meaning your only job is not to chase girls. But don't trick girls or do pretense stuff. You may get laid with some girls but on the long run you will be at a disadvantage with those behaviors. You want to be rounded as a person and genuine too. and not be the guy who just can get girls from a bar or so.
If you are decently put together and have interesting life of your own, lot of the times girls would want to go with you.
i think in the pUA community quite a few have also addressed the Inner confidence thing too. But its possible there is overemphasis on the outer aspects. these succeed in general to the extent to which your inner is secure. Or would work on girls whose inner confidence is also not up there. SO its a match. but these pua techniques do get the guy to think he has "Game" and at least get him out there with some action to talk to girls so he would at least attract the girls he was already a match to. But a lot would realize it does not work if you do the work only on outer techniques.
Ohoho it seems like we have a PUA over here, watch out ! :D You're lucky that I'm not an AFC, I think :)
Ok soo, before I encountered Bashar's teachings and this forum I studied the art of attraction, seducion etc. because all boys want to have all the girls, logically :D So I too wanted to have that kind of lifestyle.
But I found out (from experience) that there are only 2 relevant things to attract girls : confidence and humor..And plus that, I started to study Bashar and the structure of existence roughly in the same time. I adopted those teachings as a fact and made them my own (if thats the appropriate phrase :D )
So I started to combine the principles of reality creation from Bashar with some "Earthly principles of attracting women" (confidence, humor,...) I adjusted my state of being and how I see myself as. I started to feel the way someone who is successful with women would feel. And there were results. So I discarded most of the routines/techniques/teachings for attracting girls because I didn't need them and is tiering to remember them all. I only left some techniques/routines that are funny/exciting to use. In the end they just are only permission slips to get what you want.
So it all comes to that how you see yourself as, how you feel, what do you believe in. (regarding attracting the opposite sex) And you will create a reality in which women will COME TO YOU. They will try to seduce you, not the other way around, but most times going into action yourself is very exciting :DD
I'm now 18 years old, soon 19 and I think I'm doing realy well with women. And plus that God wanted to set my game on difficulty - "hard" because I started to bald very very early..so it shook my confidence a bit but it builds up my charisma because I stand out :D And I'll read that book because I too have some beliefs left that I want to get rid of, thank you Nikulas
Good luck guys :D
answered 30 Oct '13, 06:51
I've read the book and I enjoyed it. I've also read a lot about the PUA movement. While a lot of it is despicable - advising men to do things like "negging" i.e. criticising women so that their self-esteem is lowered and they will try to then seek approval from you - I also think that the whole "inner game" thing is brilliant, and it ties in perfectly with the Law of Attraction.
I see the Nice Guys as men who desperately seek approval from women, yet at the same time resent these women - simply because these Nice Guys have given the women way too much power over the way they feel about themselves. Of course they are going to manifest more disapproval and miserable experiences when they are vibrating at such a low place! Inner Game focuses on developing confidence and on independence from seeking approval from women, and I think that is crucially important when it comes to attracting relationships (whether you are male or female).
So yes, I think The Game is a good read for men that are struggling, but you could really achieve the same effects by working on confidence, self-love and self-approval. A man who is truly confident in himself is very attractive to women. I have a friend who is obese and has a face that only a mother would think was beautiful, yet he is dating a model (who also has a great personality), and there are always women flocking to him. Thing is, he is super-confident and one of the most hilarious people I have met.
So Nikulas, I do agree with a lot of what you are saying, but I disagree that LOA techniques aren't helpful. You just have to use them the right way. Use them not to manifest women, but to improve your self-confidence, decrease your need for external approval and improve your beliefs about relationships. EFT is quite often talked about in the PUA community - take this mega-thread on a PUA forum for example, many guys reported a lot of success in attracting women just by changing their beliefs about themselves and women: I Used EFT to change my Beliefs and it works like a Charm :)
From a woman's point of view: I have done a lot of inner work on increasing my self-esteem this past year. The difference between the guys I date now and the guys I used to date is like night and day. I still haven't found the one yet, but the men in my life now are a much better match for me, and I don't have to deal with being treated badly any more.
I just re-read your answer and mine and I feel a bit silly about my lack of reading skills. I have no idea why, but I thought the book you were referencing was "The Game". DUH... Sometimes things are right in front of my nose and I don't see them.
I've now had a quick look at the book you linked to, and I think it's great! I wish I had known about this before, there are many boyfriends I've had who could have benefited from this. As a girl who is into good guys, but also very attracted to masculinity, it can be a little frustrating. This was one of the reasons my last relationship ended, he would do anything for me but rarely took care of himself or put himself first, and he made it clear to me that I was the main source of his happiness. This ended up making me feel smothered and led to a massive loss of attraction to him, while simultaneously making me feel guilty, because he did so much for me, and I just couldn't be grateful about it. (In the spirit of taking responsibility for my reality, I might need to ask myself why I seem to attract these types of guys though...)
This really resonated with me, with regard to my last relationship:
So thank you for posting that link, and I apologise for my poor reading skills :) More guys need to read that book because there are few things sexier to a woman than a man who is a genuinely good guy but is also confident and takes responsibility for his own happiness. I don't think that "be yourself" contradicts the advice of the book though, I'd say it complements it perfectly. A lot of Nice Guys put on a façade and pretend to be someone they're not because they are approval-seeking. To have the confidence to be like "this is who I am, and if people don't like it then too bad for them" is very sexy.
And come to think of it, as a girl who has been too needy in the past, this book would benefit women too, guys aren't the only ones to suffer from Nice Syndrome!
Cursory look at this book it seems the author is cashing in (pun intended) on a male and female phenomena that "Nice Guys" make a one way bargain with the Universe saying, "If I am nice -- at the expense of my own feelings -- I will attract nice people.
I am nice, therefore you MUST be nice to me.
One of the boggles here is the definition of "nice". So the "Nice Guy" is trying to figure out what is 'nice' to their intended partner and constantly trying to fulfill that role.
This suppression of emotions leads to resentment when the Universe fails to respond with "nice people" quickly enough and reinforces co-dependent behavior leading to overt or covert negative responses.
This would likely cause mixed feelings and responses from others in that the "Nice Guy" is saying one thing, (I am a nice guy) but feeling strongly, (this isn't going to work, because down deep.....)
This would likely put off the real "nice people" and attract predators who would reinforce deep-seated feelings of insecurity.
Perhaps an alternate title, "Can Wimps be Happy Being Wimps?"
The book delves into a lot of interesting questions, lack of male role models for one. However it does seem to offer some good, though controversial, answers.
I'd recommend it.
The book is directed at an audience who responds to peer pressure and there is a huge variety of constantly shifting role models and paradigms. This makes "being yourself" difficult when you buy into these paradigms.
Personally I find that one of the advantages of age is that I don't give a rat's ### much anymore about what people think of me and say what I think. The people that like this become friends and the people who don't vanish from my universe.
Abraham Hicks has an, as usual, insightful quote for today.
The most magnificent Creators don't want to get together with people who think just like they do. They're looking for people who have other thoughts, because out of the contradiction, comes ideas that could not be born out of sameness. Your relationships will be ultimately more if you're not identical twins just "yessing, yessing, yessing" to everything that the other one is about.
answered 30 Oct '13, 07:28
it is strange that someone see nice guy as someone that is trying to please women to get women. here is what was said: Nice guys care what others think, try and please everyone, consider themselves victims (sounds similar to IQ posts?) and are trained at a young age that having masculine energy is a sin. is that your belief? first know your self and please your self. if you are not able to do that for your self do not expect someone from the outside to be able to do it for you. if you do not know the living one that you are how will you ever know the living one outside of you? and since most people are doing that do you think to please the many will help you out for what you seek? or are you just putting your self under new rule from the outside? should you not respect the first rule? and please your self and the one that sent you to this world, since you are made in is image. or are you still divided from your self and desperately seeking outside the answer that will make you whole again? you might have already hear it and you did not know it.
answered 05 Nov '13, 17:02
I won't have a chance t read the whole thing until later, but I believe a statement he makes on the first page applies to women as well, "The Nice Guy Syndrome represents abelief that if Nice Guys are "good," they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results -- as it often does -- Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice."
I'm a woman and was always promised things like this if I would just be "nice." I'll get back to you when I've read more .... and I think that I'll agree with you.
answered 30 Oct '13, 06:27
Sorry, @Nikulas- I DO NOT agree that women rule Inward Quest! The person with the Highest Scores is male (Stingray)....And he is like the King of Inward Quest! Stingray deserves this accolade for all his hard work on IQ. When he posts, people listen. Wade is another member who posts all the time...I can think of a lot of men who post, @ursixx, @Dollar Bill, and so on.
This book is a piece of chauvinistic hupe, and I think that you would be better off \reading books like "For Men Only". This is a great book, and doesn't demean women.
Nikki, I really do not think that the group is now better off because you posted your "question". It is NOT spiritual, is questionable as personal development, and has nothing to do with Manifesting or other more spiritual content for our site.
@Nikulas- I really think that your post does not serve our group very well.
I will say that you certainly helped start up conversations!
IQ- run by women??? What a joke.
It's weird how so many men search for the right "technique" or approach to get women. We're all human beings and should be treated as such. If you need to read books in order to approach other human beings, the first person you should get to know is yourself.
I've had luck with women by just being myself. I'm not a special person. I just treat them as I treat any other person. I don't feel inferior or superior. I'm my own person and I'm happy to be myself. I don't try to manipulate. If it's meant to happen, it will naturally. If the other person just makes you feel bad, why stick around?
If it's just sex you're after, be honest about it too. There's nothing wrong with that.
Just know who you are yourself, know you're a worthy and good person and you don't need to put on a mask so to speak.
answered 13 Oct '14, 05:22
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