This is a question stemming from a dream I just had. The dream very much matches life though.
One of my brothers was picking on me like I grew up being picked on. But later I had a challenge that had to be faced. It was going to be though because I needed my weapons and my guitar (It was a dream remember, fighting or playing in front of people is a challenge) as I was going to face this challenge my brother that was just picking on me was there. I said, "What are you doing here?" He said, "I'm going with you. I'm not going to let you face this alone!"
I woke up, but this is the way my brothers are, they both would help or support me if they could, I know this because they have tried helping me at times.
Now here is the hard part to understand, how could you stand up and protect or be there for someone you always picked on. It brought you joy to pick on your brother, so how could you stand up for your brother?
When you pick on someone it means you don't like that person. But they act like they love me as a brother, this doesn't make sense to me and actually highly bothers me.
One day the brother I just dreamed of told me at a picnic that he and my oldest brother used to fight and pick on each other all the time but they didn't take it personally like I did. He said it was just stupid kid stuff and meant nothing. Yes they did fight, at least I was only picked on by them but I was the youngest.
This is emotionally conflicting, hazing hurts then to suddenly get support from someone that convinced you of your not being good enough is very confusing!
Maybe that is why because they know I can't handle things myself because I am not good enough and they recognized that as children?
Please don't degrade my brothers as a response. I don't understand myself, but I will stand up for them too.
The conflict you feel is probably because of this premise - which I'd say isn't entirely correct. In some cases it is true - but in many it isn't at all true (even possibly the opposite, especially when younger).
I was an older brother and I regularly picked on my younger brothers. Occasionally even till the point where (depending on the brother) they either broke down crying or became angry and attacked me. Typically by that point I'd stop and maybe feel bad until the next time. I never had any real ill intent or malice though, and I suppose even now don't fully understand why I did it. All I know is it amused me greatly - and thinking back on the memories right now actually still amuse me.
I would say there is some archetypal identity of "older brother" and I just identified and fell into that - and it happens to include the teasing younger brothers. From my observation of a lot of other families it is quite common.
And it wasn't just with my brothers...I'd also pick on all the girls I liked when younger. Many guys when hanging out together will throw "friendly jabs" at each other...and I'd say, the closer people are the more likely they are to do that.
Teasing to me, seems to be a (for some people) natural way to interact with others and can be completely removed from whether they like or dislike the person - in the same way that someone could just be a polite person who is polite to people whether he likes them or not.
Despite all of that teasing (which I don't do so much nowadays), I always loved my brothers and still do. My youngest brother is truly one of my closest friends - and we see each other pretty much every week. And I am very proud of both my brothers.
I'm not your brother, but if I were, even though I picked on you I still loved you. I never meant to hurt you even though it seemed that way. I definitely didn't want, and wouldn't let other people tease or do bad stuff to you if I knew about it. I'd also be proud of you for who you are and for some of your accomplishments in karate and other areas.
answered 23 Jan '14, 17:36
Whatever the reason is, it probably has an evolutionary basis.
This is purely conjecture, but a little bullying from your brother can toughen you up, while him sticking up for you is a form of protection, so both behaviors could be seen as beneficial for perpetuating the species.
An easier phenomenon to understand is what happens to some mothers who love their children and want to be with them, but who are repelled by their children when they get older. This parallels with the teenager's desire to explore their world and expand their boundaries; it is nature's way of kicking them out of the house and getting them to grow up and become self-sufficient.
If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website