I recently asked my ex (and mother to my child, so I have regular contact with her) what her issues were with me, because quite frankly, I couldnt work it out.
What she came back with (after a 6 month wait) was her "view" of me, a few things true, I am quiet, I dont know if I trust her, therefore, I guess I do come across as a "closed book" though she HAS lied to my face before, and even argued the point about it,..."yes you do"..." no I dont" thing....so yes, it is true when she has picked up that she feels I dont trust her,but how can I when she has repeatedly lied to me??
Other things she said, are utter crap! That I can shoot so many holes through AND with proof, its not funny.So in a way I'm not worried. What I am worried/concerned about is what she says to other people/school/lawyers etc, or do I not?
And I not even really know what I'm trying to ask or say, I guess its when someone blatantly lies to you and about you,and you need to see them and "work" with them,what do you do? Yes I do be honest with her, though yes, I have learnt to be a little "on guard" when talking with her, and I do take things she says with a little pinch of salt and pinch of doubt.
So how do you continue to take someone who lies to you at face value?
asked 15 Aug, 16:41
Judging from the tone of this question and your other question ( How do I deal with a ex who lies ), you seem quite angrily focused about your "Ex".
Although it's hard to hear when it feels like someone else is doing things to you, the truth is that...
No-one is doing things to you - except you
In other words, you are 100% attracting her attitude and behavior towards you.
To get some background information, it might be worth reading the thread that @ele referred to in a comment under your question: What do you do when you live with someone who blames you for all their problems?
It's simple enough to prove this to yourself if you are willing to try...
Obviously, it's up to you if you decide to take this method seriously or not. But since it will only take a few minutes of your time every day, you've probably got nothing to lose - and the promise of plenty to gain.
I'd also like to add, for any Abraham listeners out there, that the use of gratitude/grateful in the excerpt is actually a use of appreciation. Keep in mind that all these processes ultimately aim to help you feel better--as long as you follow your emotions, you won't get caught up in any technicalities. See Gratitude vs. Appreciation for further information.
It may sound harsh, what Stingray said, and maybe unpleasant to think that you're "the cause" of what's happening to your dislike.
And I've been there, done that, too. It is a state you maybe in right now, where you may feel that you're right, and she is wrong. At this point you may want confirmation, compassion - as "a weak side", a victim, kind of, to whom a wrong was done.
And you are legitimate in that.
And the question isn't even in changing her behaviour by changing your attitude - that is kind of chasing your own tail.
The only question here is, how you feel in your life with this position.
When you feel weak, someone, to whom the not right was done, and you continue to hold that point of view, you give your own power away.
And when you feel like your feeling totally depends on what someone else is doing, you, too, limit your own power and ability to feel good at will. Just because you decided so.
So I would start with small, little thoughts like "What if I could raise my mood regardless of what she is doing?"
Maybe even I would start with "I have the full right to feel whatever I feel. I have the full right and give myself the full permission to hate her, if it feels easier for me to do so. I don't need to act on these feelings - I love myself when our interaction is in good feelings, when we're in harmony, but I won't lie to myself, I'll admit (gladly and freely) that my feelings are real. I have the full right and permission from ME to feel that. I need no one else's permission for it."
And you may feel easier on that already.
And then you could go to "Maybe I could find more thoughts that could raise me more, independently of what's going on. Maybe I don't need to change what's happening outside, in order to feel better. I can bring myself a relief here and now, I have this power, I will admit it, too."
And then I would maybe do what Stingray suggested, but NOT in order to see how her behaviour changes - otherwise it may be like for that farmer, who every day torn the seed from the ground to see if it's grown.
I would do it for myself, for my own feeling - because I would see that when I list what I like about her (and I would give myself permission and right to list what I listed yesterday and a week ago and a month ago), I feel better!
Because believe me, nothing compares with that feeling - to suddenly discover, that the hell with the outside, you don't need to change it, you have the power and the ability to feel however you bring yourself to feel. And you can totally do it on your own.
Maybe you will see that all that experience was worth it, if it brought you to this.
P.S. There was, by the way, an interesting thread these days, I think you might benefit from what's said there.
I wish you good feeling. :)
P.P.S. I think, the matter is, that when you're lied to, you feel helpless, that's the lowest position in the Emotional Scale.
And to go higher from that, one may greatly benefit from anger, even hatred - that you need not to act upon, but benefit from feeling it fully and freely.
From that helpless state, when one is reminded of their "power to create their reality", it may sound very annoying, Abraham-Hicks spoke about that many times. Just because it's a too big of a jump. Hatred and anger may be closer and more possible to bring yourself to and then higher.
That's probably where you're at right now, and to all "pink view positive" people outside of you, if they are high, it may seem a wrong place to be, one that they wouldn't encourage - and by compassion they may feel they would encourage you.
But knowing this, you may understand it. And be able to find your own path - between all those other sides. Just finding your own thoughts that feel a little bit better, than what you've been feeling.
Just take small steps, they are more possible, less annoying, and more stable. They give you your power back in a subtle, yet effective, way.
Ah, and to your question - how you take one at their face value - I would recommend what AH recommend usually, "Go into the Vortex and then". Meaning, first tend to your own feelings, and only when you feel much better, when you feel from that harmony a desire to interact, out of love, then interact and try to take score, how you feel about them and what you prefer to think.
I have been where you are right now. My ex-husband almost killed me and was hauled off in leather restraints. his family insisted everywhere that it was my fault and that I made up his behavior. The only way to deal with it, is to quit dealing with it. The only person's view that is important is your own. Unfortunately in divorces families are torn and they choose sides. Once they do, they back their own, no matter what. To continue to support their own, they will paint them as white and you as black. The harder you fight it, the worse it becomes. The more you feed it, the bigger the monster grows. As hard as it is, let it go. Bless them in your heart. And let them be. If they throw dirt your way, walk around it. If you don't engage they will grow tired of the game. The hardest thing you can do is stop playing. But you must. You dont need someone else opinion of who you are, you know who you are. You have no control of what other people think. If they come to you, I would answer their questions, but do so in a non-judegemental way. People notice, I promise. And it does get easier, time passes, the wound heals. Let the pain go. Cry if your sad. But don't ask their opinion, you already know what it will be. Believe in yourself. Love yourself, and try as hard as you can to not engage. I send you great love, I know personally how much it hurts.
answered 23 Aug, 17:33
how do you overcome someone opinion of you.
answer you don't it is to the other person to make is own choice and have is own opinion.
Just like you need to see and understand the truth, it is same for every one, if some are lost in darkness, ignorance and lies ; they are the only person that can make the choice to find back the light, the knowledge and the truth.
you see the first problem is that people are always looking outside for problem and not often enough inside.
that is why they make division and wrong to each other. I could do a never ending list of what wrong people do to them self and other. i will stick with this you can see it by your self. lets just say that they are lost in darkness, they seek praise they tell lie to make them self look better, they stumble on each other like blind people and they judge each other. and they are afraid of anything they do not understand. so they make division and war.
so it takes what they lack to overcome them self, find them self and find the truth same for every one.
If you have gained this within you, what you have will save you. If you do not have this in you, what you do not have in you will kill you.(to explain this sentence properly people that are in division are in division and darkness from the inside out. because they are lost and did not find them self yet the spirit that immortal true self that remains once the physical body is no more. and of course if they do not find that self and continue to harm them self and other they cause their own death.)
Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.
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