I had heard a lot about personal magnetism and the aura being influential. I have also read about it on IQ.
I have been experiencing something similar since quite sometime. I can see that people like me for no obvious reason. This really makes my work easy, very very easy and ofcourse at those times I am in connection with my source and hopefully not misleading anybody.
My problem right now is that how do I deal with this when lot of people (specifically opposite sex) are attracted towards me for no reason. The people are very genuine, successful in their personal and professional lives and there is no apparent reason to get attracted to me. But still they are and I can not handle it when they ask me for support in their personal lives (share something family related or similar issues). I can be a good friend at the max, but not to everyone! I cannot give my time to more than one person at the same time and also I cannot be selfish enough to ignore their efforts for seeking attention/ request for support.
I have no idea on how to handle this and I am quite worried about my future. Any suggestions on how to handle this would be helpful.
The question is very simple, but I also care about the people around me and I want to help all of them without any prejudice.
Hmmm...you seem to be effectively asking how to deal with being too popular...we'll probably have people posting questions about how to deal with having too much money next :)
Clearly you are not in a position where you can help everyone in your reality because otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question.
So there will be a point where you feel good about helping people with their personal issues and then a point where it now feels bad to help others with their personal issues. That emotional "tipping point" is what you have to watch out for.
You say "I cannot be selfish enough to ignore their efforts for seeking attention/ request for support" but if you follow that philosophy you are then effectively saying, because you are overriding your own bad feeling, that you are ignoring your own needs for support and attention from within yourself.
And if you don't give yourself support and attention when you want it, you will eventually have nothing to offer anyone else anyway.
As hard as it may be to hear, there does come a time when dealing with lots of people that you have to learn to say "No" to others (in a loving way) in order to preserve your connection to yourself.
I'm not saying this is an easy attitude to cultivate because the desire to be of service to others is strong with many of the people who participate in websites like IQ but there needs to a balance.
What I've found that makes it easier is a realization that you are not responsible for the lives of others. Despite appearances to the contrary, you'll find that if you don't give others the attention they want from you, it won't stop them getting what they want because you are not the channel by which it comes anyway.
And also that, very often, any support you offer to another will only provide temporary relief because you cannot vibrate for another person. All that happens if you keep on providing endless support is that you create a dependency from them onto you. At some point, they need to change within themselves.
You'll know when a dependency is setting in because you will no longer feel good about helping them.
Sometimes you may find that people will dislike you because you refuse to give them the support they expect (or even demand) from you and then you'll find yourself having to deal with issues regarding "approval of others"...but even that's not a bad thing. In my view, the sooner you discard the need to have "approval of others", the better :)
The bottom line is that if you are not helping someone from a place of "open connection" within yourself, you have become part of the problem and not part of the solution.
I like Stingrays answer and I would add this... If who you are and what you offer people is so attractive that you have more people than you can handle coming to you for some kind of needed support, and if by chance these are not all close personal friends, then you may have the makings of a wonderful business. I say start charging for your time. That should cut down on the time wasters and give you more time to focus on the serious. It will also give you new ways to grow that may enhance a life coaching business on the side, unless that's what you already do.
On the other hand, if it's all just a bunch of nice people who have their lives together and simply enjoy your company and want to sit and have a cappuccino with you, it's up to you to set your boundaries and let them know you've got things to get done in life. If they are of any good quality, (and I suspect they are) they will respect this approach. Schedule them in your calender when it's convenient for you and let them know when they can get with you if that's something you enjoy. I believe this would be a mature and respectful response to their requests for your time.
answered 18 Mar '12, 05:59
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