In 2001 I removed myself from a 17 year marriage that was plagued by cruel actions and words, directed on a daily basis in my direction, mostly after my son was born in 1987. This is when I began to hear, if you leave, I will take your son away, you will lose everything, and this is when the shift in his otherwise amiable behavior escalated to power and control.
I was raised with a belief that once you say the phrase, "I do," that for better or worse, sicker, or poorer, you stay married. No matter how many prayers, laminations, applying the thoughts become things technique or believing my husband would change, his behavior continued to decline. Eventually I was able to remove myself, keep working, establish a new residence and begin the process of healing through group and individual interventions. During this recovery time, a restraining order was issued, which was effective at keeping him distanced. This did not stop manipulations, such as taking the house we owned to the brink of foreclosure.
When the home was sold, he attempted to have my portion of the equitable distribution placed in his account. After hours of negotiation, and a bill for $2,000 in attorney's fees my portion was held in escrow until our divorce was final. He walked away that day with his portion. To show me who was boss he paraded my beloved vacuum cleaner in the back seat of his car on the day of closing. My vacuuming the house would **** him off, and he would often say that I loved my Rainbow vacuum more than him.
I had allergies to dog and cat hair and dust, and we had all three in the house. During our separation he hooked up with a woman half his age that we both had counseled as youth group leaders. She became pregnant, and one day he showed up at my apartment to tell me this was my last chance offer to return to his loving arms. Until my son was 18 the custody was joint, but because I earned the same wages as him, he did not have to pay child support or alimony.
In fact, I had to pay for my son's health care until he was 23, his private school high school education, cell phone and living expenses. Since I had spent over $10,000 to divorce this man, I wanted to spend my money on raising my son, not legal fees. I learned through counseling to take self-responsibility in the dynamic of domestic violence, and the victim mentality. My energy focus has been on being a Thriver and improving the quality of my life.
Recently I learned that this man is part owner in a business which is doing very well. The business is a Hookah bar and nightclub. One of the events includes body art. The women wear pasties on their *, thong underwear and an artist paints their naked body.
The son we had together has been smacked by his father in the head, screamed at, berated and belittled. Last year my son got married, and he has a two year old daughter with his wife. My son lives with his father's parents because he works at for a chain store conglomerate that pays marginal wages. My son is trying to get into an apartment. One option that his father came up with was for my son and his family to move into a $3,000 a month apartment with my son's father and they would split the rent.
My son makes $400 a week and works two jobs. My thought and desire is to see my son and his family have, health, wealth, health relationships, abundance, wisdom, and prosperity. Since I continue to give to my son and his family out of love, I am trying to understand how his father has prospered operating in a narcissus, selfish, continued degradation of women modus of operandi.
Any enlightenment would we greatly appreciated. I have upped my mantra, I am powerful, strong, whole, perfect, loving, happy and harmonious, in addition to more meditation, breathing and Yoga, but my logical mind keeps returning to something I am not able to make sense of.
Evil prospers because of two reasons--ignorance and theory of evolution EVIL is opposite of LIVE, means not really living, but wasting! If you are in harmony with yourself, fellow-humans and nature (and God if you believe in such an entity), then you feel light, at ease, hence you can say YOU ARE REALLY LIVING.
On the contrary, if you are not in harmony with yourself, fellow-humans and nature (and God), then you feel burdened, at dis-ease, draining energy, hence you can say YOU ARE NOT REALLY LIVING, but wasting your life--something which the Biblical word for EVIL really means.--compare Mathew 7:17 where the word "EVIL" is used to refer to bad fruit (of a literal tree).
Hence one can say evil is half-real! If you think evil exists or doesn't exist, both are right. It is like a knot on a rope. Knot was not the part of the rope when it was originally manufactured, it's just an artificial, twisted condition temporarily brought on the rope by its user. When it is straightened out, knot disappears. So is the condition of evil. When one feels at even with others, everything is simple and straight--there is no evil. When one feels more important than others, things become complicated--evil appears, like a knot on a rope. (Proverb 21:4) In feeling more important, desires becomes intense--if met with obstacles, desire becomes anger, and if fulfilled desire becomes greed and makes him even more self-important (cycle repeats with more force). The more and more self-importance one feels, evil takes monstrous form. Hence ancestors made stories/myths picturizing evil as monsters over which heroes gain victory, highlighting the fact victory over evil is possible. When one realizes his own self-worth and thus feels at even with others, things become simple--evil disappears, like a knot from a rope.
Hence questions like why God created or permitted evil do not arise. External forces (such as God or Satan) do not play any part in good or evil displayed by man--it's all people's choice! People very well know that ego is evil and unnecessary, hence they criticize/resist egoism when shown by others. If one chooses to be egoistic, it's because he wants to and has seen some temporary benefit in it, and he will only resist if corrected by others! But it's nature's law that more egoistic one is, the more unhappy he and those around him will become, which may ultimately motivate him to make changes! Hence earth is like a school where people learn their lesson, seeing the after-effects of egoism (either from their own experience or from others' experience). Hence God will not destroy this school. If humans choose to destroy earth, God will not prevent it either. History shows His role is to CREATE, and to RECREATE if humans destroy it.--Mark 10:18
SECONDLY, According to Eastern perspective, people stumbled on the very help (physical world) given to mankind. Sages say the physical world is our Teacher, hence they coined the word jagatguru. (jagat is made of first letters of three Sanskrit words which mean--come, remain, and disappear) Thus the physical world teaches that what it has is LIMITED and can only satisfy our needs temporarily. Sages put it in simple terms: Our body is made of solids, liquids, heat-circulation, air-circulation and space they all occupy, hence is exact representation of the physical world. Soul is composed of spirit qualities (Galatians 5:22), hence is exact representation of the Supreme Soul. Hence we are like a jewellery box (jewellery is more important than its container); physical world is for the LIMITED enjoyment and spirit qualities are for UNLIMITED enjoyment. The above-mentioned FIVE elements (that make our physical bodies and the physical world) have their emergent properties or corresponding FIVE sensations: Smell, Taste, Light, Sound and Pressure (or touch). And there are FIVE corresponding sense-organs in living beings to experience them: Nose, Tongue, Eyes, Ears and Skin. Thus living beings are generally divided into FIVE categories:
ONE-SENSED Plants able to feel pressure through their skin; TWO-SENSED Worms able to feel pressure through their skin and taste through their tongue; THREE-SENSED Insects able to feel pressure, taste, and smell through their skin, tongue and nose respectively; FOUR-SENSED Reptiles able to feel pressure, taste, smell and sight through their skin, tongue, nose and eyes respectively; and FIVE-SENSED Birds & Animals able to feel pressure, taste, smell, sight and sound through their skin, tongue, nose, eyes and ears respectively. If one changes the priority, thus tries for full enjoyment from the physical world and gives less importance to displaying spirit qualities, it will be like "nectar in the beginning, but will become poison in the end." For example, if one crosses the limit with regard to the use of his tongue and become careless about WHAT to eat, WHEN to eat, HOW MUCH to each and HOW to eat, it will ultimately damage his vital organs and invite diseases. So are the cases with the use of other sense organs. The physical world with all its variety in varying degrees is to teach us about its own limitedness thus to turn us towards going for unlimited enjoyment of spirit qualities. Evolutionist (and materialists) stumbled over this Great Guru called physical world when they saw the five broad categories of living beings and theorized that from space originated ONE-SENSED beings which in turn evolved into TWO-SENSED beings ... and finally into FIVE-SENSED beings! People began to put to UNLIMITED use what is meant for LIMITED USE, and reached the present condition!
What is the solution? One can only change himself, not the other person or the world. (That is why all those who tried to change the world were shaved off from the surface of the earth. God did not prevent it because world serves a purpose--it is like a school, or like a bridge for us to pass through, taking lessons). If one resolves to put the sense organs for LIMITED enjoyment, and spirit qualities for his UNLIMITED use, he can enjoy the life!
answered 20 Aug '14, 07:53
T D Joseph
i would recommend you read Paramahansa Yogananda's book The Man's Eternal Quest. Lot of your questions will be answered. For me together with other teachers like Abraham Hicks, wayne Dyer - these are the powerful lessons in life. We always wanted some magical pill to transform our lives and these are just that. it just has a little turnover time thats all if you stick to it.
When you apply spiritual laws you will realize all this is just like an illusion. It won't right now since you are very deeply rooted into it strong. Those emotions have formed a solid hold but like anything this will changed. So once you start meditation or some practice and slowly you understand the spiritual laws all this will just pass into thin air. And soon you will live life to the fullest.
Even i took up studying these when i was going through some stuff and in the beginning it felt harder to digest, and hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but as i stuck to the readings and experimenting slowly everything shifted magically.
Best of luck.
answered 19 Aug '14, 18:59
You cannot make sense of evil.
You are living what my friend, Kay, calls crazy-making stuff. Since your ex's behavior comes from this craziness, you will never, ever be able to predict his actions, and this is what we cannot deal with- our lives need to be predictable, orderly (to a degree), and make sense to us.
If your husband owns this hookah bar, I would guess he just possibly, perhaps, might be into what goes into those hookahs. Just a guess on my part. If you went to, say, Al-Anon, then perhaps they just might help you understand that you did the right thing getting away from this abuser. Perhaps this is what you need to hear the most of all. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING GETTING AWAY FROM THIS NASTY MAN!!!!!
I can only speak for America and maybe not even here-- but I have never heard of a hookah bar in the USA-- but the world is getting so crazy that perhaps there could be one here---[Caveat: Wade and I Googled "Hookah Bar" and discovered, much to my disgust, that Hookah Bars are the latest fad here in the USA. and it is the newest way to smoke tobacco...Great. Just great. So yeah, you may be here...God, this just keeps getting crazier and crazier! I am leaving my original post intact for everyone to see- I am so deluded LOL!] Anyway... It sounds like you should move out of town!!! Get away from this situation. I know, you have a lot invested in this- your house and so on. But evil is thriving all around you, and it is threatening to engulf your son.
Now- as far as manifesting goes...I have had a running battle with Wade about manifesting. I do not think that it is much different than prayer. I think that we have a power, as yet even studied very much-- we have a power to change reality with our intended thought- call it prayer, or manifesting-- we can and do change reality all the time. But are we really in control of this power? I do NOT believe in the idea that we deliberately manifest bad things into our lives. That does not make sense. Why would an otherwise sane and normal person suddenly decide, "Hey! I think I will manifest a terrible car accident into my life because it would be an interesting experience for me and my family and friends! Whoo-hoo!"
Not very logical...for if we can manifest such things, it would mean that we would have to have the power to wrap tens, maybe hundreds of people into our lives that we do not even know. That just is not logical to me- and I am talking about true logic, as defined by Aristotle, using syllogisms to prove things true or false.
You did nothing except to marry this man- and perhaps he was good and straight and right at the time...But somewhere, he chose to do bad things. He is still choosing to bad things, all tied up in evil all the while. You got out, and you can support yourself. That is much more than I left my marriage with- I am trying to understand what happened to me that I did notice that time was going by, and that my ex was slipping into lies and deception, crumbling under all sorts of pressures to do well financially. I am still reeling from the shock of losing my entire family because of it, and still trying to make sense of it. It is like having a broken tooth in your mouth- your tongue keeps going to it, even when you swear to yourself that you will not touch it again. This situation is like a broken tooth to you: you will never, ever make any sense of it. Never, ever...And the Evil Ones like it that way. The more energy you devote to it, the better the Evil Ones will approve. For their intent is to keep you down, keep you out, keep you from doing anything good!
Many people do not believe in a Spiritual realm where there is Good and Evil. Fine. But a lot of really terrible things have happened to me, and the only way I can make sense of it is with this idea of Good and Evil. If that really does not exist, then the world really must have devolved into total chaos. And if that is true, then we are trying to see patterns in Chaos, which is impossible- chaos is those things which do not have patterns- those things which make no sense and have no order.
Other people will answer you and your very fine post. Each of us sees the elephant differently. I hope that, altogether, we help you to make sense of this. I must say a caveat here- please do not buy into the idea that you are responsible for this. You aren't. If you read that here, my advice is to run away. Woman have been disenfranchised for thousands of years, and here is no exception. Keep that power you have worked so very hard to hold. Don't let anyone tell you that you did this. You did not.
I will pray that your head clears, and that you smile and let go- drop the Rock, so to speak.
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