Hi, I'm asking this as a follow-up to another question, which may not have been very clearly phrased. My earlier question is here : http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/9453/by-the-loa-why-do-people-disappoint-us-if-we-had-higher-expectations-of-them.

I'd like to know why is it that sometimes, we expect someone to behave a certain way to us, and yet they do something opposite or totally unexpected... how did that situation manifest if we had been expecting something else? Doesn't LOA always give us what we expect?

asked 20 Nov '10, 09:47

Pat%20W's gravatar image

Pat W

Yes, the Law of Attraction always gives you what you expect (the alignment of desire and dominant belief) - there's no exceptions to that, ever.

But what you expect is not what you prefer or want or wish; it goes much, much deeper than that.

When talking about the ideas of beliefs and expectations to others, sometimes people try to say to me (in a mocking sort of way) something along the lines of "So if I expect that I can walk through that wall over there, I should just slide right through it?"

And the direct answer I give them (which they are usually not expecting!) is ...Yes

But the reason the answer is surprising to them is that they are thinking more in terms of preference, rather than expectation.

I could prefer to walk through a solid wall but I know right now (with my current level of expectation) that if I tried it, I would probably leave a dent in my head :) ...because expectation goes much, much deeper than that.

Expectation is something that goes to the absolute core of who you are, it leaves no room for doubt of any kind.

And here is the point that relates to your question...

If you truly expected someone to behave in a certain way, you wouldn't even notice if they didn't!

True expectation goes that deep.

Are you saying that this is the level of expectation you have about the behavior of those others who behave unexpectedly?

It doesn't sound to me like this is the level of expectation that you currently have. It seems that your underlying belief here is displayed in this sentence of your question...

I'd like to know why is it that sometimes, we expect someone to behave a certain way to us, and yet they do something opposite or totally unexpected...

It seems to me that your underlying belief here is that "Sometimes people do something opposite or totally unexpected to what I expect"

I apologize if this answer sounds annoying or unsatisfactory but often what the beliefs (and accompanying expectations) we think we hold are not what we actually hold. It's often when we are talking or discussing with others that our real beliefs and expectations slip out.

The simple rule of thumb to remember is in the first line of this answer ("there are no exceptions") so if something has come unexpectedly, it must mean you were not fully aware of what you were really expecting


answered 20 Nov '10, 11:00

Stingray's gravatar image


Hahaha, Stingray, thanks, I'm not annoyed by your answer. I think it's great that you've helped me unearth my underlying belief. Any advice on how to change our beliefs? So far the Abraham Hicks methods seem to be only about changing how we feel.

(20 Nov '10, 12:13) Pat W

Pat, bear in mind that you cannot have a feeling about anything without having it come in response to a belief (a dominant thought) - again, no exceptions ever...thought always precedes feeling. So if you now think differently about something and it makes feel predominantly differently about it, you must have changed what you believe about it. So the Abraham methods are about belief change. Personally, I think Abraham's Focus Wheels are the best thing available for the time investment involved...Focus Blocks are my own personal systematic adaptation of them

(20 Nov '10, 12:42) Stingray

Interesting. I'll think about that. Thanks Stingray.

(20 Nov '10, 18:18) Pat W

Well said & understood! Especially "it's often when we are talking or discussing with others that our real beliefs and expectations slip out." Powerful! Thanks Stingray!

(21 Nov '10, 01:35) figure8shape

Stingray, I struggled with understanding what you write here, and I feel so overwhelmed with emotion, and relief as I reread this answer today and it resonates completelty within me.
Thank you so much!

(15 Feb '11, 15:44) Nikki777

Glad you found it useful, Nikki777

(15 Feb '11, 18:05) Stingray

So what you are saying is that my expectations control other people's behavior?

(26 Mar '11, 17:54) Fairy Princess

@Juniper - Yes, that's what I'm saying. It doesn't mean you control them, it means that you attract out of them behavior that is consistent with your expectation of them as far as they are a vibrational match to that expectation. When your expectation changes to an extent that no part of them can match it anymore, they will fade from your reality - or even "clatter" from it: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/6145/how-can-i-remain-positive-despite-my-mothers-negativity/6146#6146

(27 Mar '11, 02:05) Stingray

Thanks for the link to the explanation. I actually described clattering in my answer, I just didn't have a name for it. I just made it up for the answer, or it came to me or whatever. So I understand that part. That is not the same as causing them to behave according to our expectations.

(29 Mar '11, 02:53) Fairy Princess
showing 2 of 9 show 7 more comments

Perpahs my real life experience might be able to help you with this question.

I really wanted a loving relationship with someone fun, outgoing, genuine and someone perfect for me. I knew I wanted this relationship and met someone who I felt met all this criteria.

We hit it off so well, and everything seemed to just rush into place. We were happy and always in touch, when one day he told me he couldnt continue on with our relationship..because of the person I used to be when I was younger.

I felt so blindsighted and thought this came out of no where. I was upset, then tried my best to move up the emotional scale (Abraham's emotional guidance system). In the process, I came to an understanding that although I was loving being in the relationship. I felt some discomfort there all along- I rushed in because i was scared to lose it, I expected him to leave me, I had has such experiences in the past, and had dealt with my relationship insecutiries for so long that I manifested them into my physical reality.

I was undoubtedly shocked to see how this manifestation had occured, I feared and often doubted if I could trust him. The reason he gave me for ending our relationship was that he could trust me. Some irony there. :)

Like Stingray rightfully said, it is always some belief that becomes so lodged up in out minds, we dont even consciously perceive it.

Once you do recognize it, then it becomes so much easier to focus on correcting that belief. I truly this helps.


answered 15 Feb '11, 17:02

Nikki777's gravatar image


Thanks for sharing, Nikki777. :)

(16 Feb '11, 02:02) Pat W

Nikki777 thank you for sharing, and hey you're a strong woman and will find the right mate when you're ready. Lots of love

(16 Feb '11, 13:52) daniele

That assumes that we are actually controlling other people's behavior with our own expectations. We are responsible for our own behavior. We might not like what somebody says or does, but our reaction, our response is what matters and what we are in control of. How could we send someone to prison for murdering someone if it was not their will that they were under but another person's control by expectation? We might attract certain people into our lives because they behave according to our expectations of them. Like attractin abusive boyfriends. It is not the victims expectations that caused the abuser to abuse, but it was the victims expectation that they would be mistreated that attracted somebody to mistreat them. So, it is not the action that we attract, but the person to complete the expected action. So people will act how they will act and our LOA will attract them into our lives, or out of our lives.


answered 26 Mar '11, 20:30

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

Here is a classic and sad example of the expected, and unexpected, and this is a true story. A young woman just filled her Gas Tank, and got into her car to drive home, she was making a left turn onto the road, and another young woman was trying to beat the Red Stop Light, and of course collision. The young woman making the left turned died instantly, and the young woman trying to beat the Red Stop Light came out of the accident with no injuries.

What happened here: did this young woman wanted to die like this, or did the other young woman who is still alive wanted to be the one dead instead? Did either of these two ladies attract this crisis into their lives, and if so why?


answered 21 Nov '10, 00:34

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

This is a good question. I have to say that I see how we can attract certain situations, environments but I am not sure if it works like an exact law in every situation. I know many here will disagree but that is my personal opinion.

I don't think you can always use it to explain all behavior of everyone at every occasion.

Search about competing wills, mind-states, there has been a lot of discussion on it etc...


answered 16 Feb '11, 02:00

Back2Basics's gravatar image


I totally have a similar point of view. How does one explain natural disasters or plane crashes? Did they all manifest it together?

(16 Feb '11, 02:25) jim 10
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Asked: 20 Nov '10, 09:47

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Last updated: 26 Mar '11, 20:30

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