When my mother died 2 years ago, part of me blamed myself for it. She was bedridden and I transferred the care to my brother because I was not in good shape financially 7 months later. Three months after we moved her to my brother, she died.

I know and I'm convinced that it's not my fault. However I try to look at the situation, in different angles, I really can't be blamed for her passing. For some reason, deep inside, ingrained in my being, I feel guilty. It's been 2 years after she died and I am now financially stable. Whenever I try to buy what I want, I feel guilty. And that guilt is deeply rooted to what happened to my mother, for moving her out of my care because I was no longer able to feed her.

The dead can't of course tell me that they've forgiven me, or that I shouldn't worry myself about it. I'm sure that this will affect my ability to create and manifest. I'd like to know how I can snap out of it. I would like to be free to travel and roam, spend for all I want, but the image of my mind of my mother who died because of complications and hunger is pulling me down and makes me feel that I'm not worth it.

asked 24 Jan, 06:51

sagchiq03's gravatar image


Is it shame or is it guilt ?

(26 Jan, 01:57) ele

To rid yourself of guilt - feel it FULLY and allow yourself to feel the ugly, raw, pure feeling of it without judgement. Same with all emotions.

(31 Jan, 08:36) Nikulas

Re-read your question. At a guess, were you raised in an abusive family and household growing up as a child? I get a sense of toxic shame going on here.

(08 Feb, 16:51) Nikulas
showing 0 of 3 show 3 more comments

I agree with @Stingray's answer. I just have a few thoughts I want to add from my experience with these feelings, in case you might find them useful.

You say that the dead can't tell you that they've forgiven you, but can you imagine what your mother would say if she could? It is my belief that where your mom is now, there is no blame, fear, or resentment of any kind, because all that is left behind in our physical world; there is only love, and a higher, clearer perspective.

Would she say that she loves you dearly and wants you to have the best of everything, to be happy and to live a great life? Really picture that conversation. Does it feel true and right? If it does, hang onto that feeling whenever you can, milk it for all it's worth. Enjoy the relief, the freedom and love it fills you with. Revel in it. The more often you practice a feeling, the deeper the roots grow, and it can take over easily when doubts pop up. You can say "Nope, I've already settled how I feel about that, no need to go over it again." This helps me, and keeps things clear in my head, so I don't feel that the vibration I'm offering is cluttered and manifesting things that match those murky, unhappy, unwanted feelings.

Also, I think it's possible that the feeling that you don't deserve to have or do nice things may just be using your mother's passing as an excuse to reinforce itself as a limiting belief. Was it there all along? I don't know, of course, but it may be something you want to keep in mind.

There is never any reason why you should not do, be, or have anything good. Never. :)

Love, Grace


answered 24 Jan, 15:33

Grace's gravatar image


All answers are valid, but I chose this as the best answer because this is the one which resonates with me the most. Thank you, Grace.

(08 Feb, 04:47) sagchiq03

You're welcome @sagchiq03, I hope it helps.

(08 Feb, 09:26) Grace

First thing I would do is to let yourself "off the hook" for feeling the way you currently do. No-one is to blame for the way you are feeling, least of all you :)

Beliefs don't necessarily operate in rational, logical ways so even if there is no logical reason that your mother's death is your fault, some part of you believes otherwise...and that's okay actually :)

Our beliefs always serve us in some way even if we (logically) can't see what the reason is.

But clearly now, whatever the reason you have for holding onto this belief is no longer valid to you because you are consciously trying to move on from it.

I often find that, in regard to beliefs, it is easier for people to tackle them in sneaky ways rather than trying to battle them head-on because beliefs often have the power to "defend" themselves against conscious change...which is why they endure for so long and make people feel powerless to change them.

Have a look at What's the remedy for this explosive rage against my wife? for a sneaky way to tackle the belief that is giving rise to your guilt.

Hope that helps a bit :)


answered 24 Jan, 14:17

Stingray's gravatar image


Hi @sagchiq03 what are emotions but simple messages that let you know what you're focused on and therefore what you're attracting into your life, it's a very useful feed-back mechanism.

The first step in snapping out of any emotion is to feel it profoundly, fully accept, receive and understand the message within it. So what is the message in the feeling "guilt"?

Guilty is feeling self-blame, unworthy, ressentment and there's a lot of hidden anger in there. It means you perceive power as some kind of outside energy, a superior force that loves you (god, a member of your family ...) but that love will not manifest until you prove you're worthy of it, which of course you consider is not possible. You must comply to all others wishes and be grateful for any titbits that eventually come your way, which is rare because everything is clearly your fault. You see the world as a dim place to be but however you can control it a bit by satisfying others.

Those that you please will feel good for a while not because of what you've done for them but because they've been able to control and demonstrate power over you.

In short when you experience the feeling of guilt you're saying that the needs of others are far more important than your own needs, so essentially you serve other people which gives you permission to feel good.

The next time @sagchiq03 you feel guily for the way your mother died, perhaps what I've said will make a difference


answered 25 Jan, 01:56

jaz's gravatar image


The soul makes the choice of when we are done with our current lives. Your mother was/is the creator of her reality, not you. There, you are off the hook. :)


answered 26 Jan, 05:59

Delphine's gravatar image


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Asked: 24 Jan, 06:51

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Last updated: 08 Feb, 16:51

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