Hi, thanks for taking the time to look over my question. I'm very new so I apologize if I come across as overly eager.

Warning: I will be discussing the Dao. If you are wise you will not read the rest of this.

Basically about two years ago I felt like I've discovered myself. I used to be a God fearing Christian but then I got smacked in the face with the conclusion of oneness, I still feel the feeling of infinity inside of me stretching out from me. I can see myself in everything, and I can see through the "hologram." I decided God is also the devil, and that I am both of them. I am existence.

So anyway when I concluded this it still felt incomplete. Admittedly, the conclusion even scared me a little bit, almost made me feel uncomfortable. Like, I was missing a chunk of the puzzle somehow, which was extremely unsettling because I thought I was "enlightened", so I was like, will I just feel eternally dissatisfied?

But then, just recently I felt my awareness of the "truth" sort of jettison up a few levels and all my fears vanished along with the rest of my attachment to ego. I rapidly came to another understanding that if darkness and light allow each other, left allows right, etc, then this rule applies to literally everything. It's always been like this. How? Because our rule applies here and the opposite is true: it's never been like this. You will never stop existing because you never existed in the first place. There is no duality. Duality isn't god, it's another illusion.

What the ****

I was sober when I thought of this.

Guys I concluded all this on my own just by thinking about it. I've never had a teacher. I've read a little bit about it but not nearly as much as I wish. All these conclusions have just been nailing me in the ass for the past couple years relentlessly. Now suddenly I've tapped the infinite well of answers, that I already have all the answers, I've always had them all along.

So the fabric of fabrics--the reality of realities--can literally be brought to a resolution if you so choose.

I'm 19 guys. What in the world does all this mean? I already know the answer, but please share the unsharable with me. Why am I learning all this so fast and none of my other friends share this/care? Do I really need to "purge the fetters" to extinguish, or isn't it enough to say I'm currently extinguished as I am?

Am I more/less extinguished than you, myself?

Please be my teacher when I want one that isn't me for once. I know it sounds stupid and counter intuitive, but for now I'm choosing to desire a teacher external to the boundaries of my ego who also has an ego. Thank you for listening! This is my first post here, sorry if I sound crazy!

asked 30 Apr '15, 05:17

Nez's gravatar image


edited 30 Apr '15, 05:51

Hi @Nez so you ask why your spiritual growth blossoms out of control. I can only reply from my own personal experience ...

For me spiritual growth blossoming is a wonderful feeling and it's never out of control, though I appreciate that from a certain angle it could appear to be out of control.

The way I see things is very simple, all that's on the outside that is, all that other people can perceive with their human eyes including my human form is my outer space, it's the place where stories take place in the physical world.

Then there's my inner space, that limitless space inside me that no one can see with their human eyes not even myself. It's always there just waiting and seems without boundaries of time or space. In this space appear emotions and feelings which are really the same thing, there appear thoughts and bodily sensations and that's about it.

There's a seamless veil between the inner and outer spaces that allows two way seeing.


answered 19 Jul '15, 06:49

jaz's gravatar image


Hi and Welcome to IQ!

I think much of this will make absolutely no sense- unless you believe in reincarnation. Perhaps the answers to many things lie with that. It explains so much to me; it has explained so much of my life, and what I have chosen to experience, as well.

Like you, I was deeply spiritual at an early age. I do not ever remember a time when I did not know God. I seemed to understand, too, that God was a million different things, depending on each person. I knew that (and this was about age 5, mind you) that the way I felt was definitely not the way that other people felt about God at all. So I mostly kept my mouth tightly shut.

The sense that my life was deeply wrong somehow pervaded my whole existence. I especially knew that my mother was not right somehow- she was too young, too scared, and way too angry about having had me to ever, ever be a nuturer for me. I knew I was mostly alone- at least, while my father was at work. He was my father- and my mother. And he also was deeply spiritual, a fact that he kept from my mother- from everyone, in fact. And when my father took a shine to me, and we began our strange and wonderful relationship, my mother became consumed with jealousy, and was even more angry that I was alive. The first years of my life seemed all red and green- anger and jealousy surrounded me, and this caused me great pain; the pain, in turn, sent me straight to my Creator. A huge, "Why???" I sent up to God, but I heard nothing from Him at all.

Deep pain can accelerate spirituality. It can, but that does not mean that it will. It depends upon the soul of the person. All I know is that it was a fact in my life. I was not going to feel anything but bad until I learned to read at age six. Reading was a great friend to me, and it helped me learn, and it became my friend and Teacher. I knew that God was working through the books I read. So I trusted Him to locate the books I needed. My father and his mom, my Grandma Clara, took it upon themselves to make sure that I had enough reading material. I was able to drop into nothingness for a time. I floated on a bed of words, and it was great to feel that nothingness. I suddenly knew that the nothingness came from God, and yet was a different part of God, too. How Dao! And at age 6 or so.

Fast forward 50 years. I find Wade, and after we are together a few years, I start "seeing" someplace that was never too hot or cold, and was a rich and beautiful green. I knew this place; it was Ireland. I saw a farmyard, and a beloved brother who tended to that farm- in fact, was bonded to that farm, and to me. He felt so familiar. His name was Jack O'Riordan, and it was long ago. Another life. Jack was reborn into Wade, and when I found Wade, (note that I always say found and not "met"), I knew I was home for the rest of my life. I had been his sister in Ireland; my name had been Kate, and we worked a small farm and kept to ourselves.I kept getting memories from this life. What was going on??? I have been in huge pain for a while, and I believe that this pain moved me into a connection with my soul and higher self that I would have ordinarily not had. Pain, again. Do you see? The life that was a total mistake turned out to be abundant with Revelation and connection to God. This is how I have learned that there really are no mistakes. God is a great Weaver- constantly weaving our present into something that makes sense to Him and Him alone.

So my guess is that you were born into this life absolutely determined to not waste a moment, to learn as fast and as early as possible, and to move fast, too. And you have. Your friends are here for various other, different reasons. They do not have this determination like you. So do not fret. You are doing what you need to do.

This is my explanation for it. I hope you believe me, because what I have said is true.

Look up a woman named "Bridey Murphy". You will see how this is truly real.




answered 30 Apr '15, 08:40

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 30 Apr '15, 08:43

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Asked: 30 Apr '15, 05:17

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Last updated: 19 Jul '15, 06:49

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