I'm a 22 year old male. After a very depressing 2013, I became suicidal, however depression kind of just dropped seamlessly towards the end of that year. I just focused on physical exercise, music, uni work etc and dealt with the extreme negativity as it appeared until I realised I wasn't in that space anymore.

Anyway forward to the beginning 2014. I felt a lightness, renewed and I became interested in manifesting and LOA. I tried various methods, techniques, etc from various sources so I could manifest relationships, friendships. But something did not make sense to me, why do I have to do all of this to manifest things that come to people with seeming ease. When I tried to initiate friendships and relationships they never worked. I was bullied throughout school but always still tried to put myself out there with no success.I realise I was acting out of desperation. Now that I don't try to force things, I feel invisible and as if I will never have the fun times and romantic experiences of my age group.

I have just started a postgrad degree and I feel like it's the last year I'm going to be surrounded by so many people around the same age as me. Am I supposed to just feel the loneliness? I've read we are all alone, but aloneness is something I am well acquainted with and I want to experience connection. Ultimately my biggest question is how much control do I really have as an individual to create the relationships and friendships I desire?


asked 07 Oct '14, 07:25

transmitter91's gravatar image


if unafraid to be the
recipient worthy of
the viewed relationship, the
power may be there for use


answered 07 Oct '14, 20:30

fred's gravatar image


Much of what seems to come to others easily is the result of something they have practised from a very young age. Some stay in tune with themselves i.e. give priority to their feeling of well-being so "automatically" that it seems that they are gifted but what's actually happening is that they have just allowed their true Self in every, or nearly every instance of their life. One doesn't need to know all the principles of creation, just staying true to one's Inner Self, keeping a predominantly positive outlook and staying in as good a good-feeling zone as possible is enough for us to manifest all that we would desire because when we focus our attention we are "asking", and since we can only experience what we are conscious of (: consciousness being the basis of all things :) it also "answered" the instant we focus, and then it's just a matter of staying in the same of emotional zone of the focus to manifest it. Works for pleasant and unpleasant desires. It's not about trying "to make things happen", effort usually produces trivial, meager and easily reversible results unless it has the solid foundation of a generally positive and allowing state of mind. Effort as most people mean is usually strenuous and contains resistant focus.

You NEVER bother or try to work on relationships with seeming "others" because they are the mirror and can only reflect your inner state. Work on your relationship with YOU. That's the only one that matters anyway. Sometimes this attempt to imagine from the state of the wish fulfilled although nice starts to get very complicated because we start questioning all our actions and once more get entrapped by the "physical action" or evidence thing. The only important action to be taken is the inner action i.e. from time to time imagine a thing or two that implies that you have occupied your preferred state. You can repeat one thing again and again or keep varying things as long as you feel good. Remember, one sure thing for all pleasant desires is that you will feel generally good in the having of it, so that's the common denominator. "What would your life be like if you had the girlfriend you wanted?", well it would be good feeling first and foremost and then it would be relatively relaxed and stress-free (: since you're not worried about finding one :). So focus on feeling good and get your mind on other things that interest you and come back to this topic only when you can focus on it in a good feeling way.

We are All. Self is All. It is beyond description. Frankly, the real YOU that is pure consciousness beyond what can be described in language. Actually, there's no "Law of Attraction" or Universe or anything other or apart from you. YOU are the law and you must always experience who you are for there is nothing else you can experience. YOU are the Law, the Universe etc. The Law of Attraction is the Law of YOU, it's YOU. Loneliness is when you focus on the Illusion of Separation too much and think that you are just what the senses and the tiny weeny rational mind tells you you are. YOU ARE ALL IN ALL - yes, YOU ARE ALL and YOU ARE IN ALL. There's only Unity. One-ness. There is only Self.


answered 08 Oct '14, 10:58

harsha's gravatar image


edited 08 Oct '14, 11:00


I think I just need to accept each moment and have something to focus on all the time. Externally I don't try to make things happen, but I am trying to move my attention from that desparate internal need that's definetly there.

(10 Oct '14, 17:04) transmitter91

@transmitter91: Great. Living moment by moment is good. Acceptance i.e. being at peace with what "is" (: and is forever changing according to our inner state :), is a key aspect of allowing. Great that you don't try to make things happen, because action can never compensate for your inner state. The desperate internal need is only and always to feel good. That must be the focus. The relationship you seek is only for the "feel good" factor. Get that first - for it's own sake.

(10 Oct '14, 17:31) harsha

I'm not even going to focus on feeling good. I know the things that make me feel good. Physical excercise and sounds/music.I'm sure feeling good with people has its own quality. I'm just going to approach life moment to moment, getting attached to feeling good is just going to make me think, ok now I can get what I want, I realize I can't then the cycle continues. It seems others manifest there wants and needs without always feeling good so I'm not going to rely on that. Thanks for your help.

(12 Oct '14, 11:52) transmitter91
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

I had in the past had been in a situation as similar to yours. I had spent very many years alone since school days. I didn't believe that I was good enough for girls, that they could do better and I would rather them be happy than myself be happy at the expense of their happiness.

After a few failures of relationship attempts that felt destroying to me the right woman came to me, this is quite literally she hoped into an airplane and came to me.

alt text

Wade & Jaianniah

This will pass for you and you will find your right woman as have I.

I know that bullying makes you feel bad about yourself. It did for myself as well, however these bullies are the ones that feel pain inside themselves and they lash out at others in attempt to feel better about themselves. In understanding this, know that these bullies are below you and feel so because they need to hurt others to feel better.

Aldan Tan has an excellent article on bullies here. He does use profanity in his expression of the topic, I just wanted to give a warning to any and all reading this.

Fortunately for myself, I stood up against bullies that put me down. It still didn't help to make me feel better of course. But if you read that article you will see it is not about you, it is more about the bully's lack and you happen to be in the wrong place at the right time for the bully.

In all those years alone that I had, I had turned inward. I studied tons of books, and joined mystery schools, I became very high level even and been invited into Neo-Tech which for me was the ultimate. It took all those years of loneliness since I was a teen even, all of those years to become what I am now. I meditated, I experimented, I observed, I bought all of the Avatar EPC materials I could and studied them and studied thought, I studied dreams and God even and made The God Conscious Experiment even.

As we are criticized for what we do or make, this pushes us to be better, to do better and often we do make things better and even surprise ourselves by not accepting what we thought was good and now can see pales in comparison to what we achieved after being told we were not good enough. Take your criticism as not an insult to what you are but as a challenge to be more and do better so that you can look afterwards and and hear people say, "Amazing, how did you get so good?" Use your criticism to propel you instead of stifle you, it is sad when a person gets put down and gives up for being put down but it is awesome when someone gets put down and raises high above anyone's expectation!

Watch this film about such a person, it is called One Chance.

The summit of awesome is at the top of the mountain of not good enough." - Wade Casaldi


answered 08 Oct '14, 17:06

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 08 Oct '14, 17:54

@Wade Casaldi- I do not know how I could have withstood the criticism that you experienced from your Dad. I have felt so many lashes of tongue from so many people that I cannot even hear the perhaps good intent of criticism anymore. To me, the words feel like swords in my heart. I go way past even hearing anything. I shift in my consciousness immediately away from those words. I think it is a component of my autism and also social phobia. -more...

(08 Oct '14, 17:20) Jaianniah

@Wade Casaldi- (Cont.)- Whatever the cause, I have never been able to correctly process criticism. My report cards from school were laced with the words, "Cannot handle criticism well." Perhaps it has to do with my Mother, who I now understand as I have never been able to before. Perhaps it is just me. I suspect so. Whatever...I have learned in my dealings with others to always, always, start with praise. A little praise first. I think that concrete praise goes a long way. ♥

(08 Oct '14, 17:24) Jaianniah

@Wade Casaldi- Remember the saying- "If you do not have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all"...Saying something like, "Well, Wade, it's okay, but if you changed this part to this, it would be so much better," is not saying something nice. It is saying that what you did falls short. Constructive Criticism always starts with praise. It starts with the strengths of what is being analyzed. Jaianniah ♥

(08 Oct '14, 17:28) Jaianniah

@Wade Casaldi I've been involved with a bully lately and couldn't figure out why I was so okay with it and able to handle it, but your last paragraph made it a lot clearer for me. We don't often grow in huge amounts from people patting us on the head and telling us how good we are. Sometimes others pointing out our faults can be a great blessing. Thanks for the reminder!

(08 Oct '14, 18:35) Bluebell

The bullying thing I just can't accept. They were popular, well adjusted and seemed to do it as a form of entertainment, I can't believe bullies are crying themselves to sleep at night. Sorry, that article touched a nerve, one of the things they used to say to me in high school repeatedly was "nobody loves you" while others looked on laughing. But that was in the past and I've made peace with those who took part.


(10 Oct '14, 17:28) transmitter91

@transmitter91 @Wade Casaldi- I was bullied, and no matter how long a time goes by, no matter how much I understand them or understand myself, the bullies to me still felt like hyenas going after an antelope to me. I always was afraid that they could've eaten me if they chose. I do not think there is ANY justification for bullying. None. All I ever learned from bullies was that I was wrong, not them! What a stupid thing to learn. I agree with you, transmitter. Wrong is just wrong.

(11 Oct '14, 07:49) Jaianniah

@transmitter91 I am just saying take back your power. Don't let the bullies win. You are better than that, deep inside your being know and understand that.

(13 Oct '14, 23:38) Wade Casaldi
showing 2 of 7 show 5 more comments

Hi transmitter91, I understand how you feel. I don't really have any direct answer to your question but I would like to share my own experience. I also recently graduated from university but I did not went on further to get a postgrad degree. During my course of study at the start, I also felt very negative and suicidal at times and felt like I had no one to turn to in real life that I had to try and seek for help online here. At that time, I had already spent quite a lot of time on this site and learnt about different techniques to make myself feel better, etc.. but I understand when you are in that state sometimes you don't even feel like doing anything at all.

It was after some time of struggling with myself that I took the steps out to reach out to people who could help me, for instance, if you are pursuing a degree - I am sure you have school counsellors around who would be willing to lend you a listening ear. Having someone to talk to can really help to reduce the negativity you might have at the moment.

Relationship wise - let me tell you a secret - the original reason why I registered and came onto this site was because I wanted to manifest a girlfriend and a relationship for myself. It's been around 4-5 years since then and I have not even gotten anywhere close to it and it doesn't really bother me that much anymore. I guess it's just a thing that people around your age feel due to social pressure, but when you think hard and long about it, it just means that you are not ready for it. What I actually did was to ask myself the question "How would my life change if I had a girlfriend right here and right now?" I could not find the answer to that question, and when I tried to think of the possibilities I shuddered at the thought of them which means my belief system was not ready for them yet. Don't just think of the good romantic times you would have with her, but things like if you are playing an online multiplayer game and then she pesters you to chat with her, her coming to your house and knowing all your secrets, having to spend that extra money on dates, her bringing you in front of her closest female friends.. etc.. are you really ready for all that?

As for friendships, you might think that having a lot of friends seem like a nice thing - but you would be surprised at the amount of effort you actually have to put in to maintain them, such as going out together on weekends, etc. It's really exhausting sometimes and it's much better to have just a few close friends in your life, which I believe you do have from your past question here. Sometimes, friends are really more exhausting and irritating rather than making you feel "less lonely". And in this question, you state that you often have people coming to you for advice, this already shows that you are not alone and people enjoy talking to you! To tell you the truth too, I never made any "real" friends during my 4 years of university life. Of course, I did made quite a number of friends, but they were more like acquaintances - only have their contacts, meet in school, but never really go out or chat after school hours. And if you ask around, I'm sure a lot of people are like these actually in university - most of the time their closest friends are the ones made in high school or earlier.

Basically, before university and the time I was in university, I felt lonely just like you. But after 4 long years, my friendships and relationships are 99% the same before I entered the university and after I left.. but I don't feel as lonely anymore, because the way I think has changed greatly.

And also, maybe this post by Stingray might help


answered 07 Oct '14, 14:48

kakaboo's gravatar image


edited 07 Oct '14, 14:50

I can certainly fill a day very easily doing things I enjoy by myself. But I would have to be completely immersed in an activity to not have thoughts drift to my desires.

(10 Oct '14, 17:18) transmitter91

Look- look. I am really concerned about you. I want you to understand that. You are so serious, and you're grinding yourself to a halt. Let me bring in a little laughter. Maybe it will help.


alt text

Okay, let me get this right--You are like, nearly done growing or something, and you are on Inward Quest and really interested in developing friendships- relationships. Maybe you need to like, stop creating more of this seriously serious analysis stuff, and more happiness. How? Well, let's look at it from my perspective for a minute. I mean, from my perspective, which is to say, a person who is closer to end than the beginning, I have to say, hey, dude, relax. I have a son- oh yes, a son. My son is very serious like you. He was really sad because he was alone. He worked and worked. Finally, he decided to just stop worrying about everything. He dropped the rock, so-to-speak. So he's at work. And this blond (girl!) comes up to him, and asks him out on a date. Turns out that she had been seeing him, and could not make up her mind to ask him out. Perhaps it was when he gave up on worrying about relationships that he began to really manifest relationships. Long story short, I am having to buy myself mother-in-law wedding clothes. Yeah, it happened for him. And it will happen for you if you relax!

God, I wish I could go back to your age! What would I do if I could?? Well, you can bet that I wouldn't be worrying quite so much about having relationships so much as just grabbing onto the fact that I could bend over without creaking once more...That is to say, golly, gee,

Hey, Lighten Up, already!!!

I was wondering why you weren't more interested in getting your hands on, say a 2015 Maserati Ghibli? Hey, I know this guy who could get you into one for just $74,000- real bargain here! Seriously, though- Go sow some wild oats or something! Relax. Before too long, you, too, will be looking at wrinkles in your mirror. Your best friends could turn out to be the kids in the dorm room next door...My best friends are a plastic surgeon and a bottle of Cartilage Repair pills.

Oh, I know, I know. You want a relationship- you need to have some intimacy. Don't we all? But maybe you could stash the bucket list and chill out a bit. Only too soon you'll be finding out all about engagement rings, Pampers, and Fisher-Price toy sales. Only too soon, this will be you, getting ready for work at the old mill:

alt text

If you want to get happy, have friends and influence people, then you are going to have to let go of it- work the solution instead of the problem. Get out of your room, and Enjoy being young, for Godssakes! You know, pizza and cramming and shopping for junk food- that sort of thing?

I think all of us who are my age would look back and wish that they could have had more fun at your age. And if you are out having fun, instead of focusing on the things you do not have, magic will happen. . (Remember: What you focus on, you get more of...Like to like. Focusing on loneliness gets you more loneliness.) At the rate you're going, you are going to manifest the first black hole of relationships! And while you are eating your pizza, you might just stumble across Ms. Right and a whole bunch of friends, too.

I know you are hurting. This can be a real hard time for anyone. But think about what I have said- Work the solution instead of the problem. Focus on lightening up your whole being, releasing the outcome, and helping yourself like yourself. That would be better than trying to force the Universe into what you want to have. Let go, and "Let the Universe"- so-to-speak. (I believe in God, myself. He helps me a lot.)

I really do hope you will slow down and be happy! Study the following picture carefully. Insert your image in the appropriate place. Smile.

alt text


Joanniah oops...I mean Jaianniah


answered 08 Oct '14, 12:30

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 08 Oct '14, 13:17

I know I am being too serious, my fear is that life is fragile and I will never get to experience intimacy. I will just focus on other things but I don't want to feel like I'm suppressing my feelings. I've stopped asking the universe for things and looking for what I want and instead focus on doing my everyday activities to the best of my ability. I guess it's the problem of doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result.Thanks for the concern.


(10 Oct '14, 16:53) transmitter91

@transmitter91- Oh, Jeez! You sound very down...Intimacy will come. Believe me. But what are you going to do in the meantime? This is what I meant, I think. There are so many hours and days that you will be living that are not going to be filled with anyone but you. I believe that the more you try to let go, the better. Just let go. I do not mean shut down. Rather,try to be appreciative of being alive. I hope you will be happy!

(11 Oct '14, 14:19) Jaianniah

I am going to avoid projections about the future, it's tiring to hope for what appears simple to others. Just take care of what's infront of me. And appreciating life, without rejecting any feelings or experiences. I think I wont be posting here for a while and I'll stop reading things on manifestation, love, allowing etc, it's just deepening a hole of desparation and I'm not reaching any real understanding. I will just try to respond and learn from life first hand without expectations.

(12 Oct '14, 11:36) transmitter91

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it, good luck on your paths. Goodbye people of inward quest. Take care.

Regards Dennis

(12 Oct '14, 11:39) transmitter91

@transmitter91- I am deeply concerned for you. I really think that perhaps you should talk to someone about how you have been feeling. I cannot presume to guess what is going on, but I am concerned for you. Please take care. ♥

(13 Oct '14, 09:47) Jaianniah
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

Hey mate,

Look my answer is different to everyone elses. You're your own man and you have the right to choose what you want to do, but personally I can already sense you're a "nice guy" and youre scared of your masculinity.

Refer to my contraversial stuff here, it will speak to you, bearing in mind I was an angry and nervous wreck when I posted this, though the information is still relevant: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/85894/no-more-mr-nice-guy-book-review-and-insights-for-single-guys-on-iq

You want friends: take action

You want to feel happier: take action and do things to do it

You want a girl: take action

You want an answer on this website: take action.

Look! You've already done at least one of those things and you're experiencing results!

Anthony Robins depicts his universal way to get anything you want in four steps. Time and time again, every classic in their own methodology follows this pattern.

(1) Know what you want. (2) Take massive action to get what you want. (3) Recognise the results, lessons and feedback you are gettting from your actions (4) Change your actions according to the feedback in the previous step, until you get what you want.

An important tip I can grant is that when it comes to people, no-body wants to be around a loser, or a person that brings other peoples energies down.

Let me repeat that: you will not be likeable by being sad.

You need to be a person that brings up peoples energies.

Take action on all those steps, 3 weeks from now post back on how your life has changed. You also need to maximise what you can cram into every day, so, don't put off this stuff:



answered 12 Oct '14, 11:52

Nikulas's gravatar image


I'm not a nice guy, just no. I don't relate to people in that way, despite my deficencies and I'm not that unaware of social dynamics. I don't know how I could be bringing anyone's energy down or how my internal state can be telegraphed enough as to render me unlikeable. I'm not going to be posting in 3 weeks about how I'm doing. Where does it end with all of this seeking for a method or a way it's just tiring.But Thanks.


(12 Oct '14, 13:34) transmitter91

First of all is it what you really want?

it might seams simple or a silly question. Well if what you do feel like a choir or you are picking people just to satisfy your short term desire it might not work in the long run. Then you will be back to square one complaining again and again. Get to know the person or the people around you each one is different and similar to you on this it might work or not work. not only on difference on similarity as well. why because often people complain about other people and they are the same and do the same stuff or even worse. you will meet many people on this journey some for a short time and some for a long time.

be aware and get to know your self and other. be merciful to your self and other. no one is perfect in this world and every one makes mistake. solve your division and do not remain in darkness, let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.


answered 13 Oct '14, 17:41

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 13 Oct '14, 17:45

Click here to create a free account

If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website



Asked: 07 Oct '14, 07:25

Seen: 665 times

Last updated: 13 Oct '14, 23:38

Follow this question

By Email:

Once you sign in you will be able to subscribe for any updates here



Answers and Comments

Markdown Basics

  • *italic* or _italic_
  • **bold** or __bold__
  • link:[text](http://url.com/ "title")
  • image?![alt text](/path/img.jpg "title")
  • numbered list: 1. Foo 2. Bar
  • to add a line break simply add two spaces to where you would like the new line to be.
  • basic HTML tags are also supported

Related Questions