I work at a pizza place that delivers. I am around a person who is extremely toxic to me. I need to learn how to deal with him so that I do not infect myself with his toxicity. I am just learning LOA and self confidence and don't want to revert to my former self.
Please, someone, give me some feedback on how to deal with this man because I can't avoid him and when I am kind to him, he takes my kindness for giving in to his way of thinking.
First I would like to recommend a book, that I feel can help you resolve this issue for yourself. The book is written by Debbie Ford and is a #1 New York Times Bestseller. The Title of the book is "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers". It a book describing the art of Shadow Work.
Everyone is born with the full range of feelings and emotions. Through your life, you determine which ones are appropriate: good vs bad, tolerable vs intolerable, light vs dark. But, by shutting off these emotions and feelings you are restricting who you really are!
There is a reason this person upsets you so much. Somewhere in your past you said, this behavior is unacceptable and that you would not let yourself express these behaviors, (dark side) But what you do not realize is that these feelings or emotions were given to you for a reason, in some circunstances they are needed to lead a fulfilled life.
Example: Laziness is just what the workaholic needs; perhaps some "selfishness" CAN SAVE US FROM EXHAUSTION AND RESENTMENT. In otherwards, ever negative has a positive, every dark side has a light side, and every bad has a good.
This person has the right to be toxic if he/she chooses to be. Do not let that bother you. What you need to do is embrace the dark side, make it yours again, think of a circumstance where what bothers you most about this person, is something that you, under the right circumstances, could see yourself doing!!! You will probably deny this at first but, the more you perform this excersise the more you will realize there could be a time and place where this thing that you hate so much would be beneficial given the right circumstances. And once you embrace this fact, and make it part of you AGAIN, you will be closer to whole.
The amazing thing is, once you have accepted it back again, it is no longer a negative to you and therefore the LOA will no longer draw this to you. You will no longer think about it because it is a gift in certain circumstances.
This may be a little hard to grasp. I highly recommend you pick up this book. It will help you in so many other areas of your life. And, hard to believe, the problem you are experiencing will magically change or go away.
I hope this was helpful to you. Blessed be, Randal
answered 30 Sep '10, 19:39
Hi Patty G.
I first have some questions to eliminate the possibility that your problem is not an exaggeration on your part. (I don't believe so, but I need to ask just in case)
Are you over reacting to an otherwise normal behavior (perhaps cultural) in a typical pizza kitchen environment. In other words, do you describe many people and situations in your life as being toxic to your existence?
Personally I think, that this individual is probably a bully and most likely uses abrasive and sexually suggestive language and innuendos to make you feel uncomfortable.
If the person in question is, in fact, behaving this way towards you, then no amount of love or ignoring the behavior is going to help you in the long run.
You are not going to like this advice, but you are going to have to change this person's behavior by standing up for your self.
But don't lose hope, for there are techniques that do work for people like ourselves (I mean the generally meek & loving type of personalities)
Since we have access to this wonderful insight into the behavior of individual and collective consciousness we can combine that knowledge with some psychological techniques of behavior modification.
You are going to work on your consciousness first.
You need about 1/2hour of absolute quiet time where you are not going to be disturbed. (of course, you are going to be working on this everyday for a while)
Sit quietly with your eyes closed and create a vision of a typical situation where this person has behaved in a toxic manner towards you.
But you are going to switch things around in your vision.
You are going to become the toxic person and the bully in this vision, the moment the individual in question starts to behave inappropriately towards you
In this vision you are going to turn into a raging lunatic and go berserk with anger until the instigator turns into a coward and runs with his tail between his legs, begging for you to stop being so horrible towards him.
Now here is the important part. Pay attention to how it feels to turn the tables around. Feel how the confidence within you changes as you picture this event.
This is important, because you have probably never imagined your self in this situation with this individual where you maintain the psychological upper hand.
That's what I want you to get in touch with and become familiar with how it feels to be in control and not at all intimidated by this person. Now really pay attention to that confidence and re play this vision again and again, but each time scale back the level of your bullying by replacing your vision of being mean with a state of mind of absolute confidence.
The more confident you are, the less the need to bully or be mean towards others.
I guess you already know that most abrasive and vulgar people are actually quite insecure within themselves, and have used this behavior as a coping mechanism
So keep on re-playing this vision inside your head (within this ½ hour exercise) each time reducing your anger, but maintaining your confidence and maintaining the meek and subservient reaction of your co-worker.
You see, you are trying to lock in this picture in your head as a normal reaction, but nothing about it is normal to you, because you have never reacted this way in the past. This is why it is necessary to repeat the vision.
OK, now comes the next step.
For this you have to find a place of privacy, such as the privacy of your car (if you drive) or a quiet walk in the park where nobody else can her you.
Take the most common or most painful experience that you have had with this individual, or the one that you are most afraid of re-experiencing and examine the event as it happened, allowing your self to fully feel the original discomfort you experienced at the time.
How would you have liked to handle this situation, but lacked the confidence to do so? What would you have liked to have said to this person at the time?
I find that often, abrasive individuals have behaved that way for so long without any correction, and so they are often UN-aware of the effects it has upon others, because nobody stands up or points out their behavior as being inappropriate.
So how would you point that out to this person?
Let's say that this individual said to you (or behind your back) “Oh boy I would love to deliver a pizza to her while she is home alone, if you know what I mean...Wink..Wink...”
What would your reaction be if you are super confident and would not allow your dignity to be made fun of in this manner?
Would you say “I BEG YOUR PARDON?”
Would you say “EXCUSE ME.....WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?........... DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THAT IS AN APPROPRIATE COMMENT IN THE WORK PLACE?”
Would you say “EXCUSE ME... I DON'T APPRECIATE BEING TREATED THAT WAY...COULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEANT BY THAT COMMENT?”
You are going to come up with about 5 different possible reactions for this situation.
Now find your quiet place (either in the privacy of your car, privacy of your room, or during a walk in the park) and you are going to roll play this behavior with a stand-in for your co-worker.
You can pick a tree, a picture, or some tangible object to represent this individual and play out the situation as if the person has just finished insulting or hurting your feelings.
Practice immediately reacting to the situation with any of the 5 possible reactions you have worked out in your mind.
But, very importantly, you MUST speak the words loud enough so that your ears here you speak and your tongue actually moves to make the words come out.
Because if you don't practice this with actual motion and sound, in the real situation you will freeze with the UN-familiarity of this behavior and default back to being passive and meek.
So you have to actually do this again and again until reacting this way becomes a familiar reaction to your senses.
I will share a closely guarded secret of mine (well now everybody on inward quest will have to guard it for me)
This is a tool of power that should be used very sparingly and only as a last resort, because the effect is so powerful it will really shake up the person who is facing you. So don't ever use it on a friend or as a game.
The secret is to stare at somebody in their third eye, exactly between their eyebrows while talking to them in a very stern and authoritative voice.
To be able to do this you have to practice looking at the spot between your own eyebrows while looking at your own reflection in a mirror and practice and practice and practice until that gaze is no longer a strange thing to do while talking to your own reflection.
Like I said, this is a very very powerful gaze and will make even the most confident person weak in their knees when you stare at them this way, so never ever ever abuse this technique unless it is an absolute emergency. (and don't share what you just did by explaining how you did it. It's your secret and use it carefully)
So what do we have here?
We have a practiced behavior to break the pattern of your usual knee-jerk reaction of being passive and along with this moment we have also practiced a state of mind where you always have the upper hand for you are choosing not only your own anticipated reaction, but also the anticipated backing away of your co-worker as well.
In other words, you are re-programing your reality where the participants are conforming to your expectations. (believe it or not, much of what is discussed here from a consciousness perspective is considered to be the secret to acquiring dominion over your fellow man, if applied with that intention) Thankfully that is not the purpose of those who are gathered here, and besides there is always cause and effect in every situation.
You can use this knowledge to manipulate masses of people, but eventually your own consciousness and sense of guilt will bring you down.
So coming back to the law of attraction and changing your reality.
You can apply these techniques and experience real change (I have tested it with my own life and it really works)
You will gain first hand understanding of what the law of attraction can and cannot do. You will see for yourself that the LOA can only attract circumstances, but you have to still participate in them to affect change. If the change requires you to overcome a confidence issue, the law of attraction can't give that to you. You still have to do real work on your part to become more confident, however, the law of attraction can attract plenty of opportunities of circumstances so that you can work on these changes.
So start working on your self and embrace the change you are about to experience.
I would answer the question very simply. Deal with them in love.
Its the greatest and most royal of laws. Whatever you decide to do be motivated by love.You may not always get the immediate response you want. People may continue to be something you dont want them to be ( ie toxic ) Perhaps this individual thinks similar thoughts about you! He is a person after all and has his own likes,dislikes,problems and journey in life. Could that be possible?
answered 01 Oct '10, 09:00
First, can you get a job at another local place?
Next, do you have to work the same hours with him?
If your stuck with him, can you mentally keep to yourself?
Can you manifest enough strength to keep a shield of armor around you?
Can you manifest enough confidence and self love that you see yourself as more awaken as him and can just humor him?
Can you RISE ABOVE? I know it is very hard. I was in a similar situation and I had to work in a different location. I tried to rise above but I could not at the time as I was weak.
I pray you can get the strength I wish I had in that situation!
Good luck, stay positive and try to have fun too!
answered 30 Sep '10, 18:55
I am not sure what you really mean by "toxic" but I am sensing that the person who is bothering you is picking up on the energy you are putting out. I find with myself that if someone senses a weakness in me in any form then they start playing on that. However I can quickly counteract this once I identify what it is that they are relating to inside me. If he senses that he is getting through to you he will become worst but if you can block him, he will know and will look for someone else to mess with. Hope this helps.
answered 30 Sep '10, 23:22
As I read this post I wondered what relevance it had for me and then I read Randal's answer....the light exploded! Thanks and blessings
answered 04 Oct '10, 09:44
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