I know that judging - judging anything, as good/bad right/wrong can be a major cause of unhappiness, but how do you simply stop? What is the difference between judging and having an opinion?

I want to be peaceful and happy, and I think that judging things, people and circumstances is getting in my way.

How can I stop or replace thoughts of judgment? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I think that in trying to be brief, (for once :p) I made my question a bit too vague.

I am thinking about when I see what I judge to be of poor character, unkind, cruel, self-serving, deceitful, or just plain old mean, I get frustrated with myself for thinking so. I mean, who am I to judge? I am very far from perfect, obviously, and I feel like it is unneccesary and self-defeating at the very least.

Also, things like the hot summer days are currently making me unhappy, (I'm much more of a good book by a cozy fire with a cat in my lap kind of girl) but that is a judgment, too, isn't it? See what I mean? It feels like me passing judgment on everything gets in the way of being happy.

I think I am looking for a perspective or a mind set that will help me to think as I really feel - which is that people and circumstances are what you make of them, and all have value. I feel that just about everything is either beautiful, or presents an unique opportunity, or both. :)

I don't like judging like this. It is not constant by any means, but it feels like I can do better, that it is not really me somehow; that I picked it up from watching others, and now it seems to be a mental habit that I need to break, and don't know how. I also work with a few very judgmental people, so it brings to mind often exactly what I don't want to be, and why. It makes them so unhappy, and limits their perception of people and situations so much.

I hope this clarifies my question a bit, and thank you for reading it and thinking about this with me.

asked 24 Aug '12, 11:49

Grace's gravatar image


edited 24 Aug '12, 14:58


simply by staying in the truth with good discernement the said and the not said. then you will know the truth,and the truth will set you free.then why judge? if you judge you will be judge with the same mesure. i judge no one.i do not need to judge anny one they are doing a very good job of doing that by them self. eventually they will find out that it is not serving them. who is with out sin to cast the first stone?

(24 Aug '12, 22:48) white tiger

Excellent points, @white tiger. Remembering to see truth as clearly as I can, that will help cut through my confusion. Thank you.

(24 Aug '12, 23:21) Grace

You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going.

(26 Aug '12, 11:50) white tiger

We need judgments, for without judgments we would not know what is for our benefit or detriment. Saying there is no set standards of morality is like trying to find a place you need a map to find, without a map. Our judgments keep us on track of where we want to go. Am I straying too far to the right maybe too far to the left? If I don't watch I'll be off the road in an accident! We judge when it is safe to pull out as we drive, our souls should be worthy of at lest as much consideration.

(26 Aug '12, 13:52) Wade Casaldi

@wade casaldi.why do you need judgement? you that say that jesus is your saviour,what did jesus say about judgement? "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. http://bible.cc/matthew/7-1.htm You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. http://bible.cc/john/8-15.htm When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

(05 Dec '12, 15:27) white tiger

@wade casaldi you need discernement,understasnding and truth. not judgement. the truth will set you free.

(05 Dec '12, 15:30) white tiger

@Grace simple answer stop making a division.be in harmony and be whole. A [person said] to him, "Tell my brothers to divide my father's possessions with me."

He said to the person, "Mister, who made me a divider?"

He turned to his disciples and said to them, "I'm not a divider, am I?"

"For this reason I say, if one is whole, one will be filled with light, but if one is divided, one will be filled with darkness."


(05 Dec '12, 21:01) white tiger

love this question

(07 May '13, 03:10) ru bis
showing 1 of 8 show 7 more comments

Hi Grace

This is a sign are already making good progress:) Because now with your new improved higher vibration you have become more aware you are judging and its less comfortable for you.

The first thing is to stop judging yourself for judging others. This only puts more of your attention on this, ie, what you don't want. Don't worry about it Grace. I think we all do it to some extent. Its the Mind's job to judge, label and rationalise things. Soon, as you spend more time in the vortex this wont be an issue for you :)

If I catch myself in the moment judging eg a person, I instantly turn it around and wish peace, love, health, wealth and happiness upon that person:)

Here is a great clip of Bashar on the meaning of judgement


answered 24 Aug '12, 15:12

Satori's gravatar image


edited 24 Aug '12, 22:27


Thank you, @Satori, for your answer, advice, and encouragement. I didn't think of this feeling as progess at all, much more something I've been ashamed of, and have wanting to ask for a week, but didn't have the guts to open myself up for the honest opinions I count on here.

That clip of Bashar is surreal - He was talking about so many of the same things I was. You have quite a gift for finding just the right thing, Satori, thanks again.

(24 Aug '12, 15:55) Grace

@Grace-Thank you, glad I could help in some way and some great answers for you here as well:)

(24 Aug '12, 22:20) Satori

@Satori - That is very true. The guidance I'm receiving from this community is doing wonderful things for me, as always - but it seems even more so lately. I'm loving it. Lots to work with whenever I hit a bump. Its like allowing myself to be fine-tuned, and can only be doing me good. :)

(24 Aug '12, 23:45) Grace

@Grace- Good to hear that Grace, I come here for some fine-tuning also:)

(25 Aug '12, 11:24) Satori
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

@Grace...simply, don't try to stop. Instead watch yourself in the moment when it arises, without adding any extra story to it, and your awareness will begin to expand. Each time you do this the judgement will let go of you without you having to let go of it, until eventually it will cease to arise.

As your awareness expands your natural compassion will grow and eventually you will reach a point where judgement does not exist because you'll understand fully that every person you meet really is doing their best from their own present state of awareness.Then you'll only ever feel genuine compassion and a desire to offer something positive if the situation and person is open to receiving it.

And I would also reiterate Satori's words of advice by applying this when you catch yourself judging yourself...go easy on yourself and extend that same compassion to yourself as you would to others :)


answered 25 Aug '12, 21:41

Michaela's gravatar image


@Michaela, wise words, thank you. As soon as I read this, I knew it would work, but I don't really understand how or why it will. I know myself, and any time I am fully myself, I have no hard judgment for anyone. I'm brimful of love, even drive people who love me nuts because I just can't stay mad or hold a grudge. That must be it? Present moment awareness is me in full awareness of me?....

(25 Aug '12, 22:01) Grace

...and it's a good point, your last one - I would never think less of you if you had a difficulty with this, I would only see you as human, and want to assist if I could. When its me, I think I must be so bad, people will be disgusted when I admit to this. I will keep your and Satori's words in mind next time I want to beat myself up. :) Thank you.

(25 Aug '12, 22:04) Grace

@Michaela, nice answer, thank you.

(28 Aug '12, 22:47) figure8shape

@Grace, You're welcome. And yes we really are our own judge and juror and when we judge another it's really ourself...be gentle with yourself, it will get easier :)

(31 Aug '12, 21:49) Michaela
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

Was going to answer earlier but it kept coming out terrible:)

Think of it this way, when you are judging you are merely choosing to see something a certain way. Remember, there's many different ways to see a particular person/object/situation. So choose to see something different, something positive.

Judgement's only bad if you are focusing on the bad. It's not the fact that we judge that causes unhappiness, it's when we search for faults and magnify them that causes unhappiness.

I will meditate or tap (EFT) if I find myself being overly negative, they seem the most effective for me.

You've established that you want more positivity.... throw in some positive thoughts, water and let 'em grow :o) I learned a fun exercise from Jack Canfield at one point- 'counter' your negative thoughts. His example "If you say 'I'm fat' counter it and say 'I'm skinny'"

Have a wonderful day <3 :)


answered 24 Aug '12, 17:44

LapisLazuli's gravatar image


edited 24 Aug '12, 17:46


@LapisLazuli, love your answer. "Remember, there is another way." is one of the first things I learned here. You are so right; what I think is merely a choice I am making. I can choose differently, and that is only difficult if I think its difficult, because it's all in me. And I have been overly negative lately, I need to work that out.

My own power over these things that get me so worked up and dissapointed with myself is something I keep forgetting. Thank you for reminding me! :)

(24 Aug '12, 23:27) Grace

...and both you and @Satori gave me the same advice for when I catch a low, judgmental thought - by countering with a contradiction in your instance, a blessing in his, but feels the same to me. Must be good advice, coming from the two of you! :)

(24 Aug '12, 23:50) Grace

Ok lets get this started on the right foot

I am very far from perfect, obviously, and I feel like it is unneccesary and self-defeating at the very least.

YOU are perfect

You are just as perfect as that which you judge.We are conditioned to judge .We are taught to almost from birth. We watch our parents and those close to us pass judgement. It's almost at the same time we learn to walk.and as we learn to walk we develop our own style of walking that is very individual to us (so individual that you can be identified just by the way you walk).

And now you want to change how you walk

I know that judging - judging anything, as good/bad right/wrong be a major cause of unhappiness, but how do you simply stop? as Satori and Michaela have said and noted you are aware of this and that is the first step.

Great you have new shoes.

I know when I first became aware of my passing jugdement and how it really clouds ones true self .It is one of those ah-ha moment in life. Then you notice how much we judge everything. It was a guy in funny pants, probably a tourist, probably German walking through the town square that I placed all those judgement upon him in an instant ,millisecond,So conditioned are we.Then the next millisecond was ..Wait who are you?.. I was him, he was me ,we are one.How silly to place these labels. Rob and I have talked on skype and as in his answers here he always ended the conversation with Love and Light and in the next instant of this German tourist ah-ha moment the true meaning of that sank in The whole quantum love and light are vibrations and when you break us down to that subatomic level we are nothing more than vibrations and are true vibrations are Love And Light.
Let concept Love and Light be the insert in those new shoes. and you will see that that as this realization be comes more and more a condition your judgement will be less severe and more loving and harmonious

As for those around that remain in an ego-judgement vibration you will notice that your judgement of them changes and that the way they react around you will change too. Look for the non-judgmental around you a flower, a plant, a cloud,a wild animal and child. Know that, that is you too..

Now go out and have a nice walk


answered 26 Aug '12, 00:54

ursixx's gravatar image


@ursixx, thank you. Loved your answer. I am going to go out right now, and get a cup of coffee, and have a think about all of these inspiring answers I have received so far. You are helping, @ursixx. I can't thank you enough.

(26 Aug '12, 10:11) Grace

EFT has been extremely helpful in several areas of my life, including judgment. Try not to be so hard on yourself. The more accepting we are of ourselves, the less we tend to judge others.


answered 28 Aug '12, 22:45

figure8shape's gravatar image


@figure8shape, I never thought of it that way before. Turns "judge not" right around! Feels true, I like it. Thank you. Self-accepting, huh? Phew, tall order. You aren't the first one to mention that....and eft, the more I remember to try that - for anything, the better I get on overall. Thank you for that too.

(29 Aug '12, 21:36) Grace

You cannot stop judging. Ever.

The only difference is whether your judgement will be positive, negative or neutral. But you will always take a stance. Even as an observer you judge things as 'none of your business'. Basically it's impossible to escape the judgement.

It all comes down to what you want your life be like. Then judge in accordance to that.

If you love someone, you judge them positively. If you hate someone, you judge them negatively. If you don't care at all, you judge them neutrally.


answered 24 Aug '12, 17:17

CalonLan's gravatar image


edited 24 Aug '12, 17:18

@CalonLan - It all comes down to what you want your life be like. I couldn't agree more. That's exactly it, and I want to choose wisely. Thank you for your answer.

(24 Aug '12, 23:36) Grace

well canonlan you see the one that is neutral might care more then the 2 other. love make blind and might not help people around because they will not know the truth. and the one that you hate, how is that going to help him? if you judge you will be judge with the ... it is better not to judge and stay in truth with a good soul (mind and heart). do you know the difference between opinion and judgement? opinion is your own point of view on something. and judgement is judging someone or something.

(29 Aug '12, 21:54) white tiger

The first step is to be aware that you are doing it. Then find the belief that you must have to think that way. Then mold that belief into one that eliminates the judgement. Then send love to the people or situation, actively helping when appropriate. I am not sure what situations you find difficult in this area. Two Hands Touching helps me with any uncomfortable feelings. People judge different things for different reasons. If you have a specific instance you want help with, do share it. Otherwise, I will give example/s.

For example if you see a mother yelling at her kids at the store and judge her for being harsh on the kids, stop and realize that the kids are being difficult and her job is not easy. Then send her and her child/ren love and appreciation and blessings. You can even offer to pray with her or ask if there is anything you can do to help her if you feel inspired to do so.

Edit per your comment, "I think I am working more on a general irriatation and frustration level." For general irritation and frustration, use Two Hands Touching to feel better Now. Also, you can use it with affirmations to change your beliefs that are causing the disharmony in your mind, body and reality.


answered 24 Aug '12, 13:18

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

edited 25 Aug '12, 11:56


Thank you, @Fairy Princess, your answer is helpful, and I think my question may have been too vague, so that is quite an accomplishment! :) I do feel as you do when I see someone struggling; it may not be pretty, but they need love, not judgment. I think I am working more on a general irriatation and frustration level. I will edit my question and try to clarify.

(24 Aug '12, 14:20) Grace

My message: Move into your heart and know the truth. Know that whatever you are judging is an expression of God's love. Simply see God's love and there will be no judgement that needs to be made. Peace


answered 25 Aug '12, 19:23

Brian's gravatar image


Thank you, @Brian. You remind me of how simple this really is; I can so easily complicate things that I don't like about myself.

(25 Aug '12, 22:07) Grace

Figure8shape has got it spot on. It does not seem to be obvious to most people but when we are judging others, it is because we are judgmental of ourselves. Things that we do not like in others are things we do not like or would not like in ourselves.

So, when we stop judging ourselves and start to give ourselves the freedom and permission to do and be anything we like, then we will also be less judgmental of others.

Also, judgement does not serve anybody including oneself as it is very subjective. What you might dislike in somebody or yourself might be what somebody else actually likes.

It is also key to note that when we are judging someone, WE are the ones experiencing negative emotions which with time will manifest in a negative manifestation in the physical reality such as a disease for example.

The key is to just relax and stop judging ourselves as there is no right thing or wrong thing. Anything we decide to be or do is fine.


answered 31 Aug '12, 15:15

Pink%20Diamond's gravatar image

Pink Diamond

Thank you, @Pink Diamond, this is making sense to me. It is also hitting a nerve. When I read Anything we decide to be or do is fine., it felt like a punch in the gut, and has left me a bit shakey. I guess.... I don't believe that. About you? Absolutely. About me, no. It isn't fine, apparently. You have just uncovered something in me that has got to go. Thank you so much.

(01 Sep '12, 01:17) Grace

This seems confused as to judge something as good or bad is wrong somehow. When we read in Genesis how God created the universe he said everything was good. That was a judgment of course by the creator his self.

This judgment keeps us safe, when we feel an uneasy feeling about going someplace or entering someplace that is a discernment placed on you through the Holy Spirit. This discernment you could say is a judgment of the Holy Spirit, now if listened to it will keep you safe. If ignored you may find a situation you do not like or something that even harms you!

You are driving in the night, roads are flooded everywhere and you approach a bridge with water flowing over it. Now you could say I am not going to judge this I am going to just drive over it anyway. Or you could make a judgment call and say, "Whoa there this here bridge doesn't look too healthy!" As you back away you find the bridge breaking in half being washed away.

The problem with judgment is not in the judgments but in the decisions about those judgments, for example you could see some people ruining their lives and and souls. You could make that judgment call but here is where it can turn sour you decide to sentence not only judge. That is God's part not your part, if you judge then sentence and say "You are all going to hell accept Jesus and turn from your sins now!" You may actually succeed in doing the devils work and turning them even farther away from God. You never condemn anyone, that is God's part and we never step in that part. We pray for those people and lead them by example and show them how great our God is. There is an old saying that says you can catch more flies using honey than you ever could with vinegar. In other words telling people they are bad and should turn from their evil ways is not going to make them feel like turning to God. But telling them what a wonderful loving God we have and how God blesses you when you accept Jesus and allow God to live in your heart that is planting a good or God seed. It gives a choice rather than pushes a person in a corner with no choice but what you are trying to make that person be.

God gives us free will and we should be as kind to others to give that free will but showing the alternate choice to where they are is pretty nice.

We can judge but when we judge use that judgment for love and compassionate guidance. Never use that judgment for jealousy, envy, hate, condemnation or self righteousness. Jesus spoke of two men, one was a religious scholar, the other was not so well educated. The scholar prayed to God and said, "Lord God thank you for not making me like that street bum and thank you for not making me like that thief, the list went on and on and then he asked for something in his prayer. The second man approached God and said God, please forgive me a sinner, bless those less fortunate than me and if you could I would like you to do this for me. Jesus said the second man was heard and his prays granted. The first man was proud and arrogant and judged everyone else as unworthy. He made himself unworthy by feeling superior so he already had his rewards, the feeling of superiority so his prayers were unanswered.

It is what is done with the judgment that matters even anger when channeled properly can be beneficial. Example, "Look at all the starving homeless people! Why doesn't someone do something for them? Very well if no one will then let it start with me!" That is a judgment of course but it leads to God's work on earth. You could have said this statement. "Look at all the starving homeless people! Why doesn't our government do something about them! They need to get these people off our streets! Yuck filthy homeless people!" That is as well a judgment but as you can see it has also a condemnation after the judgment. There is no compassion in that it is a selfish judgment of wanting these people out of the way, out of site out of mind. If these people feel this way they may even condone evil acts as the government killing them off with the self righteous justification of, "Well at least they are cleaning up our streets." I think this kind of condemnation is what leads to terrible atrocities, because all the people can think of is, "Does it make my life better? I don't like those people so it must." "It is for the greater good." This is all evil, recognize that, never fall into that trap. Always Love and judge for love and guidance and prayer.


answered 26 Aug '12, 00:26

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 26 Aug '12, 02:16

wade it was not a judgement by the creator it was the truth. but since you do not know the creator, because you did not go above to see him, you do not understand him. you see judgement is when you see only a part of something and pass a judgement on it. you live in a dual world with a linear time line. and a very narrow now moment(present). if you would see things from the perspective of God you would not pass judgement because it is the truth. when you judge something in the now does it say

(26 Aug '12, 02:13) white tiger

it is all the truth about that thing that you are passing judgement on? you can judge someone for doing something but if you would know all the truth and not only some parts of the truth would your judgement be the same? if you would judge some thing today and learn more about it would you judge it the same in 10 years? can a person improve in time? can a person do something that goes against your better judgement, but if you where in the person place and learn about the truth that you are

(26 Aug '12, 02:19) white tiger

missing in the same situation would you not do the same? My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. http://bible.cc/james/1-20.htm When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. http://bible.cc/proverbs/10-19.htm

(26 Aug '12, 02:24) white tiger

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. http://bible.cc/proverbs/14-29.htm A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. http://bible.cc/proverbs/17-27.htm "The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is from the earth belongs to the earth, and speaks as one from the earth. The one who comes from heaven is above all.

(26 Aug '12, 02:34) white tiger

http://bible.cc/john/3-31.htm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt6o9kOASUQ will you judge someone for matter of the earth or for matter of the heavens? judgement belongs to God the father,he is the only one to see all the truth from the beguinning to the end. but if you must judge, judge in truth with a good heart and mind.

(26 Aug '12, 02:51) white tiger

@Wade Casaldi, thank you. The problem with judgment is not in the judgments but in the decisions about those judgments... that is an excellent distinction, one that helps me see this more clearly, as it seems my original premise is flawed. "You can't get there from here." ;) We all judge. As @Satori said, it is our mind's job to do so.

(26 Aug '12, 10:16) Grace

You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going. who is with out sin to cast the first stone? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRlbXS3oUUg but according to you wade we should judge the women anny way and just decide where we will cast the stone at her? are you righteous? with the mesure you use it will be mesured to you.

(26 Aug '12, 11:50) white tiger

i hope for you wade that you have a very good mesure.

(26 Aug '12, 12:02) white tiger

@white tiger A few points:

"but if you must judge, judge in truth with a good heart and mind." This was the entire point of what I wrote.

"but according to you wade we should judge the women anny way and just decide where we will cast the stone at her?" This is totally missing the whole point of what I wrote.

No, the judgment of the women is that she needs prayer and guidance, there is another choice. That she can accept Jesus and change her life if she wants to.

Thanks for your judgment.

(26 Aug '12, 13:41) Wade Casaldi

@Grace yes you understand my post. :-)

Thanks Grace.

(26 Aug '12, 13:42) Wade Casaldi

wade you should stay in truth judgement does not serve you. the point is that casting a stone at the women even when using discernement is still casting a stone at her. jesus said who is with out sin to cast the first stone. and jesus him self with out having sin did not cast a stone at her. i did not miss the point of what you wrote. only out of judgement that you see it that way. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

(26 Aug '12, 22:39) white tiger

Jesus said, "It is I who am the light which is above them all. It is I who am the all. From me did the all come forth, and unto me did the all extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there. Lift up the stone, and you will find me there." who is with out sin to cast that stone? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. did you find the pieces of wood and the stone?

(26 Aug '12, 23:03) white tiger

@white tiger what part of compassion and pray for her don't you understand? I said nothing about casting stones, you did.

(26 Aug '12, 23:05) Wade Casaldi

again wade you did not understand and are getting stuck in your own darkness. here is what i am referring to:The problem with judgment is not in the judgments but in the decisions about those judgments, for example you could see some people ruining their lives and and souls. You could make that judgment call but here is where it can turn sour you decide to sentence not only judge. if you judge you sentence. you hurt other and your self. i did not judge or sentence you wade.

(26 Aug '12, 23:14) white tiger

the simple fact that you think that i do not understand show you the effect of your own darkness.The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

(26 Aug '12, 23:14) white tiger

We disagree, I am not going to argue; this is over.

(27 Aug '12, 02:02) Wade Casaldi

well wade you see it again,judgement is a sentence with no recourse,it is a finality a choice made that become obstacle for you and other,because of your judgement, you disagree and are stuck in that darkness. move out from judgement and go in discernement and understanding of the truth. split that piece of wood and lift those stones and you will find me there.These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

(01 Sep '12, 10:32) white tiger
showing 2 of 17 show 15 more comments

Agree with some of the comments to be aware and mindful of such thoughts. It is difficult to stop unless you are completely detached?

Maybe you are concern if you will act on your judgement?


answered 27 Aug '12, 06:07

mskityin's gravatar image


@mskityin - I'm not sure, I don't often behave in ways I don't like. I just really don't want to think in ways I don't like, either. :) Ways that don't serve me, or anyone else, for that matter..

(27 Aug '12, 16:34) Grace
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