As I've mentioned before in one of my questions my mother has senile dementia. The problem is that in my country there are no facilities where such patients can be taken care of so care giving is the family's responsibility. My problem is that since I am an only child with virtually no extended family my mother is completely dependant on me. But her paranoia makes life extremely difficult for me, I've shifted my office at home but when I have to go out for a meeting all hell breaks loose upon my return, as she thinks that my staff and the maid are all out to get her and she keeps threatening to leave the house.
This situation makes it very difficult for me to stay positive, although for the past few days since I have started working on EFT, my belief systems and LOA my outlook has become much happier and cheerful. My question is how can I make this situation better? There is no cure for her and I'm afraid if I ask for this situation to improve it might result in her death as that is the only solution to this situation.
asked 04 May '10, 23:37
I Think Therefore I Am
Since you seem quite receptive to new viewpoints, let me put forward an idea for you to think about.
Are really afraid of what might happen to your mother?
Does anyone really fear an unwanted or unacceptable event in their lives?
I would suggest, despite what the majority of the world might think, that an unwanted event is not what actually makes someone fearful.
It's not about the event, it's about how that unwanted event would make them feel.
The fear is actually the fear of experiencing a painful emotion that is not under your control.
It is fear of pain.
Ever had a situation where the worst that could happen actually happens and you actually felt a sense of relief that it happened?
I would suggest that the relief comes about because the out-of-control painful emotion that you expected to feel in that situation either did not materialize or was not as painful as you expected it to be.
If you've never given thought to this before, it might be quite an eye-opening revelation for you...it was for me.
This means that once you develop the ability/skill to be able to deliberately mold (not force or fake) any bad-feeling thought into a better-feeling place, you never have anything to fear anymore regardless of what happens in your life.
You can reach a point where it doesn't matter what unacceptable situation presents itself because your underlying fear of out-of-control painful emotion is gone.
You can allow the Universe/God/whatever to operate in whatever way he/she/it needs to in order to bring about a resolution to whatever issue presents itself. You can become a more neutral observer of life circumstances - you can learn to just accept whatever happens to you in life.
If you can embrace this viewpoint, you might be more willing to let whatever answer comes in response to your vibrational request about this situation to just come, without any fear or judgement of it on your part.
I know this doesn't give you an action-based answer about what to do about your mother but I think this gets to the heart of why you are scared of something unacceptable happening and I think that is valuable information to know.
answered 05 May '10, 06:39
Is there no-one else you can trust to help you with this? Someone you could maybe hire and introduce gradually to your Mom, with you present, until there is some sort of bond of trust formed between them.
Most seniors are very set in their ways and do not like change so besides the dementia, your Mom is probably also suffering from fear and maybe panics when you're not there. Instead of just asking for the situation to improve, maybe you could put it as asking for help to take care of your Mom.
I know it's not easy but I think the more you can stay focused on feeling good yourself, the quicker a solution will present itself. Good luck and keep smiling, it will work out :-)
answered 05 May '10, 01:06
Hey I think.I googled "Tolle on guilt" and got this page http://talentdevelop.com/articles/OGAE.html It is a discussion from the Oprah show with a mother that has a child that has autism and must work 9-5 and leave child with a nanny and her guilt about that: I personally like a lot that Eckhart Tolle says.Peace
answered 05 May '10, 15:28
You write that "There is no cure for her and I'm afraid if I ask for this situation to improve it might result in her death as that is the only solution to this situation." I take it that you would feel guilty if she were to pass on?
My Grandfather was lingering near death years ago, and it went on for really quite a long time. He did have his mind, so I can't know exactly how you feel, but it was his body which was long gone. This was difficult for everyone: so many trips to the hospital, the worry, seeing him in that state, constantly making decisions and so forth. The deterioration was not something reversible and he was very old. As you said about your Mom, there was only one possible outcome by that point.
I remember leaving his side one of the days, and praying on my way home that he would feel able to move on from his sick body and go to the other side where he would be OK again. I prayed that his loved ones would come for him in due time. When I got home, I visualized him with other relatives on the other side, happy, relieved and healthy.
A couple of evenings later, I came home from a class, and my brother in law broke the news to me that my Grandfather had passed on.
To be honest, I didn't feel at all guilty about the prayer. I wanted him to be healthy and happy again, not to live as he was living---sick and in pain with no control over his life and no hope of getting better. And yes, I wanted the family to have some relief from the long ordeal, but I made sure the prayer included the phrase, "In due time, when he is ready to let go and his loved ones are ready to greet him."---something like that.
If you were to pray and hope that the "situation improves", and she were to pass on, isn't that going to be the outcome anyway? I wish I could say this more gently, but am unsure of how to! It can't be that she is happy. It sounds as if she is not well and not herself anymore. Of course this is hard on you to shoulder it all, but I'm sure that isn't even your motivation. It is not selfish of you to want the best for her and to see her move on from this "in due time".
answered 05 May '10, 19:42
I would like to put forward a different perspective in relation to your situation. One is that the law of attraction is also working for your mother. Think about that. I dont wish to sound cold or cruel but you do not know why she may have attracted this situation in her life. The second thing is that you still have a lot of control here. You need to decide what is it that you would really like to happen. Do you want people who can give you support to help take care of her, people that she will be comfortable with? Do you want a home to put her in? After you decide what you want then that is what you must try to manifest. You can manifest this by affirming it and visualizing it. You have choices and should exercise them.
The next consideration is whether there is something going on between the relationship between you and your mother that makes you feel guilty or some sense of responsibility. If this is the case then you need to explore that and come to some resolution. I hope you find something that works for you becuase it does seem like a very stressfull situation.
You already are making the situation better by improving your outlook. Keep working at it. Stay focused on what it is that you want, which is peace of mind. That is under your control.
answered 05 May '10, 01:14
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