Hello everyone! I have a question that i understand but cant quit seem to comprehend- i hope there is someone that can provide clearance.

I like to put on Abraham while im cleaning my room or doing my homework- and most of the time i listened to the real basics of LAO- and after i was researching and gathering information about vibrations and the vortex)

But now youtube has this thing where it just starts playing videos that are alike to your current video and you can watch 24/7 non stop without ever having to even click once on another video if you did not want to..SO what happened is i jumped right from my vibrations and vortex videos into the wonderful videos of 'how to get ex lover back' or 'do THIS to attract soulmate' and i watched (and im not proud of this) like 4 hours straight to several hundreds of women that all in different stages of despair/hope were asking one thing: I want my ex back. What should i do. Help me.

So a couple of things that sparked my attention. i read about it and i do understand the reason but i still cant comprehend or process it. i hope someone can actually explain it.

So, if the woman wants her ex back,and she is really really freaking asking, like her rockets be poppin and she really believes that he is the one for her- they broke up because of circumstances- or she wasnt ready for it or he anyways- it wasnt something terrible and she believes he is her soulmate and its not happening for her- so she stands there before Abraham and this is what i noticed- the way i see it- law of attraction- you ask- it is done by the universe- you allow- (align) and you get it- if youre not some negative manifestation-blocking doubter- than the way I see it- she should get that ex/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend back right??

Well no, so what happens is Abraham is telling almost everyone- forget about that person just see what you liked in him and use aspects you enjoyed and the right person will come along- which is really weird to me because i never heard Abraham say- well you want that 5000 million dollar- well you cant have 5000 million dollars- but you can take the aspect that you liked about them and use them as an example because your 500 million Russian Rubles are waiting for you- and i think- we are creating our reality right? Well if we want 5000 million DOLLAR and THAT specific person than WHY is it that i should just take the aspects that i like and focus on another person?

Isnt it that it is ME asking- if it is not my soulmate or 'the one' than ME- while being in that relationship that i wanted to manifest- will understand that- dump him and move one. Thats the way other manifestations occur right?

Sometimes we manifest something and than its not what we wanted and then we have to manifest again and again and thats the joy of it but when it comes to this topic- its always a big fat no- but i dont understand that from the fact that it goes against the whole 'you create your own reality' for i think that many woman that were asking- got the answer- not him - so then if they chose that they wanted that person and got a 'no' as an answer then how is this?

Also, why is this almost only the case in relationships? Again, i never hear these answers about money or jobs or whatever- its always the ex. Thankyou!

asked 28 Dec '16, 23:56

Januaryfeelings's gravatar image


edited 29 Dec '16, 05:23

IQ%20Moderator's gravatar image

IQ Moderator ♦♦

I think it gets tricky because when you are trying to get an ex back the feeling of loss and need is so strong. When you are upset there's just so much resistance. That might be why they skirt around the issue a bit rather than encouraging you to try and break through all that. I'm not sure.

Have you read any of Neville Goddard's work? I feel like he compliments the Abraham material really well because he is still talking about the same principles but it always feels more straight forward and less limiting when he talks about it. For example, he says that if you imagine yourself touching or shaking hands with a certain person to the point where it feels like reality, you will soon meet them in life.

I really like Abraham, but sometimes it helps when you read wider and get a bigger picture.


answered 29 Dec '16, 01:25

Bluebell's gravatar image


edited 29 Dec '16, 01:26

Thank you for your answer. I will look into Goddards work- i have read something of his i think it was his before bedtime imagining- which i found really appealing. So question on your answer- is it in fact possible for any of these woman to overcome that feeling of need and loss? Is that what happens when a guy breaks up with someone- and then woops 3 months later he is like omygod she is the one i JUST woke up one morning and knew she was the one?

(29 Dec '16, 06:05) Januaryfeelings

That has definitely been my experience. If you'd like a deeper understanding of relationships though, the first answer in this question changed my perception of LOA forever. You might like it too. http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/16501/using-the-law-of-attraction-how-can-i-turn-around-my-familys-negative-reaction-about-my-relationship

(29 Dec '16, 16:29) Bluebell

Hi @Bluebell thanks for the phrase "get a bigger picture" ... a picture is worth a thousand words as the saying goes :)

(30 Dec '16, 03:34) jaz
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Abraham, Goddard, Troward, Hopkins, Holmes - all of them indicate that manifestation happens more readily when we let go of the specifics of our desires. In other words, when we stop trying to direct HOW we will get to the feeling state we want, and we just focus on the feeling state. Abraham calls this "going general" until we can access the feeling state we want.

If a person wants to be in a relationship with someone else, they are actually desiring something they think they can get by being in that relationship: a sense of security, a feeling of companionship, an experience of shared interests and passions, great sex, etc. Very often, unfortunately, when a person wants to be in a relationship with a specific person, it is because they imagine the person can supply something to them that no one else can - and that they cannot supply for themselves. This is never true, and the focus on having that thing only from and in the very narrow condition of that specific relationship, makes a very tiny space for the creative powers to work through.

Sometimes a person who believes that a specific relationship is the only answer to their prayer, can find a place of understanding inside where they realize what they are actually wanting - that sense of companionship, playfulness, purpose, or whatever, and can see that there are infinite possibilities for fulfilling this desire. When they stand there, the universe has much more space to work, and can make that fulfillment manifest much more quickly. The manifestation may be a return to that specific relationship, or it may be the blossoming of an even better one.

"The universe is so vast, there are so many ways I can achieve the feeling state I want." This is a general statement which gives the universe a lot of working space. "I want this man, because he is the source of the feeling state I want." is a specific and limiting statement that severely limits the universe - besides not being true.

I have heard Abraham very strongly refuse to engage with limiting statements like the one above. There is no good reason to engage in that conversation, as it works against the manifestation the person says they desire.


answered 29 Dec '16, 14:02

imaginesue's gravatar image


Seth talks about this also. "There must be an open-minded, and openhearted attitude here. You must 
not try to use what you have learned in a narrow, limiting way. This 
hampers your own development. It closes your eyes to many 
possibilities that will be important to you. It is natural, perhaps, 
to want to use what you have learned, this information, as a 
technique to achieve what you at any particular time think desirable, 
a particular person, a particular thing.

(09 Jan '17, 04:04) Delphine

"But what is important is the 
inner development. If this is taken care of, it will automatically 
lead you to the person that is best for you and to the circumstances 
that will help you develop. To insist that a specific individual or a 
specific goal be attained through these methods is limiting.

(09 Jan '17, 04:05) Delphine

cont. "There 
must always be the acknowledgement that you do not consciously as yet 
realize the depths of yourself, the goals you have set and the 
challenges, and this material should be used to open up your inner 
horizons and to lead you in those directions toward which your inner 
self has already set you. If you then egotistically, say - No - this 
particular situation is what I want, then you may be blocking the 
inner direction which has been meant for you."

(09 Jan '17, 04:05) Delphine
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

I manifested a relationship with a specific person - but only because I wasn't tied to the relationship happening with that person. I have also, in the past, managed to push away a person because I was trying to manifest a relationship with them specifically.

Like others have said in their answers, there is a lot of resistance when you are tied to the fact that a relationship can only happen with that specific person. We may not always be aware of it, but the more we want our results to come in a certain way, the more resistance we will have. And the more we open ourselves up to allowing the Universe to bring our joy in the best ways, the better results we have (that goes for anything btw, not just relationships - you'll have a lot more success manifesting money if you don't NEED it to come in a specific way, and instead just let the Universe decide which way is best and easiest).

Additionally, even if you do manage to overcome the internal resistance and manifest the relationship, the person you have set your sights on may not be able to provide the specific relationship you desire. It's much better to focus on exactly the kind of relationship you want - and if the person is able to match with that, then you'll manifest a relationship with them. You can never know what a relationship with a person will truly be like - you may think someone would be your dream partner, when in fact the relationship could be horrible. Don't get attached to it being a certain person, leave this up to the Universe, because the Universe knows best.

Using my experiences to explain: many years ago, I had a fling with this guy I had a crush on, and I tried every technique I knew in order to manifest a relationship with him. Looking back now, I had a LOT of resistance which I didn't see and didn't address at the time. Well surprise surprise, for no seeming reason at all, he decided that he didn't want to see me any more - and previously, he had been really interested so that was a strange turn of events.

Now to the current relationship I am in. I had an intense crush on this guy for so long. We started seeing each other casually, but he was adamant about not wanting a serious relationship, for personal reasons. So, I continued seeing him once in a while, because it made me happy to spend time with him, but I made sure to enjoy the relationship for what it was, and not place any expectations on it (not as easy as it sounds, it took a lot of dedication and meditation). At the same time, I kept refining my vision of my ideal relationship, and working on manifesting that, without needing it to be him - in fact, I actually thought we wouldn't be compatible at the time, so although I liked him loads, I never thought it would be him.

Well, time passed, and eventually I decided that it was time to let the relationship go, because I was no longer at a point where I could enjoy the relationship for what it was without wanting more from him - and knowing his stance on relationships, I didn't want to pressure him (in words or energy) to be in a relationship with me. So I decided to stop seeing him. But I kept getting all these weird signs from the Universe pointing me back towards him. The last straw was, before a night out I had made an intention to be asked out by someone - anyone, as long as the person was attractive to me. I got my wish, but in the weirdest way - the person who ended up expressing interest in me was someone I could never date, due to the fact that he was closely connected to my guy. It was a totally random event bumping into this person, and I realised it was a clear sign from the Universe that things were not done with my guy.

At this point, I still wasn't sure that we were compatible, but I'm savvy enough not to keep ignoring the Universe, so I was like "FINE Universe, I'll ask him out since you keep fricking insisting!!" (imagine me pouting like a child being told to go clean their room by a parent - that's how I felt, because I was still sure he'd reject me and I didn't want to go through that). But anyway, I told him I liked him too much to continue seeing him casually, and I gave him the choice of either being strictly platonic friends, or to have a relationship. He chose the latter :) It's been 1.5 years now, and we are so super compatible, we've never even had a fight. It is pretty much my dream relationship. So that's my story of manifesting a relationship with a specific person, by actively trying not to manifest a relationship with the person.


answered 20 Jan '17, 12:25

cassiopeia's gravatar image


edited 20 Jan '17, 12:33

The way I answer this question to myself is that you can create your own reality, but you cannot create reality to other people. I mean, a relationship is a co-creation between two or more people, so even if the person in love is convinced that the ex in question is the one, maybe the ex is not feeling the same - the ex doesn't want to co-create that relationship. It makes sense to me that if the person in love focuses on the qualities of the other person and releases resistance, sure enough the person may attract one other, new relationship, with someone with the same qualities. If the person gets stuck wanting just the ex, it seems almost impossible to get the next, and the next and the next...


answered 29 Dec '16, 07:02

VitoriaRegia's gravatar image


Yeah but isnt most of what we do a co creation- we manifest jobs that require other people to give it to us, so we are also then influencing or attracting the person that is hiring us...right?

(29 Dec '16, 07:26) Januaryfeelings

If i want that particular job and THAT partivular company hire me- behold it is all me creating my reality, ifbim having a bad relationship with my mother- again thats all me creating my reality- but if i broke up and want him back- nope thats not me anymore- just take the aspects and forget about it- this does not make sense to me

(29 Dec '16, 07:30) Januaryfeelings

I see your point, but would like to add that in the case of a job, there are more people involved in the hiring - and if you don't get hired you won't really resist other offers for similar jobs. In the case of relationships with family, it's my opinion that we choose our family and the challenges that the family brings to us. In the case of a romantic relationships, we may be so much in love with somebody that we will hardly pay attention to other "offers"...

(29 Dec '16, 11:45) VitoriaRegia

I can only say that at a certain point in my life I got so fed up of being in love with people that didn't care about me, that I decided I would not care about relationships anymore. Three months later, I was introduced to a handsome guy, entered that relationship without any expectations, and ended up marrying him. We've been married for 24 years so far, and very happy - particularly after I started to study and practice the Abraham's Teachings, eight years ago.

(29 Dec '16, 11:55) VitoriaRegia

So, in that specific instance, I really could experience first hand what it means to let go of resistance and let the universe present you with exactly what you want - even when you don't know exactly what it is that you want! I would not change my husband for any of the boys that occupied my mind before him :) I know it's hard, though, because there's so much emotion involved.

(29 Dec '16, 12:04) VitoriaRegia

I understand and agree with your statement-it is not that i think that one should forcefully make the other person be with them- all ethics and 'other peoples free will' aside- im talking about the hard core basics of the law- you attract that which you vibrate-i believe that if a person by the power of his belief and subsequent vibration that he is not sick can take away cancer or a cripple walking-a deaf man hearing or a blind child seeing- yet when it comes to something like a relationship...

(29 Dec '16, 12:23) Januaryfeelings

it seems like the law does not 'work' in the same way. Now why is that?Why is it that excusez-moi a TUMOR shrinking or really things happening that are not to be explained by anything other than its a miracle (aka the law working) yet i want my ex back is the universe being all noooo nooo no cant do sorry ehehe for that one its a bit different. This makes no sense. if we create our own reality- for better or for worse- we can then, by law, get someone back in our lives...

(29 Dec '16, 12:25) Januaryfeelings

because it should not make a difference- a lot of resistance you say because we feel loss? Well if a blind child that never saw a day in their lives- cannot even comprehend what colours or shapes or anything visual IS- can overcome resistance and START SEEING than i think a 40 something year old woman from the US can overcome her resistance and get her Fred back...RIGHT?!

(29 Dec '16, 12:27) Januaryfeelings

but think about it - what would be that resistance that she need to overcome? is she really has to over come anything? why would she think anything is wrong with her ? (really think about it)

well in order to "overcome" she'd definitely will have to CHANGE herself in some way to get him, or to PLEASE him - and that goes against the law. why? because she's trying to align with him instead of with herself.

(29 Dec '16, 13:21) myself

what she is doing is acctually telling herself " im changing who i am ,not accapting myself to get what HE wants! instead of what she wants. if she was really align she would say "i am me and thats it!" she would not do ANY work to get him back (and maybe she'd get him back.. doesnt matter).
aligning is being who we are and love it. not change it even for a relationship.

(29 Dec '16, 13:22) myself

it is all about loving self FIRST. i found out that aligning only means to tune in to love, to give up on all kind of struggel. love should be easy. and getting back and ex is hard.

(29 Dec '16, 13:22) myself
showing 2 of 11 show 9 more comments

i agree with your your question and thought about it alot myself. but i must say that abraham always says a brief "yes, you can ,and its hard" and than start their VERY VERY long speech about the "but...but..but" which contredicts their whole loa concept - i know! the first patr of - "you can" - not every one hears cause its really short, and they never elaborate about it. but other people on the web /youtube do.

again- i agree and think they creat in the questioner even more contredictions then they had befor they came in the chair but thats just me. maby someone should put that question to abraham.

also i think it is like that because people are different from things like money or a job when it comes to free will. i think its a matter of control. so yes, we do create our own reality but not others, so we can't create our ex reality ,only ours. but we can create money cause money doesnt have a will it is only a viberation.

so we actually need to co- create. to have both people to want to be together.


answered 29 Dec '16, 05:05

myself's gravatar image


edited 29 Dec '16, 05:27

Thank you for your answer- but isnt everything a vibration? Money, love, sex, you yourself, me, my mac- so everything is in fact vibrating because we live in a vibrational universe- so to make things short- if you vibrate on a frequency that is love and the person you are wanting- then is it just me or does the law of attraction kinda...does its thing it does?

(29 Dec '16, 06:03) Januaryfeelings

Ow yeah and also, isnt Abraham always saying that its not about the other person- when for instance talking about someone that is not getting along with their mother- they are always saying that its not them its you- you are having that vibration towards them and thats why she or he is acting that way- change you vibration and you will unlock aspects of that person you have not dreamt of?

(29 Dec '16, 06:08) Januaryfeelings

i undersdand your question perfectly and i think that some things are just above our / my knowlegde. some of them would be - what is the frequency that another being is viberating on (an ex fo example). we can never know. we think we know because we want it so badly but we really really can't.

(29 Dec '16, 06:29) myself

there is the power of influence... were you can influence people to think / feel like you, but then again there is always the scenario where you convince a person to be love and then he falls in love whis someone else. i geuss its all about let go and let the univers do its work when it comes to relationthips. and not think about it at all. just live and have fun.

(29 Dec '16, 06:29) myself

to your second comment - but if you love a certain person why would you want to unlock any aspect of him? isnt he great just the way he is? that is the paradox of loa. unlock that and you are fixed :)

(29 Dec '16, 06:57) myself
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

Let us keep in mind, Abraham says that in any relationship, we are really looking for the relationship with ourselves. I was searching for the quote I used to have in a file, but can't locate. So here is something from Adamus St. Germain, in the book, Masters in the New Energy. Says essentially the same thing:

"As you go back to the complete trust in self, you can't help but love yourself. When you allow yourself to trust, you discover new parts--or even old parts--of yourself that have been blocked and you just can't help but love and accept yourself. As you get to this point of truly loving yourself don't be afraid to hug yourself. Don't be afraid to admire yourself. Don't be afraid to honor yourself for what you do. Honor yourselves in every way...The relationships are secondary; they tend to work themselves out when you love yourself first. It is only when you don't love yourself that you see this reflected in outside relationships. So, to try to correct the outside relationship without loving your inside relationship is basically futile. It will be very temporary."

I typed that out as much for myself as anyone else. :)


answered 21 Jan '17, 20:32

Delphine's gravatar image


edited 21 Jan '17, 20:33

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Asked: 28 Dec '16, 23:56

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Last updated: 21 Jan '17, 20:33

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