For me the most important question has become "how does this make me feel?" or "what am I feeling right now?".

By stopping for a moment and taking the time to ask myself this in any given situation, I create a space that usually gives me enough time to respond to the situation at hand or change my point of focus :)

Yes this is an excellent question. When you play not to lose, you know this is serious and your life is on the line. But if you play to win, you may get cocky, over-confident, and careless.

Both the Samurai and American Indians had a saying before battle, "Today is a good day to die." What this did was to get it out of their minds-the fear of dying-so that their minds could be on survival and the battle itself. If you go into battle with a mindset of winning instead of surviving, you will be on the offense, and thus at a disadvantage. The one that waits for the right opportunity is the one that wins. He knows at any moment that he could lose, thus his senses rise to their peak and he survives to fight another day. It is like the spider that patiently waits for its prey to land in the web before attacking. The bug that just rushes in to attack the spider hasn't a chance.

Here is an old American Indian question: "A fox is running after a hare, which will win?" Many would say, "The fox has determination, he is faster and smarter, so he would win." It is the hare that would win; because the fox runs for a meal, the hare runs for its life.

to lose or to win that is still duality. know this you can lose and win and win and lose. but you want a quality question how aware are you for you and other and how it all fit in? and how are you going to make your life and the life of other better in the future using the now moment? well experience and enjoy.

It's interesting, because the focus of our mind is directed by questions, and focus of our lives by what we answer to those questions, however at the same time there is a space between the question and the answer in which you can choose what is your answer going to be. If you observe this process closely, you can break continuity between questions and seemingly logical answers. Thereafter, your answers might not be dependent on your questions at all. And if you observe yourself even more deeply, you can be able to decipher from these questions and answers who you think you are. And just as you decipher, you can encipher new values and they will reflect themselves in new set of questions and answers.

I believe you can use both, different questions and answers to change your perception of yourself, as well as undertake the journey to the core of your perceptions in order to understand it and change it, thereby changing questions and answers you ask.

The real question is, who do you want to be when defined in measures of this world. Anyone who understands how everything relates to itself, how the universe works, must also recognize that the potential he has within himself is infinite.

For me "why" oriented questions are less effective that "what" questions. I ask myself, "Why did I do that?" or "Why did you do that?" Elicits a very different response set than asking, "What did you hope to gain by doing that?" "what was your purpose in doing that?"

The checkout lines move more rapidly for me since I quit asking "Why does this always happen to me?" And often I heard others in the stuck line say the same thing. I quit putting energy into it and if the event happens (rarely) I ask myself, "What is good about this?" Often I get an insight from talking to someone in line, or see something of value.

But if I put a lot of energy into asking myself "why" questions, I head down more stuck dis-useful situations.

Ask questions that will make you feel good.

there are several,
who am i
how did get here
what purpose am i for
who is my guide
where is he teaching me
yet it is my choice to choose

For me the question is not whether I am playing to win or lose. Not at all. My question is am I having fun playing the game? If I enjoy the game, play it, if not, find something I do enjoy. I think that *having fun is what we all want and it is the primary, absolute primary force behind all our decisions in life.*

We all are constantly moving in the direction of pleasure. Sometimes it is a matter of degree, moving away from pain could be considered pleasurable.

My father was a newspaper publisher. We had a pressman who was outstanding in his work, yet he constantly complained about working, but he had to work to support his family and all his money went to that objective, so he was drowning in work that did not make him happy. He wanted to spend his money elsewhere and that his family was wasteful with how they spent his money. So, even though he was being paid the highest salery of all our production workers, he was also threatening to quit unless he got additional raises to support his wasteful family.

I asked him why did he not just move away where he had no obligations and use his money to play. He said he would feel terrible if he did not support his family. "So you are happier working and supporting your family? Then you are happy."

I can't say that changed him, but growing tired of his constant carping that was depressing other workers, I suggested to him that his threats to quit were being heard and we were thinking about firing him. Faced with this certain reality, he found greater joy in his job. He focused on liking his pay, liking his special parking place, liking his benefits, liking his co-workers, liking his work.

But moving away from pain is not really moving toward joy. If he no longer worked for us, he would have taken his state of mind, his problems with him and found the same dislike at another place of employment. Like a person who leaves one relationship and finds another that is the same, just with a different face.

We have the "power to create worlds". But in order to do this successfully -- and I use the term "successful" in an equal context as "happy" -- we need to go inside and change our default behavior, our expectations. And believe me, friends, 'expectations' and 'default behavior' are the same. Then there is no effort in changing our response to dis-useful situations.

decided I wanted to weigh 180 pounds instead of 230. Changed my default behavior about food and was at my desired weight in three months, and have stayed there. No effort. No diet. No 'giving up the things I liked'. Just liked different things to eat. Just liked different things!

Play to win? Play to not lose? Neither. Play to play. Play because that is what you enjoy most. We are doing this anyhow, but we can do it with greater enjoyment, and that is the bottom line! Have fun!

When Lawrence of Arabia wanted a major desert chief to join him in fighting other desert tribes, he said, "You will do this, not for the money, not for the power, not for justice, not for the prestige -- you will do this because it is your pleasure to do so."