I've been struggling in almost all aspects of my life for a couple of months now. Everything has been spiralling down and down. Glimpses of improvement (opportunities) appear from time to time after A LOT of work and hardship and almost always as a future possibility. So I have to basically wait and wait.
When the opportunity presents itself something happens and it's either delayed or gone. So I go back to the cycle of working/waiting for the next one.
I've also noticed that my mood in general has been turning for the worse. To the point of basically wanting to stop existing. I wouldn't commit suicide or anything like that but if there was some sort of emergency abort button I think I would definitely would have pressed it.
I have read a ton of material and done a lot of exercises/techniques (Abraham's books, Bashar, FasterEFT, Meditation, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, MC2 and more) and my mood improves temporarily, then it seems to stop "working" and it leads to frustration, exhaustion.
Yesterday I came to the site, and was about to post about bottoming and found this post and a couple of others: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/91627/what-to-do-when-life-hits-rock-bottom
I definitely felt relief, even hopeful. Today I realized that I was feeling good and one of my first thoughts/feelings about it was that I was scared of loosing the positive feelings. I tried to let go and seem to be ok, but I was wondering if anyone had ever experienced something similar, had any advice, etc.
Thanks a lot, and sorry for the long post.
I think the fear starts to fall away when you realise the feelings aren’t something you can lose, they are what you are at your core.
It helps sometimes to think of the analogy of the sun hiding behind the clouds, the good feelings are always there, it’s just easy to start feeling foggy and lose sight of it and then beat yourself up for not being able to see it.
After you’ve felt crummy for so long you do want to grab on to whatever good feelings you can. But you lose sight of them, then you find them again, then you fall again, and you realise that picking yourself up and coming back into the light is what life is all about.
I think the most important thing is to go easy on yourself and realise that you are taking such huge steps toward breaking the cycle you were in, even if you only feel better for a short time, and even if you have to pick yourself up again and again.
I know it’s easier said than done but the more you repeat it to yourself the more it sinks in, it just takes a while.
answered 11 Sep '14, 21:38
Hello Kriegerd, I read your post and can feel the bewilderment in your words. I feel I have been in your shoes many times.
I suggest you read this book: In an Unspoken Voice How the body releases trauma and restores goodness by Peter Levine, PhD. All of us have past trauma to deal with that has been locked away in your body memory. The turning of the seasons can add layers or crud onto our otherwise beautiful body, mind, and spirit. PTSD is not just for soldiers coming home form battle. PTSD is being human. You don't have to go back and relive anything but you must follow the pains in your body(including your mind) and let your natural responses take over. Until these body memories are given expression and allowed to fully express you will be stuck in the past.
I suggest also some kind of dynamic meditation--chanting, dancing, Zumba, speaking gibberish and let your legs move---riding a bike very fast is perfect.
Taking wheat out of my diet has helped tremendously also. Its like my mind attacks itself when I eat wheat.
If your anxiety levels are high and you can feel it in your body you are not dying--you are ready to be born. Go shout from the mountain top: I am here now! I am a worthy deserving person. I have a right to be here in this universe. I have the right to be because I AM (a little Seth for you).
I have used the concepts in In an Unspoken Voice and eliminated wheat in the last 3 weeks and feel like I am on a different wonderful planet.
If you start to shake then allow it....you are becoming you all over again.
fear is there if it is let to be,
answered 12 Sep '14, 21:33
I would suggest that you re-read your question and see how much you don't like or trust yourself. You are advertising here that you want a daddy or mommy to take care of you. (Not meaning to be harmful here, but just acting as a soundboard throwing your words back at you.)
LoA is about how your energy is transformed into your reality. With your energy advertising your love of your own helplessness, how can you ever gain the experience you need to be powerful? You can't.
Don't worry. Most of us have been where you are. But if you want a different reality where you are not failing at everything (often a learned response to get mommy or daddy's attention), then you have to start being successful at not being powerless. That takes practice and paying attention to your own consequences.
The only question is: How much do you want it. If you REALLY want it, you would set spiritual maturity as your goal. You would be less dependent on us and more dependent on the voice within. It sounds like you don't know the difference between an emotion and a feeling. That's the underlying problem. (That's also learned) Without knowing the difference between an emotion and a feeling, how can you ever find that voice.
Think about this. Ask how you can find your voice, but ask with certainty that the answer will come.
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