Okay, basically this is the deal. I do not like my life. I want to have a life that I actually like. I have been essentially unhappy for way too long. That doesn't mean I never feel good, I do. That doesn't mean I am always in pain, I'm not. It simply means I am not happy. I might feel good, but not about my life. Basically the things that make me feel good or even just not feel bad are things that distract me from my life. A movie, a game, a fantasy, if they grab me enough that I forget "where I am". Even a thought, like: "What the hell do the japanese think they are doing running up a 200% debt to gdp ratio like that?" which then turns into a fantasy of "What would I do to fix the situation if I was the emperor of Japan?".
I wanted to "fix" things, to build a life I liked and get away from the things I dislike. That is why I talked so much about growing taller, it was a key element in the only way I could see to "fix" it; becoming a model (please, no "why don't you try being a hand model?" comments) was the only thing that just felt right to me. Now the (unproductive) effort to fix things has been assimilated into the identity of this life I don't like; it doesn't help me get relief. There is this thing in my chest/throat that says I can't handle much more of this; maybe more importantly, I don't want to handle any more of this.
I don't want to keep trying because to me that feels exactly the same as remaining stuck. I have been trying all my life, trust me, this is not where I planned to be. Things went wrong on a lot of levels. I made a lot of mistakes, people around me made mistakes and things just... well they evolved into the current situation.
I don't have to deal with the height thing right now. But I do need to deal with the core issues. The height thing was the only path I could see but it doesn't have to be that way, there just needs to be some way, right now. I'm going to try and make this simple. I value independence. Right now, I live in my mother's basement, I don't have a car (or a driver's license), I don't have friends, I don't study or work. I have never even kissed a girl and I'm nearing 30. I feel very isolated and dependent. I want to be able to travel. I want to live "on my own". I want to be able to eat at McDonalds and not feel like I just spent a fortune I couldn't afford to waste.
I'm not qualified for the job market at all. That is, I am not qualified to work at McDonald's or as a garbage collector. Both jobs I wouldn't do anyway as they can't buy me an even remotely good life. I have no "special" skills that could get me a non-traditional job. I don't have any business that calls to me and the ones I tried forcing myself to go into, made me realize I'm a very bad slave/slave-driver.
So maybe that helps put the fact that I can't see a path into perspective. I'm not asking how to manifest a red sports car right now. I'm asking how to manifest -a path- to a red sports car right now. Because it's very hard right now for me not to slip into serious depression. I get myself into feeling better but I feel like the guy Esther talks about, who asks "Abraham, I just jumped out of an airplane with no parachute, what do I do?". Abraham's answer is "Hang on, it'll be over in a little while". It just seems like the force of gravity is stronger than anything I can do against it at this point, it feels like this life cannot be healed. I have immense resistance against suicide but I keep thinking about it and it sort of gives me a kind of relief, a feeling that if I can't heal this life, I can at least be free of it; the idea gives me a feeling of control.
Lately I've been very angry, irritable (as @ele has likely noticed). Part of this is because a lot of the major things that landed me where I am I feel weren't my fault; maybe they were in a vibrational sense but not in the conventional cause and effect sense. Because I have been feeling impotent to fix the damage those things caused, I am having a very hard time not hating people. Heck, I even hate myself for the things that I am clearly responsible for. I'm having a hard time convincing myself I shouldn't hate. I realize there is no actual point in hurting anyone, that there is no one to fight against, but the "fight defense" trigger in my brain is still active.
If you have ideas, please share. I'm not doing well at aligning with a path. I'm sorry for asking yet another question. I need to find a way to make the path "light up" as Abraham puts it.
I think you're just trying too hard to make things happen in your life, much too hard.
It's not your job to make anything happen...not even to manifest a happy path. It's only your job to find ways to feel better daily and let the Universe handle everything else.
Best quote I've heard from Abraham in recent years...
answered 09 Nov '13, 04:50
I do have an idea Flowey. Maybe it would be an idea to take on a menial job role " temporarily". Im sure your destined for better things than flipping patties at a Mcdonalds. But I do personally know people, one in particular, who started his career there and is now wealthy.
Don't discount a menial role, it would give you an income and a platform to launch off into better things. The amount of life stories where people started on the shop floor and ended up buying the company are numerous.
Your an intelligent guy Flowey, you would doubtless soon be promoted and start up the ladder. But the ladder wont start until you get on the first step.
It may well be that at a place of work you may meet a life partner, this too is a story told and experienced by many people.
You need to get out of the basement, physically and metaphorically , and when you do and your minds occupied you may well begin to accidentally manifest more than you've ever done intentionally.
Menial concentrating work is often the very best way of true meditation, it can clear the mind of its insane chatter and clear the way for a massive manifestation.
answered 09 Nov '13, 10:49
Get rid of the don't and can't because whatever you resist persist. I was where you are and your troubles are actually miniscule to the Universe they only exist in your head. It takes as long as you will it to take, to get better and have everything you do want. Believe me I am still resisting some concepts of this only due to false beliefs. Once you get this you will be free like me I now handle things with a positive flow most of the time. The panic has lessened unbelievable but true. Trust me I can still be where you are at times but much less. Try it with one little thing that will improve anything and concentrate on that till it gets done. I always keep my biggest dream always on the forefront because my dream is like a grain of sand to the Unlimited Universe. Being grateful for anything will also get me up there are so many tools so simple to use at our fingertips. I hope this at least made you smile and put some hope in your life. Have faith my friend you are all you need to be to have, be or do whatever your heart desires. Love & Light :) Dee
answered 10 Nov '13, 10:21
I think the below is what you need to start understanding and I am quoting it because I cannot say it any better myself:
We all have problems of our own, yours are just different from other people's and we all tend to make them a big deal in our lives. For example, from my point of view, none of the things you have listed in your question come close to issues that other people I know have had to deal with and they have still managed to get out of those situations. But, the positive changes will start to happen when you realise that you cannot think about what is going wrong and expect things to get better, your attitude has to change first.
answered 24 Nov '13, 11:28
I guess I feel your pain very deeply because I struggled in my teens and twenties with a lot of similar issues- I hated my body, I did not know "what I wanted to be when I grew up"- and I hurt. Badly. I felt so very alone, so very isolated, especially since by 25, I had three toddlers and by 30, 4 kids ages 10 to 1.
But count your blessings on that one! At least you do not have to support a family. You have choices. It may not seem so, but you do. The first choice you have is this: you get to choose your attitude.
Keep that idea in mind while I paraphrase the first three 12 steps of AA just for you- these steps may be just the thing you need to get you on the way to happiness. Remember, they are not meant to be done all in one day! This is a plan for living.
Here we go:
Now, if you are agnostic or atheist, please just set aside those feelings, and any feelings of rebelling at this point. Just accept, accept, accept that you cannot handle the pain, and that you will do anything to make it stop.
Try these first three steps of the AA 12-step program. They have helped literally millions of people worldwide much happier, better people.
Now, back to that choice about attitude. I am going to demand that you try,for one day, to be NOTHING BUT GRATEFUL> I had a friend who was given this assignment, and she felt she had nothing to be grateful for, but she was where you are, so she followed directions. She got up in the morning, and asked herself, "What do I have to be grateful for in my life?' At the time, she was changing her son's diapers, and she was pressing the tapes of the Pampers when she said to herself, "I am grateful for my thumbs, for if I did not have them, I would not be able to change my baby's diapers." She giggled a little to herself, but that was the first thing. A change came over her heart. She looked out her kitchen window, and saw blue sky. She thanked God for a sunny day. It started to snowball in her mind, like a game. She was grateful for her remote for her TV so she did not have to walk while holding her kids. She was grateful for the mail, coming every weekday. She suddenly realized that she was beginning to feel different. Better.
Her name was Viki B. She was a dear friend who died of cancer, but she taught me Gratitude with a Big "G".
If you "get" some gratitude, you will be home free, kiddo!
Try this. It will work.
I know. I have been trying to do it for nearly thirty-three years
. "It is not happiness that makes us grateful- it is gratitude which makes us happy."
Right now unfortunately you are kind of stuck in a place where its hard to see the light properly. Its not easy at all for sure. So i do understand.
Its like how Abraham Hicks says that you are given a map and you are traveling in your car. You need to take this highway all the way and then the exit etc etc and you reach the destination in example 5 hrs. But if every 10 mins you keep saying oh i have not reached my destination and you turn and try another street etc etc.. you never sort of really know whether you would ever reach the destination. And right now thats whats happening. You sort of liked Neville's teaching, maybe you could stick to that then eventually you will get to a great place in life. But you have lot of inner chatter and i am not saying it does not appear legitimate. Or that you are not trying. But that is getting in the way. Its like Catch 22.
You want to see the great life but to for that to happen all the great advice is that for some time take it easy and whatever little you have be happy with it and slowly that will expand and you will be at a great place. All of it will change. But you don't have that trust in that mechanism. Thats the bottom line. You think that if you do that what if still nothing changes???
1000s of great masters have laid out the truth. To go within. and everything exists there. YOu want the answers and they are giving it. BUt you need check it out more closely and apply in your life. then life will never be same again. Willingness to be open and apply it sincerely.
All Masters have said it that silence is the answer. This looks dumb from outside to say - why the hell would silence answer all problems. But this can only be felt intuitively once you start doing meditation. Do meditation everyday 15-20 mins. We anyway waste time all the time. Whats another 15-20 mins. This is the answer to all. be patient and keep doing and slowly you will see the shift in you. What you do will get more and more clearer and your actions start being more efficient etc. You will gravitate to things that make you happy at a deeper level and more everlasting happiness type of things and not some fleeting desires. I liked the lucid dreaming part to. If you detach from the logical mind while doing it it can serve in that capacity too. But better to do separate meditation regularly. it will lead you to where you want to go.
Sorry for your difficulties. Perhaps it would best serve you to write a list of each things you would like to change (such as the things you listed: "I live in my mother's basement, I don't have a car (or a driver's license), I don't have friends, I don't study or work. I have never even kissed a girl and I'm nearing 30"); and break each down into small, manageable action steps you can take towards making a positive change in each of these aspects of you life. For example: I don't have a car (or a driver's license) --> get your learner's permit. Now, I know this seems like a small, insignificant tasks in the grand scheme of your life, BUT something like getting your learner's permit will move the stagnant energy around (which sounds like it really needs to flow), and it will give you a sense of accomplishment. Change doesn't need to be like BAM! a 180 degree turn from where you are. Small changes will lead to more change, and more change, and some time in the future (a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, etc.) when you reflect back, you will be glad you took that small, seemingly insignificant action step.
answered 11 Nov '13, 14:46
You need to be clear about what it is that you really want ... put it up there and then be aware of the opportunities that are EVERYWHERE that will get you moving along the path to what you want! and TAKE THEM! you don't have to get everything right ... but inertia will not create movement towards something that you want.
answered 11 Nov '13, 19:25
I am in school to be a "creator god" (we all are gods, we've just lost touch with our powers/abilities) if you wish that option is available to you..? one of things we build a lot is happy and ease.. wonderful vibrations/emotions :)
This school is not a "quick fix" but in the long term it's everything you want and more, anyway.. it's just a option :)
answered 24 Nov '13, 12:19
I have been exactly where you are, not the exact same circumstances but in the vibration that you've settled in. Focusing on all that you 'don't have'. The difficult thing is when you're vibrating lack and despair you can't see what's right in front of you, all the good stuff. It's there all the same, waiting for you to align with it and you will. What I have realized is this, once you're on this path, this journey to regular alignment with your vortex, you can't lose. You'll get pulled to where you're trying to get to anyway - not that it is actually 'somewhere else' of course. It's all right with you now, everything you want is in the room where you're sitting now. You just can't view it through the despair. The good news is this, you will power on through this, it's temporary, change is the only constant. You can make it is as difficult as you want but one day the storm will clear, these thoughts will pass and you will see every single thing that you've popped into your vortex. It's with you now, it's yours. You can't not have it. It will come. So try to relax and enjoy the ride :)
answered 26 Nov '13, 13:19
First of all I'm here on Inward Quest as a Learner. Second of all It provided a platform to share my experiences in the form of questions and answers. None I'm forcing to listen until unless they feel some conscious efforts or otherwise all is awesome in IQ.
The below mentioned experience is one part of my life.
I made my own father to travel towards death. Want to know how!
My father is Civil Contract. He works under a Builder. With one single Builder he worked for about more than 25years. Both had trust on each other. I grew up seeing their relation. Its not like a worker and owner. Their relation is like a friendship. After completion of my intermediate, I started working in call center. I had much proud on my earning that I thought to relieve my father from work (which is great mistake of my life). One fine day builder came to my home to ask about my father. At that time my father was not at home. I told him (builder) "that my father grew older, how long he can work, enough don’t be back of my father". Builder influenced by my words and told the same to my father “you grew older go, can’t work , go take rest”.
My father broke down completely. His dishearten behavior started. After so many days, with heavy hearted he informed my mother. How can he say that to me. My father is capable enough to take care 10 more kids like me. But due to direct hit on his capabilities by the most trusted person. It slowly weakens him. Later he tried to recover, but in an accident he died.
My wrong conclusion, judgment made kill my own father. He is good looking. My entire family is suffering because of me.
I was not even in a conscious state to understand why it happen and how. Later after following Dynamic thought I able to see my self clearer and conscious, understanding improved. I feel like - If someone is helping with bread and butter (though not in my case), he is a real killer. Because he is not letting you feel, express. He is not letting you to use your energies. Sooner or later stagnant energies find the way to leave you. Failures will address immediately.
In response to your pain, I can do, “not to be an obstacle in your efforts”. Instead I can put some of my efforts to double your efforts. It is called helping.
I pray for you to come out of cursed situation to a blessed circumstances. Always cultivate hope for brighter days. Hold faith until you achieve it.
How about not blaming your miserable life on higher power. While i believe there is something beyond us, imo getting your sh it together is the number one priority. Tonyrobbins dot com
answered 24 Nov '13, 14:20
I need to detach from this community, from this network. I have difficulty because it feels like a lifeline, sort of like I'm in the ocean and it's the only ship passing by that might hear my cry for help and I can't let go of it. I know intellectually that I will not find help here. I might find distraction or empathy but not the actual key that liberates me from whatever it is, internal or external, that is keeping me down. I know I can't seek that from family or anyone else either. I don't want to be involved in drama. I don't want to complain. It's just not worth my time. I want a life that I am proud to own. I don't know if that life is possible but I know I won't find it here. I am not sure how to cope but I need to focus on something else. I need to stop thinking that asking for help is my last option and find something deeper that will actually work. Maybe the key is subtle and hidden in plain sight. Maybe I haven't surrendered enough to Neville's approach. I don't know, I have to figure it out.
If possible, I would like to have my account suspended or deleted/banned to avoid the temptation of coming back. I mean it, please do it. Thank you for trying your best to provide comfort and guidance to me. Maybe something you said will bounce around in my head enough to make a difference.
Perhaps you could write country western songs? Maybe sing them? You are already a great inspiration for despair. Think about it. There could be a lot of bucks and some fancy clothes in it!
Here is a great example of what you could do! Gloom, Despair and Agony on me
But, then if you were able to pull yourself out of the despair, you would lose the ability to make money with it, because you would be feeling better. I guess if this happened, you would sink back into despair and write some more songs.
And women, the enabling type. You could have tons of those! If you have a hard time crying in front of people, turn your back a minute and pull out a few nose hairs. This will bring tears. Should get you some great sympathy.
As far as getting taller there was a marvelous invention called "The Rack." I am sure there is a youtube video somewhere. It WILL make you taller and you can suffer mightily while getting taller leading to still more country western songs. It would be a win-win!!
Wow! You are a lucky dude! Make some lemonade out of your lemons.
And if the above doesn't work, or even if it does, check out the S&M groups. They are always looking for needy people.
Too funny ... I recall learning how to square dance to music similar to that for a school play. You Southerners are such a hoot. Not much call for square dancers up North. You & Bill do si do much?
Old beau of yours @No Brainer ?
Gloom, Despair And Agony On Me
Gloom, despair, and agony on me
I stand 6 foot 8 when I'm completely unfurled
Gloom, despair, and agony on me
I knew a gal who lived high up on a hill
Gloom, despair, and agony on me
We figured she was rich, loaded to the hilt
That girl sounds a lot like you...
Flow is guitar player - he said he didn't want to be a bald short guitar player. Writing songs is a good idea; but not Country Western. Remember he is depressed & suicidal. I know the depressant effect that type music has on me. What are you trying to do @No Brainer kill him? (shame on you) Big meanie! You're taller than him too Bully! Pick on someone your own size next time. lol!
If you can't figure it out - you'll find the answer to the hash tag if you click the link below.
This answer is marked "community wiki".
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