I have been an indecisive person for the most part of my life and I did not realize it until one day I met a half-psychic who told me this was a theme in my life. Only after that I started to take note of this more and realized that I am a very much indecisive person.

By indecisive, I mean that I tend to 2nd guess myself a lot even after a decision has been made. I also keep thinking of all the "What ifs" if I had chosen the other option.

E.g. such as choosing offers from different jobs, learning from different instructors for a similar course, or even just where to go for dinner or what to eat for dinner

I came across a few theories (some on this site too) that says that Decisions are life and being indecisive can sometimes split your life energy by a lot and hence think that this being indecisive is affecting much. Therefore I would like to do something about it and wonder whether there are any physical steps I could take in order to do so.

So far what I have been doing is to try and get myself to fully accept where I am and that it's okay to make the wrong decisions. But sometimes it is easier said than done. Or that there is another "me" in another parallel reality taking up the other decision which I have missed out on so I have actually missed out on nothing.

asked 02 Feb, 11:25

kakaboo's gravatar image


As one of the chief Decisions = Life proponents lurking on this site, I guess I should probably throw out an answer here...in part because I think conscious decision-making is one of most under-rated yet most powerful "tools" that we have at our disposal to transform our lives...but mostly because I haven't ranted and raved about it for a while :)

Here's a principle worth bearing in mind...

The way to get better at doing anything is to do it more often

While that insight is probably not worthy of the Nobel Prize For Insightful Quotes, it's a truth that seems to get overlooked time and time again.

The "do-ing" (in doing it more often) does not have to be physical do-ing either. It equally applies to molding bad-feeling thoughts to better-feeling places (for spiritual/manifesting purposes) or, in your case, it applies to decision-making.

So here are my suggested physical steps for you to become a more decisive person...

Step 1: Make More Decisions Every Day

Step 2: Do Step 1 :)

I tend to 2nd guess myself a lot even after a decision has been made. I also keep thinking of all the "What ifs" if I had chosen the other option.

If you are second-guessing your decisions then you are sapping the energy out of yourself that the decision-point originally summoned within you. So it is self-defeating. It's not actually the decision you make that matters, it's the fact that you made a decision.

What might be happening for you is that you are not considering something to be a "decision" unless it feels like it matters to you in some way.

If you are sitting on a train and you decide to sit in a particular seat on the train, do you then spend the whole journey wondering if you should have sat in a different seat?

Or, if even that feels like too big a decision, if you take a stride while walking somewhere, do you then spend the rest of the day thinking if you should have made that stride a bit longer or a bit shorter? Or if you scratch your nose, do you then wonder if your scratching finger should have been at more or less of an angle relative to the rest of your face?

All these seemingly-trivial activities still involve decision-making. You probably make thousands of these kinds of decisions every day already without even realizing it...because they are at a level that you feel doesn't matter to you.

If you think about it, you'll notice there's a point at which decisions feel trivial and not worth your attention - you just make them - and, beyond that point, you probably start the second-guessing process.

alt text

But if you are making decisions constantly and consciously all day, where are you going to get the time to second-guess yourself? ...because there's a new decision coming up all the time :)

I used to (and often still do) put myself in deadline-driven situations as a way of sharpening up my own focus and decision-making processes. When time is genuinely pressing, you don't have time to second-guess...you get forced into making a decision and then dealing with the consequences of it :)

Of course, you don't have to go to extremes like that.

If you just consciously Make More Decisions Every Day about anything and everything, you will just naturally expand your decision-making "comfort zone" because there are too many decisions for you to worry over.

If you find that your second-guessing is driven by a fear of making bad decisions then that's easy enough to neutralize if you use some clearing process (e.g. EFT, Focus Blocks or whatever).

Or you could just "re-frame" to yourself what making a "bad" decision actually means...I used to have this quote as my computer wallpaper...

alt text


answered 03 Feb, 03:38

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 03 Feb, 03:41

"If you are second-guessing your decisions then you are sapping the energy out of yourself.." Yes it is quite tiring and self-defeating and I never realized that only until not too long ago. Hence want to do something about it. Apart from second-guessing, I am probably also too easily influenced and swayed by other people's opinions and inputs.

(03 Feb, 10:03) kakaboo

@kakaboo - " too easily influenced and swayed by other people's opinions and input" - Ah, the good old "need-for-approval" game :) There's a group entity called Eloheim ( http://www.eloheim.com ) that I've been enjoying listening to recently that have some fun methods for pulling your power back to you. For example, Candle wax (Nobody gets your wax) and...


(03 Feb, 10:47) Stingray

"Say no first". That sounds like a really good idea as a practice tool and I can see how this can work to change beliefs. Another idea that I think takes this concept to the extremes is "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blanton. He is a former psychiatrist and he promises that one can cure any problem by using his idea of Radical Honesty. To be honest, I didn't choose to make this idea into a lifestyle as he recommends it but I tried it for a while some years ago...

(03 Feb, 11:53) releaser99

And it was quite amazing how I felt deeply ingrained limiting beliefs getting smashed almost instantly by applying this concept. As I said, it's quite an extreme, often uncomfortable, physical method for changing beliefs. But it's ideal for people who like the "no pain, no gain"-mentality and always want to make quantum leaps to change their lives.

(03 Feb, 11:55) releaser99

@releaser99 - Very interesting, thanks. Book now added to reading list :)

(05 Feb, 14:30) Stingray

Interesting. I feel like a lot of people have the deep habit of constantly guessing at what will make other people happy, instead of just listening to their own instincts and making decisions that way. I'm only beginning to emerge from this. It's like waking up from a coma! Totally bananas. A teacher I find really helpful is Melody Fletcher, here's a post from her on this topic: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2014/07/21/why-do-we-care-what-others-think-of-us/

(06 Feb, 22:25) corduroypower
showing 1 of 7 show 6 more comments


Elliott Hulse describes this perfectly in my opinion. This rant helped me a lot to be more decisive. Hope it helps :D


answered 02 Feb, 15:31

sensationseeker's gravatar image



nice video . also saw the one on dangerous decision making

(03 Feb, 10:01) kakaboo

Segment Intending. Abraham says this is the key to turning your life around. You could carry a little notebook around with you and write down your intentions for segments of your day. And then do them :)



answered 16 Feb, 04:20

Delphine's gravatar image


edited 16 Feb, 04:20

I like Stingrays suggestion of making so many decisions you dont have time to second guess yourself. Also coupled with Elliot Hulse, who in other videos, says the worst decision is indecision.

The answer is practise. And you may also have to face some fears with decisiveness. The point is once you make a decision, follow through on it. otherwise its not really a decision.

I have also read that self made wealthy people have the common trait of being ruthlessly decisive with their choices.


answered 13 Feb, 21:17

Nikulas's gravatar image


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Asked: 02 Feb, 11:25

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