I had heard a lot about personal magnetism and the aura being influential. I have also read about it on IQ.

Ref: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/1713/has-anyone-successfully-increased-their-personal-magnetism-to-the-extent-that-they-are-able-to-influence-others/1718

I have been experiencing something similar since quite sometime. I can see that people like me for no obvious reason. This really makes my work easy, very very easy and ofcourse at those times I am in connection with my source and hopefully not misleading anybody.

My problem right now is that how do I deal with this when lot of people (specifically opposite sex) are attracted towards me for no reason. The people are very genuine, successful in their personal and professional lives and there is no apparent reason to get attracted to me. But still they are and I can not handle it when they ask me for support in their personal lives (share something family related or similar issues). I can be a good friend at the max, but not to everyone! I cannot give my time to more than one person at the same time and also I cannot be selfish enough to ignore their efforts for seeking attention/ request for support.

I have no idea on how to handle this and I am quite worried about my future. Any suggestions on how to handle this would be helpful.

The question is very simple, but I also care about the people around me and I want to help all of them without any prejudice.

asked 17 Mar '12, 08:30

Perfection's gravatar image


edited 18 Mar '12, 04:09

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


This is quite possibly the oddest complaint I've ever heard. ^_^

(Jokes aside, I do understand your issue completely. I've had similar issues. It's just funny hearing it vocalized.)

(17 Mar '12, 09:19) Snow
showing 0 of 1 show 1 more comments

Hmmm...you seem to be effectively asking how to deal with being too popular...we'll probably have people posting questions about how to deal with having too much money next :)

Clearly you are not in a position where you can help everyone in your reality because otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question.

So there will be a point where you feel good about helping people with their personal issues and then a point where it now feels bad to help others with their personal issues. That emotional "tipping point" is what you have to watch out for.

You say "I cannot be selfish enough to ignore their efforts for seeking attention/ request for support" but if you follow that philosophy you are then effectively saying, because you are overriding your own bad feeling, that you are ignoring your own needs for support and attention from within yourself.

And if you don't give yourself support and attention when you want it, you will eventually have nothing to offer anyone else anyway.

As hard as it may be to hear, there does come a time when dealing with lots of people that you have to learn to say "No" to others (in a loving way) in order to preserve your connection to yourself.

I'm not saying this is an easy attitude to cultivate because the desire to be of service to others is strong with many of the people who participate in websites like IQ but there needs to a balance.

What I've found that makes it easier is a realization that you are not responsible for the lives of others. Despite appearances to the contrary, you'll find that if you don't give others the attention they want from you, it won't stop them getting what they want because you are not the channel by which it comes anyway.

And also that, very often, any support you offer to another will only provide temporary relief because you cannot vibrate for another person. All that happens if you keep on providing endless support is that you create a dependency from them onto you. At some point, they need to change within themselves.

You'll know when a dependency is setting in because you will no longer feel good about helping them.

Sometimes you may find that people will dislike you because you refuse to give them the support they expect (or even demand) from you and then you'll find yourself having to deal with issues regarding "approval of others"...but even that's not a bad thing. In my view, the sooner you discard the need to have "approval of others", the better :)

The bottom line is that if you are not helping someone from a place of "open connection" within yourself, you have become part of the problem and not part of the solution.


answered 17 Mar '12, 11:33

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 17 Mar '12, 11:37

Thanks Stingray for your wonderful answer. You have understood the question very nicely and I loved the way you paraphrased it. Well, I agree with the fact that making them dependent is not a solution ofcourse, but then how to make them strong / independent so that they can tackle their situations themselves? I can nicely say No and safeguard myself, but I am then leaving something open. I need to close it such that it does not come back!

(19 Mar '12, 02:45) Perfection

When taking a look at the situation with another perspective, it is similar to people who are supported financially by various NGOs. Sometimes, the support becomes endless if simultaneous efforts are not made to make the family/individual generate income and become independent.

(19 Mar '12, 02:48) Perfection

@Perfection - "how to make them strong / independent" ...this is where I'll probably start getting virtual rocks thrown at me from certain IQ members :) but it needs to be said... Nobody, absolutely nobody, incarnating on this planet is anything other than already strong/independent. We are HUGELY powerful multi-dimensional beings that are choosing to play in a limited, illusionary 3D reality for the experience to be gained from doing so. When we see another as weak, we feel bad but that..

(19 Mar '12, 06:30) Stingray

...feeling comes about because our Higher Self does not agree with that thought that they are weak and will not flow through us when we think it. In other words, feeling bad means our Higher Self does not agree that they are helpless. When you choose to help people because you feel bad because you think they cannot help themselves, you are doing them a disservice. You may even be disempowering them by denying them the experience. Being the powerful beings that they really are, they could...

(19 Mar '12, 06:31) Stingray

...transform their physical realities in an instant, if they wanted, but at some level they want the experience they are going through. So you have to trust that when you don't feel inspired (i.e. have the agreement of your Higher Self) to help them then there is a reason for that even though you might not know from a physical perspective what the reason is. If you don't feel the feeling-good inspiration to help, it's not for you to get involved. If, on the other hand...

(19 Mar '12, 06:32) Stingray

...you feel inspired to help, you do whatever you can until the inspiration vanishes again. The feeling of inspiration will automatically balance your own needs with their apparent needs so it will never cause you to "give" more than you are able.

(19 Mar '12, 06:32) Stingray

@Stingray I agree with the fact that people are nothing but powerful beings. Sometimes they come to people like us just to be reminded about their real self (which most of us forget and get caught up in issues, like the one I have posted here as a question :) ).

But the answer lies in the question itself and is fun too - I realize that now. It takes just a bit of understanding the perspective and is the best feeling to see on their faces "Hey, I knew all this already!"

(20 Mar '12, 03:31) Perfection

... and we say, you see... you can handle it all yourself.

Thanks Stingray! It is always wonderful discussing and exploring in this community. Love this place.

(20 Mar '12, 03:32) Perfection
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments

I like Stingrays answer and I would add this... If who you are and what you offer people is so attractive that you have more people than you can handle coming to you for some kind of needed support, and if by chance these are not all close personal friends, then you may have the makings of a wonderful business. I say start charging for your time. That should cut down on the time wasters and give you more time to focus on the serious. It will also give you new ways to grow that may enhance a life coaching business on the side, unless that's what you already do.

On the other hand, if it's all just a bunch of nice people who have their lives together and simply enjoy your company and want to sit and have a cappuccino with you, it's up to you to set your boundaries and let them know you've got things to get done in life. If they are of any good quality, (and I suspect they are) they will respect this approach. Schedule them in your calender when it's convenient for you and let them know when they can get with you if that's something you enjoy. I believe this would be a mature and respectful response to their requests for your time.


answered 18 Mar '12, 05:59

Rindor's gravatar image


Hey Rindor! this is a wonderful response. I had a smile on my face while reading this. People around me have actually suggested me to charge for the counselling I give. :)

Sometimes yes, it is a good time for me too. But at times it is burdensome because I have other things going on in my mind.

All I enjoy in the process is treating others with love and respect and watching them inspired and taking charge of their lives. One of the best experiences!

(19 Mar '12, 02:52) Perfection

Very good! From the way you worded your question, it's plain that you have plenty of self love. The unconditional kind that opens the heart. People find that very attractive. But there are so many of "them" and only one of you. And because your love is unconditional, it's honest and insightful and that has a very high value in today's world. If people find value in taking up your time, then people with money won't mind paying for it. I say start exploring how you can set up your business now. ;)

(19 Mar '12, 11:29) Rindor
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Asked: 17 Mar '12, 08:30

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Last updated: 20 Mar '12, 03:32

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