I've been thinking about posting about this here lately, and something happened just now that gave me the push to do so.
I got a new roommate here last month. He seemed nice enough when we met. It had been stressful looking for someone to take over the bedroom vacated by the previous roomie, and this guy was up for it and seemed he could be a good fit. I accepted him, and we signed an agreement for his tenancy.
Stuff keeps happening that give me one shock after another. He seems to be a "peeper"; I caught him lurking outside the bathroom door when I was running a bath and came out to get something from my room. He dashed away. Another time he stood in his doorway stripping, with full lights on. I have reason to believe he's been going in my room when I am out. And there's other stuff, but I think voicing them makes me sound paranoid and like I'm the one with the problem...
I am doing my best to stay positive/on keel but it's not easy. Right now I am pretty much out of the vortex.
You are experiencing disempowerment. This is a good thing, because it allows you to have the experience of shifting into empowerment from disempowerment, which is one of the fullest experiences that a spirit being can have. How exciting!
Here's how to handle it.
First, chose, decide, decree, select, align yourself, make true, that you will experience this situation in a positive way.
Support this decision by finding positive qualities in your situation. It will allow you to demonstrate your empowerment regardless of circumstances, which is the mastery of life. It must have been necessary in order to bring to the surface a negative belief, otherwise it would not have occurred. It will allow you to put into practice everything empowering that you have learned lately, in powerful real-world scenario. It is a challenge, a quest, a meeting with your match, and only good can come from it- if that is what you (see above) authoritatively decide to experience.
Paradoxically, disempowerment tends to dissipate, once you chose to experience it in an empowering way.
Second, chose to experience this person in a positive way. Spiritually, he is your nemesis, which is a positive quality; a nemesis is not a negative thing at all, but a positive one- a nemesis challenges you to be the most empowered that you can be in the face of difficulty, which is why you need the empowerment in the first place. Decide to have no qualms with this person spiritually, and acknowledge any positive quality that you can find- tidiness, decency where it is, reliability in paying rent- if any of these are not so, find something else.
Third, acknowledge to yourself and then to him that this person has been grossly violating your boundaries, and that you will not stand for it. It is not "being negative" to acknowledge behavior for what it is, that is just an observation. Trust that only good can come from confronting him. Make the meeting as positive, businesslike and professional as you can, without any kind of inappropriate favors- no cookies, no tea. That would reinforce the lack of alignment of his behavior. Instead, call a meeting like you would for anything else that needs to be fixed and is important; as if he were messy and needed a warning. Explain to him in no uncertain terms which behavior you are talking about (peeping, stripping and entering), and tell him he can either leave on his own terms within 14 days, or you will evict him, and that if anything even remotely like that should happen again in the interim you will not hesitate to call the police. Don't take any kind of excuse; you experienced the behavior the way you did and that's that. You have the legal power to evict him and you will use it if you have to. You have the legal power to get a restraining order against him, and you will, if you have to- you just don't do that by email, you call 911, and you don't get off the phone until you see a blue car, and then you press charges. And if for any reason your battery is dead and you can't find your charger, you go down to the station, and you don't leave until you have your restraining order.
And here comes the kicker: You do not do any of these things because it will keep that person away from you, or because you need to teach him a lesson, or because you need armed professionals for your safety, or because you want to enact revenge on him, or for any negative reason- you do it because in our society, these things contain the symbolism of empowerment. They are reflective of what an empowered person does, in our society, should that person come into contact with someone who has the willingness to conduct himself in less-than-decent way, as the path of least resistance to resolving the situation. And further, you are doing that person a service, because you are demonstrating very clearly the state of his alignment, which is the aligned thing to do.
Mind you, once you have pondered for a while this plan, and experienced fully your willingness to enact each and every step of it because it is your right to not experience violation, you can tone it down, if you see good reason to; not all of it may be necessary. The point is that the decision is yours, and that you know that you can do all of these things if it is necessary to keep your home in a good, aligned state.
This is assertiveness.
I see often that spiritually inclined people fail to stand up for themselves in this way, because they heard that the highly evolved will freely give themselves to an aggressor; and that can be true. But if that were the case, it would feel good, presumably because you knew that you could assert if you chose to. So learn to assert first, and then be generous whenever and if it feels aligned. For now, relish and enjoy the empowerment of assertiveness, and be greatful to your roommate for so willingly exposing his nonalignment to your freshly rediscovered and hence raw and fiesty assertive power.
answered 28 Nov '16, 16:43
Your describing a perv, someone with a sexual paraphilia or two. He sounds like a voyeur and he also shows traits of exhibitionism. Sexual paraphilia is a mental illness or disorder and can vary in severity. If so, I'm sure you know he's getting sexually aroused by watching you getting undressed or while naked . Voyeurs are usually not seeking sexual contact. They would rather get off flying solo; but you can't be sure. (the 'm" word gets hashtagged) This is serious and disturbing. Porn is readily accessible and there is no excuse for using you this way. He prob can't help himself and needs treatment. If it was me, I would of told him to leave when you caught him scurrying away from the bathroom or when you saw him stripping in the doorway.
The guy makes you feel uncomfortable and there is a reason for it. Even if you are wrong, you don't feel comfortable. You mentioned paranoia, so you know you'll only see or attract things which will validate your suspicions and make you feel more uncomfortable, fearful and/or paranoid. They say you can't attract anything you're not a vibrational match too but you're also not responsible for what anyone else does and you can't control others. I could tell you to focus only on his good points and you'll see even more but I think when someone shows you who they are, you should believe them the first time. Listen to your gut instincts, your inner wisdom.
You need to talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel and how uneasy it makes you. Set up some house rules. If he does suffer with one or more paraphilia's he's prob not going to stop with out treatment.
You should set up a camera in your bedroom. You may need evidence to break the contract w/o buying him out. Don't be afraid to contact the police or consult with an attorney and make sure you know how to defend yourself if necessary. Knowing how to protect yourself or taking precautions does not mean you are attracting anything negative. Its no different than carrying a spare tire or purchasing insurance or taking a driver's ed course or knowing the escape route if there is a fire.
When you look for another roommate, you should either research contracts or seek legal advice when writing a new roommate agreement up. You said you were stressed when he came into your life. Make sure you're in a better frame of mind next time you look for a roommate. Focus on attracting the perfect roommate and get rid of this dude.
I don't mean to scare you but with all the new techy gadgets now, he could be watching you w/o you realizing it and even worse, filming it. You need to check your bathroom and bedroom for cameras.
As for exhibitionism, I could be wrong. He may have stripped naked as a seduction tactic which makes him more dangerous. It's also possible he didn't realize you would see him or care if you did. Most men are not as modest as women are. I could also be wrong about everything. Listen to your inner voice and more importantly, to how you feel.
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