If you are one of those people who is referred to as...
...then I would love to hear from you:) As I am sure the rest of the community would too...
I know some of you have cracked this code and are waiting to publish your discoveries with a book/Dvd combo (at an attractive price:)) but throw us some bone here...tips, tricks, hacks, begging, pleading, cheats, mantras, chants..anything and everything is welcome:)
Much appreciated by a fella going in circles:)
As a child, I had figured out that happiness is a choice. We lived in a tiny town in a harsh winter envirnment. My mom was a single mother to two small girls in this remote, isolated part of Colorado. We moved there when I was 5 years old and my sister was 3. We had no car most of the time we lived there. Within the first month we lived there, our house burnt down. There weren't second hand stores or yard sales to replace our belongings, so we had very little from then on.
After that, we didn't live in a house with running water for 11 years. Some places had electricity and some did not. When we lived with my mom's boyfriend at the time, we lived in a bread van that my mom built bunk beds and we had a custom built wood stove. Another boyfriend had us living in a yurt in Arizona and a tent at various tree planting sites in Colorado and Arozona one summer. This one was manic and chased me with a knife and left my sister and me in a dark cave and down a legde within it, etc... when I was 8.
Just a little taste of what my childhood was like so you can see that it was not cushy or easy. When I look back, it was quite terrible. I reconnected with a close childhood friend several years ago. We were talking about it and she said that I was always so cheerful. That even when things were rough, I would say stuff like, "Well at least we have the fresh mountain air."
I remember spending a lot of time daydreaming and fantasizing by myself and with friends. Some realistic and some totally not possible, in our current shared reality. I spent a lot of time walking around the hills and woods and mountains.
As a child, I had many conversations about God with many different people. I don't remember the details, but I started my quest very young. I realized that happiness was choice. I would look for what was good. I also created scenarios that would be unbearable, and happiness would not be possible. But I always was. Some people would call me Sunshine. They said it was because I brought sunshine to their life. People called me a 'breath of fresh air,' and stuff like that. Some people got annoyed and called me Pollyanna. I didn't know who that was until a few years ago.
Sometimes people would ask me if I was on drugs, but only when I wasn't on anything. Nobody asked me that if I was though, even the whole time I was on Vicadan. I am just a silly, funny, joking, big kid. However, it did make me nervous when people kept asking me that when I was stone sober.
About ten years ago, a friend from a very strict church I was attending (sociology experiment) asked me why I had it all together while everybody else in the church was falling appart and struggling. I knew that I hadn't changed in that way since I became a Christian, so I knew it was something else, but didn't have an answer that she would like. But that question led me on a quest for the answer and so I was T-boned in my car and got whiplash and wrist injuries. I remained my cheerful happy self, even in pain (the scenarios I created to prove that I could). However, when people at church started saying that it was all in my head, and not giving me the support I needed, I subconsciously allowed that to bring me down to prove to them that I was in pain and needed help.
So it was what I believed other people thought about me that brought me down. I had 3 more accedents after that, none my fault. After my last accident, I met a woman who taught me EFT. I only saw her once, then I was on my own. I found everything I could to learn about it. However the tapping hurt my injured shoulders. Also, I found it quite traumatic and damaging to my family to start digging around in the past to find the roots of my problems. So I left that alone and moved on through several healing modalities, as you can read about in my other posts. It has been my quest to find healing that brought me here to IQ and also back around to what I knew as a kid, but now I know more.
I know not to allow fear to create 'what if' situations to prove whether happiness is a possible choice. I know now that if I don't want to go there physically, don't go there mentally. I also know not to worry about what I think other people think of me. I now know that I create my reality with my beliefs.
One of the issues I always had, even when I was happy and cheerful, was the Chatterbox in my head. This Chatterbox reminded me of my limiting beliefs and fears. This Chatterbox kept me from being present. It interrupted my sleep with worry and fear. Based on everything I learned on my search for healing, I came up with Two Hands Touching. This has helped me to quiet the chatterbox and be present. It eliminates my fears and enhances my supporting beliefs. It gives me peace.
So the secret to being happy is to choose to be happy. Things that support that are:
I cannot even begin to beat Fairy Princess's answer, and I will not try! :)
But one thing she mentioned, for me, is the Secret Key to it all, as far as I am concerned....And that is living in NOW.
I cannot stress that enough.
If you are a "lost sheep", and cannot find happiness, start with living in NOW.
When I got done with the foolish drinking part of my life, many years ago now, I was totally lost. But those folks at those meetings gave me one key that kept me alive and straight, and that was living for now. Actually, it is all you have!
They joke, "If you have one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you are pissing on the present!" How true!
The past is gone. Whatever you did, it is done. Forgive it. Forgive yourself for being a fool and let it go!
And the future--My Dad was sitting in his recliner on this day, six years ago, and all of a sudden, he felt great pain. He called out for my mother...She called an ambulance, and he died on the way to the hospital. He was only 71. All of his future was done. Time was up for him. All his thoughts and worries were done, too. And I learned a great lesson- you can go anytime, so why worry??? As Jesus said, "Will it add one inch to your stature? Do the birds worry about what they will eat?" Nope. Neither should you.
Living in NOW is the start to happiness- real happiness. Just for fun, stop and think-right now- stop and think! Have you appreciated the weather today? Did you thank God for the things you do have- NOW? Do it. It will make you feel better.
I like to write sonnets. They are like puzzles to me. So, when I am down, I write a sonnet. I drop everything and write a sonnet. It brings me into NOW. Everything else drops away.
Live in NOW!!! You will be blessed for it many times over.
Dad, I really miss you. In memory of Richard J., who died July 27, 2006, 30 years sober. And Happy Birthday to my "baby", Kimberly, who is 25 today...Yeah, her Grandpa died on her birthday...But now, she is my best friend in my whole family. God bless Kim!
answered 27 Jul '12, 01:30
Abraham says "Thoughts are vibration and the way we feel is because of the thoughts we are thinking"
So, in order to feel happy, you must think thoughts that make you happy, right?
I did a little experiment- I said (or thought, rather) repetitively to myself: "I love ___" Whatever I happened to look at, whether it was a wall or a person, I said "I love that, I love her, I love him, I love this, I love that" Over and over. Everything, walls, floors, shoes, food, paper, movies, people, animals... I was even saying I loved things like pain and unkindness.
Well, needless to say I was feeling amazing in no time! The vortex took me in and those simple "i love floors" thoughts turned into "I love life, Life is beautiful, life is wonderful!"
But I think why this was so eas is because I didn't give myself room to think doubtful or painful thoughts. It was just love, love, love, even though at first it felt silly.
Anyways... something to try. It's simple, easy and quick and worked well for me:)
answered 07 Aug '12, 20:16
Put in simple words, the secret to happiness is to consistently find reasons to be happy.
Appreciate things that already exist in your life, even the tiniest little things. This also puts you in the perfect vibration to get all the things that you desire.
answered 08 Aug '12, 11:25
The 3 principles for happiness from Ken Keys Jr in his book Prescriptions For Happiness I think cover everything for me at least.
In his book he expands on these 3 principals and they contain a lot of great insights that I have started to implement into my own life.
I keep finding myself drawn back to this book.And It can be read in about an hour:)
Here they are.....
1) Ask for what you want, but don’t demand it.
2) Accept whatever happens, for now.
3) Turn up your love, even if you don’t get what you want.
answered 27 Jul '12, 11:33
Sometime - in some moment of life - suffering happens! Understanding the conditional nature of suffering; i.e. understanding conditional suffering leads to unconditional happiness :)
answered 27 Jul '12, 11:58
It has taken me a while to respond to this question, because when it was asked, I had no idea of an answer, feeling in much the same condition as @Xoomaville was in when he thought to ask it.
I saw my answer last night. I had done something I was not proud of last week, and I did it in front of a group of people I see regularly. (Sigh. :s I am still very much a work in progress :)) It took me just a few minutes at the time to see how wrong I was (seriously Votexturally challenged as I was), and I apologized sincerely at my first opportunity.
So I was driving there again last night, going to see these people for the first time since then, when the answer to this question hit me. I was not dreading facing these folks again at all. I was, in fact, mildly amused at the prospect of watching how they reacted in the situation, how they treated me, knowing that would speak volumes about them, as I had already spoken for myself.
In the past, this type of situation would see me feeling fearful, guilty, miserable, and full of self-loathing. I would be convinced that the mask had been torn off, that my true self, a monster, had been revealed, and that there could be no pretending any more to be a good and worthwhile person. I would dread people's judgement of me, and want to run.
The difference is like night and day. I felt calm, secure, confident; as I said, mildly amused. Happy. I was fine, no matter what anyone said or thought, because what I am on the inside doesn't change according to the actions or opinions of others. I AM as I AM, and I love myself. Knowing that, my natural state of happiness was undisturbed.
So have I found the secret to consistant happiness? Probably not, but I certainly found one of them, at least for me, and it isn't a formula, it is more fundemental. It's standing on solid ground, within, so that the storms without, do not touch me. I am not always there yet, not 100% of the time, but I do now know where I am going, and I am definately on my way. :)
Once again, I am seeing that it is not so much about fighting darkness, as it is about allowing light.
@Starlight. Sometimes you have to ask in a different way to really see the answer. Because the question asked in one way may create a concept which prevents you from seeing the answer to it. Because wording of the question suggest a certain idea, and when trying to reply to it you are relating your thought process and the answer to it. If there is a question, always try to ask the same thing in a different way.
For example this question: "What's your secret to consistent happiness?" could be rephrased in this way: "How to face adversity of life and remain unaffected by it every day?". See the difference? We're no longer looking for a magic formula, a secret or a pill that would make us consistently happy, because the latter question does not suggest there is any. Meaning is the same, apparent difference minimal, but the difference in the thought process provoked is huge, because now you'll be thinking within different terminology, thus coming to a different, or more clear, conclusions.
So you want to be unaffected by a bad weather, bills you cannot currently pay, boss screaming at you, your car being stolen and stay in positive state of mind and vibe no matter what comes your way? It becomes obvious now, that you cannot be happy because of weather, your financial situation, your boss having a good day and praising you, or having a car? Why? Because all these things fall into territory of adversity of life and they are ever changing. More so, they are out of your direct control, meaning they may change regardless whether you start the change or not.
Therefore you are looking for something that is in your direct control, thus doesn't change without you provoking the change. What is it that's always there ? What is it you have direct control over ? Who is there facing the rest of the ever changing world ? YOU! More specifically the sense of WHO YOU ARE. That's why it is most important thing to know WHO YOU ARE. But "who you are" is really another hazy, unspecific expression.
Thus we have to ask: "How do I know who am I?"; "What is determinant of who am I?"... Once again it becomes more clear what we are asking if we ask in different ways. We're looking for what determines "who I am". In other words, "who you are" is your character. What builds you/your character - the experience you go through.
Now, this is the point where majority of people (from my experience and my environment) put half-assed effort into experiencing things, also known as living. There is one essential and important component in play here. It's your pride. If you put half the effort into whatever you are doing -> you are not proud of it -> you are not proud of yourself -> because you just don't care enough to do your best -> you take nothing from that experience. It's not a building block of your character, because there's no pride in it to hold it "glued" to your character. But when you do your best -> you are proud -> you draw the sense of who you are from it.
And this might also be the problem why so many people don't really know who they are. Because they have no strong character built and they won't build it unless they start being the best they can be and taking their pride in what they do, what they say, promise, experience.
So to recap:
And the more you experience and take pride in what you do, the stronger your character gets. And as it gets stronger you can face stronger adversities of life remaining unaffected by them -> thus keeping whatever vibrational state of being you want untouched -> therefore being CONSISTENTLY HAPPY if that is the state you wish to preserve.
And the great thing about this is you don't have to put effort into repeatedly faking anything every day to feel better. Once you go through an experience, it's yours FOREVER. You can only build upon it more and more. And if you take pride in every experience you go through and do your best (And yes to do your best you have to be present, be NOW as Jai has suggested, fully focus on what you are doing), your character will grow everyday. And it's there with you all the time.
Then when someone voices their opinion of you, in other words attempt to assign a certain value they deem appropriate for you and say "you're a loser". You will brush it off because the strong and solid character of yours proves them wrong.
I hope my explanation was not mysterious :-) And although I haven't gone into deep details of every single bit of it, I'd like to believe it is sufficient for general understanding on "How to face adversity of life and remain unaffected by it every day?" or if you want in other words "What's your secret to consistent happiness?".
My secret to consistent happiness (and thankfully I really do enjoy consistent happiness and nearly always have!) is to live in the now, as others have mentioned, and to keep my mind off of things I can't change. I meditate regularly, which is good for body, mind and soul. Negative people and negative situations stray into my world at times, just like with all of us, but I don't dwell on it, and I really do my best to limit time with people who are negative. I stay in the vortex as much as I can. Lots of wonderful things come my way and my life is good.
answered 07 Aug '12, 22:21
Like others here, it has taken me some time to come up with an answer to this question.
Not because I didn't have an answer within me when I read it, but rather because I felt that my answer didn't exactly reflect the type of personality described in the question, especially as seen from my own perspective.
Most people I know tend to describe me as someone who is always happy, and even today my co-workers asked me what I was so happy about this morning.
I was walking around with a dance to my step and singing to myself as I went about my work.
However, I don't see myself as that person who is described in the question.
I'm not really happy all the time.
The truth is I am neutral within myself 98% of the time.
I am definitely not UN-HAPPY all the time.
I have self-examined my inner reactions to outer events my entire life and because of it, I practice a type of inner analysis to every reaction that is triggered.
I don't do this with effort.
I have done it for so long that it is effortless and almost un-conscious now.
I refuse to dwell on an event that caused me discomfort after the event has passed.
Does that mean that I am un-affected by negative events?
No, on the contrary, when I get upset over something, I fully enjoy getting upset over it with full commitment to the emotion.
If I am angry, I enjoy the anger and analyze the reason for it while experiencing it.
However, this reaction is so rare because long before it gets to that I have analytically dis-connected the hook from my emotional triggers.
Yesterday I was called a Jerk by the accountant in our company because I was insisting on the exact change from petty cash to make a purchase.
I got upset in the instant I heard that word and I had to deal with it immediately with words similar to "EXCUSE ME? Please don't call me that, I know that am justified in asking for this exact amount....so I'm going to pretend that I never heard that" (& I walked away).
Was I still upset?
You bet I was.
So I had to analyze the situation from both sides, excuse the accountant’s behaviour, and psychologically whip my wimpy and sensitive inner self into shape.
I had to analyze from the perspective of "what do I believe that made me so upset to hear someone call me a jerk?"
I was proud of myself for standing up to the situation and thanked the universe for the opportunity to strengthen my inner self in the situation.
I was on the road for the next 1/2 hour and as the memory of the incident fought with me for my energy and attention, I kept letting it go again and again each time it arose from within me.
I refused to acknowledge its right (the memory of the event) to exist within my mind and consume my energetic state of being.
I thanked the universe and creation so many times because of it, and found myself singing and smiling all the way to the drop-off.
I felt so good because of all this positive re-enforcement that while passing a charitable vegetable stand that was run by a local church, I leaped out of my car, made a generous donation, in exchange for some fresh vegetables, and made it a point to make those volunteers feel good about themselves when I spoke to them.
So, one little even that began with a moment of hurt and anger (within the privacy of my soul) turned out to be a great excuse to be thankful, happy and kind towards everyone I met that day.
When I returned to work I, once again had people asking me "What the hell are you so happy about?"
And my reaction was "I don't know? I'm not exactly happy, I'm just not sad"
To be happy all the time is rather un-realistic and most likely impossible.
I have stopped looking for happiness because there is no such destination.
Isolation in a beautiful place away from all anger triggers can bring a certain amount of peace and serenity, but it is not happiness.
Happiness requires the interaction between us and others and it exist in moments intertwined with other things like sadness, anger, disappointment, hope, joy etc.
We can have happiness every time we choose to transform someone else’s day from the mundane to a place where they feel good about themselves.
Happiness is found in telling someone else
"Hey that's a nice haircut, it make you at least 10 years younger"
And watching them beam with joy and appreciation.
However, there is a fine line between faking it and being genuine about it.
It is easy to find that line.
If you say it because you want to feel good, you are faking it.
If you say it because you want THEM to feel good, then it is genuine and as a result, you will feel good as well.
So there it is!
There is really no happiness to be found.
It is only found in giving happiness to others. (Without an ulterior motive)
answer to the question is easy are you ready: clean the temple remove that darkness in you. be the light that you can be experience and enjoy.
answered 27 Jul '12, 17:06
I think it's genetic or just how you're born. I have no idea why I continue to feel happy inside and feel joy when I've had extremely challenging life experiences. I'm just wired that way. I don't believe it's a choice.
answered 22 Sep '12, 22:19
If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website