I no longer suffer or feel pain of this world, and so it's time to go.
I'm just wondering how would you suggest I go about it? I would like it to be some happy way preferably and extraordinary if possible. Not just lying in my bed or sitting in my chair. Something fun. A way that makes everybody smile not cry, to feel joy not grief.
I die today, so I can live tomorrow. Farewell. :)
Bless You guys :). Reading your replies, I feel I should apologize in case I have caused you a little vibrational trauma with my post. It were not my intentions to make you feel bad or worry. It has been a lesson to me, through which I have understood, how realities of others may lead to misunderstanding and regardless of how I try to interpret my feelings they will hardly get picked up in the same way. This has only confirmed to me, that everyone has to experience life for themselves and you cannot really live from an experience of someone else.
There are actually several things my post was meant to convey.
The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas and, in a greater sense, all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are craving and ignorance. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow.
When I wrote this post, I felt the ever pulsating heart of the universe. I observed the life and the whole existence and I kind of wondered, whether there would be someone, who did too, understood me from such point of view and simply wished me joyful experience on my way. I'm not disappointed nobody related to me this way, you were all answering from your own perspectives, which is just as great, because I'm not here to judge, merely observe. :)
I know everyone is locked in their perspectives most of the time, in my own perspective I'm mad about learning to surf as you may know. And I'm still planning on doing that, then going surfing around the world. Perhaps climb the Mount Everest one day, skydive and run a marathon. Just for experience of it.
There is a lot of things to do I got on my list, but whether I manage to do them or not, is of no importance. Once you let go of your perspective and touch the heart of the universe, you will understand. You will not try to stop anyone from doing whatever they want to do, or change anyone in any way. Lay aside your realities and their creation for a while, let go of your thoughts and tune into your heart.
Next time you happen to meet someone who appears to be contemplating taking their own life, you may still try to stop them from doing that, but you will also understand it from the existence point of view, that whatever decision is made, it's alright. You will no longer be attached to life and therefore its potential loss will not make you suffer. But you will feel the compassion instead.
I hope you take your time and search for the way to feel the heart of the existence. To feel all its beauty and love. There is no manifestation of any sort, which Law of attraction can bring to you, which comes even close to what you experience when you just are one with everything.
Love you :)
Yesterday was the death and the goodbye of my attachment to my Ego, so I shall live today for the first time. In Michaela's words
To those who think I ought to apologize.
I see where you are coming from, but I cannot relate to that point of view. The message I have given out has yet to reach you and I cannot apologize for what you have created.
I wish you free yourself of constructs of your mind. My apology would only comfort you in them.
And to those who are holding grudge over what I have written above, I shall leave you with this - "Apologize to yourself and forgive yourself afterwards, and you'll be well on your way" :) When you understand, we shall meet again.
The question has been closed for the following reason "No longer relevant" by IQ Moderator 30 Dec '13, 14:45
CalonLan - please call Rob, you don't have to go today, you don't get to make that decision, please talk to someone..
answered 05 Sep '12, 09:25
Like Michaela, I suspected you were talking metaphorically about your impending self-inflicted death rather than literally.
But I do also think you wanted an emotional reaction from many of the people here (which is what you got) and so I think you deliberately made your posting ambiguous as a result.
So while many of the people here may have been put in touch with their own feelings of vulnerability about the idea of death and may have gained some insights from that, I think you may also wish to consider what it is within you that requires others to be emotionally activated in that way.
This is not intended as a criticism, just a friendly observation. I have that same tendency within myself to want to "wake people up", so I know where you are coming from, but I just tend to be a bit more restrained about it :)
Actually, I mean no offense but the idea that we let our Ego go or say goodbye to it is not how it works. We need our Ego, we couldn't exist here without it. The idea is to align the Ego with your Spirit and in order to do that you must learn to love and understand the Ego. It is not something we want to get rid of, we just want to align.
answered 06 Sep '12, 10:47
I just finished speaking to him. He is thinking clear and he is thinking well. He didn't seem out of whack like many people I have spoke to on the suicide hotlines I have before. I wont go int specifics because it is not my place. But he is at peace with himself and his surroundings. I think that is a good thing. no matter what it is good to be at peace with urself and surroundings.
love n light
I recently discovered this site. My first reaction to the discovery was absolute joy, to find what I thought were like-minded individuals who enjoyed exercising their abstract thinking "muscle".
--The fact that someone would leave such as message as this in order to"test" people's reaction is a turn off, and I believe it came from a place of anger and passive aggression!
Why not expend the same amount of energy challenging yourself to live your best life, and save this forum for people who feel emotionally open enough to share their deepest, heartfelt concerns? Allow folks the peace of mind of thinking that when they sincerely venture out with their questions, the answers will come from folks who take them seriously and whose responses come from the heart!
answered 06 Sep '12, 22:25
Please don't go. Everything changes CalonLan. The way you feel will change. I promise. Please don't go.
Please call Rob.
I love you, pure heart, please don't go.
Edit September 6, 2012
@CalonLan - I am so very glad you are still here. I did wonder for a moment if this was deliberate deception, but ultimately, I felt that if you wanted to take your life, you would be in so much pain and feel so unloved, regardless of how you expressed yourself, that this level of agony and human suffering had to be my choice to accept as truth, because if I were wrong, increasing your pain was unacceptable to me. I cannot consciously cause someone unneccessary pain, just to save myself from being fooled.
For me, the last thing in the world I could do to a person suffering so would be to question them, the only thing I could possibly do, being Me, was to tell you how much you are loved and needed. I'm still glad I did.
I learned quite a bit from this. I was sad and worried all day. I was at work, and kept thinking about you, hoping that you could get past the pain and decide to live. It isn't about wanting you for me, as much as it is wanting you know the truth, because such a decision can't be based in truth. No one kills themselves because they feel loved and needed and strong, all of which you are.
I learned that my spiritual goals are not the same as yours; maybe not the same as most; that they are maybe not as they should be. I have no wish in me anywhere to be so detached that I could not feel for someone suffering as you appeared to be. I never ever want to see someone in apparent agony, and think, oh ok, well, your choice. That may be what I should do, I'm not sure anymore, but I personally will not be reaching for that goal.
It may be unwise, as it would certainly avoid personal suffering, but I don't want it. It is helpful to have the knowledge that I choose this, because it helps to avoid being completely overwhelmed by the pain my attachments cause me.
The best thing, the most valuable and precious thing I learned, it that I no longer despise this tender-heartedness of mine - in fact, I find that I truely love myself for it. It has to be balanced and healthy, and I have to let it go if I feel it doing me harm, but the love that came soaring out of me for you, my intention to help however possible, which may be ugly and pathetic to others, is absolutlely beautiful to me. It is pure, it is human, and it is me. I don't have to be ashamed of it, I love it, I really do. :)
It may not be what you intended to show me, @CalonLan, but I am so glad to finally settle this in myself. Somehow, conversely, this has made me feel free to love without fear, knowing that I choose attachment to certain things. Very best of all, I can respect myself for the choice. What a gift. Thank you, our CalonLan.
I also discovered that I have a very hard time saying "I love you", which accounts, no doubt, for the fact that I seldom hear it. You smashed that wall down with a sledgehammer.
So thank you again, our @CalonLan. I love you!
@CalonLan - It would be great if you could post a question on what is bothering you and why you were considering ending your life so we can provide some insight into your situation and provide some solutions if we have been through something similar ourselves.
I also think that you could have worded your post differently if it was really not meant to get the reactions you have now got from the community but oh well you chose to do it that way, let's not judge.
Too bad, I will have to cancel my request to get your Karma points...
Have enough diginity and respect inside to just listen to what I have to say, when I say this,
I have been there before, and I've come out feeling so incredibly better
If you feel your life is pointless, useless, boring, depressing, tragic, sad, heartbreaking, lonely, bitter, unfair and just plain emotional hell, there are two things I'd get you to do in order to get feeling better.
What I will say now is nothing out of the blue. In fact, it's very common, and it doesn't fit a metaphysically based website, but for the emotional position you are in, these are things you can do.
1- Talk about your problems to someone who will listen. The more people, the better. You just have to talk talk talk talk talk talk talk for a while.
2- Stick around. And that is it. Just get through every day...Your mood will pick up a bit at some stage or another. I cannot say when, but it shall.
Until you are feeling a bit better emotionally, I will not offer any other links or advise about what to do.
Drop this subject for a while, and just trust the idea that things will turn around.
If anything, do it for me. About 4-5 months ago I was there, Calon...And it is the most horrible thing in the world; to feel emotionally upset and lost. There isn't anything more dark, because, when you're in the hole of tragedy, you truely know and believe you'll never, ever get out.
But you will. And when you do, you'll be glad you stuck around. I am living proof, and no-one here can deny that. Embrace the darkness. Embrace the coldness, feel it entirely, and let the road get as bumpy as it may in terms of your emotional rollercoaster. But please stick around. You have the power to change anything you don't like in your life, and, because you exist on this planet, you are worthy of nothing except true love and happiness.
I feel gay saying this, but love you. If you'll believe me, I am in tears right now begging God/ Universe/ Something for you to get better and stay.
I hope you've changed your mind... I just lost someone in my life and this was a little upsetting to read. But Rob said he feels you are in a good place and that is very comforting...
I don't know what to say. I just wish you all the best... I don't know what the reason is you want to do this. I mean, in the end it's your decision and I don't want you to base your decisions on what others feel. But why? Is there something your trying to find or accomplish? I believe it's all already here for us... and to take ourselves early is almost like robbing ourselves of our own opportunities.
At least, maybe take time to reconsider? We're all going to physically die at some point anyway... why rush it?
At the same time... I can kind of relate to this idea. I seriously considered taking my life at one point, because I was miserable and I could not understand why I should have to put up with it anymore. I saw no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't want to live a miserable life forever, if I couldn't have what I wanted then I wanted to end it now and stop wasting my time.
For me, I've discovered the flaws in thinking like that. I've confirmed for myself that the only limitations in life are the ones that I place upon myself. I can remove those limitations just as easily as I place them.
And you can, too. If there is something you are looking for, you can still find it here. You don't have to die to achieve it. I mean, you're here because the you wanted to be here at one point.
I hope we get to hear from you. If not, farewell and I will miss you dearly... sending my love to you.
@CalonLan Ha! When I read your post last night I was tempted to leave an answer but didn't. I knew you were not referring to the death of your physical body but to something much deeper. I think you've touched on the fact that death does not exist in the sense we usually perceive. In a sense we die each and every moment to the person we were and when we can truly die while still in this physical body we do indeed begin to really live life as it should be. If I had to change anything in your post it would be your last sentence...
I die Now, so I can live Now.
Good for You :))
answered 06 Sep '12, 05:59
Could someone please provide the Cliff Notes on what has happened here? It seemed to me, Stingray and Michaela that @CalonLan was speaking metaphorically, yet the general consensus was that he was going to kill his physical body, i.e., commit suicide.
A lot of people were very upset by this declaration from CalonLan. Very upset. Continued ambiguous remarks did little to assuage these desperately hurt feelings, fears and cries for CalonLan to reconsider. Appeals were made that his previous posts were of great value to many people.
Unquestionably these previous posts were of great value, yet I see that no points were awarded for this post. Whether said points counted on a Wiki or not, no points. Does that indicate the value of this post?
Certainly a feeling of relief when he made it clear that this was metaphorical, but, so what? Is this feeling of relief, Joy?
What have we learned here?
Is this a situation whereby we have gained great, deep understanding? I would really like to believe this.
Or some cruel joke? I don't want to believe this. It does not seem like the CalonLan I have come to know and respect would be, could be anything but loving.
Whatever, God Speed CalonLan. Sincerely hope this answered your query and I very much mean this in Love and Light. I don't go in for sarcasm, please don't take it that way.
EDITED: 9/7/12 Here is a picture of our Spaniel, Gunther, he is also my profile picture. He is the epitome of Joy and Unconditional Love!
Forgiveness is given. I want to see this through the Eyes of Source. Let's keep the baby and toss the bathwater! There is good here and loving lessons yet to be learned.
Cal, you just NEGATED every positive, good post you posted with this crazy stunt. I cannot believe that you are doing this to this community. Go to my Emergency Support Question and read the link called "Before you Suicide". You need to get to a hospital, FAST!!!! You are seriously depressed. I hope this makes you angry; I hope this makes you act.
previous message form janniah support page............... please, read ur own answer,,,,,,
would tell them to go away from whatever place they are at for a moment, go to another city, countryside, or even another continent and read Buddha. While it is not a quick fix in form of aspirin for their headache, the knowledge they learn from his teachings will show them how to never get a headache ever again. But to be able to focus on it, once must find a place which doesn't distract him and provides him with peace. Somewhere where you have no business to do. So you can just be. Although I understand and can confirm from my personal experience, that nobody fully understands what he reads for the first time, until he goes all the way round and ends up where he started. It's like, you get your first book, and it will give you ideas, then you'll go and may read thousand other books you have been inspired to read only to come back to the one you got at the beginning and then you'll understand it better. Then you go another round, and when you come back you understand it even deeper. Same words, same sentences, same book. Yet it still provide more and more knowledge. It is because of the spiral of awareness. The more you know the more your awareness raises, which causes your perception to change, which leads to seeing more than you saw before. But yea, I would start with Buddha definitely. link|award points|edit|report|more ▼ answered 28 Aug, 07:26
answered 05 Sep '12, 10:52
TReb Bor yit-NE
We are all One. When one hurts the whole hurts. There are few natural attachments we have in life and one of them is self preservation, survival, to live. When someone takes their life, that is not a sign of being at peace, since our natural instinct is to live.
Then there is the issue of why would somebody ask it as a question if they don't want an answer? So either you are reaching out for help from compassionate people, or you are hiding a message in there. Since you did post it on This particular site, knowing that we understand these things, then what could you really expect from us? You may be typing into a computer, but there are real people on the other end here who assume they are communicating with real people on the computer also, and not the computer itself.
answered 06 Sep '12, 09:59
hey hey hey hey hey ,, can u call me please?? i would relay realy like to talk to u please,, ??? my phone number is ,, please call me now,, i felt compleed to get in, and there is a reason for this, please call now??or skype name treb_bor_yit-ne??? please, i would love to chat with u .
CalonLon...- remember ur here for a reason, u hav ur personal destiny.., u hav unlimited power to change ur life at any point of life u want to.., u hav evrything inside u right now..to become n do what u choose too, don't give up in between dear.., show the almighty,tht u are his best creation indeed,GOD has created each one ..for a particular purpose..,just try to discover tht purpose n start living again, its never too late to start again. do it.., do it..might be u can help someone in ur life..,to change there's. don't talk such things as dying n all.GOD has given us this wonderful life to live. n if u are HERE thn, teach n help others who are in need of u to how to live life which is full of life. lotts of love, light n blessings ur way dear...GOD BLESS YOU:)))
answered 05 Sep '12, 09:57
Came here just now, if living or dying makes no difference then why not continue to live ? just be what you are. That which is real cannot die and that which can die never was real. If you want to die in an extraordinary way, well, what can I say, is not the ordinary infact the most extraordinary ? and extraorindary to whoom and for whoom ? Does not the orinary die everymoment to give birth to a newness everymoment ?
People hang on to life, so we will not let you go easily if you ask us, is that compassion or attachment I cannot answer. Individual physical life has to end some way but its best to let it happen naturally, do not interfere or try to make death spectacular ... yes live life fully and something unfolds and blossoms through when there is no clinging, then when its time to leave the physical body you will be smiling no matter what.
If I had a wish like you do calonLan, I would be very aware for you just might get it ! Wish you a joyful experience on the way, every experience is joyful if we create it joyfully lol.
See the experience of my accident here, http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/58198/did-i-manifest-this-accident I am still wondering if I created this !
All the best.
First of all I thank God this was just all a joke on us, I would hate to see anyone throw away their life and their eternity.
Now for this view from a Buddhist perspective of non-judgement and non-attachment. You are basically saying as I understand we shouldn't have given a rats patoot whether you killed your self or not, no big deal there are billions of people on this earth what is one less?
For me being a Christian I have compassion and see the value of everyone. Example: Nikulas he poured his heart out to you showing he did REALLY contemplate suicide and because he did not kill himself we are still blessed with his writing here. I thank God he is still with us, but with this cold non-judgemental non-attachment view it is not suppose to be a big deal one way or another no-one has any value. You are saying we shouldn't care maybe that is how the Buddha was but Jesus he cared and that is who I aspire to be like.
answered 06 Sep '12, 13:09
@CalonLan- Dear don't try to kill yourself.You may not need others but there are definitely people are there who need you.Try to find purpose of your life.Try to help others.Try to keep happy others.Try to make spiritual connection with God.And you will find true happiness.
Actually,when we crave for things,we run after things ,then at some point we lose interest in life.
The purpose of this life is not to run after material things for happiness.They cannot provide true happiness.
Only two things can give a guarantee for true happpiness
If you don't believe in God,then nothing can provide you true happiness and sense of fulfilment. All others are false methods.
We die every night and awake free to live again every day. Each day when we wake, we take our thoughts and mold a new life from them.
Perhaps this post by @CaLonLan is metaphorical. That he is considering the death of the Ego.
Whatever it is intended to mean, we go on. We change form from physical to non-physical, and maybe back to physical again.
Maybe we "progress" as we learn the lessons of the physical. Maybe we regress. Maybe we have a "karmic burden" to "work" off. Some people believe that if we suicide, we must come back and re-live the situations again and again that caused us to seek solace in death.
Some people feel that when their time on earth has allowed them to develop to a certain point, they project out of the body and don't stop until the Silver Cord is broken, the body ceases to function. I had a Tibetan friend who did this. According to bystanders he sat down in a meditational position, closed his eyes and said, "Phut!" I wished Norbu, God Speed.
Almost did this myself, once, reached the end of the Silver Cord attaching me to this physical body and knew I could break it, but I had things yet to do on earth.
Whatever the reasons @CaLonLan has for these declarations, I respect them. If it is allegorical I respect his choice. If it is physical, that is also his choice.
In either event, he seems to have touched the Heart of the Universe, consciously, and I think this is a great thing. I see more love and joy in his post than pain and suffering.
I wish him Unity through Love.
God Speed, @CaLonLan and stay in touch!
@CalonLan How wonderful it is to know that the initial shock I felt when I read the heading was nothing to do with physical death but the death of the ego.
Be like melting snow, wash yourself of yourself...Rumi. Well if you tamed your ego than you have acheived this and all I can say is congratulations for you deserve it.
When we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Savior we die to the world and are reborn to Heaven. We know that the old us will die: the sinful self, all worries and fears die with that old self. We are born into peace, love and happiness; we no longer have to feel being alone or worry of dying, so all fears diminish.
However we do not carelessly announce to the world that we are going to kill ourselves. Maybe we could say, our Old selves or Worldly selves, but even still this would be confusing and cause many to think we mean physical suicide.
Furthermore there are many depressed individuals that may be on the verge of physical suicide that would take great offense and hurt at seeing such an announcement as "Today I die." except if it was followed with and something like "and I will be born again in Christ." Then it would be in the context and understood in the context it was meant to be understood in.
Today the old you died and the new you was born, good for you CalonLan! I do not know what you were reborn into but only you do. If this makes you happy, remember never to return to your old ways, and if you do you are digging up from the grave the old you. When you remember this you can say that is not me anymore I am beyond that self now, that self is dead to me.
I congratulate your choosing to undergo this initiation into a new life, I just wish you had been more considerate in how you worded it to your friends here. However that was the old you that wrote that maybe the new you would take more time in considering the possible ramifications on your readers.
Congratulations CalonLan Today You Live!
answered 08 Sep '12, 07:29
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