How can i love selflessly and unconditionally? Is it possible to love <someone> without expecting love to be returned? If yes, how can i condition my mind to achieve that state of 'giving selfless love'?

asked 09 Apr '13, 08:26

anonymous25's gravatar image


edited 10 Apr '13, 04:06

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


You can't... But judging from the way you asked the question I assume you'd like to believe otherwise. I'll rest my case prematurely and watch how you fall pray to your own desires as others provide you with beliefs to support them. (yay, scare tactics work, or at least get you thinking)

Anyway, got my popcorn and cola. Let the show begin. =)

(09 Apr '13, 08:32) CalonLan

@anonymous25 Welcome to Inwardquest. You will find many useful answers regarding your question on this site. Here is a similar question

Also look for the term "vortex". Have fun :).

(09 Apr '13, 10:23) releaser99

Hi @anonymous25 welcome to Inward Quest. How do you define love, this love that you want to give without expecting it returned? What exactly do you mean?

(09 Apr '13, 10:31) Fairy Princess

Hi @Fairy Princess. I have been reading that in order to really love someone, we must do it selflessly and without the expectation of it being returned. "Pure love is unselfish and unconditional". This is a new thought for me, as i don't believe i have ever loved without having any expectations. And if this is the purest form of love, then i would like to understand it better so that i may modify my ideas. xxxxxx

(12 Apr '13, 00:26) anonymous25

Some good answers here. Anonymous25, This might help also:

(12 Apr '13, 06:26) Satori
showing 0 of 5 show 5 more comments

I've expressed the same views as Snow & Dragonflybreeze have on this site several times. It's always wise to do everything from a place of self love; but you can still love unconditionally even if your don't. Do you know any narcissists? Most are incapable of loving others & they surely 'love' themselves.

How do you love unconditionally? First let's define what it means to love unconditionally. It means to love another for who they are without any expectations or limitations; wanting only the best for another without expecting anything in return.

The only way you can love unconditionally is by letting go of the ego & dropping judgments. Read the Power of Now. I would also advise getting intimate with your emotions & learning to trust the Universe (God if you prefer). Trust allows you to give & to give without limitations, judgments or expectations. In my opinion happiness is more empowering than self love in creating the energy of unconditional love. Create happiness & unconditional love will flow from there.

Some people are natural care givers. Empathy comes naturally to many & develops fully over time. Perhaps it's a bit easier for women, not that men can't because they do & are. Perhaps it's partly due to your DNA or it's due to nurture, same as compassion & empathy which both come from a place in the heart through the energy of love. I think unconditional love & empathy & compassion are synonymous & the energy of Love is active & not passive. Can you teach compassion or empathy (unconditional love)? I see ad's on TV for Catholic colleges of nursing making this claim. It's certainly possible if one has the desire to learn. Usually this develops through experience & one usually learns by example from their parents & environment as they grow. A major reason to get a pet for children in to teach unconditional love & compassion. I've always found this concept fascinating & I tend to observe this type behavior in real life.

I know I've fallen totally in love with so many little people & I've certainly felt unconditional love when holding a baby & imagination allows me to create that feeling & vibration any time I desire. I did this even when I wasn't in love with myself because I expected nothing in return.

Again, the only way you can love unconditionally is by letting go of the ego.


All love is unconditional love.** If you put conditions on love; it's not love.


answered 12 Apr '13, 01:37

ele's gravatar image


edited 12 Apr '13, 03:50

Really, why would you love unconditionally?

(12 Apr '13, 02:14) CalonLan

Thank you anonymous25 . Much appreciated; but I think you should have waited; perhaps Eddie, IQ's expert on both the ego & love would stop in & give you a very inspired as well as inspiring answer.

(12 Apr '13, 02:18) ele

CalonLan Why put conditions on love? Are you a closet control freak? You certainly don't appear to be one from my pov.

(12 Apr '13, 02:43) ele

It's a simple questions. Why would you do that? Why would you go and love someone? What MAKES you do it? it a thought? a feeling? Someone said something? Those are conditions.

When you go back to the very first memory of your life you remember, you probably never heard of anything like unconditional love yet. Somewhere throughout your life you did, and perhaps it inspired you as something noble. Which could be another condition. Something must have caused you to say what you said and...

(12 Apr '13, 02:49) CalonLan

...think the thoughts you thought. Your love, whatever you call it, is the consequence of preceding cause. Why ignore it? No shame in recognizing it.

And in the final act of crushing the very idea of unconditional love,...simply because my life experience brought me to hate delusions,...lets go to your deleted comment from yesterday. You wouldn't get upset over the cat thing, if you loved everyone unconditionally, and no matter what. Would you.

(12 Apr '13, 02:53) CalonLan

I NEVER said I loved everyone unconditionally. I'm not that evolved. As for the perp in my cat comment; sadly no; but I'm not sure if I ever did. I thought a lot about the cat comment & why it happened. I hate making excuses so I won't. You've said similar things before trying to provoke cat & baby lovers & I always ignored. Do you think a baby feels or radiates love? I do. For the most part, the only time love would be conditional is if the baby felt fear due to cold, abuse or hunger.

(12 Apr '13, 03:30) ele

So is it just unconditional love or love in general? When I was speaking about the perp, I meant love. Lightbulb moment - unconditional love & love are the same... Thanks teacher. I know this - good lesson. I'm going to stop participating until I'm in harmony again.

(12 Apr '13, 03:33) ele

@ele, we could just be straightforward and say "Lets be nice to everybody, because that's what I think everybody deserves, because I believe that on the soul plane we are all part of one family, and the division we experience on the earthly plane, is just a show to give us role. Therefore no-matter what we do in this life on this planet, when we meet after death, we will find that it was just experience. Thus I won't judge anyone. I'll come to them from higher perspective than life itself."

(12 Apr '13, 04:07) CalonLan

...a belief which would surpass the "ego" thing and there goes your selfless love.

(12 Apr '13, 04:15) CalonLan

Cal I agree with 'experiences'. Isn't all love selfless? Wasn't that the point of your answer? Why couldn't you have the belief now?

(12 Apr '13, 05:11) ele

@ele, I guess we would struggle with definition of love, because I know my love is pretty selfish. I give attention to others, if there's something I want in return. Otherwise I ignore them.

(12 Apr '13, 06:11) CalonLan

I took a look around the internet. Most sites agree with me in regards to expectations being the def of unconditional love; but I strongly disagree with most of the info I found online to validate this claim. I don't believe in sacrificing in general; that's not love. A heroic act to save another could be defined as the ultimate expression of love; but I'm not talking heros. I also do not think its selfless either or selfish for that matter - neither.

(12 Apr '13, 06:16) ele

Opinions, opinions. In the end only one's own definition matters. In the end all discussions are pointless in their essence, for there is no reason to argue or persuade or verify or establish any sort of general definitions of what's right or wrong. It's all just a past time activity. Something to fill in gaps between other more exciting moments of our lives. =)

(12 Apr '13, 06:19) CalonLan

You got that right Cal, it doesn't really matter in the end. Best to leave it at that.

(12 Apr '13, 06:42) ele

@ele, leave it wherever you'd like it to be left at ;-)

(12 Apr '13, 07:17) CalonLan

CalonLan Not sure if you saw my comment before my edit or not. You were supposed to say I was here to meet you ELE! lol! I'm here to connect with like minded souls & you too - kidding. We're more alike than different. I've met some awesome people here. You are one of them.

(12 Apr '13, 07:37) ele

@ele, perhaps we're here, because real life rarely offers sort of mind-boggling topics as this site does. Or maybe the topics are the same, but the way of discussing them is different. Same difference as there is when playing pool in local bar or billiard club. The latter has much more class, which is always appealing.

(12 Apr '13, 08:35) CalonLan

CalonLan True enough, IQ does have class plus mind boggling questions! It's also a good distraction from work.

(12 Apr '13, 08:52) ele

@ele and there you answer your question of why you are here. I assume if you had enough money and didn't have to work, you wouldn't venture here at all. We both know life itself can offer magical experiences, needless to say lots of them take a lot of time and some are rather expensive.

Trying to find a beauty in small things, JUST because you can't afford the big ones, is in itself rather pitiful. It makes me sad.

(13 Apr '13, 05:38) CalonLan

CalonLan I said "good distraction from work" more for your benefit than mine. I work out of my home; distractions are unlimited. "Trying to find a beauty in small things," that's my motto & lifestyle "JUST because you can't afford the big ones, is in itself rather pitiful. It makes me sad." Don't every feel sad for me; I have everything I need. My tastes & desires are simple. Unlike you I always have enough to eat & I have NO debt. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams does NOT describe me.

(14 Apr '13, 18:33) ele

Dear Stalker Man - love the champagne - thanks ELE

CalonLan So much for you not being on IQ except during working hours unless of course you were working on Sat. Bummer! I actually discovered IQ during the part of the year I'm not working. All done working for the year! Took on a couple extra projects to have play money. In the summer, I'm outdoors most of the time & when I come in I'm either too pooped to be online or have other things to do. I'll still be here; just not as often.

(15 Apr '13, 04:23) ele

@ele, you're right. I'm full of bullshit... and I'm tired of it. The parts of I that makes me, through needless blabbering, seek ways to justify my life and reinforce the delusions I created to escape consequences of the causes I don't understand.... are killing me inside.

All the dreams, wishes and desires, such a drag.

when I saw life stripped down of the glamorous pretentiousness we clothe it in, the smile had left my eyes

(15 Apr '13, 05:12) CalonLan

@CalonLan You are quite the looking glass! You said once you wanted to tell your story (truth) but you were afraid no one here would understand or worse (judged & damned) A few things I know for sure & they apply to me as well 1) no one benefits from your pretending 2) your fears stand between you & what you want 3) No one will ever understand you until you're willing to let them see who you really are. So take off your mask, cause everything you are looking for lies behind it. You've ..

(15 Apr '13, 05:29) ele

... suffered enough. Ready to try something else Cal? ETA - now I recall your exact words. You said "no one could handle your truth" - try us, Cal.

(15 Apr '13, 05:30) ele

@ele, in the process of writing a long response, you made me realize, I don't need anyone to understand or sympathize.

All the sadness is no less artificial and delusional than the happiness. In words of Shakespeare - There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. Any way we see things, it's gonna be the same life.

Our truths don't matter, our stories don't either. Whether to shut up or not, don't matter. ;-)

(15 Apr '13, 07:07) CalonLan

@CalonLan Once the truth is told you never have to pretend again & if you accept yourself, there is no reason to hold anything back. Personally, I think everyone deserves to be heard & sympathy for one nite can be healing.(No more than a nite) Well if you are sure & you're not wearing a mask to cover your pain, I'll agree with what you said or in my words, thinking is overrated (I prefer feeling). Shakespeare was brilliant & you Cal, are becoming someone I joyfully greet - nothing to prove.

(15 Apr '13, 07:56) ele
showing 2 of 26 show 24 more comments

"How can I love selflessly and unconditionally?"

The question itself has the answer. No-one can love unconditionally until they truly love themselves. To try to love another without loving oneself completely will always leave one looking for the other to fulfill or gratify self serving expectations.

When we can truly love ourselves, as an aspect of the Source or Evolutionary impulse that drives this Universe, there is no expectation or dependency and the love we have to offer comes from our own place of fulfillment...and thus is completely unconditional with no wanting or needing required :)


answered 14 Apr '13, 18:50

Michaela's gravatar image


That was my thought until recently.

(14 Apr '13, 19:11) ele

yep.... :)

(26 Dec '13, 00:10) themaster

You can............. but remember to always Love yourself first and do not let others take advantage of that... :)


answered 11 Apr '13, 21:02

Dragonflybreeze's gravatar image



Perhaps unwittingly Dragonflybreeze actually answered your question perfectly.

Start by learning to love yourself unconditionally, and loving others comes naturally after that.

Generally our only dissatisfaction with others stems from our own insecurities with ourselves. If you love yourself and are comfortable with everything that makes you who you are, you have no need or even desire to defend yourself or make yourself feel better by finding unjust distaste with anyone. =)

(11 Apr '13, 22:30) Snow

Hi @Dragonflybreeze, @Snow. Thank you. My problem is that i am an insecure person. I am goodlooking, smart and successful at my work, but i have these deep rooted issues about not being liked enough. My insecurities have resulted in me pushing away the one person i love with all my heart, and now i cant seem to win him back. I think i really need to learn how to love myself, but i dont understand where to start. Any ideas?

(12 Apr '13, 00:39) anonymous25

Hey there. =)

I'm far from experienced here because I still work on this regularly, so take everything I (or anyone IMO) say from the perspective I'm a student like yourself. My methods are likely very different from others', and I'd take their's over mine any day.

Figure out what parts of yourself you love. Focus your attention on those regularly, appreciate yourself. An awesome chicka I crossed paths with told me to remind myself each day of the things I am grateful for, in myself and life.~

(12 Apr '13, 02:03) Snow

Then, figure out what parts of yourself you can seek to improve. Don't view them as flaws or weaknesses, simply points of interest. Work at improving yourself as it feels appropriate and comfortable to you. It can make you feel even better than the first step.

Finally, perhaps most importantly: Don't care about what anyone else says or thinks about anything, especially as it pertains to you. This is a trait that is not only extremely valuable as a life lesson, but it's extremely attractive.

(12 Apr '13, 02:04) Snow

Good points Snow. You should have put your comments in the form of an answer. When I spoke about expectations I recalled our many convo's on this topic & what I learned from you. Thank you.

(12 Apr '13, 02:31) ele

anonymous25 I guess I didn't read your comment carefully. I didn't realize you were talking about someone in specific. Snow has good tips; but perhaps you should ask a new question. I would do a search of IQ first; your question may have been asked before.

(12 Apr '13, 02:34) ele

Anonymous25, I can not speak for anyone other that what my own experiences are, what has worked for me or what I know has worked for others that I am close to. For Love to truly be Unconditional, I have found that it is putting someone else's needs and feelings, often before your own. When I say to use caution in this, it is because some will take advantage of your kindness, if you let them.

(14 Apr '13, 17:53) Dragonflybreeze

Be well aware of how you feel.... and if you are feeling used, you probably are... however, talking to the person can help to clarify any uncertainties. It is ok to Love an individual and Not love all that they do. I have worked with special needs individuals for years and have learned that even though I may not appreciate the "behavior"...

(14 Apr '13, 17:53) Dragonflybreeze

I can still love and care about the person. Do not accept abusive behavior in your life, but even those that I have had to separate myself from when their behaviors became too toxic, I can still love whole heartedly and wish them well. Love and Light :)

(14 Apr '13, 17:54) Dragonflybreeze
showing 2 of 9 show 7 more comments

About 3-4 weeks ago, I thought I had finally cracked the manifesting code (again) with success in attracting a partner.

Attracting a romantic partner is actually very easy. Sex, courtship, dating can literally be manfifested in as easy as a few clicks away on the internet. Even attracting the tools to mould yourself into a person who can easily attract the opposite sex is not very hard.

That doesn't sound like the usual old lovey dovey Nikulas. Sorry, let me re-phrase that.

The trick is attracting a partner who is loving themselves first and foremost; and then magnitising them into your life whereas they serve to be a reflection of your love of yourself.

Despite that there are many sources available that seemingly prescribe a "check list" of things to do to love yourself unconditionally (and even though the authors may have good intentions), I am yet to have the confidence of recommending any particular book, article or video that will simply give you the asnwers.

It is one of those things that does come with experience and time. That does not sound very comforting and helpful, and if I read that I would love to punch the author in the face.

My view is this: it is being comfortable who you are, it is about quite literally being yourself and knowing you are worthy of everything.

If someone tells you that you are not worthy, or "Don't expect things to go well in such and such..." literally turn around 180* and consider them crazy.

The thing is, eventually you get really tired of basing your life upon whether someone ignores you, accepts you are rejects you. I personally (being a sensitive person as well) would get extremely heartbroken when a girl I liked ignored me, but up until I discovered there is nothing wrong with me, that I am cool the way I am, that I am worthy of love the way I am, that there is a reflection out there that loves me for being me (disguised as love for yourself).....eventually you do love yourself, and you discover how good it feels and realise you won't ever return to the games of judging the way you feel based on how others view you.

Another insightful question you should ask me is, "Nikulas, why then do people choose to play that game?" Why do they choose to base their love on anothers opinions? Because it does, at times, bring results. Someone falls in love with you, and it's all amazing and romantic (best feelings that exist), and then they stop loving you, and you get hurt. You feel rejected, worthless and want to die, but this won't ever happen if you initially love yourself first, believe me on that. You won't get attached.

Old IQ users will be able to back up that I came on IQ originally to learn how to attract love. I hope I am able to help you out in this endevour. Ricky martin certainly was able to make a nice difference on my life through his story:

Just an initial update...Ricky Martin nails is beautifully when he says that the entire process of loving yourself cannot be forced upon. You will love yourself when you are ready, if you hate yourself right now then I wouldn't force yourself to be the opposite...Love comes naturally and effortlessly, when you are ready you will come out in love and it feels fantastic. I am proof of that, and though I'd love a one and only woman/ reflection, it doesn't bother me that I am yet to kiss a woman.


answered 11 Apr '13, 21:45

Nikulas's gravatar image


edited 11 Apr '13, 22:19

@nikulas- great answer.., can u pls tel us the code for attarcting a partner tht u used?

(15 Apr '13, 03:05) supergirl

@supergirl- Sorry for the delayed response. Yes, I went from chasing beautiful girls, wanting a Betty Blue style romance with them, until I decided to start chasing beautiful Nikulas and have a fun, eventful, feel-good relationship with him.

Anytime I put a woman on a pedestal, I took them off that pedestal and put myself on there. I began doing things for me. I got really proactive and productive with my life and just 'cleared up' alot of seemingly unrelated issues...

(29 Apr '13, 01:12) Nikulas

@supergirl- I made a list of all the things I needed or had to do in my life and went about getting them done. Eg: repair items, change schooling plans, join a meditation group, help out around the house more, begin a savings account.

Basically, I stopped procrastinating with my life and that set alot of energy in motion. That energy in motion was responsible for giving me insights into my life (including this Ricky Martin video) which made me realise any outward love I was looking for...

(29 Apr '13, 01:15) Nikulas

...I would never, ever receive from an outside source. The illusion of the outside source was really my reflections of my relationship with myself. So, whenever I noticed I was chasing girls (or thinking about a particular one), I would purposly stop that pattern by reminding myself that what I was really chasing for was my self-validation and love.

I lived an increasingly painful life by basing my existence on how others would love me. Love yourself, it's the only short cut to it.

(29 Apr '13, 01:22) Nikulas
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

Loving unconditionally means that you love someone. When we put conditions on it like, "I love you because you are beautiful," or "I love you because you are nice to me," or "I love you because you do what I want you to do," but as soon as the condition changes, the love retracts. Most parents love their children unconditionally. They might get mad at the child or discipline the child, but they love them unconditionally.

So how do you define love? I define love as wanting good things for the other. Whom are you wanting to love unconditionally? Friends? Family? Lovers? Everyone? The guy who cuts you off in traffic?

One way to love unconditionally is to pray for those who hurt you, your enemies, who make you mad, etc... For example, if you are driving on the road and another car cuts right in front of you, you can yell at them and curse them or do nothing or you can pray for them and bless them. Praying for them and blessing them would be loving them unconditionally. In this way, if you keep in mind that most people who behave hurtfully toward others, are really in pain themselves. They don't behave that way from a place of peace, love, joy, they are hurting, suffering of some kind. So bless them and pray that they find peace and love and joy of in their heart. Do this any time you feel negatively toward another person.

Also, you can perform random acts of kindness where ever you go. You don't have to look for people who are misserable if you don't want to attract them into your life, just spread joy and cheer where ever you go.

You can also pray every time you hear an emergency vehicle. Pray that the people that are in need of emergency services. Send them love and blessings. Pray for the homeless or downtrodden people you see on the streets. Pray for the grouchy cashier. Pray for the rich people to find true peace. Whatever disturbs you in your day, pray and send love and blessings.


answered 13 Apr '13, 08:04

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

edited 13 Apr '13, 08:20


Don't you just love performing random acts of kindness. I know I do.

(14 Apr '13, 18:35) ele

"how can i condition my mind to achieve that state of 'giving selfless love'?"

Unconditional love does not come from the mind/ego.. it's a feeling.. and I do know how you can get there.. but I'm gonna assume you don't really wanna..

I'm gonna provide this transcript from a bashar session.. which explains clearly and well.. how to be in unconditional love for the mind ;)

from "9 levels of consciousness"

Okay this is track 4 (61:22) starts about 32:30

Q: I have another question this is about my brother

B: Yes

Q: Umm, since I've know him my whole life he's always had a very negative presence

B: Alright

Q: Umm, as a child he described himself as a "dark spirit"

B: Ohh, sounds exciting!

Q: He was the word I would say is "troubled" and I'm very worried about him.. currently he's having a really hard time experiencing extreme paranoia

B: Well, that's no surprise is it?

Q: What can I do to help him?

B: Do you love him unconditionally?

Q: Yes

B: Unconditionally?

Q: Yes, even if I find it strange.. I do want him to be well..

B: Un...conditionally!!??

Q: Ohh, yes

B: meaning you accept him as he's chosen to be..??

Q: Yes

B: that you accept what he's chosen to explore?? you can always offer that there are other ways to define things, to label things, other ways to experience things, other ways to have a relationship with things.. that he can different meanings to things

However, if he has chosen to explore the idea of negative energy in this way.. then that may simply be what the spirit has chosen to explore for a variety of reasons not the least of which may be to aid and assist you in choosing the opposite

Q: Wow okay

B: Sometimes individuals will explore very dark corners, very strongly because they have a variety of reasons for doing so that are not necessarily just limited to them sometimes their a great teaching tools for others

But at the same time he may be exploring these things shall we say.. euphemistically to get it all out of his system very rapidly

Q: Okay, good

B: Because again this may be a expression of what we call the "rubber band analogy" the farther back you pull a rubber band when you finally let go the faster and farther it will fly in the other direction.. likewise when individuals on your planet seek to explore darkness and to such a great degree of limitation

When they finally decide to let go the degree of darkness they've explored will actually allow them to shoot into the light that much farther, that much faster.. so he may be getting it all out of his system very rapidly.. that doesn't mean necessarily it has to end or change in this lifetime.. do you understand?

Q: Right

But it could.. and if you simply accept him as he's chosen to be.. and let him know he is unconditionally loved no matter what choices he has made for himself energetically.. then you offer him at least the opportunity to choose something else that you may suggest to him without needing him to choose it.. let him know that you don't need him choose anything you suggest, love him unconditionally no matter what he chooses and by doing it that way you afford him the greatest opportunity to at least consider choosing something that your offering him.. but he doesn't have to.

Q: Okay

B: You have to be as unconditionally loving on your side as he is being unconditionally negative on his


answered 05 Dec '13, 17:22

themaster's gravatar image


good answer. love the last lines

(19 Dec '13, 11:11) ursixx

Excellent Answer which I totally agree with. Most ppl mark copy & paste wiki. You don't have to ~ but if you did, I could see your answer rising to the top of the page. Many members are into their karma votes & think a copy & paste is an unfair advantage particularly when it comes to a new member. Up vote from me whether its wiki or not ...

(19 Dec '13, 17:24) ele

@ele I don't really pretend I understand this site well.. not sure I've even found the wiki :P

Just for the record I personally transcribed the text.. but it's still "bashars" answer :)

(19 Dec '13, 20:21) themaster

Click on How to use IQ & it will take you to the FAQ ~ which you prob should read cause "you will be treated as if you did." "answers that have been made Community Wiki never receive karma points. You might make your answer (instead of your ?) Community Wiki when, say, you are quoting from another person and don't want to take credit for doing so." If you want to make your answer wiki ~ click on more at the bottom of your A & you'll find an option to mark wiki if you desire to do so

(19 Dec '13, 20:45) ele

... I like the easy road ~ I would rather copy & paste anytime.....

(19 Dec '13, 20:48) ele

How to use IQ is found at the upper right hand corner of every page.

Here's a direct link.

(scroll down to What is Community Wiki)

... edits don't arrive in your inbox either ~ so making a new comment instead of adding to the previous one ...

(19 Dec '13, 20:56) ele
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

Hi anonymous25, the answer to this question in my mind is crystal clear;

Unconditional and selfless love is soul based.

Conditional and selfish love is ego based.

enjoy :)


answered 13 Apr '13, 03:19

ru%20bis's gravatar image

ru bis

edited 13 Apr '13, 04:27

amor incondicional - cool song. "crystal clear" absolutely, soul based. I don't think ego based love is really love.

(14 Apr '13, 18:26) ele

Pretend you are a dog. They know how to love unconditionally. And they know how to exist in the moment, thereby easily expressing that love without asking for anything in return. Maybe a cookie, but they will love you anyway.


answered 05 Dec '13, 12:18

No%20Brainer's gravatar image

No Brainer

yes i like it wuf wuf

(05 Dec '13, 13:23) jaz

Okay. Everyone is talking about "selfless love". That's fine.

But that is not unconditional love, which doesn't exist. Because it assume there is no reason or condition for such love. If there is no reason/condition/cause then it doesn't happen. For nothing comes out of nothing. Thus you would not even think of such thing.

The very reason you are thinking of something like unconditional love is conditioned by thoughts which you perhaps do not, or wish not, or want not, or are not able to recognize and/or would like to ignore in your oblivious state of wishful thinking to preserve the idea of unconditional love. (Maybe cause it sounds better, and you would feel better giving unconditional love rather than just love). Is your love not good enough that you need to have unconditional one?

Perhaps deep down you want the world to be a better place or you want to spread love. That itself is condition, which defies the idea of unconditional love.

Merely re-wording the label - from unconditional to of no reason - shows it can't find its place in the world of cause and consequence. Where there is reason for everything. Thus all is destined, there is no luck, no love, no chance, no choice. And these are simply labels, all of which are constructs of feeble human intellect exploiting its inability to grasp onto reality of interconnection of things in the cosmos.

This answer is marked "community wiki".

answered 12 Apr '13, 02:35

CalonLan's gravatar image


edited 12 Apr '13, 02:38


Your standpoints are interesting to say the least.

I believe much of the reason at times there are issues with miscommunication on this site stem from the fact that English can be a very ambiguous language, especially when discussing topics that really have no established vocabulary for them.

When you truly feel comfortable with yourself in your own skin you will find you feel much more appreciation and acceptance of those around you. This is what I describe when I address this topic.

(12 Apr '13, 02:42) Snow

Your answer doesn't qualify for wiki. Take your points like a woman!

(12 Apr '13, 02:45) ele

"all of which are constructs of feeble human intellect exploiting its inability to grasp onto reality of interconnection of things in the cosmos." Music to my ears. Though I do prefer simple minded or even insanity when I cruise the cosmos; not feeble minded. You did make a point. Actually, I appear to be feeble minded. Thanks for pointing that out my dear friend. I'll be watching from the observation deck.

(12 Apr '13, 02:48) ele

unconditional love made me do it

(13 Apr '13, 07:46) ursixx

@ursixx haha, good one.

(13 Apr '13, 08:05) CalonLan

CaonLan, I pray that you may experience the True, Unconditional Love that you know not of. I have had both Unconditional and True Love and know they do exist. May you have as well one day, a feeling that words can not describe. :)

(14 Apr '13, 17:57) Dragonflybreeze
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN: Love selflessly and unconditionally.

The key to doing this is learning how to love. True love is all that you mentioned and yet comes from a place of honesty within. To love another you must first love yourself and be your own self fulfilling love source. Then you can be honest with others you love and completely fulfilled without the need to seek out anything from others.

Mind should not be the master, but a tool. Love from the heart and the mind will follow.


answered 29 Apr '13, 00:32

ZenMama's gravatar image


L- learn to accept everyone and everything as they are

O- open your heart fully

V- victory over ego (soften judgments completely)

E- extract all expectations

Add with a sprinkle of compassion and you are well on your way. Sending you lots of unconditional love now, and in every moment there after Be well and enjoy your loving journey :o)


answered 29 Apr '13, 08:45

teeleec's gravatar image



l o v e this list :)

(29 Apr '13, 08:58) ru bis

Yes it is possible, God loves us this way. God sent Jesus to die and go to Hell for us.

God doesn't want us in Hell so he decided to stand in for us himself. That is his gift offered to us. Furthermore he wanted us to have back everything he gave Adam and Eve. His full authority, power and command! All of this he did for us because of that unconditional love for us. It is his gift waiting there for us, much like if we were running a race and as we ran by God is holding out a bottle of cool refreshing water for us. It is there in his hand just waiting for us as we run by.

This same love we see demonstrated in humanity to a lesser degree in volunteers that help people with free food. The gift is there, they are working hard and people come in and get their free food. Free help also, many people do very much free and without even a thank you many times because they work behind the scenes putting the boxes in the back getting them opened for the volunteers up front.

There are many that anonymously do good things for strangers, not for any reward or recognition but just for the love of humanity.


answered 01 May '13, 19:58

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 01 May '13, 20:00

it's your individual
concepts of entitlements,
when there are none it becomes
selfless to unconditional


answered 05 Dec '13, 19:32

fred's gravatar image


Anything we do based on our thinking and our emotions. Whether we did something because of someone else, but eventually we did

  • Comparison from others with our thinking or
  • Something that was in line with our desire (emotion)

    It's enough to assert that what we did, what we will do and what we are doing, there is little (or huge) of something from ourselves, and there is little (or huge) of something for ourselves.

An understanding that we couldn't stay away from selfish, this doesn't mean there is something bad on our behavior (attitude, personality or similar to these). But seeing selfishness as a good behavior must be viewed from different direction.

  • It's when our selfish is our rights in line with ethics or moral (for some religions).

There is no way for us to understand completely (essentially) selfless except by understanding that completely selfless must assert "no connection to our thinking and our emotions".

Essentially (without our consciousness):

  • A complete selfless may be understood related to "no connection to our thinking and our emotions" similar to BAQAA or MahaSamadhi, unity of being, or completely controlled by God. In this case, selfless may be considered as goodness (based on ethics and moral). See BAQAA, but it's not selfless, it's NO-SELF in the sense that we are apart from socializing.
  • An altruistic considered as "to be truly selfless" when we are doing something because of being hypnotized, or when we were a baby.

Practically (with our consciousness):

  • To be selfless is act in line with ethics and moral (for some religions)
  • Whether someone saw us act selfishly but as long as it's in line with ethics and moral, it may be considered as true selfless but not essentially (not completely selfless).
  • If somehow we saw someone did selflessly, it's because our lack of awareness observing this situation. What actually happened here, that at that moment someone did selflessly but in the future someone needs to be rewarded. It's just a matter of time to be caught as selfishness (need to be rewarded) whether through getting a good feeling and so forth, no matter how small. If it's not like that, then human like this is just like mechanical without purpose.

We do something for our happiness. This happiness may be in line with (or against) our ethics and moral (for some religions). Happiness has levels, but essentially to get satisfaction (whether it's bad or good).

We can do evil and we will get happiness. We can do good and we will get happiness. But both have differences.

  • It's when what we did something to pursue happiness in line with ethics and moral, then we did goodness whether it's selfishly.
  • It's when what we did something to pursue happiness against ethics and moral, then we did selfishness as bad things.
  • It's relatively related to ethics and moral, but that's the principles to value selfishness.

The points are:

Is it possible to be truly selfless?

  • Yes, but it may be related to (if we believe an understanding about) BAQAA. But it's NO-SELF (there is no our consciousness that has relation to currently waking life). Or similar to this.
  • Practically (outside understanding similar to BAQAA), there is no selfless, but there is only selfishness against ethics and moral, and selfishness follows ethics and moral.
  • Selfishness in line with ethics and moral (obey to God's commands, for some religions, or follow Buddhism) is another happiness that has differentiation with happiness that was coming from selfishness against ethics and moral (againts God's commands, for some religions, or not following Buddhism, or similar to these).
  • Whether altruism may be considered against egoism, but helping for other must involve a little bit our egoism, to satisfy our thinking and our emotions.
  • True selfless asserts no purposes whatsoever and (how small) for us. Can we do this? No. But we can do true selfless just to justify that we must do something less egoism. Can we do something with no (not less) egoism at all? No.

However we throw "our needs to be rewarded" away from ourselves, but still we can't throw our ego fully, in the sense that there is a little bit linking, addressing, our love to another thing for a reward.

Rather than saying there is true selfless but assert a little bit egoism, better say "there is proper selfishness that is in line with ethics and moral". Besides, it's SELF-LESS (LESS, but not completely "NO-SELF", just LESS for the degree of SELF).


answered 05 Dec '13, 06:11

Seremonia's gravatar image


edited 05 Dec '13, 06:26

When you give to others you feel Valued, you feel Important, you feel like a Good Person bringing happiness to others.

Jesus Christ said "It is better to give than to receive", believe in this and be happy and we will transform the world.

Thought, Emotion, and Action goes together. They are ONE.


answered 20 Dec '13, 18:40

arpgme's gravatar image


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